“I didn’t mean to …,” Kate started.
“I know you didn’t, but you did,” Reid said. “You messed up with him big time, Kate. And now I have to go try and fix this.”
Zella had just straightened in her desk when the office door opened. She tried to pretend she hadn’t been listening, but her act was unnecessary. Reid barely glanced at her as he headed straight for the elevator, and he was busy on his phone as the doors closed.
Kate’s voice was so soft Zella barely heard her calling her name. When she turned to look at her, she saw stress and concern in her boss’ face.
“Please hold all of my calls and visitors,” Kate said. “Except Derek Beaman. He’s the only one I want to see or hear from the rest of the day.”
“Yes Ms. Marks,” Zella said, nodding.
Kate closed her door and Zella heard nothing but indie rock music. She tried to get back to work, but her rhythm had been disrupted. Now she too was worried about Derek. She didn’t know what exactly had happened, but the tense tone of Reid’s voice and the unease she’d seen in Ms. Marks’ face were strong enough that she couldn’t help but feel it too. She didn’t like thinking about Derek being angry or upset. Especially behind the wheel.
As the day wound down, Zella forced herself to zero in on the project on her computer. A few people came to see Ms. Marks, but Zella covered for her each time. It was awkward at first, but she got better with each repetition. When she heard the elevator doors open for the fifth time that afternoon, she automatically launched into the spiel she’d been rambling all day.
“I’m sorry, but Ms. Marks isn’t seeing anyone today. She’s working on some roster decisions,” she said without looking up from her computer.
It was vague enough that Zella didn’t consider it a lie, but it also sounded official enough to be plausible.
“Oh … well, then I guess I can send her an email.”
Zella instantly recognized the voice. She looked up just to confirm her ears and brain hadn’t tricked her.
“Derek,” she said. “You’re …”
She’d been about to say something sappy about him being OK, but before it escaped, she realized that was a little out of line.
“You’re on her approved list. I’ll let her know you’re here,” Zella recovered.
“Oh … thanks,” Derek said.
His voice was soft, and in a brief study of him, she thought he looked tired. He was still in the workout clothes he’d been wearing that morning, and his hair was slightly messy as though he’d been running his fingers through it.
The door to Kate’s office opened seconds after Zella pressed the intercom button.
“Derek,” Kate said. “I’m so glad you’re here. Let me apologize …”
Derek held up his hand. “Don’t. I already listened to your voicemail. It’s fine. I also talked to Reid, and I get it. I understand you were just looking out for me.”
“So you’re OK with the arrangement?” she asked.
“Yeah, I’m OK with it,” Derek said. “And I actually think it’s a good idea.”
“Thank you,” Kate said.
“I’ll see you around, Ms. Marks,” Derek said.
He didn’t even glance in Zella’s direction as he turned to leave. She wasn’t sure if that was intentional on his part or not. Or if it even meant anything. As she watched him walk away, his shoulders sagged, and she couldn’t decide if it was from fatigue or defeat. Either way, it made her heart ache a little.
Without thinking, she stood and followed him to the elevator. She called out his name as she caught up with him and he turned to face her.
“Are you OK?” she asked.
Derek sighed. “I’m fine. Why do people keep asking that? I’m not going to go off and get wasted or anything.”
He was clearly annoyed and she suddenly regretted saying anything. But in the moment, it had felt like the right thing to do. And she wasn’t ready to let it go either, despite the hostile vibes he was giving off.
“I don’t think anyone assumes that at all. At least I don’t,” Zella said. “I’m just making sure you’re OK. I’d ask the same thing of any friend who disappeared for a few hours and looked as defeated as you do right now.”
“Yeah, well, we’re not friends. You don’t even know me, so mind your own business,” Derek said, stepping into the elevator that had arrived.
“I see,” she said.
She turned around and walked back to her desk. Only when she heard the telltale ding of the elevator closing did she finally sit down facing the elevators once again. Her phone rang almost immediately, and she saw it was her boss.
“Yes Ms. Marks?”
“I overheard what just happened with Derek,” Kate said.
Zella thought Kate had returned to her office before she approached Derek.
“Oh. I’m sorry. I hope it wasn’t out of line,” Zella said.
“No. I think it was very kind of you,” Kate said. “Obviously, he didn’t react very well, but it’s still good for him to know there are people who care about him.”
“Of course,” Zella said.
“Don’t take it personally,” Kate said. “Derek is a very emotional guy, and he’s been through the ringer today. Most of that was my fault.”
“I don’t know what happened, but I’m sure you meant well,” Zella said. “I’ve seen how much you care about your players.”
“Thank you. I hope Derek sees it at some point too,” Kate said.
Zella thought her boss sounded as defeated as Derek had looked.
“Anyhow, I’m going to leave a bit early today. You’re welcome to do the same,” Kate said. “Thank you for the chat and all you do every day.”
“You’re very welcome,” Zella said, smiling. “I want to finish one thing and then I’ll take off, maybe get a jump on the traffic.”
Kate left less than fifteen minutes later, and Zella wasn’t too far behind.
