I’m not sure how my face looked, but Spencer suddenly looked horrified and he dropped the shield. “I didn’t know I could! I won’t do it again. I’m sorry!”
I set his Chromebook to the side, pulled him down to me, wrapped myself around him, and breathed his scent.
“Not only will you do it again, but I’d like you to spend time with one of my vampires who teaches other vampires how to shield. Let him test you, find your weaknesses, and help you shore them up. Whether you use it around me is up to you, but I’d like you to use it when you’re around other vampires — especially if you sense someone probing. The bar you squeeze checks for your DNA to be sure it’s you. Not all of my secure rooms have the high-dollar sensors, and I was going to have to upgrade security before I showed them to you. If you can keep us out, it becomes easier to tell you things.”
“Okay, I’ll work with him, but I like having you in my head. I don’t have anything to hide from you. I mean, I guess there are a few small things I redirected you around, but I like knowing you can hear my thoughts.”
I shook my head. “You usually sleep when I do, but I’ve been in there a few times while you slept — especially during those first weeks when you say you didn’t know I was there. How did you keep this from me while you slept?”
“I trained myself to hide gossip. I put it in a box and kept it closed. I’m letting you see it now, but it takes effort. Like when someone tells you to piss yourself and you can’t relax and let it go. I’m having to force my brain to let you see it. It’s the same kind of thing. You hold your pee at night, I held onto those memories.”
I made a snap decision. “I don’t know what the other things are, but I assume they’re personal. You’ll show me when you’re ready for me to know about them. I won’t push.”
He relaxed into me and kissed the side of my neck. “Thank you.”
We sat in silence for ten minutes while I paged through the memories he’d held back — bits and pieces of gossip I was certain Kendra would find useful. There was a lot more, but I’d get to the rest later.
“You want to talk about Holly?” It was on his mind and he was frustrated, concerned, and I sensed guilt.
10
Spence
“I don’t think I’m helping her,” I told Abbott. “I can’t probe into her brain, but I’m certain she won’t want to stay at the end of her time. To be honest, I’m not sure we want her to stay. She isn’t going to fit into the flock. She doesn’t want to succeed. She wants shit handed to her. She acts like the world owes her the life of a princess and she’s pissed she doesn’t have it.”
“Agreed. She isn’t college material, and I can’t see her wanting to go to cosmetology school, massage school, or any other quick option for a decent career. She does the bare minimum and tries to get away with even less.”
“So do we cut her loose now? Or do you have another idea for how to help her? If we cut her loose, she’ll be back on drugs before the first sunset.”
“Let me think it over.”
“Thanks.” I sat up and looked down at him. “You’d already planned to give me the new identity, but then decided maybe you should let me decide, right?”
“Guilty as charged. I’m trying to do better.”
“I appreciate it. I chose the same option you did. In the future, I’d like you to tell me stuff and not have your attorney act as messenger for the shit I won’t like.”
“When I need both of us to be sure a decision is yours, I’ll go through the attorney and won’t apologize for it.”
His voice was clipped. This was The Master of the City making an edict.
“I’m not one of your vampires. I can make a decision on my own even with you in the room.” I glared at him, projected Try to make me do something, and locked the shield I’d just discovered around my entire body — not just my head.
He probed but didn’t try hard before he stopped. I kept the shield up and locked my gaze with his. Daring him.
“I won’t force your shield. If I make it through, the rebound will hurt. You’ll learn how to deal with that before I test you. For now, I believe you: If you don’t want me to interfere with your decision-making, I won’t be able to. I’ll only send you to the attorney if he needs to see you, not if I need him to see you.”
I dropped my shields, felt him in my head again, and thought, It’s good to have you back. It feels odd having you in front of me and not in my head.
It’s good to be back, Dearest.
A few days later, I was in the valley having a late lunch with Bethany and Gen, trying to deal with an issue with one of Abbott’s flock without being rude.
I finally got it taken care of, had a guard pick her up and another retrieve her car, and was assured she was on the way home and safe. I thought that’d be the end of it.
Unfortunately, when I arrived home a few hours later, I discovered Abbott had taken her phone (since he paid for it and the service) and kicked her out for breaking the rules. He hadn’t even let her pack — he’d told her to let me know the address I should send her things.
I never barge into his office, but I stormed in without knocking and didn’t apologize to the gentlemen in his visitor chairs.
“I need to speak with you alone, please.” I added the please for the benefit of his guests. If he’d been alone I’d have torn into him.
I knew he was looking in my head during the three-second pause. He was supposed to let me run the flock. I don’t check in with him when I know what I’m telling them will be fine. One of the girls had fed Abbott Friday night and wanted to cut lose Saturday night. I gave her the okay to eat garlic and smoke a little weed as long as she didn’t overdo. She wasn’t on the schedule again for nearly two weeks. It should’ve been okay. Her friend lived down the street, so she only needed to walk a block with her friend after the party, crash for the night, and drive home the next day. I got worried when she didn’t come home or answer her phone, so I sent a guard to look for her. She had her phone with her so he could track her, and she was still passed out when he found her. He woke her and told her to call me. Someone had spiked the joints and she was on a bad trip. She hadn’t realized they were spiked until it was too late. The guard took her for food and coffee before he brought her home, and someone else drove her car home.
