Scarred (Damaged Souls)

by Twyla Turner

  “Do you always make even the most mundane activity fashionable?” Sloan said, swallowing hard, wanting nothing more than to strip her naked and worship that ass.

  Lexi flushed with pleasure, not used to compliments.

  “I don’t know. I guess it’s because my ex always made me dress like a slut when we went out, trying to show me off. But when I was at home I’d hide in big baggy clothes to avoid his criticism. In public he pretended to be sweet and then he’d get me behind closed doors…well you can imagine.” Lexi said not wanting to dwell on the past when she was feeling so great. “So anyway, now that I’m on my own, I’m just enjoying wearing the styles I’ve always wanted to, indoors or out.” Lexi finished.

  “That guy better not ever cross my path.” Sloan gritted his teeth in anger. “I love the way you dress. All natural sexy mother earth. Don’t change a thing.” Sloan said sweetly.

  “Thanks.” Lexi smiled and looked down at her feet bashfully.

  Something in their relationship had shifted overnight. After her breakdown and subsequent confession of her past, his nightmare that showed his broken and vulnerable side and sharing a bed together, lifted a million pound weight off their shoulders. Making them feel more relaxed around each other. And with the secrets out of the way, both seeing each other at their worst, nothing was left to focus on but the intense feelings they had for each other.

  They spent the next hour breaking down the beds in both of the upstairs rooms and emptying out the rooms and bringing everything downstairs. After they were done they stood in front of the first wall they were planning to tear down.

  “So I have an idea.” Sloan said pulling out two fat permanent markers from his pocket. “Let’s write or draw the things and people who have hurt us on the wall that we’re tearing down. Then when we’re done, we can shout and scream and beat the shit out of the wall with the sledgehammers till there’s nothing left. What do you think?” Sloan proposed.

  “Honestly that’s the best idea I’ve heard in a long time. I literally was thinking earlier that stripping down this house and rebuilding it was like a metaphor for my life. It’s like you read my mind. A trained therapist couldn’t have come up with a better healing exercise! Let’s do it!” Lexi said in excited anticipation.

  Sloan handed her one of the markers, and they both popped the caps off their markers and stepped up to the wall. They held their hands up to the wall ready to write and paused to look at each other.

  “Ready?” Sloan asked.

  “Yes.” Lexi answered.

  “Don’t hold back.”

  “I won’t.”

  They took a deep breath and started to write or draw whatever they were feeling. Sloan wrote down everything that had affected him during his tours in Afghanistan, every friend he knew that died and his parents’ names and the disappointment and anger he felt for them. Lexi wrote down her father’s name along with every man that had made her feel less than human. She drew her scarred legs, and taking a shaky breath, she even wrote her mother’s name. Finally admitting how angry she was at her mother for never being brave enough to leave her father before he eventually took her life and teaching her impressionable daughter that it was okay to have shitty abusive relationships.

  They both took a few steps back when they were finished and read each other’s section of the wall. When they were done reading the other’s, they looked at each other with glassy eyes, barely holding back the tears and emotions they felt. Sloan grabbed a sledgehammer, one of the masks and a pair gloves and held them out to Lexi. She took them gladly, ready to close this chapter of her life.

  Sloan reached for his hammer as well. They pulled their masks over their faces, put on their gloves and then took wide stances to support the weight of the hammers.

  “On three. One…two…three!” Sloan shouted out.

  They both swung their hammers and hit the wall with a resounding crack, screaming out whatever they felt in that moment.

  “You don’t fucking own me!” Lexi yelled.

  “You didn’t break me!” Sloan shouted.

  “You will never lay a hand on me again, you worthless piece of shit!”

  “I’m so sorry Vick!”

  Tears finally started to stream down their faces as they yelled expletives and hurtful things at the wall, followed by something positive and then they’d hit the wall again. The wall quickly began to crumble under their assault.

