by Vicki Green
Her shoulders sag in a slump, lookin’ defeated. Wetness forms in her eyes as she nods. “I just hate betraying her trust, you know?” I nod, understandin’ all too well. “Okay, look. Only because I love you like a brother and you saved Memphis’ and my life.” I sigh. She’s always bringin’ that up, like she can never repay me enough. She takes a deep breath. “She is Delia Shire.” I knew it! “But please, act like you don’t know or she’ll never trust me and she’s really starting to. I hate revealing what she told me but I agree, you should know. I think she’s starting to trust you too, Colby, but it’s hard for her. I’m sure you can understand that even more, now.”
I nod, knowin’ she’s right. A huge boulder that’s been weighin’ on my mind feels like it’s fallin’ off, replaced with the anxiety of the piece of this puzzle that’s been connected. Now I’m even more concerned than I was before. “I won’t say anythin’, Sadie. Trust that. I just wish she’d tell me on her own. I know you’ve been readin’ the series. How far have you gotten?”
“Um, I just started Deadly Love the other day right before she got here and haven’t had much time to read since.”
“Make time. You need to read it all. I’m about halfway through it myself.” I rub my hands over my face again. “You know the last book can’t be finished until this is all over. Or it may not get to be finished.” She nods slowly. “This psycho, this lunatic, who’s done all these things to her, needs to be stopped before it’s too late. She needs to be set free, to be able to live a happy normal life. Not one where she’s lookin’ over her shoulder constantly, waitin’ to see if he’ll show up and find her. If she’d only open up to me, let me get Henry involved. She needs protection. And what about Memphis, Mac, Dallis and Trevor? Shouldn’t they know so they can help and also protect themselves? What if this asshole shows up and does somethin’ to them?” She starts bitin’ her lip again. “Our family, our friends need to be warned.” I lean over, puttin’ my arms on my legs. “Sadie, do ya think you can talk to her? Make her see this? I know she’s a good person and wouldn’t want any harm to come to those around her. I’m just afraid she’ll run again in fear of anyone else bein’ hurt or killed. She needs to stay put and let us help her end this game. I’ve killed before. I have no problem doin’ it again.”
She nods eagerly. “I’ll talk to her. What is she doing today?”
“Just cleaning, laundry, then said she was gonna do some readin’.”
“Okay.” She pushes her hands on her legs and stands so I stand up too. I need to get back home. “I’ll talk to her.” We start walkin’ to the front door, but I stop when I feel her hand on my arm. “Colby. Doesn’t mean what I say will change her mind or stop her from running, you know that?” I nod, knowing all too well this to be true. “But I’ll do my best. I really care about her and I know you do too.” I smile, leanin’ down and kissin’ her cheek. She looks up into my eyes. “I’m really happy you have feelings for her, Colby. I think she has feelings for you too.” My eyebrows raise. She laughs. “Let’s just say, a woman’s intuition.” My eyes soften, and I smile. God, I hope she’s right.
Shiloh
“What will you give me if I let you cum, Destiny? What will you give me in return for my gift?” She withers beneath me. Her body shines with the light sweat of her desire. Her lips part, her chest raises and falls with her heavy panting. Her nails dig into me, answering my question. I nod, moving up her body, slowly. My thick, hardened cock hovers over her mouth until she opens wide. My head tilts back, my eyes closing as I slide it into her wetness. She sucks me hard. Her teeth grazing the skin, making me shiver. I grab the top of her head, leading her, guiding her. I start fucking her mouth, faster and harder. My hips buck defiantly as my balls tighten. My release nears. She sucks hard one last time, and I begin spilling my seed into her mouth. I expel it all then pull out. When I look down at her, she’s looking at me with pleading eyes. I climb off her, then the bed, and walk towards the bathroom, turning my head. “That’s a good girl.” As I close the door to the bathroom, flipping on the light, I hear her light sobbing. Good. She’ll never get what she wants, what she desires. This is my game. My rules. And they’re all for me.
My hand moves down and covers my scar underneath my shirt. I feel the tear that trails down my face and wipe it away quickly. I’ll not cry anymore. I refuse. I’ve never experienced an orgasm, coming close so many, countless times. I wonder what it would feel like with Colby taking my body over the brink and actually soaring with that feeling. I can only imagine. I want that, so badly. I want him to be the first man to bring me to ecstasy. But, not just to know what it feels like but to have Colby inside me, having him touch me, lovingly, gently the way it should be.
