Breathe

by Ani San

  ‘My pleasure,’ he smiles back, giving me his full attention. ‘So you’re a fan of Marc and Monet?’

  ‘No, not really. Maybe they have influenced me, but not intentionally. I use paint to express emotions.’

  ‘Like the expressionist?’

  ‘Yes, sort of.’ I was surprised that Andrew knew about art genre, but I guessed it came with the territory when having Kiro as a brother.

  ‘Have you ever been to the Brücke museum in Berlin? I think they have a large collection of expressionism.’

  ‘I’ve heard of it, but never been there,’ I confessed.

  ‘I was there a couple of years ago,’ Alice chimed in.

  The conversations continued on the art subject, and I was surprised to find that Andrew knew a lot more than I would have given him credit for. He talked of the museums he visited between filming in different parts of the world.

  ‘All this talk of paintings are making me thirsty, I’m going to the bar to get some more champagne. Do you want some?’ Alice whispered in my ear after a while, and I nod slightly, too occupied in the discussion to look away. Andrew was easy-going and talkative, and soon he was on the roll with a story from when he and Kiro were young.

  ‘Did Kiro ever tell you how he got lost at the Metropolitan museum? Kiro was about five years old, and since I’m four years older, my parents put me in charge while they went on a small tour. We where suppose to stay in the main hall, and mum gave me money to buy some chocolate. As soon as I turned my back on him he…’

  ‘You spent that money on game cards,’ Kiro interrupts. Andrew just smiled and raised his shoulders. Then he continues about how he had to search half the museum to find his brother. He is a funny narrator, and I found myself relax in his company. Kiro pretended to be annoyed with some of his jokes on his expense, but I saw him hold back some laughter himself. It made me envious to see the relationship between the brothers, and I couldn’t help thinking if I would have experienced the same with my siblings if things where different. I hide those thoughts and try to focus on the story instead.

  I assumed Alice was back when I sense someone joining us behind me, but I don’t turn around. I was leaning towards Andrew and looking at some pictures on his phone, he wanted to show me some from the last time he went to Italy. It looked beautiful. He also made me laugh when he included some less unfortunate pictures of some of his co-actors. Some magazine would pay a fortune to get their hands on those.

  ‘I hope your not showing her the pictures from our Vegas trip,’ a voice behind me said.

  I almost jumped at the sound. It wasn’t Alice who was standing beside me, it was him. Although the voice didn’t sound the same as it did on the big screen, I recognise it easily.

  ‘Ah, Chris, have you had a chance to look around? I hope you have bought at least five of my brother’s pictures,’ Andrew said playfully. I was afraid to look up, but are forced to when Andrew takes his phone back in his pocket. Then Andrew points at me.

  ‘This is Sara, one of the artists in Kiro’s group.’

  While knocking Christopher lightly on the shoulders, Andrew turns to me. ‘Sara, meet my overpaid and overrated best friend Christopher Petrelli.’

  ‘Don’t listen to him, he is just jealous because my last movie earned back more money than Taken has in its three seasons together.’

  His voice was beautiful, dark and sensual. I had to focus to hear the words instead of just relishing in the sound, and I kept staring at his lips. I felt ridiculous.

  ‘It’s nice to meet you, Sara,’ Christopher continues, reaching for my hand.

  I can feel the room moving. Definitive star struck. Ridiculous. Giving him my hand, I take a step backward. I tried to smile. My heart was beating so hard, I was sure everyone in a ten-foot radius could hear it. And then it skipped a couple of beats by his next movement. He doesn’t shake my hand like I have seen him do all night. Instead he does the same as Andrew had done, he lifts my hand to his mouth and kisses it. I follow his movements mesmerized, unable to look away. When his lips touch my skin, I feel an electrical current running through my body. I was sure he noticed it to, and he holds my stare as he straightens.

  ‘I saw you when I came inside,’ he said, still holding my hand. ‘At first, I thought I recognised you from somewhere, but I can see now that we haven’t met before. Have you been in London for long?’

