by Shan
"Told you to leave the bitch alone," Neek shook his head.
"Yea I should've listened. But, hey don't mention that pregnancy shit around Starr. I ain't told her yet and she already seeing red for Fatima," I said.
"Damn, they got into it again?" Neek asked. "They been fighting since damn middle school."
"Nah, Jonathan tried to rob me a lil while ago," I sighed.
"Word? Tima brother Jonathan?" Neek sat forward on the couch.
"Yep, I know she set that shit up."
"She a dirty bitch. I hoped you whooped his ass!" Charlene yelled.
"Yo, he’s dead." I said.
"Shit fuck him. I know you ain't feeling bad about it, are you?" Neek questioned.
"I don't know how..." I stopped talking when Starr walked into the house. She still looked heated as she slowly strutted to my side.
"I need to use the bathroom. Then you need to take me home or I'll call Bubba to come and get me," Starr rolled her eyes.
"Hey to you too bitch," Charlene said greeting Starr.
"My bad Charlene. What's up mami? How you doing?" Starr waved her hand.
"Good. Sorry I can't say the same for you," Charlene giggled.
"Am I wrong for wanting to murk that bitch?" Starr raised a brow.
"Nope, you gotta pay to play," Neek chimed in.
"Exactly, but you know that's Quad's boo so I'm a let the hoe make it," Starr said.
"Girl go use the damn bathroom," I said.
Starr gave me the finger and walked away to the bathroom. I told Neek and Charlene I would get with them later and headed to my bedroom. I took everything out my pockets, sitting it on the dresser, and peeled away shirt. After lying across the bed and drenching my mind with thoughts about Starr and Fatima, I noticed that Starr had been in the bathroom for quite some time. I got up walking to the bathroom and pushed the door open without even knocking.
"Shit Quad!" Starr screamed pulling her shirt down. It was too late; I'd already spotted the small curve of her stomach.
"When were you gonna tell me?" I asked.
"Tell you what?" Starr turned the faucet on, cupped her hands, and filled it with water. She slurped the water from her hands and then spit it into the sink. I walked over to her and put my arms around her waist, then placed kisses along her neck.
"It better be mine," I teased.
"Quad, get off of me. I'm not keeping it," Starr dabbed her mouth with a paper towel.
"What?" I looked at her through the mirror to see if she was serious. "You playing with me right?"
"No, I have an appointment to terminate it after I leave from seeing my daddy on Monday. I'm not ready for a child right now!" she screamed.
"You were just gonna do this shit behind my back and not even see what I think about it?"
"Quad, it's too much going on right now! We should've been careful. I can't do this right now."
"You know I'll take care of my seed baby. I'm not about to let you do this," I turned Starr around to face me. I raised her head up so that she can look me in the eyes. "Look at me. You were just gonna kill my seed and not tell me?"
"I'm not ready for a baby. I need to get my life together," Starr looked at me and I could see tears forming in her eyes.
"Maybe this baby will give you the motivation that you need. I'll do whatever I gotta do to get you to keep my lil’ one man. I know I can't make you do anything but please think about this shit before you make a decision."
"I have thought about it and I can't keep it. What if I--" she started to cry. "What if it dies like my last baby?"
There it is. She was scared of having another miscarriage. It didn't have anything to do with her not wanting a baby or not being ready. The loss of her last pregnancy had her shook to the point she'd rather kill it than go through that pain again.
"That ain't gonna happen. Just think about how you'll feel afterwards if you kill it. You'll regret it and always wonder what if."
"I'm scared Quad. I don't wanna go through that again. I wanna keep it but I'm scared I might lose it," she cried.
I picked her up sitting her on the cabinet. I reached for the button of her jeans, undid them, and then wiggled them off. I got down on my knees, pulled her underwear to the side, and dug my tongue deep into her wetness.
I was only somewhat excited about Fatima being pregnant but finding out that Starr was carrying my child had me wanting to propose marriage. I don't know what it is about her that just weakened my heart. I loved the hell out of this damn girl and would do whatever I had to do to make sure she didn't get rid of my baby.
