If You Love Me, I'm Yours

by Lizzie Chantree

  To be honest, Tom was being super-affectionate to her at school, and had asked her out often. It had got to the point where he was suffocating her a bit. Then suddenly he was hardly around as he’d apparently had to spend a lot of time back near his family. He hadn’t told her much about it, other than his brother was having relationship problems, and he was going to travel home fairly regularly. He seemed to spend a few days at school, and the rest of the time he was nowhere to be seen, and certainly didn’t have an hour or two for her. A full-time contract wasn’t available at the school yet and Zoe had come back from maternity leave, then asked to work only half the week so she could spend time with her new baby girl, so Tom had agreed to stay. He was a little more stressed and he wasn’t always in the same classroom as Maud, but the new hours suited him whilst his brother needed him.

  She knew it was probably her fault for keeping him hanging on without letting him know where he stood. She’d decided she would just have to make a decision and either commit to him or let him go, but the pressure he was applying was making her back off. She knew that she would usually have slept with a new boyfriend by now, but she hadn’t had a chance with Tom, and recently she wasn’t completely sure she wanted to. The initial burn of desire had worn off, as his constant touching made her edgy instead of alive. It was almost creepy, but she knew this was just her inexperience and not his fault. He was trying really hard with her and she would have to sort herself out and stop mooning over Nate. Nate wasn’t a good option for her as he was definitely a womaniser, so she’d be safer with Tom who was solid and dependable.

  She thought of the amount of times Dot had told her about different women coming out of the flat above the gallery and her stomach turned over. She shook her head to clear it and tried to focus on work. Dot had come round last night and they had decided that the belts looked much better with simple coloured fabrics behind them, so Maud had been gradually changing her style so that she would be comfortable wearing one at their gallery opening. She felt like her soul was unfurling and the real person inside was gradually shedding her skin and reaching for the light. Dot was still wearing clashing colours and said it was because people expected it of her, but Maud knew she had bought some different clothes too and was waiting for the right time to experiment and not scare off her clients with the new demure Dot. Maud snickered at this as, although the latest clothes were toned down, they certainly weren’t that much better, and she secretly wondered if Dot was having difficulty changing her style because it was either ingrained, or it was more of a reflection of her actual personality than they had both realised.

  Planning the exhibition had been exhausting but hilarious, with Dot’s sharp wit and constant new ideas for another wacky addition to their show. Maud had needed to rein in some of the plans as they were completely bonkers, but between them they had come up with something pretty good. She couldn’t believe the amount of work that went in to one show. She had a renewed respect for Dot and would be forever in her debt for becoming her agent and supervising her first exhibition, as Maud would have run for the hills long ago if Dot hadn’t stood firmly in her way and shouted at her to stop being such a coward.

  They had been thankful that the painting drops were still generating publicity too. The stories had slowed down, but reporters were still hanging out in parks and a few really dedicated ones were determined to discover the artist’s identity. It had seemed strange to Maud to be planning art drops with Dot rather than hiding in bushes on her own, but it felt good to have someone on her side. They’d had to plan the launch in record time as Dot wouldn’t let Maud give too many more paintings away, now that they knew how valuable they were. The exhibition was shaping up and the nearer it got, the more she began to quiver with fear inside.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Nate rammed his booted foot into the waste paper bin and sent it crashing across the floor. Elliott, who’d been sitting with his feet up on Nate’s huge dark blue suede designer couch, looked up from his newspaper and swung his feet to the floor. He looked like he was going to comment, then obviously thought better of it and buried his nose back into the paper with a shrug.

  Nate was frustrated that Maud had walked right into his lair and she’d slipped through his fingers. He’d heard she was still with Tom, which infuriated him, but he intended to change that. He’d heard from his sister that Tom had been sending slightly inappropriate texts to her, and the thought made his blood boil. What was Maud doing wasting her time on such an idiot? She seemed like a bright girl. Couldn’t she see he was a player? Dot had begged him not to say anything, as she was embarrassed and said she’d probably misunderstood the context of the texts, but Nate wasn’t so sure.