  He must have noticed my accent, and I was suddenly self-conscious. But after two years in this country I thought I could hold my own. The bigger problem was finding my voice to answer. I tried clearing my voice, only to find it dry and un-cooperative. It would have been embarrassing if Alice hadn’t show up just then, handing me another glass of champagne. I smiled thankfully to her, and released his hand to accept the drink. After a quick taste of the liquid, I finally found my voice.

  ‘I’ve been in London for two years now.’ That was all I manage. My belly was fluttering, and my eyes were still lost in his.

  He was about to ask another question, when Alice interrupts to present herself. He moved his eyes over to her, and mine dropped to the floor. I tried to remind myself that he is only a human being, and there’s no reason to get all worked up about him. Even if he is insanely gorgeous. It was just a case of being star-struck, and I am too old for that. I raised my eyes following every line of his body, but stop blank when I reach his hand. My eyes get fixed on the bright golden ring on his fourth finger. I am so lost in thought that Alice discreetly pushes me on the side, obviously waiting for an answer. I looked questioningly at her, begging her to repeat it. I glance over at Christopher, who tilted his head and trying to hold back a grin. Kiro had left without me noticing, and Andrew was just standing there waiting. I could feel my face redden.

  ‘I’m sorry, what did you say?’ I turned to Alice again. Clearly she didn’t take a hint.

  ‘We were talking about his last movie, and I said he was awesome, and then he asked what you thought.’

  ‘What movie?’ I hadn’t really heard anything of their conversation, I was too lost in my own thoughts.

  ‘You know, The Enigma. We saw it last month at the Odeon.’

  ‘Sure, I remember.’ I franticly search my mind to find something safe to say, because all I could think of was how hot he was in that movie.

  ‘And you loved it, didn’t you?’ Alice said, making me blush.

  ‘I’m sorry, Christopher. I thought you were ok.’ I couldn’t reveal my true opinions, or the fact that the love scene between him and a beautiful blond haunted my nights for a week. Both Alice and Christopher gaped at my causal answer, but Andrew laughed, shaking his head as he went after Kiro.

  ‘Just ok?’ Christopher asked, dragging his hand through his hair with a smile. I met his eyes, and felt the connection again. Alice ruined the moment.

  ‘Shut up, Sara. I know you loved it.’

  ‘I’m sure she did.’ Christopher chimed in, his smug tone annoying.

  ‘Oh, I’m sorry. Did you want a fan club? You are right. I loved the movie, and you were perfect in it, you were absolutely amazing. Definitely Oscar material.’

  I almost slapped my hand over my mouth, not fully believing what had come out of it. Neither did Alice, who just looks at me in horror. But Christopher laughed. I empty my glass, while Alice starts smoothing things over with her mindless chatter. I didn’t say much after that. Just nodded and smiled and tried to follow the conversations, so I wouldn’t be taken of guard again. The conversations were interrupted several times, with people wanting to meet Christopher. But they move on without him, and he remained by my side talking to Alice. I tried not to ogle him too much.

  Then Alice’s phone went off. I knew she didn’t want to take it, but it was the law firm she was working for part time, so she didn’t really have a choice. She excused her self and went of to find a quieter place to talk.

  Being alone with him was awkward. We stood in silence for a few minutes, listening to the buzz around us.

  ‘So yo
u have paintings here as well?’ He broke the silence first, and I felt relieved.

  ‘Yes, some of them.’ I was afraid my voice would shake, but it sounded natural. Like this is a normal thing to do. Standing and talking to a person you have fantasised about.

  ‘I would like to see them.’

  ‘I can show you,’ I answered a little to fast. I was out of my league here. Maybe if I just threated this as a dream, then some how I could get through it without passing out. I started walking towards my cave, and he followed me closely. A little to closely, I could feel his breath down my neck. The tingling down my spline was making me crazy.

  I didn’t know I was holding my breath until we reach the room and found it empty. I wondered if anyone had been in here at all, but then I notice a red dot under one of the paintings, indicating that it had been sold. I didn’t know how I felt about that, because my feelings right now was only focused on the man who followed me in. He asked about the purple one first, the one called Ice. It was inspired by the place I grew up.