Starr was all about independency and doing for herself but I had to change that. I love a woman that has her own but I want her to need me for more than just dick. I needed her to allow me to be the fucking man in the relationship; something she had a huge problem doing.
"Mmgh, Quad!" Starr moaned. I twisted my finger inside her pussy and hungrily ate at her clit.
She had her head pressed against the mirror and her legs propped up over my shoulders while she grinded her hips against my tongue. "Shit! I'm...I'm about to cum! Don't stop."
I stopped sucking and pulled my finger out of her right as she was about to cum. Starr panted and reached for my head trying to push me back down between her legs. I grinned at her and dropped my pants down to the floor.
"Nigga, come on and stop playing with me," she whined. I stroked my meat, watching her legs tremble out of excitement. "Baby come on and stop teasing me."
"What you gonna do with my baby?" I asked.
"We'll talk about it later," she slid down off the counter and came towards me.
"Nah, we gonna talk about it now. What you gonna do with my baby?" I picked her up and positioned her on the wall, plunging my pole into her juicy, and making her gasp. "I need to know now."
"I'm a---I'm a---keep it! Damn you feel so good to me!" she moaned loudly.
"You feel too muthafuckin' good to me! Shit your pussy is super wet," I grunted trying my best to hold onto my nut for a lil' while longer. Whoever said pregnant pussy is the best pussy wasn't lying.
"Woo yes! Mmgh! I'm cumming! Don't stop!" she yelled.
I placed one hand over her mouth and used the other hand to hold her up as I pounded like a beast into her walls. I felt her muscles clenching against my dick causing me to explode like a volcano.
"Shit, we ain't through. Grab your clothes and let’s take this shit to the bedroom. Round two," I pulled up my pants and handed Starr her jeans. We left the bathroom and went straight to the bedroom for round two, three, and four.
"Quad?" Starr said.
"Yea," I answered.
"If you don't handle that bitch Fatima then I will. Please believe that."
BAM! BAM!
"I know this bitch ain't changed the locks," I mumbled.
"Who is it?" Fatima asked.
"Me! Open the door!"
I could hear Fatima fiddling with the locks before she opened the door. I walked in the house, looking around to see if anyone was here besides her.
"What are you doing here? Does Starr know that you making booty calls in the middle of the night?" Fatima asked.
I turned on my heels to face her; she was standing close to the door wearing a silk nightie. Looking at her stomach there were no signs of her being pregnant but she is a small girl.
"How far along are you Tima?" I asked out of curiosity.
"What? You came here to ask me how far along I am?" she questioned.
"No, but I wanna know."
"Like six, maybe eight weeks."
"What you mean maybe? What did they tell you when you went to the doctor?"
"They didn't do an exam. I have to wait until I'm about ten weeks before my first checkup."
"Really? You talk to Jonathan since he was over here a couple of weeks ago?"
Her eyes shifted around before she answered, "No--wait umm like last week."
"I saw that fool last night. Can you believe he tried to rob me?" I
laughed sitting down in a love seat. I pulled my pistol out my pocket and placed it on my lap.
"What—well--I don't know. Why would he try and rob you? That don't make sense.”
"I said the same thing being me and him have always been cool. I figured he was there because you sent him."
"No you know he crazy like that, he--"
"That nigga blood is on your damn hands! Make sure you tell your mama that when she bury his ass!" I yelled. I hated that Jonathan was dead; the shit hurt like a muthafucka and it was all Fatima's fault.
"He's dead?" she cried. "Oh my God! You killed him?"
"What the fuck did you expect when you sent him? What you thought I was gonna shake his hand and send him home? You did this shit!"
" Nooooo! Oh my God! I gotta call mommy!"
I jumped up from the chair and raced over towards her before she could get to the phone. I grabbed her by her throat and slammed her into the wall, "You ain't finna do shit but pack your fucking clothes. The only reason I didn't kill you when I first walked is ‘cause you carrying my seed."
