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I told Jennifer that I missed her and that—if she wanted—I'd write to her.
Can also be:
I told Jennifer that I missed her and that, if she wanted, I'd write to her.
There may be some instances when you'll want to replace your dashes or parentheses with a pair of commas, since a pair of commas allows the smoothest sentence flow and is less jarring than dashes or even parentheses. Alternately, you may want to replace a comma offset with dashes and parentheses if you want more of an impact, or if you already have too many commas in a sentence. Indeed, dashes or parentheses can be effective in helping prevent confusion in a comma-laden sentence.
• Likewise, dashes and parentheses aren't the only marks that can indicate an afterthought. Commas can perform this function, too:
I was going to tell those kids to stop screaming—but I fell back asleep.
Can also be:
I was going to tell those kids to stop screaming, but I fell back asleep.
A period can handle this task, too:
I was going to tell those kids to stop screaming. But I fell back asleep.
As you see, using a comma to create an afterthought doesn't quite give it the same punch, while using a period lends it a disconnected feeling. And neither of these is quite as effective or natural as the dash. It depends on your intended effect. Realize there are options before rushing to use the dash or parentheses as your tool of choice.
Let's conclude with an example from Melville, who relied on dashes often. Here's an excerpt from his story, "The Paradise of Bachelors and the Tartarus of Maids":
Sick with the din and soiled with the mud of Fleet Street—where the Benedick tradesmen are hurrying by, with ledger-lines rules along their brows, thinking upon rise of bread and fall of babies— you adroitly turn a mystic corner—not a street—glide down a dim, monastic, way, flanked by dark, sedate, and solemn piles, and still wending on, give the whole care-worn world the slip, and, disentangled, stand beneath the quiet cloisters of the Paradise of Bachelors.
Here Melville manages to use four dashes in a single sentence, helping to prolong it. Such a long sentence gives us the feeling of descending deeper into the setting, of turning corners, walking down streets. Note also the abundant commas here, making us pause at each turn, also forcing us to slow, to take it all in. The punctuation here truly reflects the content, and helps bring it to life.
WHAT YOUR USE OF DASHES AND PARENTHESES REVEALS ABOUT YOU
The Dash
A text filled with dashes could be indicative of different problems, depending upon whether the writer is advanced or amateur. With the advanced writer, the overuse of the dash (particularly the solo dash) indicates a writer who is overly stylistic. This writer strives to create a feeling of informality, of intimacy between himself and the reader, and his chief objective is to prove his lack of calculation. Yet the fact that he goes to such ends indicates an even greater degree of calculation. He is too concerned with the impression he'll make, too eager for the reader's approval. Of course, by seeking it, he will lose it.
With the amateur writer, the overuse of the dash indicates simple laziness and sloppiness. It is the writer who puts no stake on revision, who accepts his first draff as is. It also belies scattered thought.
The writer who underuses the dash is too concerned with formality, too unwilling to experiment. He won't put himself on the line enough, and his characters might also stop short of an ultimate journey, discovery, or revelation. This writer is safe. The good news, though, is that he is less inclined to be a scattered thinker, and more likely to put greater emphasis on revision.
Parentheses
One might overuse parentheses for a variety of reasons. In the amateur or sloppy writer, the overuse of these marks generally indicates scattered thinking. It also indicates an aversion to revise (perhaps for egotistical reasons, perhaps out of laziness), or a willingness to revise but an inability to catch one's own errors upon revision. Not every writer is a good editor for his own work.
The overuse of these marks could also be driven by an academic impulse to not omit any detail. Such writers think that merely moving a footnote into the main text (via a parenthetical aside) somehow makes it okay. It does not. In mainstream books, footnotes should stay where they are—at the bottom of the page, after the chapter, or in the back of the book—or better yet, be deleted altogether. You should find a way to say what needs to be said in the text itself. Facts are for encyclopedias. An unimpeded reading experience is for books.
The overuse of these marks can be driven by an impulse to avoid taking a firm stance. There is no greater way to sneak in a qualification than with a dash or parentheses. Readers, though, yearn for confident, authoritative prose, and a text filled with qualifications will only make them respect you less.
These marks might be overused as a way of escaping developing your main thought or argument. When one indulges in asides, it becomes easy to avoid a single point. This might arise from a lack of confidence in your own authority. One might also overuse these marks because one is an overzealous stylist, too desperate to create a feeling of intimacy or spontaneity. Ironically, such a style is even more calculating, since writing is crafted. Readers will often see through it and simply be turned off.
In general, the writer who overuses parentheses (or the double dash) is likely to think in digression. He will have a short attention span, be easily distracted, and be overflowing with knowledge, impatient to get it all in. He will likely write a longer, more uncensored book. Not as concerned with the reader as he should be, he puts too much stake in his own powers and in his first draft, unwilling to go back and rewrite so that parentheses are not needed in the first place. This writer is more likely to be spontaneous. He is more likely to lose his train of thought, to begin a paragraph on one note and end it on another. He will probably write a richer, less expected text, but will also be harder to follow—often not in a good way.