  When no words were left to shout and their written words were in a heap on the floor, they continued to swing, demolishing the wall and healing with every invigorating stroke of their hammers. And as the last of the wall came down, they both took deep breaths.

  Sloan pulled off his mask and Lexi followed his lead. They looked at each other in silence, spent from spewing out years of pain. Yet they were filled with energy and hope for things to come.

  Lexi saw a look in Sloan’s eyes that she had never seen on a man’s face when looking at her. The look made her breath catch and her heart pounded in her chest. With hesitant steps, she walked towards him and for the first time in her life she actively initiated a hug with a man. Her trembling arms wrapped around his waist and she placed her head on his chest, hearing his heart pound quickly.

  Sloan was shocked by the deliberate affection Lexi was bestowing on him. He gladly wrapped his arms around her, squeezing her tightly to him. She lifted her face off of his chest to look up at him.

  “Sorry. I just thought with letting go of the past that maybe I could try touching a man without freaking out too.” Lexi explained her sudden bout of affection.

  “Don’t apologize. I’m honored that you would trust me enough to open up.” Sloan looked down at her.

  The look on Sloan’s face let Lexi know that he was going to kiss her any second. So she took a step back, releasing his waist and looked away at the rubble of the demolished wall on the floor.

  “Baby steps.” She said softly.

  “That’s okay, I can wait.” Sloan said with confidence.

  “Don’t give up on me.” Lexi said looking down at her feet.

