Something to Believe In

by Kimberly Van Meter

  And now they had tossed her out like day-old bread.

  Well, not everyone. Just Lora.

  “Dat girl needs a swift kick in her behind,” she said, struggling to her feet after kneeling for too long on the hard ground. She thought of Lilah and immediately worry crossed her mind. Was she being looked after? Lilah certainly wasn’t a child but she had a childlike sweetness that called to Celly’s heart, reminded her of her own daughter she’d lost so long ago.

  Celly blinked back the sudden sting of tears as the memory of her daughter, Hattie, sprang to mind. She’d been a quiet girl with private demons that Celly hadn’t been aware of until it’d been too late. Hattie with her dark hair and eyes hadn’t been a beauty like Lilah, but their souls felt the same. Celly had recognized the sadness hiding behind Lilah’s smile from the moment they’d met. The painful shock had sent a zing straight to Celly’s heart and she’d almost walked away but she just couldn’t, not when it’d been obvious to Celly that Lilah had been hurting inside and everyone else was too blind to see.

  As if conjured by her thoughts, Lilah drove up and Celly could see through the hazy windshield that her face was splotched with tears.

  “What’s wrong, chile?” Celly asked, immediately ready to slay dragons for the girl. “Tell Celly what troubles yah.”

  Lilah went into Celly’s arms without hesitation and sobbed on her shoulder. Celly clucked and cooed, comforting her until she could form words.

  “It’s stupid,” Lilah admitted, pulling away and wiping at her running nose and eyes. “I shouldn’t care. I knew it was temporary and he was going to leave anyway but it hurts to know that he’s such a jerk. I mean, he’s a total D-bag.”

  “What is D-bag?” Celly asked, confused. “Is he clung?”

  Lilah shook her head. “No, he doesn’t do drugs—that I know of—but he’s a player and he’s a politician’s son and Lindy said he’s bad news and I know she wouldn’t lie to me. So, I told him I didn’t want to see him anymore and he left the resort this afternoon and it kills me that he didn’t even try to say goodbye. I mean, I know I told him to leave me alone but he should’ve tried a little harder to see me before he left. Right?”

  Lilah looked to Celly for validation and Celly chuckled. “What we need is fresh papaya. Settles de nerves and calms de tummy.”

  Lilah’s hand went to her stomach just as it gurgled. Celly knew Lilah struggled with a nervous stomach and whenever she was upset, it would send her racing to the bathroom. Lilah nodded and followed Celly into the house.

  “Yah like dis boy dat much?” Celly surmised as she cut the papaya open and scooped out the seeds.

  “Yes,” Lilah confessed miserably. “I know all the reasons why I shouldn’t but I couldn’t seem to stay away from him. There was just something about him that I liked.”

  “Such as?” Celly asked, handing her the papaya slices.

  “He made me laugh,” Lilah answered with a sad smile before biting into a slice. “He made me feel normal. Like I was just like any other girl he might’ve met while on vacation.”

  Celly frowned. “What makes yah tink yah not?”

  “Celly...I’m not normal. You know that.”

  “I know no such ting,” Celly said stubbornly. “Yah seem normal to me.”

  “You’re being kind.”

  Celly barked a short laugh. “Yah know I’m not. I call what I see. Yah had some trouble a little while ago, but yah changed. It’s all in de past now, time to move on. Stop dwelling, chile,” she admonished gently.

  Lilah nodded but there remained a hopeless blanket of misery draped around her small shoulders that Celly knew would take time to shrug off. In the meantime, all anyone could do was be there for her. “Yah know...if he is as good as yah say he is, he will not leave yah. If he doesn’t come back—” Celly shrugged “—den he is not de man yah tink he is and it’s a blessing he be gone.”

  Lilah drew a deep, halting breath and her eyes sparked with fresh tears, but she nodded again and Celly knew Lilah heard the wisdom even if she didn’t want to. Celly handed her a tissue and Lilah wiped her nose and eyes like a good girl. Celly smiled until Lilah asked, “When are you coming back to Larimar?”

  Celly pursed her lips. “Yah know I’m not.”

  “I know no such thing,” Lilah retorted, some of her spirit returning. “We need you and this spat between you and Lora has gone on long enough. I’m tired of not seeing you around. We all miss you. Even Lora but you know she’d rather chew off her own foot than admit it.”

  “How is Jack?” Celly dared to ask, though she probably didn’t want to know. The old man didn’t do well with change. She supposed her leaving had thrown him for a loop and she felt right bad about that but she wasn’t one to stay where she wasn’t wanted.

  “Pops needs you more than ever. He’s...” Lilah sighed unhappily. “Becoming harder to keep track of. He wanders and we have to keep him occupied at all times. Lora is running out of ideas to keep him corralled. I’m afraid we might have to put him in a home.”

  “Jack would not like that,” Celly said ominously. “A cage is no place for a mon.”