I look up and out the window, seeing Sable out far in the pasture. Maybe I should take a walk. Try to clear my mind. The fear of not finishing this book, or at least getting it to the point where I can’t write anymore until the end comes, makes me uneasy. Mandy promised if anything happens to me, she’ll publish what I do have, unfinished or not. The end could be my demise, but readers will then know the truth as she promised to put that in the book for me. Tell everyone who I really am and what really happens at the end, if I can’t.
I look down as Ditto starts to whine, wagging his tail happily. I smile, reaching down to pet his soft head. I set my laptop down, shutting it off after saving my word document once more. I walk to my closet, get his leash and lean down to fasten it on his collar. He bounces beside me as I walk downstairs and to the front closet to get my coat. I change my hold the end of the leash to different hands as I put my coat on then walk to the kitchen and out the back door. I know he’d be okay without the leash on the farm, but I don’t want him to spook Sable. We walk down the deck steps, and I look around as Ditto goes to the bathroom, not seeing Colby or Trevor anywhere. They must be in the barn. It’s unseasonably warm outside. I walk to the pasture gate, Ditto following beside me, and open it then shut it behind us after we pass through. We get closer to Sable, grazing by the big tree, but that’s not what captures my attention. Over by the lake is Colby, shirtless, with a straw cowboy hat sitting on his head. The waistband of his jeans rides low on his waist. He turns, feeling my presence, and stares into my eyes. With the scene of the lake behind him, the sun peeking around the dark clouds, it looks like a masterpiece, like someone captured the most gorgeous sight in the world.
I walk over to him, Ditto walking beside me. I stop in front of him and look up into his eyes. He’s several inches taller than me but I love that about him. I reach up, slowly, touching the tattoo on his left bicep. I love the feel of his smooth skin as I begin tracing it with my finger. His eyes darken, smoldering as he stares into mine. “Shiloh,” he whispers, my heart racing at the sound of my name from his voice. My finger finishes its exploration of his tattoo and travels up his neck, moving when he swallows. Then I stroke down his firm jaw, up to his lips and trace them. When I place my finger on his bottom lip, he sucks it into his mouth, his strong hand grasping my upper arm, pulling me closer. I pull my finger out, the leash falling from my hand as I wrap my arms around his neck. My fingers weave into his hair as I press my mouth against his, the feeling of his tight, firm body against mine causing those butterflies to appear in my stomach. I feel his hand in my hair, his fingers intertwining in the strands as our kiss becomes heated, my eyes closing. His mouth releases mine. The coolness of the breeze leaves my lips cold yet my body is warm with desire. “God,” he whispers as he places kisses all over my face. “What you do to me, darlin’.”
My body shivers in response. I open my eyes and tremble at the intenseness of his glare. He wants me. As much as I want him. Do I dare? Can I let myself go and give into my desire? I pull back and take a step back. No. I can’t. Even if I wanted to, the fears that I couldn’t let go would be in the way. After everything that’s happened to me, I’m afraid I will never be able to be with someone in that way, even if I love that person. His eyes widen but turn sad. I hate th
is. Maybe I should leave. Find a different place, not letting myself make friends, or care about anyone. It’s too hard, too heartbreaking.
“Shiloh. What’s wrong? Please, talk to me.” His eyebrows lower, concern covers his gorgeous face.
He takes a step toward me, and I take one back. He looks up, and my head turns when we hear Sadie. “Shiloh! Where are you?” I bend down picking up Ditto’s leash and start to walk backwards.
“I have to go. I’m so sorry,” I whisper then turn around. My steps speed up as I try to get away from him, from my heart, as soon as I can. Sadness and regret fills me as I walk past Sable then to the gate. My eyes are full of tears when I see Sadie standing on the deck. Her face changes from happiness to the same way my heart is feeling. I walk up the steps and straight into her open arms.
