Strolling With The One I Love

by Joan Jonker

  ‘Then she’s after something.’ Les Riley was tall and slim, with fine sandy hair, hazel eyes and a pleasant disposition. ‘The only time my one ever says nice things about me is when she’s after something.’ There was affection in the gaze he turned on his wife. ‘I wouldn’t care if she was only after a slab of chocolate like, but she doesn’t believe in skimping it, she likes to push the boat out. For instance, last week it was a new three-piece she was after. But I had to put me foot down with a firm hand, ’cos if I started giving in to her, we’d be skint.’

  ‘Go ’way, ye’re rolling in it, Les Riley,’ Kate said. ‘I bet yer’ve got a few long stockings hidden under the floorboards upstairs.’

  Les feigned annoyance as he shook a fist at his wife. ‘I thought I told yer not to tell anyone about those floorboards! Honest, yer can’t be trusted to keep anything to yerself. In fact, no women can, they’re all gossip-mongers and janglers.’

  Kate’s eyes narrowed and her nostrils flared as she leaned across the counter. ‘I came here for a packet of soap powder, not to be insulted.’ She straightened up and took on a haughty pose. ‘Violet, would you kindly serve me, please? I prefer to be served by a woman as I find men can be so supercilious.’

  Vi’s mouth gaped. ‘Men can be what? My God, girl, how did yer get yer tongue around that, and what the blazes does it mean?’

  ‘I bet she doesn’t know,’ Les said, grinning. ‘She’s just made it up.’

  ‘Of course I know what it means! I wasn’t dragged up like you common as muck people, I was brought up proper. And for your information, Les Riley, supercilious means looking down yer nose at someone. Which is what men do, ’cos they think they’re the superior race.’

  ‘But we are the superior race, everyone knows that! At least all men do.’ Les was beginning to enjoy himself and was hoping no other customers would come in for a while. ‘But we don’t keep bragging about it ’cos it would be just the excuse you women need to start one of yer crying matches.’

  Violet stared at him straight-faced for a few seconds, then she moved towards him and put a closed fist on his chest. Pushing him backwards, she curled her lip and snarled, ‘Oh, so ye’re superior to me, are yer? I’m as thick as two short planks, eh? Well, at least now I know where we stand.’

  Every time Les opened his mouth, he was pushed further backwards. Both he and his wife were acting a part and thoroughly enjoying themselves. And it was such a funny scene, Kate was doubled up with laughter. She was wiping tears of mirth from her eyes with the back of a hand when she remembered the water she’d left to heat.

  ‘Oh, my God!’ she cried.

  Violet and Les looked startled. ‘What’s up, girl? Yer look as though yer’ve seen a ghost.’

  ‘I’ve just remembered I left two pans on the stove. The backsides will be burned out of them by now! I only intended to be out for a few minutes.’ Kate’s hand fluttered nervously to her throat. ‘Vi, throw us a packet of soap powder, I’ll have to dash. I’ll pay yer later, save time now.’ She got to the door of the shop and called, ‘If me house is burned to the ground, or flooded, I’m going to blame you two for keeping me talking.’

  With that parting shot she took to her heels and ran like the wind. She was expecting the pan and kettle to be boiled dry, but to her surprise the water in the large pan hadn’t even come to the boil, and the kettle was just beginning to whistle. So she’d panicked for nothing. She’d better tell Les and Vi all was well when she called in to pay for the powder.

  ‘Until then, I’d better pull me socks up and get this tub filled. I won’t have time now to get the clothes washed and on the line before Monica comes, but I’ll give them a good go with the dolly peg to get the dirt out, and then leave them to steep until I come back from the shops.’

  Running upstairs to gather the dirty clothes, Kate puffed, ‘So much for me grand ideas. I was going to break eggs with a big stick but end up doing sweet Fanny Adams. Me mam was always telling me it was unlucky to make plans, and she was right, as usual.’

  Monica’s eyes popped when Kate opened the door to her. ‘I thought yer’d be waiting for me, but ye’re not even ready!’ After a closer inspection of her mate, she said, ‘Yer look all hot and bothered, girl, what’s wrong?’

  ‘It’s a long story, sunshine, so yer’d better come in and listen to it in comfort.’ Kate ran the back of one hand across her forehead. ‘The sweat is pouring off me with plunging that dolly peg up and down.’

