Something to Believe In

by Kimberly Van Meter

  As another spasm of pain rocked him, he clenched his fist and lightly tapped the window.

  And he’d welcome it.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  “I’M SORRY, COME AGAIN?” Lora said, blinking hard and shaking her head as if her ears had suddenly malfunctioned the minute Lilah shared her bomb. “Did you say...?”

  “Yes,” Lilah answered, eager to get this scene over with. “I went to the doctor yesterday to confirm. I’m about four weeks. So, barely pregnant but pregnant all the same.”

  “Are you sure? Sometimes the tests give out false positives, right?” Lora said, the strained hope in her voice chafing at Lilah’s nerves.

  “Yes, I’m sure,” Lilah said, still grappling with the implications. “And even if I hadn’t gone to the doctor’s the fact that I can’t seem to walk ten feet without burying my head in a toilet would’ve been a big tip-off.”

  “Crap,” Lora muttered, closing her eyes and leaning her head against the headrest of the desk chair. “What about the father?”

  “What about him?”

  “Don’t be coy, Lilah. Just tell me. Is he going to help support your baby?”

  “No, because he’s not going to know about the baby.”

  “As much as I agree it would be easier in the short term to leave him out, you and I both know it’s not right.”

  “I wish people would stop pushing their morality judgments down my throat when it’s not their situation,” Lilah snapped. “I will handle things on my own.”

  “How?”

  Lora’s blunt question made Lilah realize she didn’t have all the answers just yet. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “But I will.”

  “That’s not good enough, Li. Taking care of a baby requires more than just good intentions.”

  “I know that.”

  “Well, Justin Cales should be held responsible, at least financially for this baby. Don’t cut your nose off to spite your face. Of course, we’ll all help as much as possible but honestly, Li...we didn’t need one more financial commitment on top of everything else.”

  “I didn’t get pregnant on purpose. I was on the Pill,” Lilah said in her own defense, though it sounded pretty pathetic. “I guess my antidepressants monkeyed with the effectiveness of the Pill. I didn’t realize that would happen. I wasn’t planning to be sexually active so I guess I didn’t pay much attention to that part of the instructions when Dr. Veronica was telling me all the dos and don’ts with the meds.”

  Lora sighed. “Well, live and learn. Speaking of the meds...can you take them while pregnant?”

  “I’ve already taken steps to wean myself from the medication,” Lilah answered, shocking Lora. “I don’t want any chemicals going to my baby, no matter how safe the doctors say they are, there are always risks and I’m not willing to take the chance.”

  “Lilah, that’s not a good idea. You need your medication,” Lora said, worried. “What did Dr. Veronica say when you told her?”

  “Don’t worry, I talked with Dr. Veronica about it and she’s conditionally supportive.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Well, I told her I was going to implement yoga and meditation into my routine, which will help with my anxiety and of course, I will still be going to my sessions. Dr. Veronica says I’ve been a model patient and she’s cautiously optimistic to try this new approach and so...yeah, I’m going to go for it.”

  “Aren’t you worried about a relapse?” Lora asked, concerned. “It’s not like your condition will just go away because you want it to.”

  Lilah nodded, having given this very possibility a lot of thought. “The difference is that I’m aware of the problem. I know what to look for. I think it’s going to be okay. And...you know what...I know I always have my family to be my support system. I’m really not worried,” she said, trying to ease the concern in her sister’s expression. “Frankly, I’m more freaked out about giving birth,” she said with a delicate shudder. “Scary stuff.”

  “You’re not kidding,” Lora agreed. “You might never be the same down there, if you know what I mean.”

  Lilah gasped and gave her sister a playful push. “Thanks a lot. That helps. Not.”

  They laughed but beneath the laughter lurked apprehension on both sides. Lilah knew Lora was worried about her relapsing but all Lilah could do was continue to show her that she was getting better every day and maybe someday that fear would ease. Adding her unexpected pregnancy on top of everything else they were dealing with was a burden Lilah never would’ve purposely thrown on the pile for her family to deal with but there was no turning back now.

  A moment of silence fraught with the heaviness of their thoughts passed between them and Lilah suffered an attack of extreme guilt over the situation she’d found herself. “I’m sorry, Lora. I didn’t mean to make things worse for everyone,” she sighed.

  Lora straightened and pulled Lilah into a tight hug. “Enough of that. Grams used to say that babies were the highest blessing and she’s right. We’ll figure it out. We’ll love that baby as much as we love any of our crazy Bells, right?”

  Lilah nodded, squeezing her eyes shut as she clung to her older sister. “I’m scared,” she whispered. “What if I’m a terrible mother?”

  “Impossible. You’re the most caring, sensitive person I know. You’ll be a natural.”

  Lilah wanted to believe that but her recent past sneered at her, making a mockery of her brave intentions. She pulled away from Lora and smiled in spite of the fear quivering in her gut. “Thank you for being here for me.” Then she admitted, “I just wish Celly was here, too. She’s kind of like a surrogate Grams.” At Lora’s quick look, Lilah said, “I don’t mean she’s replacing Grams of course. It’s just that, I don’t know, she always made me feel like Grams did...protected and loved. And I miss that.”