  ‘Is it a mountain range?’ he asked, because the shapes were so subtle you almost didn’t see it.

  ‘Yes, in the wintertime. Where I grew up the mountains rises high straight from the ocean, and some days it is difficult to see where the water ends and the rock begins.’

  ‘It looks beautiful, calming. Where are you from?’

  ’A small village north in Norway,’ I said.

  ‘I thought all of Norway was north’ he smiled, making me more relaxed.

  ‘Yes, I suppose to you Englishmen it is’ I laughed. ‘But Norway is a stretched out country, and there is a difference in the landscape of the north and south. I think the north have more drama in the surroundings, more contrast in nature. Of course there is probably mountain range like this on the west coast as well, but these shapes are from my home.’

  We were moving to the corner were a blue and yellow painting called Melancholy hung, and he was standing behind my, looking over my shoulder to read some letters written on the bottom part of the painting.

  ‘Omnia mutantur, nihil interit’ he said slowly. ‘Is it Latin?’

  ‘Yes, it means Everything changes, nothing perishes,’ I explained, trying not to be overwhelmed by his closeness. His chin touched my shoulder, and as I finished explaining, he moved his face sideways, so his nose stroked my neck. I could smell him, a sweet scent mixed with cologne and whiskey. It mesmerized me, and I whished I could harvest it to a bottle and treasure it.

  ‘Is this your favourite?’ he whispered in my ear, and I could feel my heart racing. I tried to answer, but no sound comes out, so I nod slightly.

  ‘It’s beautiful and sad. You smell good.’

  He did not just say that? I exhaled, and turned my head slowly to look into his eyes. He didn’t move away, but saw it as an invitation to kiss my lips. I was shocked by his motion, but couldn’t resist kissing him back. I closed my eyes and let the sensation take me. My body turned toward him. My hand moved around his neck. He does the same, pulling me closer. I was flying. I didn’t care where I was or if this was right or not. It felt right. Besides, this was just a dream, right? My heart beat painfully, and my body ached for more, pushing myself closer to him. I wanted this.

  But then reality checks in. I heard footsteps close by, and was reminded of the hall filled with people. One of them being his wife. This isn’t right. He must have thought the same, cause he backs off the same time I do.

  ‘I’m sorry, Sara. I don’t know what got into me.’ He was out of breath too. ‘I apologize, I didn’t mean to…’ he continued but I held my hands up to stop him while backing away.

  ‘I have to go. This… I... We don’t even know each other,’ I stuttered.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he said again, but I shook my head in response. This wasn’t happening.

  ‘I have to go,’ I exclaim, and turn around to escape the room. The crowed had lessened, and I passed Alice on the way towards the entrance.

  ‘Alice, hi. I need to go. Can you please tell Mary-Ann that I’m not feeling well?’

  I didn’t wait for an answer, but kept going towards the entrance. I got my jacket quickly and went for the doors feeling tears well up in my eyes. I bit my lip to hold them back. Reaching for the door, I bumped into someone, and was about to apologize when I saw who it was. I was staring into the blue eyes of Julia von Berg Petrelli. I felt her stare as I pushed myself out into the rain.

  Chapter 2

  «Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out,

  but to see who cares enough to break them down.»

  - Socrates

  I woke up feeling awful. When I came home last night, I went straight to bed, not even bothering to remove my makeup. But instead of sleeping, I kept twisting and turning. I couldn’t understand what happened. First of all, he is married. Second, I’m nobody. Thirdly, he didn’t know me. Fourth, it didn’t need to be a fourth, this was stupid. And surreal! Kissing a stranger. Who does that! When I finally fell asleep, he was there, haunting my dreams.

  I was in the kitchen trying to wake up with a coffee when the phone rang.

  ‘Hallo?’ My voice was rough.

  ‘Hey, Sara, is that you? Did I wake you?’ Mary-Ann sounded chipper trough the phone. I turned to face the clock hanging on the kitchen wall. The time was just past 9 AM. I need more sleep.

  ‘Sara, are you there?’