Since the use of parentheses often indicates a writer who is spontaneous, spur of the moment, who allows room for digressions and asides, the writer who underuses parentheses is more likely to be less spontaneous, to be more calculating, more formal. The good news is that he knows that information should go in its proper place, and will be a straight thinker. This, though, is a double-edged sword, as this writer is more likely to leave digressionary material out, possibly at the expense of crafting a less rich work. He might be too focused on the narrow road ahead, and less willing to explore detours on the course of the journey.
EXERCISES
• Tally up your number of dashes and parentheses in one of your works. How many of each appear on the first page? In the first chapter? If you find more than two parenthetical or double dash asides per page, it is likely too much. Conversely, if you find you don't use them at all, your writing may be too calculated, not as rich as it should be. The first step is awareness.
• In many cases, parenthetical or double dash asides are either best converted to sentences in their own right, or not used at all. Examine each and ask yourself if it is truly necessary. Can any be deleted? If not, ask yourself if the digressionary material must remain in the midst of a sentence. Can it be given its own sentence?
• Do any parenthetical or double dash asides in your work contain too-long clauses? Look for any long asides and ask yourself if the main thought is compromised or weakened as a result. Can any be shortened? Cut? Given their own sentences?
•As mentioned previously, dashes and parentheses can be used to spice up sections of writing that feel too simplistic or straightforward. Are there any such areas in your work? Using a pair of dashes or parentheses, add an aside or two. Be less constrained. How does it transform the writing?
QUOTATION MARKS are the most visible marks in the world of punctuation. They are raised above the text, dangling conspicuously; they come in pairs, offering twice the impact; and their presence often demands the indentation of a paragraph, allowing them to be roomily in
dented from the margin. As if all this were not dramatic and eye catching enough, they also often work in a pack, with one pair of quotation marks following another, cascading down the page, each demanding a new paragraph and new indentation. They add visibility to visibility until they dominate the page.
Quotation marks are also unique in that they indicate the end of one world (prose) and the beginning of another (dialogue), and as such are one of the most powerful tools with which to propel context into the limelight. Indeed, to discuss quotation marks —their presence, absence, overuse, underuse —is to discuss dialogue itself. And their usage, of course, is not just limited to dialogue: they can offset individual words or phrases to indicate irony, sarcasm, or a special meaning. Indeed, it is impossible to hear these siren calls and not pay attention. As such, they are the trumpets of the punctuation world.
HOW TO USE THEM
Quotation marks are more flexible than most writers assume. Often they are used in a merely functional way, which is a pity, because they can subtly enhance your writing. Some of the ways they can be used:
• To alter the pace. Dialogue is the great accelerator. Nothing has its power on pace, whether to speed a text or slow it down. Open any book and you'll find the reading experience accelerates greatly when you reach a stretch of dialogue; read a screenplay and you'll find yourself turning pages two or three times faster than with a book. Traditional dialogue cannot be indicated without quotation marks (in English, at least—quotation marks are not the norm for dialogue in Spanish, French, Italian, or Russian literature) and in this sense, the two are codependent.
Thus, creatively, the presence of quotation marks accelerates the pace of your work. This can be useful in places where the pace slows, for example, where there are long stretches of prose. Alternately, removing quotation marks will slow the pace significantly. This can be useful in places where the pace is too fast, where a reader needs grounding and time to process. Consider this example from Tobias Wolff's story "Mortals":
"So what happened?" the metro editor said to me.
"I wish I knew."
"That's not good enough," the woman said.
"Dolly's pretty upset," Givens said.
"She has every right to be upset," the metro editor said. "Who called in the notice?" he asked me.
"To tell the truth, I don't remember. I suppose it was somebody from the funeral home."
"You call them back?"
"I don't believe I did, no."
"Check with the family?"
"He most certainly did not," Mrs. Givens said.
"No," I said.
Notice how the abundant quotation marks accelerate the pace, keep it moving at a fast clip (of course, this effect is compounded greatly by the short lines of speech). It feels as if the dialogue fires back and forth, with little pause in between. The result is a much faster reading experience. Of course, one would not want to maintain this for an entire book, but after a long stretch of prose, a stretch of dialogue like this allows the reader a rest stop. In Wolff's case, it also evokes a clipped, matter-of-fact tone, which brilliantly captures the newsroom atmosphere.
• Quotation marks can allow a break from prose. Every book really offers two worlds: the world of prose and the world of dialogue. They do a dance, speeding up the work, slowing it down, setting the stage for a scene, letting it play out. Readers are subconsciously aware of this, and will sometimes scan the prose until they find a stretch of dialogue; when really impatient, as when caught up in a thriller, they might even first scan down to the dialogue to see what happens, then back up to the prose. It's as if prose and dialogue are two different entities living in the same book.
Dialogue allows the reader a visual break from prose, from sentences that can stretch across the entire page. Reaching a stretch of dialogue is like stretching one's legs after a long car ride: it gives readers the renewed vigor they need to get back onto the road, into the thick world of prose. Such a break would not be possible without quotation marks and their requisite spacing.