  ‘But what are yer washing today for?’ Monica asked. ‘Yer don’t usually do a big wash on a Wednesday with it being half-day closing at the shops. And just look at the state of yer! Ye’re sweating cobs, yer hair’s a mess and yer’ve no stockings on.’ She pulled a chair out from under the table. ‘Ye’re not a bit organized today, girl, what’s got into yer?’

  Kate sat on a chair facing her. ‘Well, if yer must know, it all started with the weather. When I was seeing our Billy off to school, I happened to look up and saw this beautiful blue sky. I told meself it was a perfect day for a line full of washing.’ She sighed. ‘But it hasn’t turned out that way.’

  Monica undid the buttons on her coat and crossed her shapely legs. ‘Okay, girl, let’s have it. What have yer been up to?’

  Ten minutes later, having embellished events a little to make the tale more interesting, Kate was chuckling as she neared the end. ‘There was me, leaning on the shop counter, really enjoying meself watching Vi and Les acting daft, and not giving a thought to the time. Then, when I did, I imagined I’d been there ages and panicked. The trouble is, Vi and Les will be wondering if me house is still standing. I’ll have to call in on our way past and let them know all is well. And pay them for the packet of soap powder.’

  ‘Ye’re not fit to be on yer own, yer know that, don’t yer?’ Monica clicked her tongue on the roof of her mouth. ‘You get yerself ready while I work up a sweat on the flaming dolly peg. And when we come back from the shops, providing we ever get there, well, I’ll give yer a hand to rinse the clothes out and put them through the mangle. They’ll dry in no time in this weather.’

  Kate jumped to her feet and planted a kiss on her friend’s cheek. ‘What are yer? Only the best mate in the world.’

  ‘Don’t push yer luck, girl, this is only a one off ’cos I’m feeling in a good mood. Just don’t make a habit of it.’ Monica slipped off her coat and threw it over the back of the chair. ‘Move yerself or the shops will have sold out.’

  Kate stopped at the bottom of the stairs with her hand on the banister. ‘Ay, yer good moods don’t last long, do they, sunshine? Two minutes and ye’re back to being yer normal self . . . bossy and bad-tempered.’ Laughing, she took the stairs two at a time when she saw her mate coming towards her with hands curled in a circle, warning that if there was any more cheek she’d strangle her, best friend or not.

  As Kate was getting ready upstairs, Monica was plunging the dolly peg up and down on the clothes in the tub. And she was talking to them. ‘I know it’s not nice to have someone banging hell out of yer, but there’s no need to moan. Yer’ll be on the line before yer know it, wafting in the nice soft breeze.’

  ‘Are yer calling in the corner shop first or leaving it until we come back?’ Monica sounded matter-of-fact but she was hatching a plot in her mind. ‘What d’yer think?’

  ‘We’ll call in first, in case I spend all me money.’

  ‘Then will yer let me pull their legs a bit?’ Monica asked, devilment dancing in her eyes. ‘I could just do with a laugh.’

  ‘Oh, aye, and what have yer got in mind?’ Kate was apprehensive. Her neighbour was always playing tricks on people, and not everyone appreciated it. ‘Ye’re not going to make fools of them or me, are yer?’

  ‘What d’yer take me for? I’m just going to have a bit of fun, and I promise it’ll be a ruddy good laugh. I know Vi and Les will see the joke, but I’m not so sure about you, yer don’t always see the funny side.’ Monica squeezed her friend’s arm to show she was only
kidding. ‘All you have to do is agree with everything I say, or else stand there like a lemon and say nowt.’

  ‘All right, I’ll stand still and say nowt. But if I think ye’re going too far and taking the mickey out of them, I’ll stick me oar in.’

  The corner shop did a brisk trade, particularly in the early mornings between half-five and half-seven when the men were going to work and needed cigarettes and matches. But business was always steady as they stocked everything under the sun and were handy for when people ran short of anything. There were four customers in the shop when Kate and Monica arrived, and both women thought they were in for a wait. But as soon as Violet set eyes on Kate she said to her elderly customer, ‘Will yer excuse me a minute, Maggie? I just want to have a word with Mrs Spencer.’

  Maggie didn’t mind at all, it was one way of passing the time. There was many a bit of juicy gossip to be heard standing in this little shop, and as the old lady lived on her own it was the goings-on of other people that kept her mind active. So, thinking she wasn’t being observed, she inched further along the counter.

