A Cowboy’s Honor

by Lois Richer

  “Maybe they could change the day of the ride.”

  She shook her head. “Not without disrupting the ranch’s schedule.” Cold feathered up her back, and she shivered. Gracie drew her hand from his, tasted the potatoes absently.

  “There has to be a way.” Dallas stabbed his meat as if attacking the problem. “Misty will probably change her mind ten times before then, anyway. We’ll figure it out.”

  “Of course we will.”

  Ashamed by the pall she’d cast over his lovely meal, Gracie struggled to re-create the mood, summoning every bit of gaiety she could gather as she teased him and laughed at his silly jokes.

  “I haven’t eaten this late for years. I didn’t realize how hungry I was. It was great, Dallas. Thank you.”

  “We haven’t finished yet. There’s still dessert waiting.”

  “Later, maybe? I’m too full right now.”

  “What about coffee?”

  “Sure.”

  He refused to let her help clear the table. A short while later he carried out two cups, hers perfectly creamed.

  “You make a mean cup of coffee,” she teased after tasting it.

  He saluted. “I aim to please, ma’am.”

  “Always the cowboy.” She chuckled. “I haven’t seen you in sneakers since you got those boots.”

  “Sneakers?” He grinned and thrust his booted feet out in front of him. “I’m a good ol’ Texas boy.”

  “I know. I used to wonder how you got on with big-city folks. Your rapport with the animals was so amazing. You seemed happiest with them.”

  “Well, I probably dazzled the big boys with my charm and wit.” He shifted his chair closer, pointing out a few species of birds that fluttered in the treetops.

  “Your memory in that area doesn’t seem to be damaged,” she mused. “I wish we could figure out what happened to the rest.”

  “Does it matter?” He looked at her, his eyes unfathomable. “Aren’t I the same person whether I remember the past or not?”

  “Do you feel the same?” Even as she asked the question, Gracie wondered what it would lead to. It was almost as if he was testing her.

  “I feel like I could stay here for a long time. Not because I’m hiding but because I can help. Maybe it’s not the same work I did before, but I think I’m giving back to the ranch.”

  “Of course you are. That little autistic girl had never even acknowledged her mother until you let her feed that fawn. You and the animals have done that for her.”

  “Thanks.”

  “I mean it. I don’t know what your plans are, but I’m sure Elizabeth would be thrilled if you decided to stay here permanently.”

  “She’s got me listed on the payroll as a trainer now.” He laughed. “I have no idea what I’m training anyone to do, but it’s nice to know someone thinks I’m worth paying more. And speaking of that, I want to help out with expenses.”

  “What expenses?”

  “Misty’s. Yours. I can chip in, Gracie. It doesn’t cost much to stay here and there’s no place to spend money, anyway.” He reached in his pocket, handed her a check. “Here.”

  She hadn’t realized it, but of course Elizabeth would have made sure he had his own account to deposit his payroll checks into. Gracie kept thinking of Dallas as needy, and he wasn’t. Not anymore. He was earning decent money, judging by the size of the check. He’d made friends on the ranch, lots of them. Next week he was supposed to go for his driver’s license.

  Her heart squeezed.

  “I don’t want this, Dallas.” She handed it back. “We’re fine. We don’t need anything.”

  He looked as if she’d hit him. “But I want to help. It’s my job to take care of my family.” When she didn’t say anything, his jaw twitched, then hardened. “Put it in the bank then, I don’t care. But I refuse to take it back, Gracie. It’s the least I can do after six years.”

  Dallas was trying to make up for the past, and she’d hurt him.

  He’d done everything he could to repair the damage his absence had caused, and she’d shoved this latest offer back in his face. Was that what a wife did to her husband?

  Shamed, Gracie fingered the check. “I started an account for Misty’s education,” she whispered. “We could add it to that, if you want. If we get enough she’ll be able to attend the college of her choice.”

  “Fine.”

  Feeling bad wasn’t enough. She had to apologize, bring that light back into Dallas’s eyes. “I’m sorry.”

  He gazed at the sky for a long time before facing her. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Yes, it does.” She had to make him understand. “It’s not that I don’t appreciate what you do for us, Dallas. You’ve made Misty so happy. She adores you and she’s much more confident with you around.”

  “And you?” His perceptive eyes pierced through her. “What do you appreciate me for?”

  “Your honesty,” Gracie whispered. “The way you won’t let me back down from anything. The way you’re always there to cheer me on. The way you pointed me back to God.”

  Her answers, though they came from her heart, didn’t seem to satisfy him.

  “Is that all?”

  “That is a great deal, Dallas. You haven’t been back that long, but you’ve impacted everyone on this ranch.”

  “I’m not trying to impress anyone. I only care about what you think.”

  “I think you’re a decent, honorable man who’s trying his hardest to get his life in order after a very trying time,” she murmured. “I think we’re blessed to have you back.”

  He studied her for so long Gracie grew uncomfortable. “What’s really on your mind, Dallas?”

  “The future. How I fit into it.” He picked up her hand, ran his fingers over the place where her wedding band should have been. “What’s in our future, Gracie?”

  “I can’t answer that.”

  The uncertainty in his eyes hurt to watch, so she studied the horizon.

  Dallas cupped her cheek, turned her to face him. “Do you see me as your husband? Us as a family?” he asked, his voice lacking the firm conviction she’d always heard before.

  “I want to.” She brushed away a mosquito. “I hope so.”

  “But you’re afraid to look that far ahead, is that it?”

  “You’ve dealt with a lot, Dallas. Finding out who you are, figuring out what you want to do, meeting Misty, me. It’s a lot to get through in such a short time. Soon your parents will be here and you’ll want to spend time with them, get to know them, talk about your past.”

  And I’ll be left out.

  “Are you sorry you married me, Gracie?”

  “No,” she gasped, stunned. “Marrying you was the best thing I ever did.”

  “But you wouldn’t do it again.” His mouth twisted in a wry grimace. “I see.”

  “I never said that.”

  “Then what are you saying?” he demanded. “Explain it to me. Bluntly.”

  “I’m saying that we got married very quickly. We weren’t married that long before…before whatever happened to you took you away. We’ve been apart a long time.”

  “And you’ve changed.”

  “We both have changed, Dallas. But you’re here, I’m here. We have this place and this space in time to make sure that our next step will be the right one.”

  “Implying our marriage wasn’t.”

  “Stop putting words in my mouth.” She got up, walked to the pool fence.

  “I’m sorry.” His breath warmed her ear as his arms went around her waist. “I’m pushing you too hard, I know that.”

  “Then don’t do it. Enjoy what we have here and now.”

  “I can’t.” His lips brushed her neck. “I feel like nothing in my world is nailed down, and I need it to be. I need to know that you won’t take off or tell me to leave if I mess up or make a mistake or step on your toes. I need…something.”

  “You have quite a lot.” She turned in his arms, faced him. “You have a
daughter who thinks you walk on water. You have a wife who quite enjoys it when you hold her like this.” She smiled at him, pressed her lips to his cheek.

  “Oh.” His eyes began to glow. He kissed her tenderly, his hands holding her head.

  “I’m not running away or telling you to leave,” she whispered, stroking his jaw. “But I can’t give you any guarantees, Dallas. I’m still finding my own way. But there is someone who understands what you’re going through. You can always talk to Him.”

  “I know.” Dallas kissed the top of her head, turned her so they could both watch the sun sink into the west. “I hope He understands how hard it is for me to let go of you.”

  With Misty bursting through the door just then, Gracie wondered if she’d actually heard his words.

  After he’d tucked in their daughter, read her a story and kissed her good-night, Dallas returned to the patio to sit beside Gracie, watching the big moon fill the dark sky. When the time came, he kissed her good-night so sweetly her heart ached.

  It was then she knew their present situation couldn’t go on much longer.

  If only his parents would delay their return. If only she could make him love her so much he’d never allow them to even consider taking Misty away from her.

  If only.

  “That was great, Misty. You’re doing very well. Can you get off by yourself?”

  “Sure.” After two weeks of lessons and practice, she almost made it, needing Emily’s help only for the very first step onto the structure all the children used when dismounting from their horses. “Did you see me, Mommy? Did you see me?”

  “I did. It was a great ride, honey.” Gracie inhaled several deep, cleansing breaths. No fear. God was in charge.

  Would it ever get easier?

  “How did you know to bend over Patch’s neck like that?”

  “Daddy told me yesterday. He said Patch likes it best when we whisper things to him. So I did. I whispered that I thought he’s now the best horse on the whole ranch. He really liked that.” She patted her mount’s neck, held out a carrot.

  The horse rubbed his head against her arm, then daintily plucked the carrot from Misty’s grasp. She giggled, stepped down the stairs. Once on the ground she reached for Gracie’s hand.

  “Daddy tells me lots of things that horses like. He says I have to think like a horse and then I’ll know what to do.”

  “Does he, darling?” Gracie glanced around, saw Dallas in the neighboring paddock, struggling with a colt. He grinned at her, waved a hand, and she waved back. The young horse chose that moment to escape. Dallas looked so surprised she burst out laughing.

  “I like it when you laugh, Mommy. It makes me think of fuzzy slippers and the pool splashing me.”

  “Hmm, that’s quite a combination.” As they strolled down the path toward home, Gracie couldn’t help glancing over her shoulder. Dallas hadn’t moved. He was still watching them. “What should we have for dinner?”

  “Daddy likes that chicken you make.”

  “Yes, but once a week is enough. How about spaghetti and meatballs?”

  “That’s his favorite,” Misty said so loudly the cook in the mess hall could have heard.

  “I know.” Gracie was talking to the air. Misty was hurrying ahead, confident, independent, happy. Exactly what Gracie wished for her daughter.

  So why did she have the horrible feeling that any day now the ax would fall?

  Misty set the table, then went to play with her dollies. Gracie put on a praise tape, hoping it would lift the feeling of dread that would not let up, no matter how hard she prayed.

  When the meatballs were cooking in the oven, she and Misty went out to the pool for a cooling swim while they waited for Dallas to join them. They’d just climbed out of the water when he arrived, letting himself in through the gate.

  “My two favorite bathing beauties,” he teased, scooping Misty up for a hug and a kiss before he set her down again.

  “Now it’s Mommy’s turn,” she ordered, giggling.

  “It certainly is. Hello, Mommy.”

  “Hi.” She couldn’t figure out what he was waiting for, but finally, exasperated, Gracie leaned forward and kissed him on the lips.

  Immediately his arm slipped around her neck, and when she would have drawn away, he held her in place, deepening the kiss until her heart sang with joy.

  “Now that’s a welcome,” he murmured.

  “If you two ever get finished kissing, I want to go in the pool again before supper.”

  Dallas winked at Gracie. “Do we have time for one more kiss?”

  “I think maybe one,” she agreed, her heart bursting with love for him.

  She’d dreamed of him last night, of them. They’d been at the arboretum. She’d been dressed in the beautiful white gown with the ballerina skirt he’d talked about that first day. He’d been wearing a white shirt, black trousers, his boots, of course, and holding his Stetson to shield them while he kissed her.

  “This is forever, Gracie,” he’d whispered.

  “Isn’t Mommy coming?”

  She blinked in surprise. Dallas was no longer bending over her, but was now with Misty, in the pool.

  So much for dreams.

  “Yes, I’m coming. I challenge you to a race across the pool, Misty Henderson. And it starts now.”

  Maybe she couldn’t have tomorrow, or next month or next year.

  But she had today.

  Chapter Eleven

  “She’s going to do well on the ride, Gracie. Misty has a knack for knowing how to move with the animal.” Dallas fingered a sun-bleached curl caressing his wife’s neck. “You can see how confident she is, how easily she rides after only a month. She’s not afraid at all.”

  “Let’s go once more around the corral to make sure.”

  “Once for her? Or once for you?” he asked, so quietly Misty couldn’t possibly hear.