Abbott saw all of it in just a few seconds, and his eyes told me he knew he’d screwed up.
“Gentlemen, this is Spencer, though he prefers Spence. Spencer, this is Bran and Marco.” He stood and gave them a lopsided grin. “We need to handle a little domestic issue with my flock. Give us five minutes?”
I followed him into a soundproof room down the hall.
“I had the situation handled, and now no one knows where she is! We can’t get her back!”
“I can. I drank from her two days ago. I’ll let Josef tap into the connection, find her, and bring her back.”
“The flock isn’t going to trust me again! You just undermined my authority. I gave her permission and you tossed her out on her ass.” I kept my voice even, but I was livid.
“I can make everyone forget it happened.”
I shook my head. “That isn’t fair.”
“And yet, it’ll fix the situation, yes?”
“You never thought of — I don’t know — apologizing for your screw-up?”
He chuckled. “Not when there are better options. I’ll call a mandatory meeting and change everyone’s memory at the same time. We’ll take the opportunity to officially announce the fact you’ve moved into my suite, and I’ll make a change to the feeding schedule. Meanwhile, you and I need to talk about something else.”
I crossed my arms — unhappy with him changing their memories but with no idea how to adequately explain why it was such an invasion.
“I had it handled.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. From my perspective, she was gone two days, took a heavy-duty drug, and ate garlic. I’ll fix it. Josef will bring her back.”
“You didn’t look into her head to see why?”
He shook his head. “I tasted her blood and kicked her out. I’ll do better next time. I’m sorry.”
I wasn’t ready to forgive him just yet, but we weren’t getting anywhere by rehashing it.
“What else did you need to talk to me about?”
“I have a possible solution for Holly. Bran’s agreed to my offer, but I told him we’d need to get your input as well.”
I glared at him and he threw his hands up. “I’m trying, Spencer!”
I’d heard horror stories about life with Bran. A few of the flock had been paid megabucks to let him do whatever he wanted to them for a set amount of days. His blood heals humans, so he could tear into them with the whip and even cut them open — or worse. He could heal them before his time with them was up, so they were returned with no damage or injuries as promised.
“Your friend Bran scares me.”
Abbott chuckled. “I see you’ve heard the rumors. Perhaps one day I’ll let him play with you, if you’d like. Not yet though. I’m still feeling too territorial over you to smell someone else’s scent on your skin.”
I shrugged. “As long as he’s taking her on to try to help her and not just to use her for his sex games, I think it’s worth giving him a chance with her. My style obviously hasn’t worked for her. I feel as if I’ve failed her, so let’s give Bran’s way a try.”
“I wouldn’t drink from her until she agreed to stay, but Bran has no such compunctions. It’s possible he can get her addicted to his bite instead of the drugs.” He shrugged. “We’ve given her a chance and she’s blown it. I’ll honor my promise to let her choose at six months. You’re on board with sending her to Bran for her final six weeks?”
“I am. Thanks for checking with me.”
“He has a young, female grizzly — new to his flock. She comes to him from another of his kind in Texas. I plan to bargain with a full feeding from her, done at his home, in exchange for six weeks with Holly and the chance for her to stay with him if she chooses to.”
My libido perked up. Abbott was always a lot rougher with me after he fed from a large predator.
He chuckled again, “Is it any wonder I love you, boy?”
11
Abbott
Spencer froze in place. Even his heart was silent a beat before it sped.
“You love me?”
“Yes. I know you love me — I’ve heard it in your head a hundred times, but I…” I ran a hand through my hair. “It’s hard. I’ve loved and lost so many times, but denying my love for you won’t ease the pain if I lose you one day.”
My boy pulled me into his arms, and I wrapped mine around his body and told him, “Your warmth, your logic, your steadfastness. I know I’ll come home to these things, and it makes my nights easier. It makes dealing with my businesses, my people, the politics of our world, and everything else that crosses my door, phone, text, and email easier to deal with.”
“You’ll help me with my wolf soon? It isn’t fair for you to be responsible for him.”
I kissed the top of his head and opened the door into the hallway. “He’s no trouble, but we’ll make plans to go to a wilderness area in a few weeks. We have the party at the RTMC to stop in at Friday night. Jeans, a black tee with no writing, and your heavy black boots. I’ll dress down a little, but not all the way to jeans. You’ll need to take a change of clothes in case you’re invited into a paintball battle.”
“Am I finally going to meet Kirsten?”
“In all likelihood, yes. It’s really no big deal. We broke up, we’re still friends. End of story.”
“But she’s the one who showed you why you need to find…” He wisely understood I wouldn’t want Bran and Marco to hear, and finished in his head. She showed you it’s important you can’t control the people you date.
She reminded me, yes. I need someone who’ll stand up to me and tell me what they really think, and I have it with you. I’ve dated people who only told me what they thought I wanted to hear for too long.