  ‘Was everything all right when yer got home, Kate?’

  Monica jumped in before an answer could form on Kate’s lips. ‘Ye’re joking, aren’t yer, Vi? When I called for Tilly Mint here, I had to wade through a foot of water! She said she’d been talking to you and Les and forgot the time. We’ve had a hell of a job brushing out and mopping up.’ She looked down at her feet. ‘Me shoes are still sodden.’

  Violet screwed up her eyes. ‘How could that be? She said she had two pans of water on the stove and was frightened of them drying up and burning! No matter what happened to them, they couldn’t have flooded the place like you’re saying.’

  By this time Les and the four customers were all ears. And there was nothing Monica liked better than an appreciative audience. Her face and voice were set for high drama. ‘Oh, yeah, but she’d forgot she put the hose pipe on the tap and turned it on to fill up the tub. All over the house was flooded, kitchen, living room and hall. Everywhere was sopping wet.’

  One customer thought she was being helpful by suggesting, ‘Yer should leave the front and back doors open, queen, to dry the place through.’

  Another one thought that was a good idea. ‘That’s right girl, yer’ll get a draught through if yer leave yer front and back doors open.’

  ‘That’s terrible, that is,’ Violet said. ‘I’m sorry for yer, Kate.’

  Kate was giving the floor her full attention while hoping Vi, her husband, and the customers who were clicking their tongues in sympathy, had a good sense of humour. ‘It’s just one of those things, Vi, can’t be helped.’

  Les was beginning to smell a rat. Why was Kate standing there saying very little, and leaving all the talking to Monica? ‘Have yer got the place sorted out now, then?’

  Once again it was Monica who answered. ‘The worst thing was getting rid of all the soapsuds, they were everywhere. Flying through the air getting up our noses, and landing on the mantelpiece, chair legs, even the aspidistra plant on the little table by the window. That looked as though it was covered in snow.’

  Les was dying to laugh, but composed his face before saying, ‘Must be good soap powder to make all those suds. We’ll have to put the price of it up, Vi, if it’s good enough to make suds from here down to Kate’s house.’

  ‘What are you on about, yer stupid nit?’ Violet asked. ‘Honest, yer haven’t got a sympathetic bone in yer body.’

  ‘Oh, I don’t know, love, I’m quite impressed, really. I mean, Kate didn’t have any soap powder in the house, that’s why she came here for some. So soapsuds appearing in water from a cold tap, well, that’s a miracle.’

  His wife looked at him for several seconds as though he was mad. Then the penny dropped and she shook her fist in Monica’s face. ‘This is your doing, missus! What a conniving cow yer are.’ Then she let go with her hearty laugh. With her two hands holding on to her generous tummy, she chortled, ‘Yer really had me going then. I could almost see those soapsuds flying through the air.’

  Maggie’s lined face was creased in laughter. ‘It was the aspidistra I could see, all covered in white and looking like a Christmas tree.’ She nodded her head. ‘That’s really cheered me up, that has.’

  The other three customers, who were friends, thought it was hilarious. ‘We were even thinking of offering to come to your house and give yer a hand to mop out! Oh, dear, we’ve been well and truly had.’

  ‘Serves us right,’ another woman said, ‘for listening to other people’s conversations.’

  ‘No wonder you were so quiet, Kate,’ Violet said. ‘Yer looked as though yer didn’t know where to put yerself, and I thought it was because yer’d had a fright.’

  ‘I didn’t know where to put meself,’ she admitted. ‘Yer never know what Monica’s going to come up with next. Many’s the time I’ve prayed for the floor to open up so I could disappear. But having said that, she’s got her good points. She got stuck in right away and helped with the clothes in the tub while I made meself respectable.’ She grinned sheepishly. ‘Everything was fine when I got home, the water wasn’t even boiled.’

  ‘Well, it broke the monotony if nothing else,’ Les said, walking back to his customers. ‘At least we had a laugh and it’ll make the day seem shorter.’

  Kate put a threepenny piece on the counter. ‘I think that’s right, Vi, it was only a small packet, wasn’t it?’

  ‘Yeah, that’s just right. Yer didn’t have to go out of yer way to bring it, yer could have paid at the weekend.’

