What I've Done

by Jen Naumann

  “I don’t know how much longer I can keep up this daily routine of not seeing you all day,” I tell Eli. “I don’t feel safe when you’re not around.”

  He lifts his shoulder briefly. “I’m around more than you think. I came in time to help you out with Johnny today, didn’t I?”

  Visions of Eli lurking outside the school and near Svetlana’s house begin to fill my head, but rather than freaking me out, they are actually comforting. However, if he really is watching over me, why hasn’t he asked about Gabe by now? If I’m reading his signals correctly, he feels something more than friendship for me just as I do for him. I would think he would be jealous by this other guy I have been spending time with. Maybe it means that he trusts me inexplicably, the way I trust him. Or maybe he had just happened to start watching over me after Gabe and I began our little spat. How long has he been watching over me?

  We watch the rolling waves filled with active surfers as each of us are absorbed in our own thoughts. Every time Eli runs his thumb along my knee, it feels as if a lit match is in its place. It drives me crazy enough to the point I have to place my hand over his to stop the torture.

  “So you still haven’t told me anything about yourself. Are you in high school, or what?”

  I guess him to be close to my age, but I have no way of knowing for sure since the subject has never come up. There are two solid facts I know about him—one being his name and the other being that he appreciates good music. But I also know he would do anything to keep me safe and that I am falling for him more and more with each day that passes.

  “Would it make you feel better if I was in school with you?” he asks.

  “Of course,” I answer in a soft voice.

  It is almost embarrassing to admit out loud that I have come to rely on someone other than myself to keep me safe. I had managed to go years without anyone there to help with Rose and did a good job at keeping our life a secret from anyone that knew me until that horrible night of the semi-formal dance.

  Eli grumbles to himself and hangs his head briefly, a small smirk still planted on his lips. “You really would ask me to endure the torture of going through high school for you?”

  I bite my lip for a moment. “It’s only for a few months, but I obviously don’t expect you to do it if you’ve already graduated.” When it dawns on me what he is saying, I roll my eyes up to the sky. “Wait. Have you graduated already?”

  “I would do anything for you,” he answers cryptically with a little shrug.

  As we sit together in the sand, I think of all the things I don’t know about him and all the questions he has yet to answer. But I trust that he means it when he says he will keep me and my little sister safe.

  No matter what secret he is keeping from me, I know one thing is for sure—I am falling hard and fast for this mysterious stranger that has found his way into my life.

  CHAPTER 8

  At school the next day I can’t stop wondering where Eli is. I know he is out there somewhere, watching over me as promised. Once again Gabe is nowhere to be seen, either. I walk into my fifth period class feeling terribly alone just as my cell phone vibrates in my pocket. When I slip it out I find a text from Eli:

  How goes it?

  Someone passing buy bumps into me and I turn to see a bunch of male classmates laugh maniacally. Ignoring them, I find an empty desk where I drop my notebook to peck out a reply to Eli:

  Awesome. Where R U?

  I tap my feet against the desk, waiting for him to respond. Katie, a small girl with straight black hair and dark glasses that has been kind to me for the most part this last week smiles as she sits down beside me. She is one of the very few people that have shown me any kind of compassion since my arrival in this school.

  “Hey, Katie,” I say to her in greeting. My phone vibrates again:

  What? U didn’t believe me when I said I would go 2 school 4 U?

  I jerk my head up when I feel the presence of someone standing in front of my desk. Eli could be wearing ratty old clothes for all I care but today he is dressed in a brilliant blue t-shirt with a surfing logo on it that brings out the enchanting blue color of his eyes, making them appear even more brilliant. He looks clean and fresh, ready to take on whatever it is the day will bring and my heart does the usual summersaults in celebration of seeing him. I am so thrilled I have to remind myself not to shout.

  “You’re here,” I say, trying to ignore the ball of excitement rising in my stomach.

  He slips into the empty seat on the other side of me and slides it so our desks are nearly touching. “I said I’d do anything for you, didn’t I?”

  “Thank you,” I say.

  The buzzer announces the start of class. A big, burly man with a thick beard dressed in a loose fitting sweater stands in front of the class, looking down at a book through glasses from a few decades ago and makes no effort to be heard above the boisterous students. Apparently we have a substitute, but he makes no introduction of himself.

  I strain to listen to the teacher as class drags on, but don’t speak to Eli again for the rest of the hour. It isn’t necessary for me to hear his voice to feel comforted—the warmth of him bounces on to me feeling every bit as wonderful.

  Katie peers over me more than once during class to sneak a peak of Eli. It is almost amusing when I catch half of my other female classmates doing the same. I look over at him once or twice as well to find each time he is staring out the windows. He could be watching for Johnny, or he could just be bored out of his mind.

  When the buzzer ends class we are lost in the swarm of kids scurrying from the room. Eli pulls me from the sea of traffic in the hallway, finding a closed doorway to stand in.

  “I couldn’t convince the school to let me into all the same classes, but I’ll be around on campus all day,” he tells me.

