by Shan
"Starr?" I said glad that no one was in the room with her.
She stirred a little but didn't acknowledge me so I called her name again. She moved around a little more before bringing her hands to her eyes.
"What---what are you doing here?" she asked dryly.
"I had to come see how you were doing and apologize for what happened," I said taking a seat on the bed next to her.
"Man, you left me to hang and you wanna apologize!"
"Calm down and just listen to me real quick. I just got out of jail this morning. Me and Neek got rolled while we were following you and---"
"Quad I don't need you explaining anything to me. What's understood don't have to be explained," Starr said with finality.
I looked down at her wanting badly to kiss her on the lips, dig my tongue deep inside the way I used to when she loved me. My infidelity caused me to lose all privileges with her and after last night I was sure I would never get them back again.
"Starr, real shit it's not what it looks like. I just wanted to check on you and apologize. I'm sorry."
"Fuck you and your apology!"
I nodded my head, got up from her bed, and took a seat in a chair close by. She moved her head, brought her hand to her eyes again and sighed in exasperation. I could tell the swelling in her eyes was blinding her for the moment so she couldn't tell that I was still in the room. I wasn't about to leave her side just yet. She had to know that there was sincerity behind me being here.
"Aye," I answered my phone after feeling it vibrating in my pocket.
"Cus, where you at? Need you over here for real," Neek said through the phone.
"Told you I was coming to the hospital to check on Starr. What's good? What you find out?" I asked.
"Ain't found out shit. Man when you gonna come thru so we can figure this shit out? You too busy trying to entertain that bitch!"
"Look I'm a be thru there. Just find out what you can and I'll holla at you later," I said then quickly hung the phone up. Starr's head turned my way but she didn't say anything. I smiled at her, pulled my chair closer, and grabbed her hand. "I'm not going anywhere so you can make all the faces you want."
"Quad, you left me to die. I killed that dude and now I got the laws on my back," Starr said.
"It wasn't like that. Me and Neek got caught up with the laws. They took us to jail and shit,” I leaned in closer to her. “You know how bad I wanted that fool dead. I wanted to do that shit myself. You getting hurt was never my intention.”
“Well I did get hurt.”
“And I’m a spend the rest of my days making it up to you. So get used to me being around,” I grabbed her hand and kissed it but she snatched it away and crossed her arms over her chest.
“I can’t fucking stand you,” Starr said with a slight smile.
“And I still love you.”
After sitting with Starr for a few hours I left to hook up with Neek to find out what the fuck happened and how much of my shit was gone. By the time I made it to him he was in full attitude mode, acting like I was the one that called the police and had them raid the place.
“Why the hell you acting like a bitch though?” I asked Neek.
“Man, I called you hours ago and told you what happened. You acting like you don’t care that we lost thousands of dollars’ worth of dope,” Neek said thumping the butt of a cigarette to the ground.
“Come on Neek, let’s go down to the police station and tell them it was our shit that they took and see if they give it back,” I said pulling my pants up.
"They not the ones who took our shit cus. The muthafuckas were there because everybody up in that bitch was left stankin' except for Tron...."
"Tron? What the fuck you talking about left stankin’," I cut Neek off.
"Dead! They were all dead except for Tron. They’ve been there for days and I don’t know how the hell Tron made it through but he did. I just left the hospital with Teresa. He was shot and is in surgery. I'm about to go back up there in a few." Neek said.
Tron is Neek's half-brother and my cousin. They shared the same father but have different mama's. Tron and Neek's dad Devin cheated on Tron's mother Teresa with a white prostitute by the name of Cindy and that's how Neek came about.
Teresa never knew about Neek or Devin's affair up until when Cindy was found dead in her apartment from a drug overdose. The state brought six year old Neek to Devin and Teresa's doorstep claiming that Devin's name was listed as the father on the birth certificate. Although, Neek looked more white than he did black, neither Devin nor Teresa could deny Neek. He was a splitting image of his older brother Tron. They accepted him into the family with no problems and Teresa forgave Devin for his extra marital affairs.
"Damn, I hope that fool gonna be okay. Why the hell was he there in the first place? I thought we agreed to let them lil’ dudes handle the work," I sighed.
"Shit that's what I thought too but you know how Tron is, “ Neek replied.
We left and went to the hospital to sit with my aunt Teresa as we awaited news from Tron’s surgery. I can’t believe that he sat up in that house bleeding out like that for days and still made it through. Fam is a true warrior for real and I just hoped that he didn’t come this far to die on that damn table.
Starr
One week later
Some days I wished that fool Croy would've killed my ass that night. With repeated visits from detectives, reporters claiming to be hospital staff, and my lawyers; I felt overwhelmed with stress. The detectives spent more time trying to build a case against me rather than focusing on what actually went down in that car. Even if I was there to have Croy killed, they didn't know that so they had no reason to treat me as a criminal rather than the victim that I was.