  “Never.” Sloan said fiercely.

  ~~~

  A couple hours later they sat at the kitchen table dusty and tired, eating sandwiches and chips. After clearing the debris from the first wall, they had moved on to the second wall that separated the second upstairs bedroom from the bathroom. They’d worked together to throw the rubble from that wall into large garbage cans and carried the heavy bins out to a dumpster Lexi had ordered for the renovation and met with the delivery guys, who brought the wood, drywall and table saw.

  “So I know that I can do most of the work myself, but I need to hire some guys to help, especially an electrician and a plumber. But if we get more guys in general the work can be done much quicker. Doing it by myself will take all summer long. But it’s up to you.” Sloan suggested, finishing up the last of his sandwich.

  “Sure. I figured as much and was planning to pay for the labor with any contractor I hired on. I trust you. I don’t think that you’ll spend money frivolously. So whatever you need.” Lexi agreed.

  “Alright. Do you think that you could talk to your realtor about the names of good men in the area? I’ve lost all my contacts from when I was a contractor before. Besides most of them were from Carolina.” Sloan asked.

  “Oh yeah. I’ll call her after lunch.”

  “And ask her about roofers. The shingles need to be replaced. Hopefully there’s no real damage up there from the leaks that have come through to the bedroom ceiling.” Sloan stated.

  “Okay, I will. So…I was wondering…umm…uh…” Lexi started haltingly.

  “What is it? You can ask me anything.” Sloan encouraged.

  “Well I was wondering if you would sit for me. You know…while I paint you?” Lexi asked looking down at her empty plate.

  “Really? Me?” Sloan asked in surprise.

  “Yes, of course. You have an interesting and stun…stunning face and presence.” Lexi
stuttered out bashfully.

  “Sorry, I just don’t think of myself as attractive anymore. Some days I feel like myself and I don’t think about the scars, but if I look in the mirror, pass my reflection or someone looks at me, especially those that knew me before when I was in Carolina and I feel like Frankenstein’s monster.” Sloan said self-consciously.

  “Oh Sloan, you couldn’t be farther from the truth! I would love to show you, if you’ll let me paint you.” Lexi exclaimed.

  “Okay. When?” Sloan gave in, not able to deny her anything.

  “How about tomorrow? We can take a break from the renovation, because it may take all day and I need the light from the sun, since there isn’t any good lighting in the house yet. Plus, I have a feeling I’m gonna be a little sore tomorrow to be of much help.” Lexi proposed.

  “Alright, and maybe during breaks in painting I can call around to the local construction workers in the area.” Sloan said softly, before clearing his throat uncomfortably. “So for now, I’ll work on putting up the new wall for the bathroom. I’ll extend the wall a bit to make room for the new shower. And I was thinking, instead of a bathroom door that swings open and close traditionally, we could do a wood framed frosted glass door that slides into the wall. It’s called a pocket door. What do you think?” Sloan asked.

  “That would be lovely. Is there anything I can do to help?” Lexi asked, wanting to be a part of as much of the renovations as possible.

  “Sure. I can teach you how to measure and cut the wood on the table saw.” Sloan said, happy that Lexi wanted to be involved.

  “Perfect. Okay, let me call Dom to get those names and numbers and then we can get started on the bathroom wall.” Lexi said grabbing her phone.

  Chapter 9

  “Head Over Feet”

  They stood in front of the partially done wall, looking at it with pride.

  “I’ll finish the wall when the door gets here. I want to make sure it fits before I put up the drywall. I’m sure it’ll be fine if the dimensions on the website were correct, but it’s easier to remove the frame and adjust than to tear down the drywall.” Sloan said, slowly getting back his confidence after building the first item he’d done in years.

  “Okay. I’m sure the wall will be fine. I’m assuming construction is like riding a bike, you never forget. I know I won’t forget helping put up this wall. This is going to be the coolest thing I’ve ever done. I’m sure buying a home “turnkey” is nice, all you have to do is move in. But I know helping build this house with my own hands, when it’s done…I don’t even have words for the amount of pride that I’m going to feel. Especially if I feel anything like I do now looking at a partially done wall.” Lexi smiled so hard her cheeks hurt.

  “I can tell. You look radiant.” Sloan commented looking at her with eyes filled with love, refusing to hide his feelings.

  “Really? I’m all dusty and dirty and sweaty.” Lexi said looking down at herself.

  “Yes, even through all the dust and sweat, I can see that you’re glowing.” Sloan said.

  He raised his hand to gently rub a bit of sawdust off of her cheek. Lexi closed her eyes and her heart pounded at the soft caress. All day Sloan had been touching her here and there, getting her used to his touch, trying to ease her into affection. And her body and head couldn’t have been more at war with each other.

  Her brain associated the male touch with pain and humiliation, but her body craved Sloan unlike anything she had ever felt before. The feelings were confusing and overwhelming her. She knew that she was going to have to fight hard to recondition her brain that had been trained at a young age to cower away from men.

  When she opened her eyes to look up at Sloan, her already pounding heart did a somersault at the look in his slivery blue eyes. He had been looking at her like that since she first woke up that morning, and it scared her shitless. She wanted so badly to give in to the feelings flowing through her, desperate to come out, but fear of their relationship going to shit like all the others in the past made her look away and turn her face away from his hand.