  “I know that, Celly, but we don’t have a choice. What if he wanders off and gets hurt or worse? We have to do what’s best for his welfare. I don’t know... It’s a mess. My problems are certainly small compared to what Larimar is going through.”

  Lilah rubbed at her eyes and surprised Celly with a yawn. Lilah laughed derisively and shook her head as she said, “It used to be that I had insomnia but now I can’t seem to keep my eyes open. I wish there was a happy medium.”

  Celly eyed her speculatively but said nothing. It could be the stress of everything. Or it could be... Well, no it couldn’t be that. Celly knew Lilah was a smart girl. No sense in worrying over maybes and what-ifs. Celly patted Lilah’s knee. “Yah need rest. Can’t save de world if yah can’t keep yah peeps open. Everyting will work out. It always does.”

  Lilah nodded but didn’t look convinced. Celly could see the longing in Lilah’s eyes for her to come back to Larimar but Celly needed to think about things for a while before walking back through those doors. Lora had the disposition of a harridan and Celly wasn’t of a mind to dance to her tune.

  But Celly knew that was only half the problem.

  Celly had a soft spot for Jack—which was the most ridiculous of situations given the fact that the old man was still in love and having regular conversations with his dead wife.

  There was no future for her with Jack Bell.

  But her heart was tied up in an awful tangle with that family. Lord, it’d hurt to walk away but she wasn’t going to spend half her time defending herself against a family member who’d rather see her backside than accept her.

  But honest to God’s truth, her heart cried every night, battering at her poor stubborn dignity for refusing every plea that came from every person except the one it needed to come from.

  Damn yah, Lora Bell. Yah harder than petrified stone and just as unyielding.

  * * *

  JACK RUBBED AT HIS EYES and followed his wife out onto the patio. The shimmer of her image confused him and spiked a shaft of fear into his heart. He didn’t understand why she was there and then gone. As if his mind was playing tricks on him. Everything seemed out of whack but he couldn’t put his finger on exactly what was missing or wrong. The knowledge that slipped in and out of his grasp heightened his irritation and general grouchiness but at the core, he was scared.

>   A part of him knew that he was slowly losing it.

  Some days were worse than others.

  It seemed his Lana came to him on the worst days. Today must have been a bad day, because Lana was there smiling at him, gesturing for him to follow her.

  If this was losing it, he didn’t mind. She was always so lovely. Prettiest girl he’d ever seen and in all the years they’d spent together that’d never changed.

  “I’m an old lady,” she’d announced with an unhappy sigh as she’d finger combed her fine gray hair from her temple one morning. “When’d that happen?”

  “You’re not old,” he’d said, countering with, “You’re simply vintage.”

  “Ugh. I sound like a car,” she’d responded, but he’d coaxed a smile out of her. He’d always been able to do that. Oftentimes it’d been his saving grace, his ability to make her laugh. “I used to be beautiful,” she said wistfully.

  “And you still are,” he replied indignantly. “As if I’d squire around an ugly lady on my arm. I have a reputation to protect you know.”

  She laughed, the sound full of light and love. “Jack Bell, you’re such a joker. The only reputation you have is that you’re an excellent judge of character but a terrible birdhouse maker.” Her statement caused him to double take in surprise but she soothed his wounded ego by wrapping her arms around his middle and holding him tight. He rested his cheek on her crown and she smiled against his chest. “Well, I guess you’re stuck with me even if I’m old and gray.”

  “I guess so. But I want to take a second look at the warranty. I think I was suckered by the fine print.”

  She gasped in mock outrage and swatted him on the arm. “Just for that, no broiled pineapple for you.”

  “Aww, I take it back,” he said, smiling to add with total sincerity, “You’re a classic, Lana. No need for a warranty. You were built to last.”

  The voices from that memory faded until they were a distant echo and Jack found himself alone, standing on a section of beach he didn’t recognize. He turned and gazed down the long expanse of white sand and realized he didn’t recognize anything. His lip began to tremble and he fought tears of frustration. He wiped at his brow, not quite sure where to go. Then, a flash of sunlight caught his eye and there was Lana, shimmering in the humid heat, smiling. Only this time, she was beckoning for him to join her in the water.

  A smile cracked his face. His Lana had always been part fish. He shucked his flip-flops and followed his wife into the warm, tepid Caribbean waters.

  “Wait up!” he called out to Lana who was already making clean, swift strokes away from shore. She’d always been a better swimmer than him and eager to show off her skills. He struck out with more vigor. He’d show her that he could still keep up with his mermaid woman. Just wait and see. “I’m coming after you. This time, I will catch you!”

  Light laughter floated on the breeze and Lana disappeared but Jack knew she was there. He just had to catch up.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  JUSTIN LANDED IN NEW YORK with the disposition of a man caught by the IRS cheating on his taxes: angry, scared, frustrated and defensive.

  So when his father was in the Town Car sent to the airport to pick him up, he wasn’t in the mood to chitchat.