  Dot had told him that Maud’s best friend Daisy had noticed Maud’s style evolving and was jealous that Dot has been able to make her change when she’d tried for years with no success. Dot was spitting mad that Daisy was making Maud feel guilty, but what could he do?

  He’d tried to arrange to meet Dot to talk about Maud, but she kept foisting him onto Elliott, which made poor old El mad too. It wasn’t that they didn’t like spending time together, but Elliott knew all about Maud and seemed to find the whole situation gut-wrenchingly funny. Nate hunched his shoulders and sunk down into his chair in defeat. Maybe Maud wasn’t the one for him, and he should let her go.

  Elliott glanced up in sympathy for his friend and went to make them both a coffee from the shiny new machine Dot had bought Nate to keep him awake and painting when he was tired. ‘You know she bought me that so I could be more productive, not as a sisterly treat for her hard-working brother?’ said Nate to Elliott’s back.

  Elliott smiled and walked towards Nate with two steaming mugs of fragrant coffee. ‘Yep. She told me. I said she was mercenary, but she just laughed and said that she’s your agent and has to get the best from you. She said you’re grumpy and need coffee to paint.’

  Nate shook his head in exasperation. Dot really was a one-off. It was good to know she was thinking of him. ‘I don’t know what you see in her.’

  It was Elliott’s turn to look glum for a second, but his sunny nature wouldn’t let him stay down. ‘You love her as much as I do and you should be used to her madcap thought processes by now. Didn’t you stay up and paint all night?’

  Nate grudgingly nodded and stretched out his long jean-clad legs.

  ‘It worked then, didn’t it? You’re being more productive as you can’t sleep on a coffee high,’ said Elliott.

  ‘You really are an idiot.’

  ‘Says a man who is also in love with a woman who he can’t have,’ Elliott jeered, happy finally to have someone else in the same predicament as him, even if it meant that Nate was miserable for a while.

  Nate was shocked and jumped up, almost sloshing half his coffee onto his hands and looking at the slivery scars that were burned into his skin. ‘I’m not in love. I just think Maud’s boyfriend is an idiot, and I like her company.’

  ‘Sure. You carry on telling yourself that.’ Elliott took a satisfying sip of coffee and went to pat a stunned Nate on the shoulder before reaching down and picking up the bent waste paper bin, and setting it back on its base.

  Chapter Thirty

  Dot rummaged around a drawer she had in her office, which was crammed full of designer clothes. She advocated non-wrinkle fibres as she was quite messy at home, but her parents’ housekeeper, Tandy, usually told her off and then rushed away to wash and iron everything for her, so it didn’t really matter either way. She’d begun keeping some of the designer samples she was sent by fashion houses, who wanted her to wear their clothes to gallery openings. Usually she was too busy to look at them and just shoved them into this very deep drawer, but today she needed to change out of the rather heavy and sweaty fake feather blouse she’d been wearing all day.

  She pulled on a burnt orange crop top and hot pink denim skirt, which just skimmed her bum, and called out to Nate, who was sitting perched on her reception desk, chatting aw
ay to one of her part-time receptionists, Rob. Nate was looking relaxed and comfortable in dark denim jeans and a white shirt, open at the collar. She sighed at his movie star good looks and then took a quick glance at herself in the tall mirror on the back wall. Deciding she looked just fine and jauntily grabbing her bag, which had cake sprinkles glued all over the front in the shape of flowers, she nudged him on the shoulder and they walked amicably to the local wine bar.

  Dot smiled to a few people she recognised and Nate ignored them all, as usual. As soon as they were seated at their table in the dimly-lit but decidedly snazzy bar, Nate began to draw her into a conversation about the secret artist. Dot gulped a big mouthful of the delicious ruby-red wine that had appeared in front of her and almost choked on it. She laughed with false merriment and waved to a man two tables away to say thanks for the bottle he had just sent over. He was a riotous artist who wanted her to represent him. She’d been considering it until she met Maud, and might sign him at a later date, but currently she had enough work with her family and the surprise show. She liked the fact that he was fearless, as not many people would approach or interrupt a meal at a table where Nate sat, unless they knew him well enough to be growled at in good humour. Most people liked the fact that Nate spoke his mind and loved him anyway, but he could walk a fine line with his banter sometimes. He really was a grizzly bear, but for once she was happy to not have the interruption.