“Aw, Shiloh. What’s wrong?” I sniffle as she pulls back, holding onto my arms. “Come on. Let’s go talk,” she says as she puts her arm around me and leads me into the house. Leaving Ditto in the foyer, we walk up to my room, deciding it would be better to be away from anyone who might walk in, and we sit down on the pillowed seat at the window. I pick up my laptop, moving it to my lap to give her room. “Now. What’s this all about, honey?” I look into her eyes as I wipe away the tears I swore I wouldn’t allow myself to have anymore.
“Everything’s just so messed up.” I look down at my hands. “Of course, my life has been for so long but….” I look back up and see the frown on her face, the caring in her eyes.
“Honey, what’s changed? Why so upset now? You’ve endured so much, what’s causing this now? Did he find you?” Her eyes widen, and I shake my head rapidly.
“No. No, he hasn’t. I just….” How do I tell her what I feel when I can’t wrap my own head around it? “I can’t….” Damn, this is freaking hard. She reaches out and clasps her hand in mine. “I just wish I could be with Colby the way he wants, the way I want. With everything that’s happened, I get so far and then can’t go through with it. It’s not him, it’s me.” A laugh escapes me, reading that line so many times in other romance novels. It’s ironic. She smiles, sadly. I grow serious, thinking about things in my not so distant past. “You’ve read what I’ve been through. Sex isn’t something that’s pleasurable for me.” She nods and swallows hard. “I guess I’m just afraid of trying and failing. Since he doesn’t know who I am, he has no idea why it’s so difficult for me. I can’t do that to him. I won’t.”
She leans forward. “Then tell him. Let him know why it’s so tough for you. It’s not all about sex or making love now, Shiloh. It’s about survival.” She moves back again. “And don’t you think the guys deserve to know what they’re up against?”
“I know you’re right. I’ve thought about nothing else. It’s unfair of me to put everyone in danger. I just don’t want anyone to think they have to protect me either, Sadie. That’s something that’s also not fair of me to ask. You know Trevor?” She nods again. “That’s the friend of mine I told you about.” She smiles brightly. “I’ve known him for most of my life. He’s like a brother to me. He really does want to buy a farm, live out here, but he came here for me. He’s done so much for me, been there for me, held me when the nightmares got so bad I couldn’t quit screaming.”
She releases my hand and pats it gently. “Oh, sweetie. That’s wonderful and he seems like such a nice guy.”
I can’t stop my smile when I think of him. “He is. The best.” My eyebrows lower as my thoughts take a turn. “I’m afraid Colby will hate me once he knows. He’ll want me to leave.” I look down at my hands. “Maybe I should. It would be best for everyone.”
“No! Don’t you dare say that!” I look up and see anger in her eyes then they soften. “Have you ever thought that we’re your friends now too and that we might just want to help you?” Those freaking tears swell up in my eyes again, making her look hazy. “Without knowing what you’re keeping from them, isn’t it unfair to assume they would just want you to leave? Wouldn’t it be better to tell them and let them decide? It is their lives.”
Another tear strolls down my face and I wipe it away in haste. “I guess. I’m just scared of too many people knowing who I really am, and what’s happened to me. What they will think of me?”
She laughs and I can’t help but smile. “Well, I know who you are. Trevor obviously knows who you are. Do you see us running?” I shake my head and laugh. God, that feels good. “Look, I’ll be here if you want me here when you tell him and the other guys. Why don’t we have a cookout tonight? Here. Memphis can bring Mac and Dallis over. I know you don’t know them but they’re family too. They were there when everything happened to us and they’re good men to have around. Might not be able to have cookouts much longer anyway. They’re saying a hard snow is on its way. Come on. Whaddya say?”
I sigh, letting out a deep breath. “Okay. If it’s okay with Colby to have everyone over.” I sit up straight, squaring my shoulders back. “I can do this. I need to do this. Having only two people that have been with me through everything isn’t enough anymore.”
“Two?” She asks intrigued.
I smile. “My editor. She’s been my friend since Trevor has. They’ve always been there for me and have done whatever necessary to keep my identity safe. What I wouldn’t give for the end of Deadly Game to be that he dies, and I walk into a signing or a press release telling everyone who I am.”
She smiles. “You are definitely the bravest person I know.”