  “I must say, I’m surprised you came home early. I thought you’d wring every last minute out of your vacation. Eager to start your new career, eh?” Vernon Cales seemed pleased. “Did you enjoy St. John?”

  Justin sent a cold look to his father. “It was adequate for a last meal.”

  His father’s easygoing pleasantry chilled in the face of Justin’s open disdain. “I see your attitude hasn’t improved. I’d hoped you would’ve returned with a renewed sense of purpose. You disappoint me.”

  “Then we’re even. You disappointed me a long time ago.”

  His father stiffened. “Oh? And how is that? By providing you with a top-notch education for you to piss all over? For providing you with a privileged lifestyle so that you could be ultimately useless? Tell me, how did I disappoint you?”

  “By being a shitty father,” Justin answered without pulling punches. “Kids need more than someone who signs the checks. You know, I met someone over in St. John and I saw how her family operates. They don’t have as much money but they are tight and they openly love each other. It’s not about the privilege or the things that you can buy. It’s about the people, Dad,” he said, sneering, too hurt inside to censor himself. “But you wouldn’t know anything about that.”

  “Are you going to start sniveling because you didn’t get enough hugs as a child? Grow up. There is no place in politics for someone so soft.”

  “I never wanted to be in politics,” Justin muttered.

  “You have the choice. If you choose not to follow the path I’ve outlined for you, you simply have to accept that I will no longer fund your lifestyle. No one is forcing you to do anything. But it’s easier for you to blame me for coercing you rather than accept the fact that you aren’t willing to fend for yourself. You do love your lifestyle, don’t you, son?”

  Justin looked away, his face hot. Could he give it all up? The idea scared him more than he wanted to admit. But he hated that his father knew his weakness and exploited it. “I still have a week available within my vacation. I don’t want to discuss this on my time. I will schedule a meeting with you on Monday to discuss my new career path. Until then, stay the hell out of my life.”

  “Very well.” Vernon Cales drew himself up. “One week. Monday I expect to see a young man ready to work, not this petulant child who still blames his problems on everyone else.”

  Justin couldn’t listen to this sanctimonious bullshit a moment longer. He’d rather walk. “Pull over,” he instructed the driver.

  “What are you doing?” his father asked, irritated.

  “Getting away from you.”

  He didn’t even grab his luggage. They would deliver it to his apartment. He didn’t watch as the Town Car pulled away; he simply walked into the throng of people and hoped to disappear.

  * * *

  LORA’S SENSE THAT SOMETHING was wrong intensified when she couldn’t find Pops. Lilah was working the front desk and hadn’t seen him but it was her hope that Heath was keeping Pops occupied in the shop with him.

  But when she entered the shop and found Heath alone, bent over a glass fusion project, her hope plummeted.

  “I can’t find Pops,” Lora said without preamble, the flutter of fear becoming a familiar sensation as Pops’s mental acuity had continued to deteriorate. “He’s not in Larimar.”

  Immediately abandoning his piece, Heath dropped the glass into the bucket without regard. She winced knowing the piece was ruined and he’d have to start over but she didn’t have time to worry about that right now. “Last I saw him he was going to have a snack and then take a nap. Are you sure he’s not puttering around in the private section?”

  “I looked three times. He’s not there,” Lora said, her voice rising with panic. “He could be anywhere by this point.”

  “Let’s try and stay calm,” he said, grabbing her by the shoulders and holding her gaze with his own. “He’s probably fine. We just need to use a process of elimination to find him. There are only so many places he could be and he hasn’t had time to jump the ferry to St. Thomas so he is here on this island. I’ll call Billy and tell him to keep an eye out for him near the docks.”

  Lora nodded and wiped at the tears oozing from her eye
s. If anything happened to Pops she’d never forgive herself. She knew it was probably time to hire a caregiver at the very least or at the worst, put him in a managed care facility but she’d been stubbornly holding off, citing the expense but that wasn’t really the reason. If she did any of those things it would only make the situation that much more real. Their Pops wasn’t coming back to them, no matter what they did. And that killed her deep inside. God, how it hurt. But it was nothing compared to the guilt that would crush her if her stubbornness ended up hurting Pops.

  Heath returned a moment later, his expression determined. “I’m calling Celly. She knows of all the little places Pops likes to wander off to.”

  Lora opened her mouth to refuse that idea but a voice sounding a lot like Grams chastised her soundly, saying, Stop being such a donkey, little Bell. This is bigger than your ego and you know it.

  Lora swallowed her comment and nodded jerkily to Heath. “Hopefully, she can help” was all she managed to say before her throat closed. If Celly had been here, perhaps this wouldn’t have happened. They’d never had so many problems with Pops before Celly had left. Perhaps Pops hadn’t gotten worse, it was just that Celly had always managed to make it seem not so bad because she handled Pops so well.

  Damn it. What a fool she’d been. Hot, shameful tears rolled down her face as she realized how her pride had, once again, bitten her in the ass. She wiped at her eyes and made a promise. If they managed to circumvent disaster with Pops, she’d make things right with Celly.