More memories came out before I could consider the first, unknown memory. Boys in foster care raping me in the woods behind the house, and of me having to give them blow jobs every night after lights-out if I didn’t want to be beaten up instead of raped on the walk home from school the next day.
And then so many memories I’d locked away about the way I was trained to get hard-ons when I was spanked, and when my balls and nipples were tortured. My first enema, the first time I had to take on a whole bunch of men at once. So many firsts. It was always hardest the first time.
The air went out of the nozzle and fluid streamed out my bottom. Abbott had hung me over the drain, and it was just water. I was clean inside because he’d turned me to wolf and back, first. Just soapy water, nothing else.
He was naked, his arms around me, holding me. “Dear boy. I only needed one thing.”
“You have it all,” I gasped, tears streaming down my face. “There’s nothing left!”
“Yes, I can see things you’ve hidden from yourself, now, too. Things I already knew, but I see them in your memories.”
I sighed, followed his probe, and saw my mom accepting money from the man who’d raped me as a young boy. She’d sold me to a man. She knew he was going to rape me. She’d sold my virginity.
I’d thought it was taken from me at twelve, but I’d been wrong. I’d hidden that first rape from myself, long before I’d learned to hide memories from vampires.
I choked on my tears and my sobs grew uncontrollable. Abbott held me tighter while water still flowed from me. “Let it out, Dearest. Let it all out. All the sadness flows out with the water. That isn’t who you are anymore. You’re loved. Valued. Treasured. Mine.”
Instead of giving me a bunch of rinse enemas to get rid of the soap, Abbott changed me to wolf and back again, and fed me six steaks while we talked.
I felt like a new person. Complete. Strong. I was a man. I’m not sure how to explain it, but it’s as if those hidden memories had crippled me, somehow. Getting them out, showing them to Abbott, and then talking about them, healed me in a way I hadn’t known was hurt.
The two of us dressed together, but he wouldn’t tell me where he was taking me. I saw the signs saying it was a ballet performance, and I looked at him in question.
“Trust me, Dearest. You’re going to enjoy this.”
The seating area was steep, so everyone had a great view. We were just a few rows up and dead center though, so we’d have one of the best vantage points. I looked up, saw there were no box seats, and Abbott chuckled. “You know me well.”
“I do. Not as well as you know me, but we’ll work on that, right?”
“I’ve forgotten more than I remember of my long life, but yes, I’ll answer your questions as best I can.”
How old are you?
Based on what is known in the written historical records, and what I can remember happening in my lifetime, I believe I was born around eighteen hundred years before the current era.
So, nearly four thousand years old. Most of the old vampires were short, but I’d heard some were old enough they’d lived when humans were taller. I knew two vampires older than Abbott though, and they were both shorter than me. Abbott was taller than six feet, so I’d originally assumed he was either a freakishly powerful young vampire, or really, really, really old. His language since I’d known him had ruled out the possibility of him being too young.
People in northern climates — but not so far north hypothermia is a year-round problem — tend to be taller than those close to the equator. I was born in what is now known as Scandinavia. He picked out my next thought and spoke aloud. “Long before the Vikings came along, Dearest. Food from the ocean was plentiful, and genetics helped. I was taller than my peers.”
My first thought was that he had black hair and not blond, and he chuckled but changed the subject. “Have you ever been to a ballet before?”
He’d put both programs in the inside-pocket of his suit, and I suddenly realized why we were here.
“You’ve brought me to see Cam dance, haven’t you?”
His smile was almost proud of me for figuring it out, and yet wistful because I’d spoiled the surprise. He handed me a program, and I read the story of Swan Lake.
Words can’t describe how beautiful Cam was on stage that night. Graceful, strong, controlled. Tears came to my eyes several times during the show — sometimes because of the storyline, but often just because of the beauty of the dance. We met Cam and Isaac after the show. Isaac had been backstage the whole time, and Frisco and Cassie were out of town at a fight thing.
The four of us on a double date to a steakhouse was surreal. This was my life now. I had a partner. Friends. Cam and I were going on a girls’ night out with the RTMC ol’ladies and their friends next weekend, on a night Cam didn’t have a show.
And Abbott loved and accepted all of me. Even the boy who’d been sold by his mom when he was only six, and then later became a sex slave to a vampire and his people.
I saw Isaac watching Cam when he came back from the salad bar, and I wasn’t envious of the love in his eyes.
Abbott looked at me that way. The thing I’d most wanted all my life was for someone to watch me with that look in their eyes, and now I had it.
I’ve been waiting for someone to come along to make me watch them with this much love in my heart. The feeling is very mutual. I love you, Spencer August.
A new name. Not my old family name. We had an appointment Monday for Aaron Drake to take me to get my driver’s license. I’d learned how to drive enough to pass the test, but I was being sent somewhere in South Carolina to a fancy driving school before they’d let me on the road by myself. I was also going to start martial arts classes soon.
I love you, too. I told him. Always.
Always.
Holly’s story is told in An Elegant Weapon.
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Keep reading for an excerpt from Only Human — where Abbott first met Kirsten.