My lawyers were for certain that I had nothing to worry about but when the detectives pushed the DA to file charges against me I wasn't as sure as they were. For some reason they really wanted me to go down even after they found out about the mile long of charges and complaints that Croy had against him from other women claiming that he either sexually assaulted or beat them.
Every day I sat at the hospital dealing with this shit and trying to get better I had people that I truly cared for by my side. My daddy would pop in and out every day, sitting with me for hours at a time playing cards, dominos, and just talking about some of everything. Brian would come every day after he left work and Bubba would come every now and then to sit with me.
Also Quad was coming up here every single day, treating me like a cripple; he helped me to the restroom, constantly propped my pillows, tucked me in the covers, and brought me water and food. Part of me wanted him to go away being the reason I was here was because of him but then seeing him care for me made my heart weak.
He was doing any and everything to show me that he still cared for me. Every day he came to see me he brought either flowers or a gift, whispered sweet nothing's to me, and just blessed with that charming smile of his. I couldn't even deny his presence if I wanted to. Several times he asked me about us getting back together but it was just something I couldn't do. The fact still remained that he cheated, broke my heart into pieces, and justified his actions by putting the blame on me.
"Look you better help me pack this shit up. I wouldn't have so much if it wasn't for you," I looked over at Quad. He was sitting in a chair next to my bed with a worried look on his face. "What's wrong?"
"Just thinking about my cousin. He still in that damn coma," Quad sighed.
"Wow really. Have you been to see him?"
"I just came from up there before I came in here. My aunt just sitting there crying and I can't deal with that."
"You said he was shot right? Do you know who did it?" I asked sitting on the edge of the hospital bed.
"Hell nah. Don't nobody seem to know shit. All they know is that some niggas came through and robbed the place, shot everybody before they left," Quad placed both hands behind his head and leaned back in his chair.
"Damn, tha
t's fucked up. Sorry to hear that. I hope he pulls through."
"Aye, me too. Me too."
"So, you gonna help me or what?" I placed a hand on my hip and waited for my answer.
"Hell nah. Tell Bubba to help you. That's who you called to come and pick you up," Quad said raising an eyebrow.
"Well I didn't think you would have time to take me home or whatever. But fuck it, I'll do it myself."
"Yea, whatever you just don’t want me knowing where you stay,” Quad sighed. “So we still ain't cool enough for you to give me your address?"
I got up from the bed to finish packing my things. I appreciated Quad for everything he's been doing for me, staying by my side, and just helping me get better but like I said before I couldn't do what he wanted. I knew if I spent time with Quad outside of this hospital, I may end up going places with him that I didn't want to go to.
"You gonna act like you didn't hear me?" Quad came to where I was standing and wrapped his arms around my waist. "I just wanna check up on you, make sure you good, and got everything you need."
He placed soft kisses along the back of my neck and rubbed his hardness along my butt. It feels so good to be touched after so long but there was still Chanel and then there is Fatima. A rush of juices poured from my pussy into the lining of my panties as Quad kissed me all over. My heart pounded like crazy and my clit thumped out of excitement.
"Mmgh, Quad---"
BAM! BAM!
A knock at the door startled both Quad and I, thankfully bringing me to my senses and keeping me from doing something that I would only regret. Quad stepped away from me, took a seat back in his chair, and I took a few seconds to catch my breath.
"Come in!" I called out.
The door swung open and in stepped the two detectives that had taken pride in harassing me over this last week. They looked at Quad with sheepish grins across their faces before looking at me with a pained expression. Immediately I put on my defenses like I've been taught to always do when dealing with pigs.
"Ms. Conners, I think you will be elated to know that the grand jury has decided not to press charges in the matter of Croy. They feel that you were justified in killing him," Detective Newsome said sounding as if it hurt his poor little heart to deliver such news.
"Well good. I see that somebody got some fucking sense ‘cause you two sure don't," I said with an roll of my eyes.
"We were only doing our jobs Starr. We both are happy to deliver this news to you and hope that all is well," Detective Samson said looking just as silly as his partner.
"I bet. Well thanks for coming to let me know what's going on. I appreciate it," I crossed my arms over my chest and waited for them to leave. When they didn't I raised my eyebrows wondering what the fuck else they had to say.
"Alright, take care and call us if you need anything," Detective Newsome said and turned to leave.
"How are those razor blade cuts that you had inside of your mouth? Have they healed?" Detective Samson smirked.
I only smiled at him and continued to pack my personal items so that I could get up out of here. The grand jury has already decided to not press charges and I wasn't about to give them a reason to change their minds.
"Preciate you for coming here and updating Starr about the case but she really needs to get finished packing so she can go home. It's been a long week and she's tired. I'm sure you can understand that," Quad said stepping up to Detective Newsome.
"Who are you? Are you Starr's boyfriend?" Detective Newsome asked.
"My name isn't important and that's none of your damn business. I wonder how your captain feels about you harassing Ms. Conners after she's already been cleared by the grand jury," Quad said with a hint of sarcasm.