  Surprisingly, Nate wanted to chat and all he could talk about was the way the mystery artist captured the eyes of the animals they drew, and he wished he could express emotion like that in his work. Dot almost choked on her wine again. This was getting stressful. Was Nate stupid? His work was rammed full of emotion. It almost made her cry to look at the beauty and pain shown there. He obviously didn’t know how open he was within his work. It was why people respected him so much, not just for being a talented artist, but because he didn’t talk about his past, he painted it. She’d never heard him put down his work before but she was fascinated to hear what else he would say. She supposed she should comfort him, so she picked up his hand, which he looked at in surprise.

  ‘Nate... we all know your work is sublime. The new artist is good, but you paint from the heart.’ She squeezed his hand and he didn’t pull away but looked confused.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘You don’t talk a lot, but you express your feelings in your work.’ Dot smiled up into his eyes and he still looked perplexed, even though she was being sincere for once.

  Nate took a sip of the wine and thought for a moment. ‘I don’t express my feelings. I just paint landscapes that people seem to like,’ he tried to joke.

  Dot grinned with genuine warmth and her heart melted a little. She loved him so much, but he could be a royal pain in her backside. He was macho and boorish, but he’d become a bit reclusive over the years and it was hard to get him to express himself vocally, so she didn’t want to scare him off when he was finally seeking out her opinion. ‘You show your emotions by painting troubled scenes of fields or buildings with deep swirls of colour or underlying details that people spend years trying to fathom, but above all you show your own inner turmoil. Lena did a great job on you. When she set fire to herself, she took your soul with her.’

  All colour drained from Nate’s face and Dot realised she’d gone too far. She’d wanted to talk to him about the way he was cocooning himself from the world, and his emotions, and only letting a few people in. He needed to realise that Lena was a psychopath and not worth the years of suffering, making him into the fragmented man he was now.

  Dot turned to the waiter who had just arrived at their table and ordered for both of them, as Nate had gone deadly quiet and was staring into space. She leaned in and wrapped her arms around him to make him snap out of it. ‘I’m sorry if I upset you, but it’s about time you realised it wasn’t your fault and started living again.’

  She rubbed his arms and the silvery scars that ran up them were reflected in the candlelight. ‘She chose to do what she did and she’s left you with both physical and mental scars. If she wanted to punish you for some stupid misdeed she believed you’d done to her, then enough. Just because you wanted to break up with her when you were both only nineteen, it doesn’t give her the right to destroy her own life, then yours. You’ve suffered enough, Nate, and it should end now.’

  Nate hung his head and Dot hugged him even harder. He looked into her eyes and softly kissed her cheek before hugging her back and then reaching for his wine. Dot hoped Maud would forgive her, but she was going to tell Nate what they were planning. He needed something else to think about and she hated lying to him.

  Dot had practically had to pull teeth to discover the truth about the day Maud had visited the gallery, but she had finally admitted that she’d spent the afternoon with Nate. Nate had promised Dot that he would call Maud and tell her Dot had cancelled their meeting, but the cheeky sod had ‘forgotten’ and taken Maud out to lunch instead. Dot was also sure he’d phoned their parents just to get her out of the way. Maud had eventually confided that he’d plied her with wine and flirted with her. Naughty boy. Dot grinned at him suddenly and decided that someone like Maud was just what he needed, someone who wouldn’t hurt him, but would make him smile again. It was kind of unfortunate that Maud was happy with Tom, but she was definitely taken.

  Dot knew Nate was jealous of Tom and Maud’s relationship, but Maud told her Nate had decided to stay out of it and hope that the relationship fizzled out. The man was delusional. The problem was, Dot knew that Maud was an all or nothing girl, and not very experienced with men. Nate had no idea, but he probably scared her half to death with his full-on manliness, and Tom had lucked out and found her before Nate had.