  Lora bit her lip, then drew a deep breath with a self-deprecating smile. “Yeah, I know what you mean. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and I’ve come to realize I was blaming Celly for trying to slide into Grams’s spot when that was never her intention. The fact is, Grams is gone but Celly did a lot to keep our family running smoothly. I guess I didn’t want to see that because I was threatened by it.”

  “You ready to talk to Celly?” Lilah asked, daring to hope. “Because you know she won’t come back until the air is cleared between you. Trust me, I’ve tried.”

  Lora chuckled. “Yeah...I’ve been working up the nerve. Everything with Pops has pretty much opened my eyes to a few things. I’m not sure what I was hoping to accomplish by getting rid of Celly. I’m just going to chalk it up to a huge misstep in judgment.”

  “You always were the smart sister,” Lilah quipped, smiling. “Glad to hear I’m not the only one who makes mistakes.”

  Lora draped an arm around Lilah as they walked from the office. “Honey, I make plenty of mistakes. It just takes longer for mine to catch up. Let’s go get something to eat. All this heavy talk has made me hungry.”

  Lilah chuckled until a wave of nausea hit. “Oh, God...don’t talk about food.” And then she was running to the bathroom.

  At this rate, she’d spend half the summer with her head in the john.

  * * *

  CELLY NEARLY SWALLOWED her tongue when she saw Lora in her driveway. “Took yah long enough,” she muttered as she met her outside. “What yah want?”

  Lora winced and drew a deep breath. “I want...to apologize and ask you to come back to Larimar.”<
br />
  Celly certainly hadn’t expected a surrender from the mighty Lora Bell quite so easily. She eyed the woman with suspicion. “Why?”

  “Are you going to make me do this? Beg?” When Celly remained stubbornly quiet, Lora sighed and said, “I guess so. Okay, so here it is. I was wrong to let you go. I shouldn’t have interfered with your system when you plainly had things running smoothly without my interference. I guess I’ve been struggling with something that had nothing to do with you and I’m sorry for that. The fact is, you have become a part of this family and I’m difficult with change. But you have done an amazing job with Pops and we need you. Please come back.”

  Celly broke into a pleased grin and gathered Lora into a fierce hug that shocked the young woman. “Now was dat so hard? Yah a stubborn mule of a girl but yah remind me of mahself when I was full of piss and vinegar. Only yah nicer dan I was back in de day.”

  Lora laughed ruefully. “Really? So I guess there’s hope for me yet?”

  Celly chuckled. “Maybe,” she said, then walked staunchly to the house and strode inside to pack. Lora followed her into the house. “I seen a lot of people come and go on dis island but Jack and Lana Bell had island blood even if dey weren’t born here.”

  “You knew my Grams before she died?” Lora asked, incredulous.

  “Of course I knew her,” Celly said. “She was my friend. Good woman.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me that?”

  “Yah never asked. Yah made assumptions and I let yah have dem. Why do yah tink Jack is so easy with me? He knows I was close with his Lana.”

  “I don’t remember you coming around when I was growing up.”

  Celly chuckled. “Yah never were much for anyting aside from yah books. Besides, I didn’t come round too much to the resort until Lana died. I noticed Jack was having troubles and Lilah was at a loss of what to do. So I slipped myself into the front desk and stayed until yah come along and boost me out.”

  Lora’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment and Celly patted her shoulder. She was Lana’s blood true and because of that Celly would always care for Lora, but lord she be hard and stubborn. “Now, enough of dis. I’ve had just all I can stand of dis place. Have yah completely destroyed my desk wit your fancy filing and methods?”

  “Probably,” Lora admitted with a wince. “But whatever you need to put it right, I’ll get for you. Even if it means hiring another part-timer.”

  “Bah, we don’t need anyone else poking their noses into Larimar business. I can fix tings, never yah mind.”

  Lora’s shoulders sagged with relief. “You’re a lifesaver. Did you hear what happened to Pops the other day? He tried swimming to Dead Man’s Breach! He nearly drowned.”

  At that Celly broke into a wistful grin. “Prolly following his Lana out for a swim. Yah know she was half fish he used to say.”

  “Yeah, I remember him saying that.”

  “Well, de secret to keeping Jack occupied is to keep him occupied like Lana used to. She was always putting him on task so as to keep him out of her hair when she needed to do busy work for the resort.”

  Lora chuckled. “No, I didn’t know that. Well, I’m curious as to what we can have him do that won’t endanger him or others at this point.”

  “Leave him to me,” Celly said, smiling. She’d been managing Jack for years, much longer than any of them realized. She managed to make it work because she cared for the old coot. More than she should but that was her secret to keep and there was no reason to burden the girls with the knowledge. Deliberately switching mental gears, she said brightly, “I fancy myself some boiled bananas tonight. What do yah tink of dat?”

  Lora grinned. “I think it’s the best thing I’ve heard all day.” As they climbed into the Jeep, Lora suddenly grimaced and said, “Oh, and there’s something else you should know...Lilah’s pregnant.”