Also by Candace Blevins
If you enjoyed Bud, you may also like the other books set in the same universe, though in different series.
Chattanooga Supernaturals series, paranormal romance:
The Dragon King (Aaron Drake’s story, and the first time we meet Duke and Brain)
Riding the Storm (Kendra and Eric’s story)
Acceptable Risk (Bethany, Ranger, Mac, and Jonathan’s story)
Careful What You Ask For
Uncaged (Ghost’s mother’s story)
Slave – A Dark(ish) Faerie Tale
Only Human series, urban fantasy
Only Human
An Unhuman Journey
Of Humans and Monsters
Unhuman Acts (TBA)
Rolling Thunder Motorcycle Series
Duke
Brain
Bash Volume I
Bash Volume II
Bash Volume III
Horse
Gonzo (where we first meet Britches/Briana)
Nix
Ghost
Bud
The Dark Underbelly of The Chattanooga Supernaturals
Pride (A short story featuring The Lion King)
Indentured Freedom: Owned by the Vampire (Gavin)
Leashed (Abbott)
An Elegant Weapon (Bran)
The Safeword series, intense BDSM contemporary romance
Safeword Rainbow
Safeword: Davenport
Safewords: Davenport and Chiffon
Safeword: Quinacridone
Safeword: Matte (Sam and Ethan Levi’s story, we first meet Frisco and Cassie)
Safeword: Matte – In Training
No Safeword: Matte – The Honeymoon
No Safeword: Matte – Happily Ever After
Safeword: Arabesque (Frisco, Cassie, Abbot, and Cam’s story)
Safeword: Mayday (TBA)
Check out other books by Candace Blevin
s at candaceblevins.com.
Keep reading for an excerpt from Only Human.
Only Human
Book one of the Only Human urban fantasy series…
Someone is abducting women and killing men in a way to get Kirsten O’Shea’s attention. Luckily, she’s made some formidable friends and allies in the supernatural world, and she isn’t without her own defenses, either.
A powerful master vampire romances her while the alpha werewolf flirts with her, and an ancient being who used to be worshipped as a god wants her dead, but Kirsten survives, even if she is Only Human.
Excerpt from Only Human
Chapter One
“Aery, I need a shot!” I screamed, holding back the energy pulsing at my fingertips until he was out of the way. The instant he maneuvered the fighting to give me a clear path to the bad guy, I unleashed the fiery red energy and watched it streak through the air until it hit the grotesque monster who’d been holding his own in a fight with Aaron Drake.
My power drained from me as it hit our foe in the chest, slicing and melting through. I lifted my arm a few inches and the light streaking from my hand rose like a laser. When it reached the hideous creature’s throat, I moved my hand right and left until he was decapitated, and then watched in horrified fascination as the body seemed to evaporate before my eyes.
My gaze shifted to my friend as I checked to be sure he was okay. I was used to Aaron totally dominating, no matter the species he was fighting, and the fact he’d maneuvered to give me a clear kill shot told me Aaron wasn’t sure he could’ve won.
As far as I know, I’m the only person who can get away with a cute nickname for the sexy, tough-as-nails, bad-ass owner of Drake Security, but I never do it around other people. I wouldn’t have said it today while battling an unknown monster, but it slipped out. No problem though, the bad guy seemed to evaporate and turn to smoke once the life force left his body. I usually want to cry after a kill — even when it’s a really bad guy — but I’ve discovered not having to look at a body makes it easier. Either way, I couldn’t give into the guilt and soul searching until the op was over.
“What was that?” I asked Aaron.
“No idea,” he said, barely out of breath. “I used to see things kind of like him a few thousand years ago, but not since we entered the Common Era. I got decent look at him — I’ll send a sketch to a few friends and see if they have any ideas. I was about to shift into dragon form and see if my fire would work, but your laser did the trick.”
I took a breath and pulled energy in from the forest around us. I’d used almost all my reserves with that one shot and if something else came along, I’d be useless. I leaned against a tree and tried to relax in the crisp, autumn air.
Aaron, of course, noticed. “I can top you up. You know I have plenty.”
I shook my head. “I’m not up for pain right now. Just give me five minutes with a few trees.” I could almost always find an ancient tree willing to give me energy. It might take a little time, but not as long as gathering it from the air around me. A waterfall would be faster, or even a creek or stream, but I didn’t hear running water.
“I won’t push more in than you can take, not during a mission.” Aaron said. “You used it to save me, the least I can do is top you back up.”
“Okay,” I relented, “but into my hands. I’ll route it to the right chakras.”
He didn’t argue, thank goodness, and held his hands out for me to grasp. I dropped enough of my shields to let his energy flow through his palms and into mine, and as it streamed up my arms and into my body, my heart seemed to need less energy to pump my blood.
I routed the energy he gifted me to my first two chakras first, since I primarily pull from those for my weapon, and then filled the rest. He truly does have plenty, but I never want to get used to depending on him.
During the few minutes Aaron’s energy filled me I was at one with everything around me — totally at peace with the world, the universe, and perhaps even God. All energy is magic, but Aaron’s is a special kind of magic.