Detective Newsome popped a piece of gum in his mouth and laughed before leaving the room. Quad walked around helping to gather my things and place them in my bag. A few minutes later Bubba arrived to take me home. I promised Quad that I would call him and thanked him for everything. I didn't miss the sadness in his eyes as he watched me get into the car with Bubba and leave without giving him my address.
"Thanks for picking me up. I appreciate it," I said to Bubba happily accepting a blunt as he passed it to me.
"Anytime lil’ sis, how you feeling?" Bubba asked.
"I feel good. Happy to be leaving that bitch and glad to know I got them pussy ass police off my back," I smiled and took a toke off the blunt.
"Say what. So what they say?"
"Grand Jury will not be indicting me. They saw it as self-defense; exactly what it was."
"Yea right," Bubba laughed. "If it was self-defense then why do you keep telling everybody a different story?"
"I told the same story every time, what are you talking about?" I questioned looking at the side of Bubba's face.
"You told me that dude forced you into the car, told Brian that you got in willingly, and you told your daddy he grabbed you up off the side of the road while you were walking," Bubba said with a smirk on his face. Sometimes his fat lip ass got on my damn nerves.
"Fuck do it matter what I told you or anybody else? It was self-defense boy! That's it that's all."
"Whatever bitch, give me my damn weed," Bubba reached over and snatched the blunt from my hand then turned the music up on his Suburban. I reached and cut the music back down and looked over at him.
"Aye, I've been thinking I need to stop off and see my damn t-lady. She been on my mind something serious and it's been a minute since I seen her," I said seriously.
"You want me to take you by there?" Bubba asked.
"Right now? I wasn't talking about today."
"You might as well go right now. You know once you get back adjusted and start back doing you, you not gonna even think twice about going to go see her," Bubba shrugged his shoulders.
"Yea you right, will you wait for me?" I asked almost sounding like a lil’ girl again.
"Yea, I'll even come in this time if you want me to," Bubba said then turned the volume up on the radio.
We rode all the way to my mama's house bobbing our heads to the music and not saying another word. I don't know what made me want to go and see her all of a sudden. It'd been quite a while since the last time I visited her and the awful image of her was permanently etched into my head. Her bone thin frame, matted down hair, and sunken jaws was a sight that no one could ever forget. I just couldn't see what my dad saw in her, he is young and handsome and she is old, poor looking, and pitiful.
Once we made it to the projects where my mom lived I took in a deep breath as nervousness washed over me. I felt like I was going to meet with her for the first time in my life. Bubba wrapped his hand around my waist comforting me as we walked to her apartment. The stench of old dried up piss hit us both hard as I knocked on the door and waited for her to answer. It was the middle of the day and I knew she was home; she only roamed the streets in the wee hours of the morning when she was out chasing her next great high.
"Hey mama," I said once she opened the door. She looked me up and down then looked over at Bubba who stood a few feet behind me. She didn't even speak as always, she turned and walked away from the door, and took a seat on the dusty couch.
I looked back at Bubba, shrugged my shoulders, and walked into the apartment. Clutter was all over the damn place; trash, dirty clothes, spoiled food, and it smelled like shit. It took everything in me not to scrunch my nose up at the sight and the odor.
"Damn, is that a rat?" Bubba said placing his hand over his mouth.
"Shut up!" I mumbled hitting him in the chest. I walked over to the couch where my mama was sitting and sat next to her. She rocked back and forth with her stare towards the floor. "How ya been?"
"Why ya daddy ain't brought nothing by here for me? He got that baby on the way and done forgot about me," she sighed.
"Uhh, he asked about you the other day," I said thinking about the conversation I had last week with my daddy before I ended up in the hospital.
"Did he say
he was going to bring me some money? ‘Cause he knows I don't work and these bills gotta be paid," she said continuing to rock back and forth. There were so many track marks up and down her arms and even all over her legs, her skin was so dark, and dead looking. I wanted to reach over and just hug her and cry but I never been the type to shed tears behind bullshit. By bullshit I mean her bullshit; her neglect of me, her lack of caring and loving me, her want to get high rather than take care of me. She'd put herself in this situation and as much as I wanted better for her I wasn't about to cry for her.
"Nah mama he didn't say anything about no money."
"Well you give me some money then. I hear about your dumb ass out there in them streets so I know you got some money. I knew you would be just like your damn daddy, that's why he begged me to keep you because he knew the shit too," she began to go into a dope attic's nod.
"Mama!" I said snapping my fingers in her face.
"You just as black as he is. Look just like his no good ass. Left me here to take care of you, shit I told him I ain't have time for no kids and shit like that. I needed to live my life."
I shook my head seeing that she was about to go on her normal rant about her wishing she never had me. How she hated every minute she was pregnant with me and that she wish she would've gotten an abortion or either miscarried.
As usual I let her words roll off my shoulders blaming the large amounts of dope she pumped into her body. I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek and got up from the couch.
"Aye, I'll holla at you later mama," I nodded at Bubba and headed for the door.
"Lil girl is you gonna leave me some money? I gotta get these bills paid," she called out after me.