by Shan
"Brand new? Quad you disappear in the middle of the night and I don't hear from you for three days. Damn, it's like you beg me to keep this baby but I don't know," I sighed feeling emotional. Pregnant sure had its way of bringing out the bitch in me.
"You don't know what? I told you I was out hustlin', Neek quit on me Starr. I'm doing all this shit by my damn self and it's a lot of fucking pressure. I don't need any distractions while I’m out working," Quad sighed.
"Distractions? Is that what me and this baby is, a distraction?"
"No! I'm saying I need to fully concentrate so I don't make any mistakes. After you have the baby, I promise I'm a leave the dope game and never turn back. Right now I gotta do what I gotta do," Quad climbed in the bed next to me and wrapped his arms around me. He kissed me all over, and then placed his hand on my stomach. Suddenly I felt a little at ease and comforting being that Quad was here with me.
"I felt like I was on an episode of Jerry Springer today," I said referencing the news I found out earlier.
Quad laughed, "Why what happened?"
"Well I found out that Herm is really my cousin and not my dad. My real dad is locked up in the Federal Penn serving a twenty-four year sentence. He's been there going on twenty-two years," I said.
"What the fuck? Are you serious?" Quad asked sounding concerned.
"Yea, at least that's what Rodney Conners told me. I went to see Herm today and he came out instead. Said that he got tired of Herm coming up there showing pictures of me and told him to take care of me as his own. Shit is so fucking crazy ‘cause now I think about it I look nothing like Herm and I swear I got every bit of this Rodney up in me."
"Rodney Conners? Yo, I've heard about this cat. Used to hustle with Neek's pops Devin back in the day. Heard he was a ruthless muthafucka!" Quad laughed. "Aye, not trying to be funny but hell I can believe that shit."
"Well I don't wanna believe it. Herm is all I know and to find this out in the way I did; is messed up. I'm fucked up over it."
"Why? Starr at least you had somebody in your damn life to call daddy. Shit, I don't even know who my daddy is and the fact that Herm took care of you as a teenager says a lot. He could've ran away from the responsibility, could've left you with your moms but he didn't. That says a lot about that dude man."
"Yea, but why come he never told me and then I find out that Bubba knew. It's just crazy. I need to talk to him; I need to find out why he's been lying to me all these years."
"Go talk to him then."
"Hell I go up there and Rodney comes out again, I'll be mad and never go back."
Some of the things Quad were telling me were the truth but it was still hard to accept it, I didn't want this Rodney dude to be my dad; I wanted Herm and nothing more. Quad and I talked a little while longer; talking about what we would name or son or daughter when it came.
For the first time I actually felt excited about my unborn child, praying that nothing would go wrong like the last time. Maybe my child will give me the motivation I had before to leave these streets alone and do something good with my life. People don't often get second chances to straighten up and for some reason I felt like this was a sign. I'd been living recklessly and nothing good ever comes from that.
Quad
Call me a dog if you want but I just couldn't leave Fatima all the way in South Carolina without first getting a piece before I left. I fucked up when I allowed my aunt's whining and begging about me never coming to see her convince me to stay the night. She talked me into staying and spending some time with her, and Fatima, who she believes is my girlfriend. The one night I planned to stay turned into three with me and Fatima fucking like rabbits anytime we got a chance.
Coming back to Atlanta and laying eyes on Starr, I began to feel guilty about cheating. The last thing I wanted to do was to lose her because of the same bullshit I lost her to before. I was just beginning to regain her trust and I really wanted this baby with her way more than I did with Fatima. Once I made it to Starr's apartment last night; I promised that was the last time I stuck my dick in another woman.
I walked into the beauty shop where I dropped Starr off a couple hours ago to get her hair done by Brian. Tonight I was going to take her out to dinner and maybe see a movie. The last time we'd gone out it turned out bad ending in the death of Fatima's brother Jonathan. Luckily for us the police didn't have any leads on the case and Fatima promised to keep her mouth shut. I told her if she did say something anyway that the police would find out she sent him and she would go down too.