God, I hope she’s right. My strength will be tested tonight. This is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
Chapter Eight
Colby
After what happened I was surprised at the change in her. She walked out to the barn and asked if Sadie, Memphis, Mac, and Dallis could all come over for a cookout tonight. Of course I don’t mind them comin’ over but she seemed different. Almost happy. I’m glad about that, relieved actually, but even more confused by it. She told me she and Sadie will take care of all the food if I just do the cookin’ outside. I definitely can handle that.
Once I finish my chores, I go inside to my bedroom and take a shower. I guess Sadie stayed and they’re in the kitchen fixin’ stuff and laughin’. I love hearin’ that sound come from her and wish she’d do it more often. Memphis and the guys will be over in about an hour. Once I got dressed in some clean clothes, I headed downstairs, went out onto the deck¸ with Ditto followin’ me happily, and started the grill up. Nothin’ like grilled steaks, taters, and corn on the cob while the girls fix everythin’ to go with them. I turn and notice a cooler, liftin’ the lid and findin’ ice and beers in it. That sounds good too. By the time the coals are ready and I get all the food on the grates, the back door opens and Memphis, Trevor, Mac, and Dallis stroll out.
Dinner was great as well as the company. Shiloh seemed more relaxed than usual, even with Mac and Dallis that she just met. It was like they were old friends. Again, really nice but still has me very confused. Then as we took our coffees out to the living room, her mood shifted. She became anxious, jittery, and nervous as hell. Her face paled, and she looked like she could be sick any moment. I went to the kitchen to get the plate of pastries Sadie had Memphis bring with him and when I get to the foyer, I see Trevor and Shiloh standing very close in the living room. Too close, whispering to each other. What the fuck? Jealousy surges through me. My grip on the plate tightens until my knuckles are white. She doesn’t even know him as well as she knows me yet she acts like they’ve known each other forever. I don’t get it. I’ve been tryin’ to show my feelin’s to her, and I know she feels somethin’ for me. A whole new level of confusion forces its way into me as I walk into the room and the two of them separate immediately.
I set the plate down on the coffee table a little too forcefully and everyone looks at me. Now I feel kinda stupid so I sit down at the end of the couch and pick up my cup. Everyone’s talkin’ but I just stare at Shiloh. She hasn’t taken her eyes off me, her hands wringin’ in front of her, and
she’s bitin’ on the inside of her lip again. She’s nervous about something. What, I have no clue. As usual, I’m in the dark not knowin’ what’s going through that beautiful head of hers. Has to be the hardest time I’ve ever had gettin’ a woman. Then again, I’ve never wanted one this badly before, one I’d do anythin’ to have. I look over and see Sadie signalin’ at her, noddin’ like she’s tryin’ to encourage her about somethin’. My head snaps back to Shiloh when I hear her clear her throat.
“Uh, hey, everyone. Can I, uh, have your attention?” Everyone stops talkin’ and looks at her. She tries to smile but it just doesn’t seem to work. “Uh, thanks. Um….” She looks at Sadie, and I watch Sadie smile and nod. She looks around at everyone then straight into my eyes, her hands droppin’ to her side. “Well, I have something to tell you…. A lot actually.” Still lookin’ in my eyes, her head raises and her shoulders square back. “I’m Delia Shire.” My heart lodges in my throat. My hands become sweaty, and I can’t breathe. “I’m sorry I lied….” She tears her eyes away from mine and looks at everyone, but they come right back to me. “I know you all may not have read my books but if you have, I hope you understand why I lied. I really didn’t want to get you all involved, really I didn’t. I just….” Her hands come together, and she begins pulling on them. Her teeth bite down on her lower lip, and tears brim in her eyes as they stare into mine, pleadin’ at me to understand.
My eyes snap to Trevor when he stands abruptly and walks over to her, puttin’ his arm around her. She doesn’t take her eyes off mine as he whispers somethin’ in her ear, but I see her nod slightly. Anger forces its way through me along with that fuckin’ jealousy. I bolt up off of the couch and storm through the foyer then the kitchen, not stoppin’ until I’m down the deck steps and walkin’ towards the lake. I’m hurt, angry. I feel betrayed. It’s okay to talk and touch Trevor, who obviously already knew about this and Sadie, she had to have known too. Is this a joke? A joke on me? As I reach the big tree, the lake comes into view, the darkness givin’ it more of a creepy feel than the beauty it normally shows. I stand by the edge, runnin’ my fingers through my hair then tug it roughly.