  Celly surprised Lora with a chuckle. “Chile, I already knew dat. Yah’d have to be blind not to see it. Come, we’ll stop by the fruit stand to pick up some coconut. Coconut water will fix her right up. Island girls been drinking it for ages to calm a baby kicking up a fuss in de belly.”

  The ache that’d been in Celly’s heart since walking away from Larimar had eased and her step was spry. The Bells had never known it, but Lana had always tasked Celly with watching over her sugar birds and Celly had done so in her own way. Lana’s sugar birds were her own.

  And now there was another sugar bird on the way? Joy, that’s what was in her heart. Pure joy.

  Lilah was going to need her. She knew it in her bones.

  All the Bells would need her, just as they’d needed Lana.

  I won’t let yah down, Lana girl, Celly promised silently. I promise.

  * * *

  JUSTIN HAD STRANGE DREAMS the night before. He’d tossed and turned on the bed, finding no comfort on the expensive mattress designed to give him a perfect night’s rest when previously he’d always slept like a baby.

  Maybe it’d been nerves. As he awaited his father inside his office, he drummed his fingers on the brand-new briefcase his father had instructed that he purchase, and his eyes burned with the need to catch some shut-eye. But just as he knew sleep wasn’t on the schedule, he also knew it wasn’t nerves.

  He couldn’t stop thinking of Lilah and last night had been the height of pain and longing. It was as if she was everywhere in his mind; there were no safe passages that he could travel without running into some reminder of his time with her. Maybe she was some kind of island witch, he mused darkly. Because how else could he explain the constant and unrelenting obsession he had with her? Keenan suggested a carnal cleansing.

  “Just screw someone else right away, wipe away the memory, man,” he’d said with the confidence of a man who believed in the method. “Remember when I got hung up on that waitress? I mean, I was totally into her in the worst way, but when I knew it wasn’t going to work out, I made sure to jump in the sack with as many chicks as possible. Before too long, I couldn’t even remember what it was that had me so hung up on her.” He made a rude sound. “Like, I can’t even remember her name. Okay, that’s a lie. I remember her name, it was Alicia, but she wasn’t so special that she couldn’t be easily replaced with a little effort. That’s what you need, bro. I promise you this.”

  He’d nodded and briefly considered the idea, but it came down to this: he didn’t want to screw some other chick to wipe away Lilah in his memory—not that it would work—he wanted to make more memories. Lots of them. He wanted to take her to Times Square on New Year’s Eve and watch as her eyes lit up with awe as the ball dropped. He wanted to take her to art museums and galleries and fine restaurants just to experience each from her perspective. There was a sweetness to Lilah that couldn’t be replicated but even more alluring than her sweetness was that raw, primal animal lurking beneath the surface that she unleashed in private moments. He shuddered with the memory and his groin ached as his pants suddenly tightened. God, he missed her. The smell of her skin, an intoxicating blend of coconut-scented sunscreen and island wildness, was permanently etched in his scent receptors and he knew nothing short of burning out his nose would ever change that.

  He had to go back. He had to talk to her again. If even just to get some kind of real closure.

  He rose to stalk from the room, intent on booking a plane that very second when his father entered the room with his team of campaign advisors and general minions who worked expressly for the senator.

  “Ah, t
he man of the hour. Gentlemen, you remember my son, Justin Cales? Soon to be Senator Cales if we play our cards right,” he said, winking at his senior advisor, Rudy Bench.

  “Of course. The resemblance is striking. I’d pick him out of the crowd as your son any day,” Rudy said smoothly, reaching out to shake Justin’s hand vigorously. “I just want to say, it’s an honor to work alongside you to help continue the Cales political tradition. Your father has created some very big shoes to fill but I’m sure you’re up to the job.”

  “Rudy will be your right-hand man. He will handle your press conferences and campaign appearances. He will also be your go-to guy for anything that needs massaging. But seeing as you won’t be having any more of those unfortunate incidents happening, I’m sure that particular skill set will not be needed. Isn’t that right, son?”

  He was referencing the stripper incident. Justin gave the man a terse nod, irritated all over again, but good manners wouldn’t permit him to make a caustic comment in front of the team. “I’m pleased to represent the Cales family,” he said, the words tasting like ash in his mouth. “I hope to do your faith proud.”

  “No worries there,” Rudy said, smiling. “However, we should talk about any dust that might spring up on the campaign trail. We need complete honesty if we’re to campaign you successfully. You know your competitors will do whatever they can to dredge up dirt that might aid their own candidacy.” Rudy looked him square in the eye with the gaze of a sharpshooter. “Is there anything else we should be made aware of?”

  “No...not that I know of, aside from the stripper picture that was already splashed across the newspapers and internet blogs.”

  “That’s already been handled,” Rudy said briskly. “The official story is you suffered an unfortunate fall in the darkened club and landed in an embarrassing position just in time for the paparazzi to snap their picture. It was all an unfortunate misunderstanding, blown up in sensationalistic style to sell advertising for the various outlets. But we can’t have more of that, you understand. From now on, you’re the picture of moral and healthy living. Do you work out?”