When I walked up to Starr, a short, stubby looking chick walked away from her and rolled her eyes as she passed by me. I shook it off and leaned over to kiss Starr but she turned her head away from me.
"What the fuck did I do now?" I asked.
"What haven't you done Quad? I should've known your ass haven't changed and don't plan on changing! Get the hell out of my face!" she yelled. Everyone in the shop started to stare at us.
"Fuck is wrong with you? Let me talk to you outside," I reached for her arm but she pushed my hand away.
"Get the hell away from me Quad! I'm not trying to talk to you right now!"
I could see her eyes begin to water and knew whatever had her pissed at me was hurting her.
Damn, did she know about Fatima? I thought.
I reached for Starr again and when she tried to push me away; I forcefully grabbed her out of the chair and carried her outside. Brian and a few other women at the shop followed us out.
"Quad, don't put your hands on her!" Brian said in his whiny voice.
"I'm not about to touch her! Can y'all leave us alone so we can talk in private please?" I asked as nicely as I could.
Brian stepped a few feet back and the other on lookers walked back into the shop but left the door wide open. I put Starr down on the ground and noticed her face was soaked with tears. I shook my head; hating to see her like this.
"You gonna tell me what the fuck I did or you gonna keep pouting and crying like a lil’ ass kid."
"Where is Fatima Quad?" Starr's mouth quivered as she spoke.
"Let's go to the house so we can talk," I grabbed her arm and attempted to pull her to my car but she jerked away. "I'm not about to stand here and talk my business in front of everyone! Come on!"
Starr folded her arms across her chest refusing to move. She held her head down to the ground then looked up at me, "I decided to go ahead and get an abortion. I'm calling them today to set up an appointment. Shit, Fatima is pregnant so you don't need me. Why don't you move to South Carolina with her ass. It's over Quad, for good, and I mean that shit."
I nodded my head and walked away towards my car. I wasn't about to kiss Starr's ass; hell I was in the wrong and if that's what she wanted to do then I wouldn't try and stop her. I knew this shit would blow up in my damn face and should've told her the truth from the jump.
I jumped in the car and immediately took my cell phone out to dial Fatima's number. Nobody knew about Fatima being pregnant but a handful of people and I knew they wouldn't say anything. Nobody knew that she was in South Carolina with my aunt but me and her so I was for certain that Fatima has been running her mouth.
"Hey baby, I miss you," Fatima cooed through the phone.
"Tima, who the hell did you tell about you being in South Carolina man?" I asked skipping the introductions.
"I didn't tell anyone. I haven't even talked to anyone back home."
"Tima, don't lie to me. Damn, it wasn't enough that I fattened your pockets and promised to be in my shorty's life. You had to go and fuck my shit up with Starr?"
"Starr, Starr, Starr! That's all you care about! You don't give a damn about me and this baby. Why the hell did I have to move to this boring ass city so you can have a good life with that bitch? Fuck her! We have a baby on the way and you need to be with me so that we can be a family," Fatima yelled.
"Fuck you Tima! We'll never be a family; all you will ever be to me is a bitch with some good ass pussy.
Lame ass bitch! Get the fuck off my line!" I pressed the end button on the phone then immediately dialed my aunt's number.
I told her to call up a few of my girl cousins and have them put Fatima's ass out. I did her a favor by getting her out of town and putting some bread in her pocket and she turns around and does this. I had no doubt that Starr would hurt that fuckin' girl and all I wanted to do was keep her and my seed safe until shit died down. Fuck Fatima!
I went to the hospital to sit with Neek, my aunt, and my cousin Tron for a couple of hours. I didn't see how they could sit around a damn near lifeless body, talking to him as if he would eventually pop up and start talking back. I was beginning to think that they were going crazy and hoped that they would eventually pull the plug and accept that he wasn't going to wake up. Over the past few months Tron had lost so much weight that he was becoming unrecognizable. To me this was just flat out torture.