  ‘Out of debt, out of danger, Vi! Anyway, it wasn’t out of our way, we had to pass to go to the shops to get something in for the dinner.’

  ‘What are yer thinking of having?’ Violet asked as she leaned her elbows on the counter. She hadn’t forgotten that Maggie still hadn’t been served, but knew the old dear lived alone and didn’t get about much. She’d be doing her a favour by letting her listen in to the conversation. ‘Tell me it’s something tasty so me mouth can water.’

  ‘We’re going to ask the butcher to chop a sheet of ribs in half for me and Monica. That’s always a firm favourite in our house.’

  ‘With a cabbage cooked in the water?’ Maggie couldn’t keep the words back. ‘That’s a real treat. It used to be me husband’s favourite meal. He’d enjoy sucking the bones to get all the meat off.’

  Kate smiled at her. ‘That’s what we’re going to do. My husband says the meat on the bones is the sweetest.’

  ‘Yer want to see my feller when he’s eating them,’ Monica said. ‘He doesn’t care that his fingers are greasy because he says that’s what we were given hands for.’

  ‘Yer’ve got me mouth watering now. Would yer do us a favour, Kate?’ Monica asked. ‘See if the butcher’s got a spare sheet. If Bob serves yer, tell him who it’s for and he’ll make sure I get a nice lean meaty one.’

  Monica chuckled. ‘Which me and Kate will promptly swap for the one he gives us. How soft we’d be to give yer the best one.’

  ‘Take no notice of her, Vi, she’s having yer on.’ Kate was remembering all the favours the family in the corner shop had done for her, so she wasn’t going to cheat them. ‘I’ll tell Bob to put your name on the paper so I don’t get them mixed up.’ Then a grin appeared. ‘Mind you, if he gives yer a leaner one than he gives us, he’ll get a piece of me mind. Me and Monica are good customers, and I’ll remind him of the fact.’

  ‘Yer can do that by all means, girl, if we ever get to the ruddy shops!’ Monica pulled on her friend’s arm. ‘Ye’re standing there as though we’ve got all day.’ She waved to everyone in the shop, and there was hearty laughter when Kate was pulled through the door behind her with some force.

  ‘Let go of me before I lose me balance.’ When she felt her feet firmly on the ground, Kate smoothed down the front of her coat before turning accusing eyes on her neighbour. ‘Well, clever clogs, I hope yer’ve got enough money on yer to pay for Vi’s sheet of ri
bs? I would have asked her for it, only I was dragged out of the shop before I had a chance.’

  ‘I haven’t got no money on me,’ Monica said. ‘Only enough for meself, like. So Bob will have to put what Vi owes on the slate. She can pay at the weekend.’

  ‘She’s not going to like that! I know she gives customers tick in her shop, but that’s only to help them out when they’re skint. She doesn’t need to get tick herself.’

  ‘How lucky she is then, eh? I’ve had quite a few things on tick in me life, and it never did me no harm. So it won’t hurt her for once.’

  ‘I’m not going back in that shop with a sheet of ribs and telling her she got it on tick.’ Kate’s mouth was set firm in determination. ‘We’ll pool our money when we get down the street and out of sight. Perhaps between us we can manage to pay for it.’

  Monica shook her head slowly. ‘Kate Spencer, yer can be a stubborn bugger when yer feel like it. If we can’t afford to buy it between us, and yer feel so strongly about it, then I’ll get my own ruddy ribs on tick. They’ll probably choke me, but anything’s better than seeing you with a sour face. Anyone would think yer were sucking a lemon.’

  That calmed Kate down somewhat, and she linked her friend’s arm. ‘I’d like to sort something out, sunshine, ’cos Vi and Les have been good to me in the past when I haven’t had two ha’pennies to rub together. I’d like to think I could do them a small favour in return.’ She glanced sideways. ‘I’m not the only one they’ve helped, either! There’s a lot of women around here who’ve got good reason to be grateful to the Rileys. They’d have been in Queer Street sometimes without that corner shop. And that includes you, Monica Parry, so just you think on it.’

  ‘Okay, girl, there’s no need for a lecture. We’ll get that sheet of ribs come hell or high water.’ Monica saw a figure coming towards them and groaned. ‘Oh, no, that’s all I need, here comes Winnie Cartwright. Now don’t stop and talk or she’ll keep us for ages, passing on all the gossip and pulling everyone to pieces.’