  ‘Yes, I’m sorry. What’s up?’ I walk over to the window to let some sun try to convince my body that it was daytime. The storm had passed, revealing a beautiful spring day. It was Saturday, and I had plans to meet Alice for some reckless shopping downtown.

  ‘How are you feeling, darling? Alice said you didn’t feel well?’ Mary-Ann said. She didn’t sound worried, though.

  ‘No, I’m fine. Just a little tired, it was a long day.’

  ‘It was a good day. But you left before I got to tell you how the sale went.’

  ‘I saw the red dot before I left. How did the others do?’

  ‘Kiro sold all of them, of course. Una and Mark a couple of pieces each. Rachel sold three. But you sold all of them too.’

  ‘What?’ My mind wasn’t working properly yet. ‘All of them?’

  ‘Yes, although I’m not sure of Melancholy and Ice. The buyer had some stipulations.’

  ‘What kind of stipulations?’ I sounded sceptical, not sure how unusual that was. This was my first sell ever.

  ‘First, let me tell you who bought the other ones. Second wave was sold to De Luka. Lost by a Mr Carter. I think he is some kind of lawyer, so the real buyer is probably anonymous.’

  I heard her rattling some papers while talking. I knew De Luka, he was a patriarch for the University, and collected student art. And I knew a Mr Carter, working for the local branch of Bradford and Benner. Alfred, my fathers’ lawyer, works for the same firm in Oslo. Alfred was the one who set me up with this apartment, and helped me with all the finances. I wonder if the real buyer is… No, best not to dwell on that!

  ‘So what are the stipulations?’ I was curious despite my lack of proper sleep.

  ‘Oh, darling! This is so fun. The buyer wants to meet you and see more of your work.’

  ‘Why?’ I ask confused, and I hear her laugh at me. It made me annoyed. I wasn’t a morning person, and this was one of these days.

  ‘Sara, it’s not unusual for buyers to ask that of new artist. Besides, I don’t think you will mind. I saw you talking to him yesterday.’ She stopped talking, savouring the moment. My stomach started to twist. This couldn’t be good.

  ‘So, who is it?’ I ask, a little grumpier than necessary.

  ‘It’s the actor, Christopher Petrelli.’ She waited for my response.

  What the hell! This is insane. I redo the numbering. Firstly, he’s married, and this seems like a lame excuse to see me again. Second, I’m nobody, he don’t have a reason to see me again. Thirdly, did I mention that he is married!

  ‘Hello… Sara? Are you still there?
Can I tell them you accept?’

  ‘I don’t think I can. He is married.’

  ‘God, Sara, it’s not a date. You’re an artist. He wants to see your paintings, not get in your pants.’ She started to laugh, probably of the absurdity of it. I wished I had stayed in bed.

  ‘I don’t know, Mary-Ann. I will have to think about it.’

  ‘What’s there to think about? I can come too if you want.’

  ‘No, that’s not necessary. Just let me think about it, ok? I will text you later today.’

  We hung up after that, and my mind was swirling. He had bought two of my paintings. Why? Because he kissed me? Did he want to meet me so he could make sure I didn’t run to the tabloids? Like I would ever seek out that kind of attention. I stood by the kitchen window, watching people running through Kensington Gardens. My apartment was on the seventh floor of a building situated at the corner of Hyde Park. The view from the living room and kitchen windows were amazing. Maybe I should go for a run, clear my head. Why does he want to meet me? I couldn’t let it go. I didn’t think the paintings were the reason. I didn’t buy it! So what could be the reason? Maybe he wanted to explain himself. He should! He initiated the kiss. I couldn’t help myself. This was all his doing. I didn’t want to see him again. I pick up my phone to text Mary-Ann. Then my mind started processing last night. How gorgeous he looked. How good he smelled. How his lips tasted. I didn’t care why he wanted to come. I wanted to see him again. I was already hooked. But that’s not a good thing! I argued myself. Maybe its best to stay away. Gah! This was getting my nowhere. Instead of texting Mary-Ann, I found the number for Alice and let her know that I was ready in a couple of hours. Then I went to the bedroom to change to running gear.