She slapped my hand away, "Pack for what? Where are you taking me?"
"To stay with my aunt in South Carolina."
"What? I don't know anybody in South Carolina! Quad I didn't do this!" she cried.
"Fatima stop lying! He told me you paid him. If your ass wanna stay alive then pack your shit and let's go."
Hesitantly Fatima packed a few bags and met me outside in my car. I promised her that I would keep the payments on her house up and after the baby was born she could come back. For some reason I felt that Starr would make good on hurting Fatima so the only thing I could think to do was to get her out of sight. With her gone she would be safe and Starr would never have to know about the pregnancy.
I loaded up the car with Fatima's things, called my aunt to let her know we were on our way, and then hit the road.
Starr
Quad had me holed up in his house in the suburbs for three damn days. He disappeared in the middle of the night and I haven't heard from him since. Surprisingly there was nothing on the news concerning Jonathan's death or anything about a shooting in that area.
For now I would let Quad handle Fatima and push what she did and forced me to do in the back of my mind. I have other shit to worry about, like this fucking pregnancy and my damn daddy. He's been moved from the county jail and taken to The United States Penitentiary in Atlanta, Georgia. It houses medium security male inmates and has a detention center for pretrial and holdover inmates along with a satellite camp for minimum security male inmates.
The location isn't that far from my house but in order to see him I have to go through hell. Searched, rubbed down, gawked at by the men guards and hell sometime even the women guards. It's worth it though. I never want my dad to feel abandoned or like I just didn't give a fuck that he was on lockdown. These guards were gonna get used to seeing my face.
Once I finally made it through all the security checks, I took a seat at a table all the way towards the back of the room.
"Starr."
I looked up and saw a tall dark-skinned man standing over me. He looked to be in his early forties, a clean shaven beard, with a touch of gray hair. He actually was pretty handsome for an older guy and built hella nice.
"I'm sorry but you got the wrong table," I said once he took a seat.
"Nah, you here to see Herman Conners right?" he asked.
I looked at him like he had shit on his face not sure if I wanted to answer him. He wore a grin on his face like something was funny as I looked around waiting for my daddy to come out.
"You just as pretty as I thought you would be. Look like a darker version of your mother," he said.
"Nigga I told you, you got the wrong damn table," I frowned hearing him mentioning me look like my mama. I hated when people told me that shit. What child wants to look like a junkie with bad skin and fucked up hair?
He laughed, "I'm Rodney Conners, Herman's uncle."
I relaxed a little but still was a little hesitant to let my guard down. How the hell did they get the names mixed up?
"Oh okay. I'm a go let them know they got the names mixed up," I stood up from my chair.
"They didn't get the names mixed up Starr. Me and Herman thought it was good that you and I finally spoke. I gotta lot of pull around here and arranged for me to come out instead of Herm. So sit down."
"No disrespect but I don't wanna see you I wanna see my daddy and if I can't then I'll just leave."
"Sit down!" he yelled and everyone in the room stopped and stared our way. I decided to sit down and see just what he had to say. "You ever wonder why your mama skin is so bright and so is Herm's? Never sat around trying to figure out where your color came from?"
"Man, what are you trying to say?" I asked crossing my arms over my chest.
"You know I got locked up when your mom was about five months pregnant with you. I was a hustlin' ass nigga do you hear me?" he laughed. "Herm was only about fifteen years old at the time and I was molding him for the game; getting him ready to take my spot when he got a lil’ older."
"What's your point?" I asked.
"After your mama had you and left you in that hospital, Herm came down here once a week with pictures and updates on you. Smiling ear to ear every time he talked about you. I became jealous, pissed at myself, angry because I could only see you on a picture!" he slammed his hand down on the table causing me to jump. Tears began to fall down his face as he looked at me and shook his head. I knew what he was trying to tell me but I just hoped that I was wrong.
"Herm's not my daddy huh?" I asked holding my breath for the answer.