If we were compatible sexually I’d be madly in love with him, but since we aren’t, he’s one of my best friends. I love him, just not romantically.
When I was as full as I could get without feeling pain, I gently let go of his hands. When we do this as an exercise and he’s expanding the volume I can hold, he forces it in long past when I would choose to let go. This hurts about as much as I imagine a lightning strike would, and there’s a lot of screaming and crying involved on my part. I hate acting like a girly-girl, but he assures me he screamed and begged when his reserves were being stretched, too. Of course, that’d been thousands of years ago, so who could say how much he remembered of the pain?
Today, though, I felt warm and full and loved. “Thanks,” I told him. Words couldn’t adequately thank him, so the single word would have to do. Besides, we were still on our mission and needed to focus, so I asked, “Do we circle back around and try the mystery cave, or try my idea?” I already knew venturing into the unknown cave wasn’t an option, but hoped he’d consider my Plan B. Aaron hadn’t liked it when I proposed it a few hours ago, but we were running out of options.
He lifted his chin in agreement while showing no emotion. Aaron Drake could totally rock bad-ass. “Let’s pull Nathan in to help,” he answered. “I’m not comfortable using you as human bait with just me as your backup.”
I nodded and leaned against a tree, closed my eyes, and made Aaron’s energy my own while he texted Nathan our coordinates. Nathan wasn’t too far away, but was acting as lookout and would need to put someone in his spot before joining us.
We knew women were being kidnapped and taken to these woods just outside the boundaries of Prentice Cooper State Forest. Aaron is a weredragon and has an exceptionally good sense of smell. He found what appeared to be a staging area, but the women’s scent ended there. A few male non-human scents led to the mouth of a cave, and I’d found narrow wheel marks between the two spots. Aaron couldn’t identify the species of the men by smell, and wasn’t sure about them now that he’d seen one of them, either.
I theorized they might be putting the women into some sort of cart to get them into the cave, but Aaron didn’t want to go in without knowing what we were walking into. I understood the logic, even if it frustrated me. Still, Aaron was thousands of years old and hadn’t made it this far by being stupid, so I generally listened to his advice. Not always, but usually.
My Plan B had been to send me into the staging area as a bumbling, helpless female making a lot of noise, and hope someone showed up so Aaron could question them and find out what was going on.
However, if we happened upon more of whatever we’d been fighting earlier, I wasn’t sure how we’d question it. Aaron and Nathan in human form and working together could probably subdue one of the creatures, but if more appeared they’d likely be forced to shift into their animal forms. Not a problem for Nathan, who shifted into a lion, but Aaron’s gigantic dragon form was hard to hide, as he tended to knock trees down and create a huge disturbance even when he didn’t take flight. He might’ve gotten away with it a hundred years ago, but with practically every American owning a camera phone today, he wouldn’t risk it unless the situation were worse than dire.
The creature I’d killed had looked like an amalgamation of goat, ape, and the Incredible Hulk — minus the green. It’d been tan and brown, with long curved horns and vertical slitted eyes with flaming red irises where they should’ve been black. Creepy was an understatement, and he’d scared the bejeebers out of me even before I knew he was almost too much for Aaron to take on in human form.
As a human who can’t magically heal like the shapeshifters, I only use my metaphysical laser to kill from a distance. Attempting to wound a powerful supernatural creature would likely only get me killed, once they saw I was a serious danger. I could cut limbs off with my laser, or deliver a kill shot, but couldn’t do much else. However, we’d need to capture the next
one so it could be questioned, which meant I could only act if I thought there was no other choice.
I was full of energy now though, and if I portioned it out I could probably kill two with what Aaron had given me.
Nathan, as always, startled me when he appeared in front of me. He walked as quiet in human form as when he was a lion, and he was just as ill-behaved, arrogant, and stubborn as any grumpy house-cat, so we didn’t exactly get along. I trusted him with my life on a mission, I just didn’t like being around him. Too bad he was gorgeous and — if the rumors were true — we’d be perfectly compatible in bed.
Ignoring the fact he’d startled me, I told the men, “I need to hand off my gun and mags to one of you. The goat monsters will probably be able to smell them, and I’ll lose my whole helpless female vibe.”
Nathan held his hand out, choosing to remain nonverbal as usual when around me. I held my tongue as I pulled my nine millimeter from the holster and handed it off, then the two extra magazines. He put my weapon in a zippered pocket on the side of his thigh, and slid my magazines into slots on the inside of his military style tech-vest.
No matter how much of an ass he might be, he’s still built like my ideal man and I always have to work to keep from lusting after his more-than-perfect human body. He could smell emotions and physical reactions and I endeavored to give him nothing. It was more likely he didn’t care what I thought or felt, but just in case he did, I wanted to keep as much feedback from him as I could.
We were about a half mile from the staging area Aaron had found, and I started walking to it, knowing Aaron would map out a plan with Nathan and they’d both be in position long before me. As a human, no way can I move as fast as either of them.
Leashed (Dark Underbelly Book 3) Page 11