  A look of hurt briefly crossed Sloan’s face, before he took a deep breath and reminded himself that it was going to take time. It wasn’t like he was going anywhere any time soon, so he could be patient or at least try. Now that he had admitted to himself that he loved her, it was going to take an apocalypse to tear him away from her.

  Sloan sighed, resigning himself to wait till she was ready.

  “So…you ready to eat some dinner? I’m starving.” Sloan said rubbing his flat stomach through his shirt.

  “Yeah I’m a little hungry. Working on a house takes a lot out of you. I’ve probably burned a billion calories today, which I know I needed.” Lexi said looking down at her hips.

  “What are you talking about?” Sloan looked at her like she was crazy.

  “I know I need to lose some weight.” Lexi said self-consciously.

  “You’ve lost your mind! I don’t know what that fucker told you to make you feel less than what you are, but your body…” Sloan paused trying to find the words to describe how he felt about her body and he decided to be brutally honest, feeling that she needed to hear it. “Your body tortures me on a daily basis.” Sloan stepped closer to her and placed his hand under her chin, lifting her face up to look at him. “I want to bury myself between your thick thighs and not come up for air till morning. I want to kiss, bite and pay homage to the most beautiful round ass I’ve ever seen. The width of your hips would be the perfect anchors for me to hold onto as I stroke into you. And God, my mouth waters just thinking about being able to taste your lush breasts.” Sloan finished, his hands shaking from the need to touch her and his body rock hard wanting so badly to do everything that he had described to her.

  Lexi had never had anyone speak to her the way Sloan just had and she was left speechless. Every word that he’d said washed over her like a caress. And during his speech, for the first time in her life her nether regions flooded with wetness and clenched reflexively at his words alone. Her breath passed harshly through her lips and her heart pounded loudly in her ears.

  Sloan sensed that she was close to giving in. Her lips were parted, wanting his kiss. Her gorgeous eyes were heavy-lidded and dilated. And her chest rose and fell hard with her increased breaths. But he knew that this was a pivotal moment and he’d do well to back off and let her marinate in her new found arousal, instead of pushing too hard and inevitably scaring her away. When she was ready she’d come to him. So he leaned down, softly and quickly kissed her lips and then turned to walk out of the room.

  “I’m gonna jump in the shower downstairs before starting dinner. Take some time to relax, Alexis. Take a hot bath to loosen up those muscles. I’ll take care of dinner.” Sloan said before walking out of the room.

  Lexi took a step forward as he walked out of the room, wanting nothing more than to call him back, to ask him to make love to her like he had so passionately illustrated. But her unrelenting traumatized mind stopped her. Shit! Just fucking let go already! She had to admit that she was starting to piss herself off.

  Frustrated with herself, Lexi stomped into the bathroom and started the hot water in the tub. Once the tub was full with steaming water she stripped off her dusty clothes and stepped into the nearly scalding water. She eased herself down gradually, letting her body get accustomed to the hot water.

  Lexi tried to relax, tried to let the hot bath ease her already aching muscles. But the Georgia heat trapped in the house combined with the heat she still felt from within from the mental images Sloan had placed in her head, only made her bath stifling.

  Lexi tried giving it about fifteen minutes before the sweat running down her face and neck and the added humidity of the steam from the water made it hard for her to breathe. The so-called relaxing bath soon became unbearable.

  Lexi stood up and released the plug from the tub and had the bright idea of cooling off with a cold shower. At the same time that she turned the cold nob o
n full blast, there was a knock on the bathroom door and Sloan’s voice calling her name. The startling shock of the freezing cold water on her heated flesh and the unexpected knock made Lexi jump and lose her footing. She let out a loud shriek as she lost her balance and started to fall backwards. Reaching out for anything to hold on to, she clutched at the shower curtain, but her momentum caused the shower curtain to rip away from its hooks. Lexi landed on the floor with a resounding thump, landing on her hip painfully. Seriously?!

  “Lexi!” Sloan shouted as he ripped opened the door, only to see her half laying on the floor completely naked and soaking wet.

  For a split second that caveman in Sloan came out when he saw her lying wet and naked on the bathroom floor. Before Lexi could unsuccessfully cover her large breasts with one arm and her trimmed mound with the other, his trained marine’s eye picked up every detail and nuisance of her curvaceous body. And he went from soft to rock hard erection in that split second before his manners kicked in.

  “Shit! Lexi, what happened?!” Sloan said grabbing a large towel and knelt down next to her to wrap it around her naked form.

  “Oh God! How humiliating!” Lexi said, burying her beet red face in her hands. “The bath was just too hot, so I decided to cool down with a cold shower. Needless to say the cold water surprised me and your knock on the door at the same time startled me. I guess I lost my footing and fell.” Lexi explained, unable to look Sloan in the eyes.

  “I’m so sorry! Are you okay? Does anything hurt?” Sloan asked with concern.

  “I landed on my hip and it’s throbbing pretty badly, but I think I’ll live.” Lexi said as she clutched the towel tightly around her and tried to stand.