Instead of going home, she headed for a local gym where she taught BodyPump a few times a week. The extra money was good, but it also helped her stay in shape. Once the season started, she’d be scaling back a bit. She would miss it, but she knew it would be worth the sacrifice. She jumped on the treadmill to log a few miles before her class, where she definitely channeled her emotions into the workout. Some of the members even commented on her intensity while they were putting equipment away after class. But that’s how Zella preferred to deal with emotions – sweat and muscle burn. It was a far healthier vice than the alternatives.
Chapter Four
Over the next few days, Zella kept an eye out for Derek. While she didn’t see him specifically, she did see evidence of his presence.
His car was in the parking garage, so he was clearly still coming by the ballpark. That knowledge made her feel a little better. At least he was keeping up with his workouts and his routine. Maybe that would help him work through whatever was going on.
She looked for him during Fan Fest, but there were so many people and players. Plus she had a long list of duties to handle. Kate had her running all over the place, checking to make sure players were at the autograph tables when they needed to be. Even during that task, Zella didn’t see Derek. It was disappointing.
The week after Fan Fest, Derek’s car stopped appearing in the parking garage. The first day, she didn’t think much of it, but her heart was gradually sinking. By Wednesday, she felt a definite lump of disappointment.
She missed him.
It didn’t make any sense.
You had to know someone to miss them, right? And she didn’t know Derek. They were mere acquaintances. He’d made that poignantly clear. So it wasn’t possible for her to miss him. And yet she did. And she felt ridiculous.
Every time thoughts of him crept up – which happened several times a day – she reminded herself that it was foolish. She also threw herself into workouts and work. It wasn’t that difficult. Kate had plenty of tasks for her. As the season grew closer, her daily
task list grew longer.
Zella’s ears perked up when she overheard Kate and Reid mention Derek’s name one afternoon. In her eavesdropping, she learned he had gone back to Oklahoma to spend some time with family before he headed to Arizona the first week in February. She couldn’t blame him. The baseball season was long and quality time with family was important. And it made her feel better about his recent absences.
Three days before pitchers and catchers were set to report, Zella decided to follow Derek’s lead. She fueled up her car and headed to her parents’ house for the weekend. It was probably her last chance to make the journey until fall. Kate had already warned her she would be working many evenings and weekends. And since the Pioneers would be hosting All-Star Game and festivities the following season, they would be scouting this year’s event so she wouldn’t even get a mid-season break. But Zella didn’t mind. She was looking forward to her first season in an MLB front office. She knew there would probably be long days and nights during which she would briefly wish for a reprieve. But she’d wanted this for nearly half her life. She felt incredibly lucky to be in this role, and she was going to try very hard not to complain too much or wish for anything different.
Two cars, neither younger than a decade, were in the driveway when Zella pulled up to the curb shortly before dark on Friday night. Dusk did little to mask the modest appearance of her childhood home. The landscaping was clean and simple, but the siding needed replaced five years ago, and the roof was starting to show signs of its age. She carried her bag to the front door and knocked. She still had a key, but since she didn’t live there anymore, it didn’t feel right to just walk in.
Her mother opened the door wearing jeans and one of Zella’s high school t-shirts. Cheryl’s smile was warm and her hair was cut in a tidy, classic style, but she still looked older than her 46 years. She’d always looked slightly tired, but in the last few years, there was also a sadness that never seemed to quite go away.
“You missed dinner, but we saved you a plate,” Cheryl said.
“Thanks, Mom,” Zella said, returning her mother’s hug. “I’m starving. I waited to eat because I knew your cooking would be better than anything from a drive-thru.”
Her dad was sitting in his favorite recliner – which was probably older than Zella – watching a crime drama. Zella gave him a quick kiss on the cheek as she continued through the house to drop her bag in her bedroom.
She looked around, feeling the comfort of familiar surroundings. Nothing in the room had changed since she officially moved out five years earlier, just before her final year of college. Actually, not much had changed since she’d lived there full-time. Elliott, a white stuffed dog, was propped up against the pillows on her double bed, waiting for a cuddle. A corkboard above her dresser still held photos of her high school friends, most of whom she only kept up with via Facebook these days. Shelves on the wall opposite the door displayed a prom princess crown from her senior year of high school along with a few Mariners keepsakes she’d collected over the years. She made a mental note to get something from the Pioneers shop to add to her room.
She walked back out to the main area of the house and found the plate of food her mom had saved for her. Beneath the foil was a generous serving of ham, mashed potatoes, and green beans. Zella’s mouth started watering just thinking about it. Comfort food was exactly what she needed. She popped it in the microwave for a few minutes and when it was warmed, she carried it into the living room so she could visit with her folks while she ate.
Arnold and Cheryl were engrossed in their TV show, so Zella waited until commercial to speak. She told them about her new job and some of what she’d learned so far.
“That’s great, Zella,” Cheryl said. “This job is going to be such a fun adventure for you.”
“Seeing the behind-the-scenes work of a baseball team is making me appreciate the game and the athletes even more,” Zella said.
“So when do you go to spring training?’ Arnold asked.
“I’m going for a few days in March,” Zella said. “It’ll be around the time the rosters are starting to shape up, so it should be an exciting time to be there.”
“Have you gotten to meet any of the players?” Cheryl asked.
“I’ve run into a few of them around the ballpark,” Zella said. “Reid Benjamin, Carson Slater, Derek Beaman …”
“How is Derek doing?” Cheryl asked.
Her parents were well aware that Derek Beaman was her favorite pitcher.
“It sounds like he’s doing well. He’s kept up his workouts all winter and Ms. Marks says she thinks his velocity might be up a few tiks,” Zella said.
“I meant with his recovery,” Cheryl said.
Her parents, like everyone else who paid attention to baseball, were also familiar with his story and his journey back into the sport. She should have known that’s what her mother was asking. Derek Beaman’s addiction had been a topic of conversation in their house on more than one occasion.
“Oh, I don’t think it’s even an issue for him anymore,” Zella said.
“Addiction will be an issue for him the rest of his life,” Arnold interjected. “You know this.”
Zella sighed.
“I know, Dad,” Zella said. “And I’m sure Derek knows that too. He really seems to have it together.”
“That can be an illusion,” Arnold said. “Maybe he just wants people to think he’s better.”
“Maybe. I don’t know him well enough to know that,” Zella said. “But he has a really good support system around him, so I’m sure he’ll be fine.”
The show returned from commercial break, so conversation halted. Zella couldn’t decide if it was well-timed or poorly-timed. Even though her parents had turned their attention back to the television, she was certain even the climax of the episode didn’t have their full attention. The tension from their discussion lingered and weighed heavy in the room.
A good night’s sleep helped ease Zella’s emotions quite a bit, and it seemed to have done the same for her parents. Conversation was much lighter as they talked over a breakfast of eggs, toast, and sausage links. Zella sipped her coffee and talked with her dad about the Portland Trailblazers’ season. While their family definitely preferred baseball, they still supported all local teams. Basketball was Zella’s least favorite sport to follow, but she tried to check the headlines and box scores online each day so she was up-to-date on the latest happenings and could speak about it in a knowledgeable manner. Once the Blazers talk waned, Zella brought it back around to baseball.
“Are you guys interested in coming down for Opening Day?” she asked.
“We thought about making the trip, but tickets are really difficult to get,” Cheryl said.
“And expensive,” Arnold said.
Cheryl was a nursing assistant and Arnold worked in manufacturing. They each made a decent living, but there wasn’t a lot of extra money to go around. Opening Day tickets, if you weren’t a season ticket holder, could run as much as sixty dollars each. And that’s if you could get them at face value instead of through a secondary market. With the Pioneers’ playoff run the previous season, ticket sales were expected to be higher and the secondary market would be even pricier than usual.
“Fortunately, you have a daughter who works for the Pioneers now,” Zella said. “And I have three tickets to Opening Day. So please tell me you’ll come to Portland to watch baseball with me.”
She grinned, pleased she’d been able to keep this under wraps until now. There had been so many phone calls when she’d been tempted to break that news to them, but she held out. She wanted to see their faces when she told them they were going to Opening Day for the first time ever. It would be her first Opening Day as well, and there was no one with whom she’d rather share the experience.
“Are you serious?” Cheryl asked, her eyes wide.
“Very serious,” Zella said. “There are some perks to my little job.”
Arnold still hadn�
��t said anything, but he had stopped eating and set down his fork. Zella tried to read his expression, but it was impossible.
“You’re sure you wouldn’t rather take some friends?” Cheryl asked.
“I’m absolutely sure,” Zella said. “You guys are the reason I know anything about baseball let alone love it. Baseball is our family tradition.”
Cheryl turned to study her husband, clearly as uncertain about his silence as Zella was.
“What do you think, Arnie?” she asked.
There was more silence as the women waited for his response.
“I think we’re going to Portland for Opening Day,” he said finally.
Zella’s face split into a grin. “Yay! I can’t wait! You guys are going to love it.”
As they finished off the pot of coffee, the three of them eagerly discussed details for their Opening Day visit. The elders decided they would come down the previous weekend so they could spend two full days with their daughter in her new city. Zella told them about the restaurants she wanted them to try and the places they would visit.
Zella was relieved the heavy mood of the previous evening was forgotten.
Derek’s family wasn’t as good at leaving big subjects alone. As soon as he got into his brother’s car, Mike immediately brought up what had happened just a few days prior.
“I still can’t believe you just got in your car and left,” he said. “Did you work things out with Reid and Ms. Marks?”
“I did,” Derek said with a sigh.
He really didn’t want to talk about it anymore. He’d been exhausted from driving and processing his emotions by the time he went to see Ms. Marks. It’d been extra embarrassing to have that conversation with her in front of Zella, but he’d wanted to keep it short and simple. Stepping into Ms. Marks’ office would have opened the door for a longer conversation, and he just didn’t want to have that with his boss. He’d talked enough with Mike and Reid. Besides, he didn’t want to get emotional with the GM. He wanted her to see him as a strong pitcher who would give his everything on the field. He never wanted her to see him as weak. He’d been pleased with the way the brief conversation played out.
Behind in the Count: A Portland Pioneers Novel Page 6