"A'ight auntie I'm a see you later," I kissed my aunt Teresa on her cheek, then dabbed it up with Neek who was sitting on the side of the room.
"Take care Quad. Thanks for sitting with us," my auntie said with a slight smile.
I didn't know how to respond to that so I didn't. I left the hospital deciding that I wasn't going to let Starr off that easy. If she killed my baby it would destroy me and ultimately destroy us and I wasn't going to allow that to happen.
"Who is it?" Brian asked.
"Quadir," I said.
"What's up?" Brian asked after cracking the door open.
"Where Starr at?"
"She's not here," he said frowning.
"Man, stop playing. Where is she?"
"She ain't here Quad. I haven't seen her since she left the beauty shop and she won't answer the phone."
"Did she go with Bubba or what?"
"I don't know. I figured she was with you."
"A'ight," I sighed.
I left the apartment complex thinking of all the places Starr could be. Visiting hours were over at the jail, Brian said she wasn't with Bubba, and she doesn't have many friends. Not any that I knew of anyway.
"Aye, do you know that fool Bubba number?" I asked Neek when he answered the phone.
"Yea, I got it in my phone. I'll text it to you," Neek said.
"A'ight and I'm on my way to come and get you. Something doesn't feel right."
"Cool, I'm on my way to the crib."
Neek and I hung up and a few minutes later he sent me the text message containing Bubba's number. I called the phone three times only to be sent to the voice mail each time. Being that neither Starr or Bubba was answering the phone I began to wonder if they were together and if so what the hell were they doing.
I drove around a lil’ while longer before stopping to get Neek and doing some more driving. We must've combed the whole damn city looking for Starr, asked everybody that possibly knew her where she could be. I was starting to become real worried and hoped that she was good and just being stubborn as usual.
Starr
"Mama, what was that noise?" I asked running out the back bedroom. I'd come to my mama house on yesterday after leaving the beauty shop. I knew this was the one spot I could come and no one would think to even look for me here. Only thing I hated is giving my mama a hundred dollars to get high with just so she would leave me alone.
I needed some time to think about my situation with Quad; I didn't want to leave him but he lied to me. If he knew all along that Fatima was pregnant why he couldn't just tell me that? Why lie and say that you killed her when in actuality you took her some hundreds of miles away in hopes that I wouldn't see her again.
All I asked was for his honesty but I guess it was stupid of me to ask that being that I wasn't quite so honest myself. I reached for the light switch in the living room, flicked it upwards, but nothing happened. The whole house was pitch black and cold. Normally the electric company will turn your shit off in the middle of the day and not two o'clock in the morning. Something was up.
I grabbed a hold of the walls, using it to guide me back to the bedroom where I left my pistol. Slowly I went over to the bed, slid my hand under the pillow for my gun but it wasn't there. I knelt down to the floor thinking maybe it fell when I jumped out of the bed.
"It's not there," a voice from behind me said.
I stood completely up, turning slow on my heels to face the sound of the voice. It was dark as fuck in this house and the broken lamps on the outside couldn't even help me. I squinted my eyes and closed them shut a few times hoping to get adjusted to the dark; still couldn't see for shit.
"What do you want?" I asked.
He laughed then said in a raspy tone, "I want a lot of things such as you being dead but I'll settle for watching you suffer for a while."
"Who the hell are you?" I asked squeezing my eyes close again.
Suddenly I felt heat radiating down the back of my neck. I twisted my body quickly in his direction; he grabbed me by the neck, raising me from the floor, and dangling me in the air. I slapped his bulky hands as I gasped for oxygen.
"Just wanted to let you know that I haven't forgotten about what you did and I'm a take pleasure in watching you suffer," he seethed. He tightened the grip around my neck, held me higher in the air, and then violently slammed me on the bed.
"You be easy," he laughed evilly and I could hear his footsteps descend out of the room. I roamed around the bed searching for my cell phone and I when I couldn't find it; I began to panic. I have no idea who that crazy muthafucka’ is. Talking about he will never forget what I did. That could be anybody at this point and time. So many muthafuckas have been caught up in my fury that I couldn't even began to have a clue on whom it may be.