• Quotation marks can help indicate a passage of time. Most writers just routinely use quotation marks to open and close a line of dialogue; they rarely consider the placement of the marks within a line of dialogue. For example:
"I love you, don't you know that?" he said.
This is the standard usage, as it should be. But quotation marks needn't always be so straightforward. They can be rearranged within dialogue to create subtle effects. One such effect is to create the feeling of a passage of time. Watch what happens when we break up the quotation marks:
"I love you," he said, "don't you know that?"
Now there exists a slight pause between "I love you" and "don't you know that?" that might better suit the scene, depending on the writer's intention. This can be taken even further:
"I love you," he said. "Don't you know that?"
Here a period follows "he said" and "Don't you know that?" is begun with a capital, indicating a new sentence. This suggests even more finality after "I love you," and an even longer passage of time. Through the rearrangement of quotation marks, we have created a whole new feeling for the same line of dialogue. Of course, the quotation marks couldn't achieve what they do here without some help from the comma and the period. We are beginning to see how interdependent punctuation marks are (we'll explore this later).
Here's an example from John Smolens's novel Cold:
"All right," she said. "You can come inside."
He began walking immediately, his legs lifting up out of the deep snow.
"Slowly," she said. "And put your hands down at your sides where I can see them."
By breaking up the dialogue with additional sets of quotation marks, Smolens makes us feel the pause within the speech, makes us feel time slowing down as she sums him up and decides what to do.
• Quotation marks can help create a feeling of revelation or finality to dialogue. For example:
He said, "I love you, don't you know that?"
Prefacing the dialogue with "he said" is a usage rarely employed, as it should be. It is not for everyday use, as it draws much attention. Still, there are times when you might want to have the option. Placing the quotation marks in this way suggests that the dialogue to follow will be more measured, more final, possibly even a revelation. The effect is subtle. If we insert a colon, its effect becomes more apparent:
He said: "I love you, don't you know that?"
Notice the feeling of finality that comes with this; it feels as if this line of dialogue will conclude a scene —indeed, it would be hard to continue dialogue in the wake of this.
Stephen Crane goes so far as to conclude his story "The Little Regiment" with a set of quotation marks:
After a series of shiftings, it occurred naturally that the man with the bandage was very near to the man who saw the flames. He paused, and there was a little silence. Finally he said: "Hello, Dan."
"Hello, Billie."
The colon preceding the first line of dialogue really makes us feel the pause, while the paragraph break before the final line makes us feel it even further. In context, the fact that these quotations come at the end of a paragraph makes us feel their weight even more. It is a powerful way to end a story.
• Quotation marks can help break up long stretches of dialogue. Just as long stretches of prose can be tiresome, so can long exchanges of dialogue. The pace can become too fast, causing the work to feel ungrounded. If you have a character who is long winded, for example, or prone to making speeches, his rants can grow weary on a reader. Consider:
"I can't see anything at night since my operation. The doctor said the glare would go away, but it hasn't. Big surprise. I've never met any doctor who told me the truth. Doctors are all alike. I swear,
I'd be happy never seeing one again. Care for a brandy?"
This is a lot for a reader to take in at once; more importantly, it is disconcerting, as the speaker changes topics without pausing. But by manipulating the quo
tation marks, we can provide a natural rest and give the reader the energy he needs to go on:
"I can't see anything at night since my operation. The doctor said the glare would go away, but it hasn't. Big surprise. I've never met any doctor who told me the truth. Doctors are all alike. I swear, I'd be happy never seeing one again," he said. "Care for a brandy?"
If you opt to break up the dialogue this way, the break must come at an instant when the speaker might naturally pause in his speech, for example, at a moment when he'd like something to sink in. In real life, few people speak in uninterrupted speeches; natural pauses abound in dialogue, when speakers shift in their chairs, cross their legs, sip coffee, or look out a window. It is your task to find them.
Breaking up dialogue with quotation marks serves another purpose: it can help clarify who's speaking, which might be necessary in a long back-and-forth between multiple characters. Consider:
Jack and Dave entered the room.
"Do you have any scotch? I could use a drink."
"I don't think so. Check in the cupboard."
You never want readers to waste their precious energy on trying to figure out who is speaking. Inserting a few extra quotation marks, though, can make all the difference:
Jack and Dave entered the room.
"Do you have any scotch?" Jack asked. "I could use a drink." "I don't think so. Check in the cupboard."
Alternately:
Jack and Dave entered the room.
"Do you have any scotch? I could use a drink."
"I don't think so," Dave answered. "Check in the cupboard."
Notice how you only have to break up dialogue once, and it clarifies everyone who is speaking. Either of these are acceptable, although it's preferable to identify who is speaking immediately so that the reader doesn't have to waste any energy deciphering.
• Sometimes quotation marks can have the greatest impact by not appearing at all. When dialogue is called for, quotation marks are expected; but if they are absent, it has a strong effect. To convey dialogue without traditional quotation marks, you need to either use some other mark, like a dash (which I don't recommend and which we'll explore in depth below), or paraphrase. For example: