Microsoft Word - rooted sorrow.doc

by Amanda Cameron

  'What-what was happening at the flat?' Libby asked at last, breaking off a piece of delicious bread. 'Do you

  think Keir does remember Pia?' .

  Jeremy shrugged. 'Difficult to tell, he can play his cards very close to his chest when he likes, but I don't think so. I think he was keeping a low profile, trying to assess her, see whether he felt the same, or felt anything at all. ' Jeremy glanced at Libby with serious brown eyes. 'I don't think anyone can really know just what it's like to lose part of one's life, the way Keir has. And especially with the complications there are in his case.'

  'You mean, remembering me?' Libby looked rueful. 'Jeremy, I almost wish he'd forgotten me too! Then he would never have written, asking me to come. It couldn't have been any worse than it is now. He might have accepted Pia, even if he didn't remember her-' her voice broke at the thought but she kept on '-and I would have gone on with my own life, not knowing anything about it.'

  'And would you rather it had been that way?' Jeremy asked quietly. 'You aren't fooling yourself, Libby.

  You know how you feel about Keir. At least this way you've got a chance-a fighting chance. Would you really rather not have had that?'

  Libby sighed. 'Oh, I don't know. I honestly don't know. Well-yes, I suppose you're right. But I've blown it, haven't I? I've had my chance and I didn't take it. And now Pia's here and she's not going to miss any chances. I might as well pack up and go home.'

  'And then you won't have any chance at all,' Jeremy warned her. 'Don't give up now, Libby. Not if you really want Keir. Stay by him-as long as you're here, there's hope.'

  A tiny sparkle of laughter glittered in Libby's sea-grey eyes as she glanced up. 'Am I to take it you're on my side, Jeremy?' she asked, and his beard jutted as he answered:

  'Yours and Keir's. Pia's an attractive woman; I'm not denying that. But she isn't right for Keir. I always knew that, though there was damned little I could do about it, and anyway I thought it would all fizzle out, bum itself up. And I never really knew what sort of girl would be right for him-until you arrived.' He put his hand over Libby's and she was surprised by the intensity of his voice as he went on. 'Don't run out on him now, Libby. He needs you, like he's never needed anyone before. Oh, I know how you feel-you're afraid that he'll remember that old quarrel and hate you again. But I don't reckon he ever did hate you. I think he understood just what happened-and he was waiting till the time came to get together again. Pia and the others were just ways of passing the time. And when he remembers--he'll remember that. '

  Libby sighed again. If only she could believe it. She wanted to, oh so badly. And why not? a little voice argued. Jeremy could so easily lie right. He knew Keir probably better than anyone. He had worked with him, accompanied him all over the world. Wouldn't he know about this?

  But he could also be wrong-disastrously wrong. And Libby couldn't let herself take the risk of believing in something that might shatter under her touch like spun glass under a hammer.

  'So what do I do?' she asked, speaking as much to herself as to Jeremy. 'Go back to the flat? I don't even know if Pia's staying there, but it certainly looked as if she meant to. And if she is--it'll be impossible, Jeremy, can't you see that?'

  'So you mean to let her push you out? Like a cuckoo pushing out the rightful occupants of the nest?

  Libby, you'll lose everything if you do that. Pia's a fighter, don't you realise, and she won't fight by the rules. She wants Keir, and she wants him badly, but she doesn't love him-not the way you do.' Jeremy paused, then went on quietly: 'you do love Keir, Libby, are you going to condemn him to that? A loveless marriage with a predatory woman? Forget about yourself-think about him.'

  His words struck home and Libby caught her breath.

  Of course, he was right! She couldn't just step back and let Pia take over. In ordinary circumstances, yes-

  -Keir was a grown man, adult enough to make his own decisions, right or wrong. But as things were-Pia was out to take advantage of him. Only the Italian girl knew the truth of the relationship between her and Keir and she wouldn't scruple to use her knowledge-or hide it-to get what she wanted. Jeremy had thought it was just an affair, more serious than some of the others, but still likely to bum itself out. And he could be right. So how could Libby leave, knowing that the Italian Contessa who had made up her mind to marry him, could easily persuade Keir, who knew no better otherwise.

  She took a deep breath and faced Jeremy. Her face was pale but set, her brows a delicate black line across her smooth brow, her lips firm.

  'All right,' she said. 'I'll go back. And I'll stay-if Keir wants me. And as long as he wants me.'

  'That's my girl,' Jeremy said approvingly. 'And now, if you don't mind, I'd like a little siesta here in the sun.

  And then we'll make our way back at a leisurely pace to Zurrieq, all right? Don't worry, Libby, if anything was going to happen between those two, it would have happened by now. But I have a feeling Pia's in for a surprise or two. She's going to find Keir a rather harder nut to crack than she did in Rome-and I think the experience is going to be good for her!'

  The flat was quiet when Libby finally returned, with only 'a few low lights to indicate that it was occupied at all. She hesitated at the door, reluctant to go in; but there was no sound from any of the rooms and she entered cautiously.

  Where were Keir and Pia, she wondered? Late as it was, it wasn't difficult to imagine and she turned her mind away quickly from the thought of them sharing that big bed with its deep burgundy coverlet where she had lain with Keir, could it really be only last night? She wished for a moment that she had come back earlier, not allowed Jeremy to keep her out having a meal in Mellieha, - with, that long drive home afterwards, but she knew that he had been right really. An earlier return could only have been embarrassing for everyone, and she had to sort out her own feelings before exposing them once again to Pia's mocking gaze.

  'What will you do, then?' Jeremy had asked as they sat eating their meal in The Arches restaurant. 'Just sit tight? Or are you going to fight ... Pia with her own weapons?' ,

  'Arrogance and seductiveness?' Libby said wryly. 'I don't think they're quite me, Jeremy. No-I'll just have to be myself. After all, that's what Keir has to choose-if he chooses at all. I wouldn't blame him if he got tired of the whole thing and sent us both packing! But it isn't any use my trying to be what I'm not. That just makes more trouble.'

  'Mm, I think you're right.' Jeremy's bright brown eyes regarded her with speculation. 'And a very nice self it is, too. I wonder .. .'

  'Wonder what?' Libby forked up some cannelloni.

  She had little appetite, in spite of her long day out, but the food was very good and she had to eat it for Jeremy's sake.

  Jeremy looked embarrassed. 'Nothing. Well, I was just wandering ... Libby, if all this doesn't work out, if you do find yourself going back to London-well, you know I'll always be around, don't you?'

  Libby looked up at him, startled, and he grinned reassuringly.

  'It's all right; I'm not going to make things even more complicated than they are. I just want you to know-'

  he reached across to touch her hand '-I'm very fond of you, Libby. Given the chance, I could be a whole lot more. I think too much of Keir, and of you, to take advantage of the situation as it is now, but if ever you need anyone-' He stopped, but his meaning was clear and Libby felt a soft blush creep up into her cheeks. She had never dreamed that Jeremy could be feeling this way! In a way, it added to her own burdens, for here was someone else she could hurt, but she knew that Jeremy wasn't the sort to go head over heels. He was a more solid, reliable type than the passionate Keir; he would weigh up his own position before committing himself, and his emotions would be kept firmly in check until he was quite sure that they wouldn't be damaged.

  That made him sound cold, she thought, and he wasn't that at all. He would be a passionate lover, a faithful husband. He might even be able to make her happy.

  But that was something she could
n't even consider at this time, and Jeremy knew that. He was prepared to take a back seat, wait until-if ever-she was ready. Until then, he would be her friend.

  'Thank you, Jeremy,' she said quietly, and he gave her an intent glance, then took his hand away, and she knew that the subject would not be mentioned again until she wanted it to be. She felt a warm wash of gratitude. And she felt a little less lonely than she had before.

  Now she was standing inside the door of the dimly-lit flat, wondering just what had happened here during the day? Was Pia still here? Libby glanced around, looking for signs of the Italian girl's occupation, but there was none. Biting her lip, she tiptoed across the hall to the door of her own room. Now that she was here, she wanted to get to bed without having to meet or talk to anyone. Another scene now would be more than she could stand.

  Her room looked just as it had when she had left it, and she put down her bag and kicked off the sandals she had been wearing all day. The tiles were cool to her bare feet and she thought longingly of a shower.

  Would it be safe to have one, or would she wake the others? Assuming, of course, that they were asleep!

  And if she did, would they come out to see where she had been? On the whole, it seemed unlikely. If Pia and Keir were enjoying their own reunion they wouldn't want to be disturbed any more than she wanted to disturb them. Neither of them was going to leave the other to come and talk to her-the interloper. She could walk around the flat naked for all they cared.

  Her mind made up, Libby slipped out of her clothes and wrapped herself in a thin cotton housecoat. Just a quick shower, she promised herself, and went cautiously through to the bathroom. She hoped that there would be enough water for a shower-the Maltese supply was unpredictable and had been cut off twice already during her stay-but to her relief it sprayed almost with enthusiasm, at just the right temperature, and she stood underneath it, feeling it wash away her worries as well as the stickiness of the day, leaving her refreshed and strengthened by its pleasant coolness.

  Rubbing her short hair into a fuzz of curls with a towel, she wrapped the housecoat around herself again, tying the belt loosely round her waist, and padded back to her bedroom. Obviously she had disturbed nobody; the flat was still silent. Keir and Pia must be asleep and she wouldn't have to face either of them until tomorrow. And then-she stopped just inside the door, a cry of surprise choking itself in her throat as she saw a dark figure sitting in the chair by the window.

  'Keir!'

  'Hullo, Libby,' he said equably. 'So you've come home at last?'

  'Home?' Libby repeated, her voice trembling with shock. 'This isn't my home.'

  Keir shrugged impatiently. 'A figure of speech. Wherever I happen to be I call home. Especially,' he added, his voice soft as he got up and came towards her across the tiled floor, 'if you happen to be there, too.'

  Libby gazed up at him. What did he mean? And where was Pia? Had he come fresh from her arms to Libby's room, or had she left the flat? A wild hope surged up inside her-had Pia given up so quickly, gone back to Italy without any fight at all?

  Keir put out a lazy hand and caught at the belt that hung from Libby's waist. He pulled it gently, undoing the careless knot, and the cotton fell away from her body, revealing a provocative glimpse of bare skin underneath. Pulling a little harder, he drew her towards him.

  'Keir,' she whispered, the betraying weakness flooding her body so that she was totally unable to resist.

  'Keir, what's happened to Pia? Has she gone? Tell me, Keir.'

  'Pia?' he murmured, his lips just touching hers with a butterfly caress that almost drove her wild. 'No, she hasn't gone, Libby. She's still here-in the flat-she-' 'She's here?' Libby jerked away from him. 'But-why aren't you with her? Why are you here-with me-' 'Why shouldn't I be?' he countered. 'I want to know where you’ve been all day, Libby. Why you ran out on me like that - just what game you're playing?’

  'What game am I playing?' A small flare of anger came to Libby's rescue and she jerked herself out of his arms, hastily wrapping the gown around her and tying the belt with trembling fingers as she saw Keir's gaze on her slim body. 'You weren't exactly bending over backwards to - be helpful this morning. I just didn't know which way your mind was working. You didn't seem to mind her pawing you-what was I to think but that you were enjoying it? And I didn't much care for the idea of spending all day watching her do it. '

  'So where did- you go?' Keir's voice hardened as he rapped the question out, and Libby was faintly aware that he was in a volatile mood, still in a state of acute frustration, which was as likely to turn to anger as to love.

  'Is that any of your business?' she asked defiantly.

  'I think it is, yes.'

  Libby shrugged and turned away, determined not to let him see how afraid she was. 'If you must know, I went to Mellieha. Jeremy met me there and we--'

  'Jeremy met you there? How did you get there?'

  'On the bus, though I still don't see what-'

  'And how did Jeremy know that was where you were going?' Keir demanded skeptically, a sneer in his voice. 'He used his brain, I suppose,' Libby snapped. 'Knew where the bus was going and followed it I don't know!

  We didn't discuss it-'

  'Because you didn't need to! Don't try to hide it, Libby . . . I've seen the way Jeremy looks at you. Another scalp for your belt, isn't he? Another poor fool you've conquered, like you conquered me. God help us both!'

  'No-no, it's not like that at all!' Libby stopped abruptly, remembering Jeremy's words in the restaurant, and turned away as she felt her colour rise, and heard Keir give a snort of disbelief.

  'I never thought you were that kind, Libby,' he said after a few moments, and his voice was quiet now in a different way; sadness had replaced the scorn and Libby felt an almost overwhelming desire to turn, throw her arms about him and tell him he was the only man she had loved or could ever love. But she stayed quite still, and heard him go on, each word like a knife to her heart. 'Maybe that's why we broke up-was it? Did you have other men when you'd sworn to love me, Libby? Was that what came between us?'

  Libby shook her head. Her eyes were misted with tears. 'No, that wasn't the reason. Keir-l-please stop tormenting me like this. I-'

  'Tormenting you?' His voice was like a whiplash now, the moment of sadness gone and the anger back.

  'How can you talk of me tormenting you? You come here, letting me think that there's still a chance for us, you blow hot and cold all the time you are here, and then, when I really need you, you run off with my best friend and leave me not knowing whether you even intend to come back. And you say I'm tormenting you! Libby, you don't know what torment is, but by God, I've a damned good mind to show you!'

  He grabbed her by both shoulders and jerked her round to face him. Libby felt a stab of panic as she looked up into his angry face. But she had no time to protest; his mouth was on hers, blotting out any cry she might have made, and his fingers were cruel on her body as they gripped her close against him. Her housecoat fell open again and she felt the hair of his thighs, his body naked apart from the shorts he had been wearing earlier, rough against her own smooth skin. With a sound deep in his throat, Keir shifted his grip, sliding his hands under her gown and over her skin, and Libby shuddered with a frisson of fear and desire as he pulled her against him, his sensuous movements telling her of his own arousal. He laid one arm along the small of her back, his kisses forcing her backwards so that she arched over, her head falling to expose her slim throat, and his lips moved down the taut column to the breast which was cupped in his other hand, the nipple stiffening as he took it between gently nipping teeth.

  'You'll know what torment is by the time I've finished with you,' he muttered, letting his hand roam more intimately over her arched body and ignoring the whimpering protest that was all she could make. 'You've made me suffer long enough, Libby-and that's just counting what I can remember! God knows what you did to me in the meantime! But if you think you can two-time me with anyone let al
one my best friend, you've got-'

  'Keir!' Feebly, longing to submit but still held back by her mixed emotions, Libby struggled in his arms. 'It's not like that! And even if it were-' thankfully she dredged up that tiny flare of anger again '-even if it were, what business would it be of yours? Our engagement was broken two years ago, Keir. You don't have any rights over me, any at all. We're not engaged anymore, can't you get that into your head? And we can't be, not until you get your memory back and know all about me-and about Pia!'

  Keir's grip slackened for a moment and Libby wriggled away from him. She pulled the white gown about her again; feeling her heart like a hammer against her ribs, then pushed back her damp hair with a shaking hand. 'It's no use trying to settle it that way,' she told him, her voice roughened by tears that would not fall. 'You've got to accept the situation, Keir. It was all over between us two years ago. I don't know what's happened to you since then, and neither do you. But you don't have any say in what I do or who I see-can't you understand that?' He stared at her, saying nothing, and she added angrily: 'Your trouble is that you want both worlds--you want Pia, and you want me. But you can't have us both, Keir, and you've got to make a decision. It isn't fair on either of us!'

  'And if I've made my decision?' he demanded. . 'Doesn't that occur to you? Doesn't it occur to you that I haven't changed my mind at all-that it's still you, as it always has been, as it always will--'

  'But it hasn't always been, has it? You lived with her, in Rome.'

  The words were like ice in the warm air and Keir, momentarily defeated, turned away. Libby watched him tensely. If only Pia did not stand between them, how easy it would be to take him in her arms and tell him she loved him, needed him, wanted him. But Pia did stand between them. She was here in the flat-and Libby still did not know what had happened between Pia and Keir during the hours she had been away.

  'Look-Libby-' Keir said, turning to her, his voice as taut as a bowstring, and Libby felt her muscles tighten, her nerves almost standing out from her flesh. 'I've got to tell you-'