“I’m trying to avoid someone.”
Blake looked at her for a moment too long. “James?” he finally asked.
“How did you know?”
“How can I not know, love? It has been obvious something is bothering you. I’m offended that you did not share it with me.”
“There’s nothing to share.”
“So you’re saying you’re not completely smitten by the boy?”
“Not completely. Only slightly.”
“You’re slightly smitten by him?”
“Yes.”
“When did it happen. Rather, when did you realize? When he started dating Clarabelle?”
“About two minutes before I found out he’s dating Clarabelle.”
Blake sighed.
“That’s rough.”
“Mhmm.”
“Does he know?”
Color rose to her cheeks as he said those words.
“He didn’t until yesterday.”
“You told him, then?”
“Yeah.”
“How did that go?”
Alicia shook her head. “I don’t want to go to the party, Blake. Please don’t make me go.”
“You don’t have to see James. I’ll make sure of that. We’ll hang out in my room.”
“You’ll have crowds of women waiting for you to please them,” Alicia said rolling her eyes. “You can’t spend the evening in your bedroom with me.”
“I’ll still be with a woman,” he said winking.
“Blake,” Alicia warned.
“Look, I’ll take care of those women. I’m good at…time management. They won’t be disappointed either, and we’ll get to talk too. Win win situation for every party involved.”
“Except for me.”
“You’ll feel better after we talk.”
“Alright,” Alicia conceded.
When they all reached the party, she made up her mind not to rely on Blake to keep her safe from James and Clarabelle. A group of women engulfed him the moment he entered.
“You can go to my room. I’ll join you there,” he muttered as one of the girls whispered something in his ear, her hands trailing down to his pants. Things at these parties always escalated too quickly.
Alicia stayed around with the girls for a while, but when she could no longer stand Clarabelle and James’ presence at the same time, she withdrew to Blake’s room. When the door opened, she expected it to be Blake. She was surprised to find James.
She turned away from him.
“Hi, James,” she said softly.
“Hi, Alicia,” he replied.
“We shouldn’t be together in a room. I don’t want… I don’t want it to happen again.”
“Why?”
“Clarabelle.”
“I’m no longer with her.”
“She seems to think you’re on a break.”
“No, we aren’t. We talked things through today.”
“Clarabelle wants to get back with you. I don’t want to be a hindrance.”
“She cheated on me, Alicia. At this point, getting back with her is entirely my own decision.”
“Is it because of me?”
“No. It’s because she cheated. Alicia, you know how much I value loyalty. If you had told me you loved me while I was still with her, I probably would not have reciprocated in the same manner. We had a talk today. She said she had known all along. That I wanted you.”
“She did?”
“Apparently, that’s what made her sleep with Ben. Because she knew I was hung up and she didn’t have any chance to get me back.”
He pressed into her back, his hands palming the cheeks of her hips. Then he started to massage them. Feeling brazen, she pushed back against him. He gently started to grind into her. They could still hear the music from the hall. Alicia closed her eyes, leaning back into him and sighing in satisfaction. The slow, circular movements of his crotch against her hips was a relief.
“Mhmm, James,” she mewled. “Do you have any idea how crazy you drive me?”
“Do you?” he said, and as he pressed into her, she could feel his erection through the thin material of her panties. She reached behind and unzipped his pants to release his erection. She squeezed it gently which made him groan.
“See what you do to me?” he breathed against the back of her neck, lightly leaving kisses there.
“Want to see what you do to me?” she whispered back. His hand, which was currently massaging her breasts, was pulled down to her underwear. Her back pressed into his front even harder.
He could feel the wetness and heat seeping through her panties as he lightly brushed the front. “You’re so wet,” he said as he slipped his hand underneath and teased her entrance. “So ready for me…” A finger pushed inside her. Her head rolled back onto his shoulders. “So warm…” He started to pump in and out as short gasps escaped her mouth. “I want to taste you…” With that, he withdrew his fingers and turned her around to face him. He kissed her briefly before pushing her against the wall where she leaned breathlessly. He kneeled in front of her, pulling down her jeans and panties. She pressed back into the wall as he brought his mouth at her entrance and licked slowly, seductively. She grabbed his head, holding him in place and encouraging him to go faster. He complied, his tongue making sweeping motions and teasing her clit. His hands held her hips up, or she was afraid she would collapse on the floor.
