Dave came out and started clasping hands and patting backs. “This way guys.”
Noah looked shell-shocked. When everyone had trooped past him to the conservatory, Angelique took the opportunity to slip over to talk to him.
“I know what you’re going to say, but I had no idea they were coming.”
He looked worried enough for her to believe him. “This is a bad idea, Noah. They’ve all brought booze.” She could already hear them cracking open cans and clinking bottles together in the other room.
He looked in their direction. “I can’t ask them to leave. I haven’t seen some of them in years.”
She could sense the yearning coming off him like pheromones. “You can’t drink.”
He shook his head. “I know. I wouldn’t.”
But she knew what the need was like. All the good intentions in the world wouldn’t be enough if he spent too long in there with them drinking in front of him. And if they were anything like Dave, they’d all be offering him a beer as soon as he set foot in the room. “You can’t cope with that. Not so soon. I know I couldn’t.”
He looked at her. Really looked into her eyes until she could see the depth of his sadness. He wanted to be with his friends. He wanted to be normal – the kind of guy who was able to knock back a few drinks without a care in the world.
That could never happen again.
“I won’t drink.” He turned away from her and went into the party.
A moment later, loud music started up. She walked up to the glass door of the conservatory, but Dave slipped through it and stood in her way.
“Sorry, love. You’re not invited.”
She’d thought she’d seen the worst of him back at the tapas place, but the glare he gave her was more full of hatred than anything he’d managed that lunchtime. The doorbell went again.
“Excuse me.” He very deliberately shut the door behind him and went to let in a group of women in short skirts and skinny jeans. She could see Noah through the glass, throwing his head back and laughing. There was no reason for him to look up and see her, but it hurt when he didn’t.
Standing in the hall, she didn’t know what to do. Calling John would make her look weak. But what if Noah took a drink?
She strode over to the cause of all the trouble and tapped him on the shoulder. “If you really gave a toss about him, you wouldn’t be doing this.”
Dave met her eye with another searing look. “Why don’t you just piss off? We’re trying to have a party.”
The men he’d just let in looked her up and down. No one wanted her there. She glanced through to where Noah was sitting. He wasn’t holding a drink. But that was probably only a matter of time.
After one more scowl from Dave, she turned away and headed upstairs. If the music got too loud, she’d make an anonymous call to the police. Apart from that, there wasn’t really anything she could do.
***
Noah hadn’t realised how much he’d missed the old gang until they arrived at his door. How had he managed to lose touch with so many of them? But he knew the answer to that – booze and coke had pushed everything else out of his life.
Wozza started telling his infamous anecdote about the catfight between the groupie and the female roadie. Noah tuned out a little – everyone there must have heard the story at least a dozen times.
He looked around him, totting up all the cans and bottles. Most of them would have had a snort of something before they’d come out. Taking stuff was different for them. It was recreational.
Actually, that wasn’t true. Out of all of those guys, he could count the ones in steady relationships on one hand. And most of them were involved with users. No, they might not think of themselves as addicts, but their behaviour was just as self-destructive as his. The main difference was that he wasn’t in denial any more. Approaching bankruptcy tends to do that to a guy.
“Noah.” Benjy thumped him in the shoulder. “Where the fuck have you been, man?”
He looked around all the faces turned towards him. Surely they read the papers? “Rehab.”
“Load of bollocks,” one of them jeered.
“You don’t need rehab, you need one of these.” Someone produced a humongous spliff and held it out in front of him.
He stared at the thick white roll-up. It truly was a thing of beauty. He’d never had a problem with weed – everyone knew you couldn’t get addicted to the stuff. A few puffs might even stave off the DTs. They wrote prescriptions for it in some parts of the States.
Noah looked over at the door. There was no one standing on the other side of it. No Angie to tell him not to do it.
***
It was all Dave’s fault. She didn’t get it – Noah didn’t even seem to like him that much. Maybe it was because they had history. It could be hard to let go of people. Even when you knew they were no good for you.
Sitting on the chaise longue up in her room, she stared at the walls and listened to the heavy bass of the music throbbing through the house. She’d long given up on the television and she hadn’t even bothered getting her book out. It wasn’t so loud down there – not for a party.
Her phone vibrated in her pocket and she pulled it out. It was John. Should she answer? It would look worse if she didn’t. “Hi, John.”
“Hey, Angelique. Just phoning to check how things went with Dave.”
“He’s not exactly a good influence, is he?”
John laughed. “No. I can hear the music in the background. I take it he’s still there?”
“Yeah.” Probably not a great idea to tell him Dave had invited half the county over.
“If you want me to get rid of him, I’m happy to come over.”
Nothing would put her mind at rest more than watching him and his cronies walk out of the front door, but she couldn’t let John do the heavy lifting. “It’s okay. I can handle him.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, it’s fine.” Well, it would be in about ten minutes, after she’d broken up the party. This had gone on long enough.