  Just as she was about to tell Nate what was going on, a stick-thin blonde woman came rushing over to their table and draped herself all over Nate. He looked annoyed at the interruption, but then obviously decided to behave like a gentleman for once and had the good grace to stand up and introduce her to Dot, who was speechless at the way the woman was running her fingers through Nate’s hair, until he caught her hand and brushed it away. He politely tried to suggest they meet another time, as he was with his sister, but the girl just gushed about how much she wanted to meet Dot, and plonked herself down on an available chair, signalling the waiter for another wine glass. Dot was about to stamp her foot and grab the wine from her reach when she saw Nate’s warning raised eyebrow, and she realised that this was either a girlfriend, which meant he was the rat she thought he was, and Maud had had a lucky escape, or this brash woman was a customer of the gallery and she needed to play nice.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Nate was feeling really fed up, but he had a plan and thought it inspired. Maud had been avoiding him. She’d replied to some of his texts, but hadn’t answered any of his calls. He’d been talking to Elliott about it and had decided that if idiot Tom was Maud’s choice, then he would have to accept it and should get to know the guy better. Maud was one of Dot’s best friends now, and would be in his life for a long time unless they fell out, which with Maud’s gentle nature, he couldn’t picture, so he needed to think of another idea.

  He’d managed to coerce Dot into giving him Tom’s number and had sent him a text to invite him on a boy’s night out. If the man was so amazing, then it was about time that Nate and Elliott found out why. Nate grinned suddenly and his mood lifted as his phone pinged with a message, saying that Tom would be back from visiting family that day and could join him and El later.

  Nate glanced at his watch and wondered how much hardball to play? He could ask a few of his beautiful women friends to arrive and surprise them, to see how Tom reacted, or he could play it cool and see where the battle lines were drawn. He was pretty sure that Tom wasn’t aware that he liked Maud, or that Nate knew about the texts he’d sent Dot, so it would be interesting to see if he was as confident out of his comfort zone.

  Deciding that he wouldn’t play too dirty, Nat
e grabbed his jacket and headed for the studio, to put any residual emotion into his work.

  Later that evening, Nate ordered the drinks from the bartender and leaned on the counter while he watched Elliott and Tom chat in the booth they had chosen. They were in a trendy bar, conveniently just a few streets along from the gallery, which meant Elliott and Nate hadn’t had to travel far. The place was buzzing with conversation, and a four-piece jazz band were playing in a corner. People were already huddling in groups and talking loudly, while some were swaying to the music on the little dance floor surrounded by booths.

  Nate was oblivious to the interest he was generating from the women in the room and he grabbed the beers that had just been placed in front of him and walked Elliott’s way. Elliott gave him a grateful glance, took the drink and gulped some of the chilled amber liquid down with a sigh of satisfaction. Nate soon found out that Tom had been bragging about how easy his job was at the school where he worked with Maud, and regaling Elliott about how he spent half of the week travelling now and didn’t have a spare moment to see her, even though she was a ‘nice girl’. He’d begun speaking as soon as they’d reached the booth, telling Elliott he was planning on working as a substitute teacher at a selection of schools until a permanent job came up and, although the women in the bar were decent, sometimes you couldn’t beat the desperate and womanly charms of a school mum. Nate had arrived at this point and El had brought him up to speed. Tom had winked and explained he could take his pick of the single school mums, and most of the teachers, too. He loved being surrounded by women all day. It was a perk of the job.

  Seeing Elliott’s eyes narrow and his fists bunch, as one of his friend’s wives was a school mum, and he didn’t think she’d be too happy being described as desperate when she wouldn’t touch someone like Tom if he was the last man alive, Nate intervened. He clinked his bottle with Tom’s and sent Elliott a warning glare. They needed to keep Tom onside for now, while they found out more about him. Tom laughed heartily and slapped Elliott on the back, saying he’d just been joking, but Nate sensed that he was doing some groundwork to test what type of boys’ night out this would be. Nate had already warned Elliott that Tom had sent sleazy texts to Dot, so he was walking a fine line before he’d even arrived.