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.” Let’s negotiate with Bran, send Holly away with him, and then retire to my bedroom until time for the mandatory meeting. I have a predawn meeting in the valley and I’ll be staying at The Billiard Club tonight. Make sure someone can handle breakfast tomorrow morning because I’d like you to come with me.
“Of course. Always.”
He meant it. He’d forgiven me for the screw-up, and for handling it my way instead of apologizing to the entire flock.
“Thank you.”
“For what?” he asked.
For accepting me as is. For loving me.
It goes both ways, Abbott. Let’s get Holly taken care of so I can show you how much I love you.
My boy. So submissive in bed, and yet he wouldn’t back down to me when he knew he was right. Still, he’d added the please for good form in front of guests, even when he was beyond pissed at me.
I don’t know, maybe I’ll tie you to the wall and show you all the ways I love you.
Yes, Sir.
12
Spence
I was worried about meeting Kirsten. I hid my anxiety because I could tell it aggravated Abbott. I’d worked out longer and harder all week to try to calm my nerves, and I’d been able to feel my wolf more and more this week — though I hadn’t hidden him from Abbott. I’m not sure I’d have been able to hide my wolf even if I’d wanted.
I changed jeans four times before Abbott decided for me.
We stayed at The Billiard Club the night before, so we arrived at the RTMC’s compound about twenty minutes after dark. Three men were on the gate, but as soon as Abbott rolled his window down, one of the men motioned us through. I heard him announce, “The Abbott and a guest just arrived,” as we pulled past.
Duke and a man I didn’t know met us as we walked across the parking lot.
“Abbott, and you must be Spence. Harmony likes you, so I’m sure I will too. I’m Brain, and you already know Duke. We’ll take you to the food — we smoked a whole hog and there’s plenty left.”
“It smells divine even from here,” I told him. “Thanks so much for inviting us.”
“Abbott has an open invitation to any of our parties. You’re cleared as his guest, and we’ll likely extend the open invitation to you as well once everyone meets you.” We approached a large group of more bikers — all with their patched vests over t-shirts and jeans. Brain handled the introductions. “I believe everyone knows Abbott? Razor, have you met him yet?”
A large, scary-looking man stepped towards us and offered his hand. “I’m Razor. It’s nice to meet you.”
“Likewise,” said Abbott as he shook the man’s hand. “I’m Abbott and this is Spence.”
Abbott had taken to introducing me as Spence even though he insisted on calling me Spencer. I think he liked knowing he was the only one who used the longer form of my name.
I shook Razor’s hand and my gaydar went off. This man was a leather-daddy — no doubt in my mind. I was attracted, and yet… not. Abbott is all formal and precise, and so controlled. Razor would be rough and unpredictable, and would probably want to be called Daddy. I’d wanted that, once upon a time. Now, I was happy with what Abbott gave me. I liked being in control of myself. Abbott wasn’t my Daddy, he was my partner. I didn’t want someone like Razor for a permanent partner, but he’d be fun to play with.
Your gaydar is dead on, but the MC doesn’t know so don’t say anything to out him. If things work out, I wouldn’t be opposed to bringing him home and letting him play with you as long as I can supervise.
I didn’t have a chance to answer him because I smelled Bethany coming up behind me at a rapid pace. I turned and caught her as she threw her arms around me. “You’re here! OMG, the ol’ladies are so anxious to meet you.”
“Bee,” Duke said with a chuckle, “let him get a plate before you drag him off.”
“Oh, of course. C’mon. You�
�ll want a lot of meat, but there are some to-die-for dishes you have to try. Let’s go ahead and load two plates up while we go through, I know how much food you put away. I’ll carry a plate for you.”
Abbott had given me pictures of the bikers and their wives earlier in the week so I could memorize faces, but I still paid close attention when Bethany and Gen introduced me to all the ol’ladies and their friends. I hadn’t seen Viv’s picture, or Tara’s, but I was good with everyone else. And Kirsten wasn’t there.
Abbott must’ve been busy with his own conversation because I didn’t feel him in my head. I waited perhaps ten minutes before I had a chance to ask Bethany if Kirsten was coming later.
“Oh, no. She brought her daughter with her, and they left before dark. We’re family friendly and kid safe before dark, but you never know what’ll happen after dark at these parties.”
“She has a kid?”
“Yeah. She’s home from college, but I don’t think she’s ready for the kind of adult party this’ll turn into soon.”
I hadn’t known Kirsten was old enough to have a daughter in college. Probably older than me. I pushed down my insecurities and reminded myself I’d be going home with him tonight. She’d broken up with him. She didn’t want him.
Once again, the little voice in my head asked if he’d dump me and go back to her if she changed her mind. I quickly swept the thought behind a wall and focused on something else. Anything else.
“Sophia and Aaron were here earlier with their kiddos, too,” Bethany continued. “They took a bunch of little ones home with them for a sleepover. A fuckload of kids.”
“I’m looking forward to some time with Gonzo with no kids around,” said Connie. “We pick them up tomorrow at one.”
“We should organize another paintball challenge against the men.” Angelica said, and I turned to look at her. All the ol’ladies were beautiful, but she practically glowed.
Leashed (Dark Underbelly Book 3) Page 8