***
Noah reached out for the spliff and took it between his unsteady fingers. He hadn’t smoked weed for months. Other things had taken his attention. Holding the joint up in his line of sight, he tried to work out how many skins its creator had used.
And then he realised what he was doing – putting off the moment when he would take it between his lips. All that bullshit about weed being good for him was exactly that – bullshit.
“Actually, mate, I don’t think I want any.” He tried to give it back.
“Nah, have it.” Dave produced a lighter and held it out to him.
Noah looked up at the sound of the door. In walked Angie.
Her eyes went straight to the giant roll-up in his hand and her face tightened. “I get it. You promised not to drink, but you didn’t promise not to get high. Well you can send your little friends home now.” She walked further in and put her hands on her hips, giving everyone a death-stare.
“I wasn’t—”
“Everybody out!” She raised her voice, startling some of them to their feet.
“Hang on.” Dave got up and went to stand over her. “It’s not your house. You don’t get to throw us out.” He was only an inch or two taller than Angie, but he was a lot heavier. Even Noah would have been unsettled to have him invade his personal space like that.
She didn’t bat an eyelid. Knowing how she felt about being touched, her reaction was more than impressive.
“Dave, stop it.” Noah threw the spliff on the floor and rushed in between them.
“Tell her then.” Dave stepped back. “Tell her this is your party and you don’t want us to leave.”
He looked at Dave. He’d been holding court in some pub the first time they met – not too different from that evening’s party. He was the rudest, funniest man Noah had ever met. But saying outrageous things wasn’t quite as funny once you’d passed thirty. And what was left when you stripped that away from him? H
e wasn’t sure it was anything worth calling a friend.
Then he looked at Angie. She’d set her jaw and her eyes were blazing. He’d glimpsed the steel in her before, but now he was getting a full-on demonstration. And why was she so angry? Because she thought he’d fallen off the wagon. Maybe she wasn’t his friend either, but she genuinely had his best interests at heart. Yeah, she was being paid for it, but he was sure it was more than that. She cared what happened to him.
But if he brought the party to an end, he could end up starting a riot.
“Angie, come outside for a minute.” He risked taking her by the arm and she shrugged out of his grasp, but she went with him to the door. “Let’s go for a walk.” He guided her out the back, through the kitchen to the garden.
It was a warm night and the music drifted out to them from the conservatory. He took them in the opposite direction, following the trail of uplights that were dotted in amongst the shrubbery.
When they were far out of sight of the people inside, he stopped walking. Angie stood with her arms folded, her expression wary.
“I know it looked bad in there, but I wasn’t going to smoke that thing.”
She shook her head. “I don’t believe you. Why let them into your house if that wasn’t what you wanted?”
“I don’t know.”
The disappointment on her face wound its way inside him and made him want to die.
“I don’t want to fuck up any more.”
“Then stop putting yourself in these positions. Stop hanging out with drunks and druggies.”
“You mean like you? Working at a rehab clinic and taking a job with me?”
She flinched. “That’s different. And you know why I’m here.”
“Yeah. For the money.” It wasn’t that simple, but her self-righteous attitude was getting under his skin.
“You know what, Noah? Fuck you. You’ve got no right to say anything to me.” She started off back towards the house, but he ran in front of her.
“Wait.” He couldn’t let her storm off like this. “I’ll tell them to leave.”
She walked around him. “You should have done that about three hours ago.” Coming to a stop, she turned to face him. “Why do you want to torture yourself like that? It was bad enough at lunch. I saw the way you kept looking at that can. I found it hard and I hadn’t even drunk any of it.”
“I know.” At least she was talking to him now.
“You’re just setting yourself up to fail.”
“But there’s no point pretending that stuff isn’t out there. When I go on tour, I’ll be surrounded by it every night.” Now he’d actually got some new material down, the reality of going on the road was starting to hit home. It was scary.
“So deal with it when you get there. After you’ve had some time to build up your defences.” She took a couple of steps back to him. “No one expects you to be able to handle everything straight away. It takes time.”
He remembered the way she’d left the restaurant. If she was still struggling after two years, what hope did he have? “I just want to be better, you know? I just want to click my fingers and be like other people around this stuff.”
Hesitantly, she put her hand up and almost touched his shoulder. She pulled away, then finally brought her palm to rest on his back. “I know. It’s not fair.”
Tears stung at his eyes, but he wouldn’t let them fall. He wasn’t going to cry. Not in front of her. “How come I don’t get to sit in front of the football with a few beers? Why don’t I get to drink champagne at my wedding?” It hit him then, all the different parts of his life that were affected by this thing.
She pulled him closer and he smelled her perfume – rich and fruity. He told himself to hold back, to respect how much she hated to be touched, but he needed some comfort. When he laid his head on her shoulder, she held him stiffly and gingerly rubbed at his back.
They stayed like that – their bodies barely touching while she stroked him awkwardly, shushing him like he was a small child. It took him a few minutes to pull himself back together.