  “I can’t believe you’re really here,” I say with a giggle. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

  He flashes me his trademark smile that brings tingling to feet. “All I care is that you are happy and feel safe.”

  “Are you sure you don’t want to tell me now the big secret you have been hiding?” I ask hopefully.

  He laughs quite loudly at this and reaches in to kiss the side of my head. “I’ll catch up with you later.” With that, he is gone—from my sight, anyway.

  * * *

  The next few weeks I spend every free moment Svetlana will allow outside of school and work with Eli. He never comes to visit me while I am working but we often hang out together on the beach afterwards. Occasionally I see Gabe at school or visiting Kalia at the shop but he is still not overly friendly toward me and he tends to disappear for days on end. The only way I have to reach him is by phone, but he won’t answer when I call.

  Johnny has not made another appearance since the day in the park, but I still keep watch for him, expecting him to appear at any moment. My nerves are practically fried because of my fear of it.

  Spring comes and brings with it the famed California weather I had been expecting from the start. Kalia gives me a few days off during spring break and I almost get to spend one of those entire days with Eli, completely alone. We rent body surfing boards and spend the afternoon playing in the water. When we are together I feel more like myself than ever. When I’m with him I am able to forget all my worries and relax, even laugh a little more.

  After I feel like I may have swallowed half of the ocean with my failed attempts at body surfing, we call it quits and dry ourselves off before grabbing burgers and fries for supper on the pier. We sit at a booth overlooking the water with our arms touching.

  Eli grins at me as he eats, making me feel like I will go insane from the brilliance of it. “Your birthday is coming up.”

  I stop chewing and eye him with anticipation. He had promised he would tell me everything on my birthday. Whatever he has to tell me seems like it will be mind-shattering and I have been patiently waiting for the day to arrive. I sit up eagerly on the stool, wonde
ring if maybe he has decided to tell me early.

  “We need to plan how you want to celebrate,” he says.

  I let my shoulders fall. That was not where I was hoping this conversation was heading. Taking another sip of my malt, I begin to shake my head. “I don’t want you making a big fuss over it. Seriously.”

  He sets his burger down and frowns at me. “Why not?”

  “I am not overly into the whole attention on me thing.”

  He leans into me. “So no party, but can I at least get you something?”

  I laugh and push him away playfully. “I don’t want you spending any money on me, either.”

  “Okay, so pretend you can have anything you want that doesn’t require money. What would it be?” He watches me from behind his shoulder, almost seeming to hide the smile spreading on his lips.

  Taking a deep breath, I look out into the water. “Other than getting the parents I had as a child back and giving my sister the life she deserves?”

  “Okay, that’s a tough one,” he says, squeezing my hand. “Maybe something a bit more… tangible for the time being.”

  I grin over at him. “Okay, second birthday wish? It would probably be to learn how to play the guitar. My father played and he was totally amazing. My mother said he used to play for me when I was a baby and it would lull me right to sleep. There is just something so graceful and magical about the sound the strings make. Maybe it’s just a silly sentimental thing, but I would love to sit down and stroke out some Jack Johnson tunes.”

  “Jack Johnson, huh?” His own grin deepens and he nudges me with his leg.

  I push his leg back with a giggle. “Don’t even pretend like you don’t adore him, too. I totally saw you wearing his t-shirt the day we met. Admit it.”

  His smile morphs into a straight line, making him appear serious. “Oh, you’ll hear no argument from me. Jack Johnson is amazing.”

  “I know it’s stupid, but for as long as I can remember I have dreamed of going to Hawaii to see him perform. There is just something about his voice paired with the guitar that is so magical. His tunes have helped me get through some pretty rough times in my life.”

  I sigh at the dreamy thought of seeing him in Hawaii, even though I know there is no chance it would ever really happen. My friend Tasha had given me a poster of the musician surfing in Oahu for my sixteenth birthday and it was one of the very few decorations I kept on the walls of my bedroom.

  “I don’t think that’s stupid. Maybe someday we can go to Hawaii together and watch him,” Eli says with a wink.

  “Right,” I respond, my voice dripping with heavy sarcasm. As much as I love the thought of going anywhere with Eli, I can’t imagine we would ever get the chance to go on such an amazing trip together.

  Our eyes meet and for a moment we continue to stare at each other. All at once it feels like he is peering into my soul and I feel something so profound that I gasp. The feeling consuming me is so foreign that I don’t even really know exactly how to process it, but I know it to be true all the same.

  It’s at this moment I realize I’m not just falling for him.

  I am totally and undeniably in love with him.

  * * *

  The morning before my birthday, Svetlana lets me sleep in. When I finally wake to the bright morning light, I lie underneath the lush down comforter, taking in the tastefully decorated guest room I have come to love. The whole house has a modern and beachfront feel to it, but my room is especially pleasing. The walls are painted in subtle blues with washed out white woodwork and a collection of star fish outlining the two large picture windows that face the ocean. Their house is even nicer than my friend Tasha’s large, two-story home that I had spent so much time hanging out in.

  With the thought of my friend, I find myself wishing I could contact her and tell her all about my new life. I wonder what she would have to say about Eli and the fact that I am falling for him so soon after we have just met. She had lots of boyfriends in the time we were friends but never admitted to actually loving any of them.