I slid out of the bed once again using the walls as assistance to find my way around. I checked my mother's bedroom to see if she was okay but she wasn't even in her room. I closed the door back and went to check the living room again. I damn near went crashing down after tripping over something lying in the middle of the floor.
My heart paced as I knelt down to see what it was, it was my mama for sure. I could feel her frail body, her matted hair, and the welts in her arms from years of shooting up.
"Mama," I shook her waiting for a response. "Mama!"
She lifted her hand and swatted me away, then rolled her body away from me. I exhaled harshly seeing that she wasn't dead. At that moment I realized my mama being dead is not what I wanted. Ever since I was younger I used to think that her dying would solve a lot of heart ache but now I see that it would only ‘cause more. I grabbed her arms and pulled her towards her bedroom; it was like pulling dead weight. She made all kinds of moans and groans and even protested a little making it harder in me.
Sweat pouring from my face, muscles being strained, and with every breath I had; I successfully pulled my mother into her room and flopped her onto the bed. Feeling along the walls of her room, I came across the breaker box needed to turn the power back on.
"Thank God!" I yelled after flipping all the switches back on. "Now, where the hell is my phone?"
Making my way back to the bedroom where I'd been sleeping, I searched the room from top to bottom but came up with nothing. That muthafucka took my damn cell phone. I thought.
"No cell phone and no fucking pistol," I said to myself.
I sat around my mama’s crib for a couple of more hours just to make sure she was okay. Seeing her sprawled out of the floor like that made me kind of skeptical on leaving her. Once I saw that she was good I found my way back to the bedroom, grabbed my jeans, pulled them over my thighs and left the zipper open for my bulging belly.
After gathering up my things, I left my mama's apartment and began walking around the projects hoping to see some late night dope boys. I knew one of them would allow me to use their phone to make a call or two. I can't even lie and say that muthafucka’ that came in there didn’t have me shook. He'd managed to come up in my mama house while I was asleep, cut the lights, and sneak up on me. Not that I feel that I'm untouchable, but
I really never thought an enemy could get that close to me and I never see them coming.
I noticed a black Crown Vic parked in the lot, with smoking seeping from the crack in the windows. Although, I didn't know who the car belonged to I went over to it anyway. The window rolled down before I could get all the way up on the car.
"What's up Starr?" the dude on the driver side said.
"Who that? That's you Mills," I said squinting my eyes to get a good look.
"Damn, you forgot who I was?" he asked.
"Nah, nigga you know it's dark as hell out here. Aye, did you see anybody coming up out my mama's crib a couple of hours ago?"
"Nah, like who?" Mills asked raising a brow.
"Shit, anybody that looked like they didn't belong. Some suspicious looking cat," I shrugged my shoulders.
"Nah, ain't nobody been through here but cluckers. We been out here for a minute," Mills said. I leaned into the car to get a good look at the passenger recognizing Fat Rat, ugly ass.
"What's up Fat Rat? Big sexy ass," I laughed and nodded my head at him.
"What it do beautiful?" Fat Rat cooed in his scrubby voice.
"Can one of you fellas let me use your phone? Somebody got me for mine," I said feeling dumb as hell.
Mills pointed towards the backseat signaling for me to get into the car. Once I got in he handed me his cell phone and I dialed the only person number that I knew by hard; Brian.
"Shit!" I said after getting no answer. "Aye, you got Quad number in this joint Mills?"
"Yea it’s in there, that's your baby daddy huh?" Mills asked and gave Fat Rat a knowing look.
"I ain't got no kids so I don't know what you talking about," I shook my head.
"Aye," Quad answered.
"Can you come and get me?" I asked flat out skipping any unnecessary intros.
"Man, I’ve been blowing your damn phone up! You got me over here stressing the hell out! Where are you and fuck is you calling me from Mills shit for?" he yelled. Mills and Fat Rat cracked up laughing in the front seat.