He straightened up, ready to apologise for falling apart like that, but then he looked into her eyes. It was a long time since he’d been with a woman – even longer since he’d been in a relationship – but he knew what he saw in Angie’s wide, brown eyes. Need.
He hesitated, afraid of what he was thinking of doing. Her full, plump lips drew his eye. He was lost. Kissing her was inevitable, no matter how bad an idea it was. He moved closer, lowering his face to hers.
“Noah! What the hell is going on?”
Almost jumping away from her, he looked up and saw John striding across the grass towards them.
Folding her arms around herself like a shield, Angelique watched John come closer and lost all ability to speak.
“I only came over here because I was restless. Thank god I did.” He blustered over to Noah. “I’ve thrown all those wasters out. Please tell me you haven’t been drinking.” He took him by the shoulders and looked him in the eye.
She dared to hope he hadn’t noticed what he’d interrupted.
“I haven’t had a drink. Or anything else.”
“Tell me the truth. I need to know what sort of damage control is on the cards.”
“John, I swear I haven’t touched anything.”
Finally, he looked over at Angelique. “You. You’re fired.”
“Wait a minute, John. She didn’t—”
“No. She let that lot throw some wild party and bring a load of alcohol in the house.”
“But she—”
“Forget it.” He turned his attention back to her. “It’s late, so you can stay tonight. But I want you gone in the morning.” Pointing his finger in Noah’s face he added “And don’t think I didn’t see what you two were up to out here. That’s not what I hired her for.” He turned on his heel and marched inside.
No room for argument. John had spoken.
She headed for the door.
“Angie, wait.”
She stopped. “You heard what he said. I’m fired.” It was her own fault. She should have followed her instincts and got rid of Dave at lunchtime. “Just... Keep doing what you’re doing and don’t let anyone drag you into anything.” John would get him a new assistant. Noah was already doing better – he’d improved in the short length of time she’d been there. If he’d managed to stay in that party without taking anything – even after that taste of lager – he’d be fine. Twenty-four hours ago he would have been glad to see the back of her.
“I’ll talk to him. He’ll have calmed down by tomorrow. I’ll explain what happened.”
“What, that I let you have a booze-fuelled party even though I knew it was a bad idea? That I turned down his offer of help out of stubbornness?”
“You spoke to him?”
She nodded. “I didn’t tell him about the party. I said I had everything under control.” That was laughable. She hadn’t been in control of anything since she set foot in Noah’s house.
“You were just looking out for me. Don’t worry about it. I’ll talk to him in the morning. You’ll see.” He looked so sure. So hopeful.
Her eyes roamed his face, taking everything in – the slightly drawn cheeks, the light dusting of stubble, the square jaw. His brown eyes looked black in the low light outside. Then she looked at the lips she’d come so close to kissing. What had she been thinking? What had either of them been thinking?
She fixed every bit of his face in her memory and then she went inside. If she was right, she might never see him in the flesh again.
CHAPTER 7
When Noah’s alarm went off, he almost flicked it to a stop and went back to sleep, but then he remembered why he’d set it in the first place.
Angie.
He jumped out of bed, pulled on his dressing gown and burst out of his room. She wasn’t next door. In fact, none of her lotions and potions were out on the dressing table either. His heart sped up. She couldn’t have gone alread
y. It wasn’t even eight o’clock yet.
He raced downstairs and started searching the rooms. No one in the kitchen. No one in the conservatory. When he reached the first sitting room, he found John drinking a cup of coffee.
“You’re up early, aren’t you?”
“Where is she?”
“If you mean Angelique, I expect she’s gone home.”
“Home? When?”
“I don’t know. Late last night. Early this morning. The door to her room was open when I checked first thing and all her stuff was gone.”
Clutching at his dressing gown, he sank into a chair. “Then get her back. Call her up and ask her to come back.”
“Noah, she fucked up. She was supposed to keep your nose clean and she let that bunch of losers in here.”
“It wasn’t her fault.”
“No? Whose was it then?”
He wrapped his robe tighter around himself and lowered his head, speaking almost into his chest. “Mine. It was my fault.” He should have listened to her and sent them packing.
“That’s all very noble and everything, but if she couldn’t control you she shouldn’t have taken the job. No, I’ll find someone more capable to look after you.”
“But she needs this job.” He thought of her little boy and to his shame he couldn’t even remember his name.
“Not my problem. We can’t afford to have you giving in to temptation.”
“Please, John. Give her another chance. It was working.”
“I’m sorry.” He shook his head. “I’ll start looking today and hopefully have someone by the end of the week.”
He could picture it already – some hulking great orderly type with a shaved head who’d manhandle him if he got too close to the pub. Why hadn’t he got rid of Dave when she’d asked him to?
“Look, I know you liked her, but it was a bad idea getting a woman in the first place.”
“It wasn’t like that.”
Black Girls and Bad Boys: Changing his Tune Page 5