  Rose’s giggles carry in from the other room, tearing me away from my thoughts. It makes me so incredibly happy to know she is adjusting well to our new arrangement. We were so lucky to get Svetlana for a foster parent. I haven’t gotten to know Markus very well yet as he continues to work many late nights, but it is obvious he is enamored of Svetlana and appreciates the loving person she is. He is always especially kind to Rose and me when we do get to see him. He makes good money and it is beyond generous of him to want to take in kids like us.

  There is a tap on my door just a few minutes before the small digital clock on my nightstand reads noon.

  “Come in,” I call out.

  “Want to check to make sure you still breathe,” Svetlana says in her adorable broken-English. She is wearing a yellow pencil skirt that flows around her calves at the bottom with a three-quarters sleeved white, fluffy sweater. Her hair has large curls that are pinned on one side of her head. It is easy to imagine how Markus must have adored Svetlana the first time he laid eyes on her.

  I laugh and scoot my body up to a sitting position. “I was just enjoying your beautiful house, Svetlana.”

  Her smile stretches across her entire face when she sits on the bed beside me. “Letter from court came in mail yesterday. You will go see Judge next week.”

  I had completely forgotten about our next appearance in court. The realization that we have to go instantly deflates my pleasant mood and I become depressed.

  “When?” I ask, letting my shoulders fall in defeat.

  “Monday. But you do not worry. Markus says we keep you as long as Judge says okay.”

  I giggle a little when it sounds more like she is talking about a puppy. “I would like that,” I say. “You have been so kind to us, Svetlana. You have no idea what that means.”

  The emotions are so overwhelming that my eyes fill up with tears. I don’t know how to tell her everything that we have been through without giving her all the secrets I have to keep for our protection.

  “I love to make sisters happy. Markus and I cannot have baby so he tells me we help kids who do not have good parents.”

  I smile sadly. “I had good parents…once.”

  She nods in understanding and pats my leg. “Your sister waits for you to get ‘your lazy butt up.’ After we have lunch we go to the beach and swim, yes?”

  I laugh gently. “Yes.”

  She leans in to give me our first real, soulful hug together. I wrap my arms around her small body, burying my face in her soft hair that smells like lilacs. I shut my eyes, savoring the moment. As wonderful as it is to have Svetlana as our foster mother, I also know things for me and Rose don’t always have a happy ending.

  * * *

  After an eventful day at the beach we return home late in the night. Svetlana and Markus had taken us for dinner at an amazing seafood restaurant on the pier where I tried my first lobster tail. I was shocked when I had actually liked it. All day it was easy to pretend like we were a happy family. When Markus was throwing Rose into the waves and she was laughing hysterically I found myself hoping we would never have to leave this foster home. Rose could finally get a fair chance at having a mother and father who loved her.

  Sometimes I think Rose would be better off on her own with a family like theirs.

  When sleep refuses to find me, I wait until everyone else seems to be sound asleep and sneak out to the patio. I snuggle under a blanket on one of the chairs, watching the waves as they twinkle and dance in the scant moonlight. My favorite part about California has become letting my mind focus on the beauty and sounds of the ocean while my worries fade into the background.

  Relaxation has kicked in and I finally begin to feel sleepy when a bright light flashes from behind the flowering bushes and my name is whispered. I sit up with a start and look over near the hot tub to discover Eli appearing out of the darkness.

  “Sorry. I didn’t want to scare you,” he whispers.<
br />
  I bring a hand to my chest, feeling my heart jump erratically underneath. “Too late for that.”

  Eli steps onto the patio carrying a black guitar case in one hand. He casually leans against the stone wall beside me and flashes his trademark grin. I am not surprised that he knows where we live, but I wonder why he hasn’t stopped by before now. But I begin to fear the worst.

  “Are you here because something is wrong? Does it have something to do with Johnny?”

  He shakes his head back and forth for a second. “Nothing is wrong, other than it was a really long day without getting to talk to you.”

  Even in the dark night I can get lost in the pools of his magnificent sapphire eyes. I wish he would come closer so I could feel his warmth that has become so familiar to me.

  “I found out today we have to go to court on Monday. What if the Judge decides to throw me into a juvie center and sends Rose back to Minnesota?”

  More paranoid thoughts continue to fill my head once I start saying them out loud, but Eli walks over to stand beside me, shaking his head. He slides into the space beside me in the lounging chair, setting the guitar on the ground and curling his fingers through mine.

  “Lily, I keep telling you I won’t let anything happen. You just have to trust me.”

  “But what if the social worker in Minnesota finally makes a connection with the one out here? And what if Johnny comes to the hearing? He could easily claim to be Rose’s father and they probably can’t prove him to be wrong. He has pictures of her, and who knows what else he may have found in our apartment.”

  Eli lifts my chin with his finger and his eyes settle on mine.

  “Listen to me. In the same way you said you trust me without question, you have to trust that I have ways of making things happen. I can be very resourceful when it comes to influencing people.”