"I just couldn't take it. They gave me twenty-four years; day for day. I knew I couldn't be a daddy to you caged up like some animal! I told Herm to stop talking about you when he came up here, stop bringing me pictures. I told him to take care of you, raise you as his own, and never let anyone hurt you," Rodney said.
"I---I gotta go," I jumped up from the table, racing towards the restroom. That was the first time in my life that I was at a loss for words. How can my daddy not be my daddy? Twenty one years of idolizing and loving a man as my father, longing to please him, and make him happy for me to find out he's my cousin and not my damn daddy.
This shit just can't be true. Just then I thought about every time I went to see my mama how she always said I was just as black as my daddy, how I looked just like him. I always thought it was the drugs talking since my daddy was light-skinned and looked nothing like me. All this time she’d been talking about this Rodney dude and I never knew it until now.
"Aww shit what's wrong?" Bubba asked the moment I got into the car.
"Nothing. I just need to get to the house," I pulled the seat belt on and leaned back in my seat.
"Damn, what they give that nigga life or something? What's up?" Bubba probed.
"No, I didn't get to see him," I sighed.
"Damn, you were in there for almost two hours. What the hell happened?"
"I don't wanna talk about it."
"Yo, Bear came to me yesterday asking me if I heard anything about his spot getting hit. I think he knows it was us," Bubba said glancing my way.
"I don’t give a fuck if he knows or not. He knows it was justified being he stole my dad---stole Herm's money!" I yelled not knowing what to call him anymore.
"I feel like we need to give him that shit back. I feel bad than a bitch about that," Bubba laughed.
"He ain't getting shit back. Tell that fool to give me Herm's money back first!"
"Why you calling him Herm like that ain't your daddy or something, lil’ girl."
"According to Rodney Conners, Herm ain't my damn daddy," I cried. Tears rushed down my face as I buried my head into my hands.
"Damn, Herm told you?" Bubba sighed.
"What? You knew about it?"
"I overheard---"
"You knew about it Bubba? And you didn't tell me?" I cut him off.
; Soon as Bubba pulled up in front of my apartment I rushed out of the car. Can't believe he knew about it and didn't tell me. Bubba is like family to me and we told each other everything. I thought there were no secrets between us but I guess I was wrong.
Him holding out on something as important as that made me wonder what else he was hiding from me. I stormed through the front door, to my bedroom, and crashed out onto the bed. I felt so betrayed and so alone right now. I've never felt so lost and confused in my entire life. It was just crazy how my dad-no Herm couldn't talk to me and tell me himself. What made him think that I would want to hear this type of information from a stranger? Did he not want to talk to me anymore? Not be a part of my life? And why did this Rodney guy not want to be a part of my life? Man I had so many questions.
I got up under the covers and cried myself to sleep. This was the time I needed Quad to talk to and his ass was nowhere to be found. I know he left in the middle of the night to see Fatima and I wondered if he was still with her.
I woke up in the middle of the night after hearing my TV blasting and smelling the strong odor of kush. Ever since I've been pregnant the smell of weed made me sick to my stomach and even more so when I smoked it. I looked down at the edge of the bed and saw Quad sitting there only wearing a pair of boxers.
"Who let you in?" I asked.
"The door was unlocked. I guess Brian left it open. I don't know."
"Shit," I cursed under my breath.
I stormed in the house earlier so mad that I didn't even think to lock the door. Brian left out of town this morning for a hair show in Tennessee. He wasn't even here which meant I've been sitting up in here sleeping hella good with the door unlocked.
"What you want me to leave or something?" Quad asked.
"Where have you been? And don't lie," I sat up in the bed and turned the lamp on.
"You told me to handle Fatima and that's what I did," Quad said turning the TV off.
"So, she's dead then?" I asked surprised.
"I got rid of her Starr. You don't need to know the details."
"It took you three days to get rid of her," I sarcastically asked.
"Nope, been making moves trying to plan for our future. You already know what it is, don't try and start acting brand new on me."