  “Once for me. I had no idea riding a horse could be so…painful.” Gracie wiggled in the saddle and he got the message, tried to hide his laughter.

  “It isn’t painful. Unless you insist on doing the accelerated Gracie course. Learn to ride in less than five hours.”

  “When I make up my mind, I like to get on with it.”

  “When I make up my mind, I don’t change it. I’m marrying you, Dallas. So don’t think I’ll give you a chance to back out.”

  “Dallas?”

  He blinked and the world righted itself. A short-haired, more mature version replaced the Gracie of his flashback.

  “Dallas!”

  “Yeah. I’m okay. Everything’s fine.” He pushed back the fog. “A little brain fade. Misty, the reins are too loose.”

  “I know. I’m fixing them.”

  “Good girl.” He let Lady trail behind Gracie’s horse to give himself time to regroup. So close. Why couldn’t he remember all of it? “Relax, Gracie. You look like you’re suffering.”

  “That’s because I am,” she snapped, sliding off her horse as soon as it arrived at the mounting block. “I don’t know if I can even walk home.”

  “If you asked me nicely, I’d offer to carry you home.”

  She blushed a deep red at his whisper. “I think I’d better walk.”

  Dallas motioned to a wrangler he’d spoken with earlier, anticipating that his girls would want an early break.

  “Usually you don’t get to walk away after a ride,” he reminded them quietly. “What do we do, Miss?”

  “Put away the tack, brush down the horse, give it a drink and a treat.”

  “Right on. But since Mommy’s, um…tired,” he said, when Gracie shot him a glare, “Luke said he’d take care of our animals.”

  “Thank you, Luke,” Misty chirped. “Patch, here’s your carrot.” She giggled as she always did when the horse gently bunted her back before stealing the carrot so fast her hand hung there empty for a second. “Thank you for the lovely ride, Patch. See you tomorrow.”

  “Yeah.” Gracie rubbed her right hip.
“Thanks a lot, horse.”

  “Her name is Minnie. She’s the oldest horse on the whole ranch.” Misty tucked her hand into Dallas’s and trotted along beside him as they left the corral. “She’s slow. I like Patch better.”

  “Personally, I like walking.”

  Gracie’s brows lowered when Dallas snickered. He faked a cough.

  “It’s getting late, Miss. Remember your promise. Straight to bed with no fuss.”

  “I remember. I can hardly wait for the trail ride. It’s going to be so much fun.” She let go of his hand and skipped ahead, moving confidently as she tapped her fingertips against each of the posts.

  “You’re sure she’s ready?” Gracie whispered, clutching his arm.

  He threaded his fingers with hers. “She’s ready.”

  “But what if—” She cut herself off, shook her head. “No, I refuse to go there.”

  “Good. I appreciate you trusting me with Misty’s safety tomorrow, Gracie. It’s such an honor. I know this isn’t easy for you, and I promise I won’t let anything happen.”

  “I know. I trust you.”

  Thank You, God.

  For once Misty’s bedtime ritual flew past. Dallas listened to her prayer, then tucked her in.

  “Daddy?”

  “Yes, Miss.”

  Misty leaned over, beckoned him near and whispered in his ear. “I’m kind of glad Mommy isn’t coming tomorrow.”

  “Why is that?”

  “I don’t think she likes riding the horse. She kept sighing the whole time. She wouldn’t have any fun at all. ’Specially not on old Minnie.”

  “Maybe you’re right. G’night, Miss.”

  “Night, Daddy. See you tomorrow. Oh, I forgot to tell God thanks for the trail ride.”

  “You go ahead and thank Him. I want to talk to your mom.”

  “She’s swimming. I can hear the water splashing.” Misty grinned. “The window’s open.”

  “I don’t know how I could be your father,” he said, tickling her chin. “You’re too smart for me.”

  Dallas left the room as she began reciting all the things about the trail ride that she was thankful for. Outside, Gracie was plowing through the pool, as if trying to set an Olympic record. He put the kettle on, filled her small blue teapot with boiling water and a mint tea bag, then carried it outside, where he waited until she’d tired herself out.