He lifted her right leg, placing it over his shoulder to give himself more area to tease. She clutched at his shoulders, afraid she was going to fall over.
“J-James,” she cried. He continued licking her core.
When he stood up, he glanced at the bed, but Alicia shook her head. “I don’t want to do it on Blake’s bed.”
“Good,” James replied. “Because I was planning on taking you against the wall.”
He unzipped his jeans, they were both panting with anticipation. She was lifted and brought down on his hard erection. His lips were busy seeking out the thumping pulse in her neck. She was laden with kisses, and her senses were sparked. He possessed an apt ability to judge the situation, making his moves according to her whimpered responses. His hands displayed appropriate gentleness when removing strands of hair from her face before securing her thighs to rock heavily into her.
“I’m not going to last long,” she whimpered as she felt herself coming close.
From the slit in the door, which the intimate couple had left slightly ajar, Clarabelle watched. She had been passing by on the way to the bathroom when her eyes fell on them. She felt a pang of anger within her chest and had to quickly remind herself of the number of times she had been the one who had been with men who were in relationships and had justified it so brilliantly that neither herself nor the men ever felt like they were doing something wrong.
She tore her eyes away from the sight and walked away. She thought of finding Paige, but that was over too. She had lost Paige, and she had lost James. But had she really lost James? Clarabelle wasn’t the kind who ever gave up so easily. She knew ways of winning over men who had been in love and married for years and years. James was different though. She could always tell that he never felt anything deep for her. He was hung up on Alicia and nothing she could ever do, no amount of love she could show would ever make him hers. He was already too deeply in love with Alicia.
In the room, Alicia and James sat on the bed. Alicia was a little breathless from their little episode. She ran a hand through her hair.
“Is it really over between you and Clarabelle?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“I’m sorry. It’s because of me.”
“It’s not because of you. It was inevitable. She knew I’m still hung up. That’s one reason she didn’t feel terrible about cheating on me. Said that I was emotionally cheating all along by having you in mind.”
“You still want me?”
“I don’t know, Alicia. All I know is that you’re the girl that I changed for and unintentionall
y, you’re the girl who made me who I am. And that’s pretty big for me.”
Alicia was silent. Her heart was beating fast.
“You should give it another shot with her.”
James looked at her a long time before replying. “Is that what you think I should do?”
“Clarabelle is a nice girl. And I heard her talking on the phone with her friend. She likes you a lot. She said some… some touching stuff about you. And she gave everything up for you. Her own lifestyle. Her happiness.”
“I gave up my lifestyle for you, as you very well must remember. What do you make of that?”
“Clarabelle must be very sad right now too.”
“Not really. She said she was kind of relieved to go back to her own carefree lifestyle.”
“I’m sure she regrets it.”
James shrugged. “Maybe you’re right,” he said. “Maybe I should try with her one more time. You and I, we drive each other crazy. I wonder what it would be like to actually be together.”
Alicia smiled weakly. “We’ll probably murder each other on the first night?”
“Probably.”
Later, as the party proceeded, Clarabelle and Alicia came face to face. Alicia could not meet Clarabelle’s eyes which were a comical reversal of their usual state where Clarabelle was the one not meeting Alicia’s eyes when the latter was making her feel guilty (and rightly so) over something or another that the former had done. Alicia was sitting in Blake’s bedroom long after Blake and Liam had dragged James away. Clarabelle came inside silently and sat on the bed next to Alicia.
“Hi,” she said.
“Hello,” Alicia replied.
“You feel guilty,” Clarabelle stated.
“I do.”
Clarabelle nodded. “It’s funny, you know? Guilt. James made me feel guilty about cheating from his reaction to my confession. I’ve never known guilt before. There are a lot of things I didn’t know before James. Guilt, possessiveness, jealousy, extreme infatuation… I experienced them all for the first time because of him.”
Alicia was silent.
“I knew it all along, you know? That you liked him… had very strong feelings for him. It’s only fitting. Girls like you always end up falling for men once they become unavailable.”
Clarabelle always distanced herself from other girls, claiming that she wasn’t like them. She thought everything was below her: love, jealousy, relationships, obsession, feelings.
Alicia remained silent again.
“I knew about him too. That he was and always had been in love with you. A part of me wished I could get that love for myself. He chased you for three years before backing off because of constant rejection. If that’s not dedication, then I don’t know what is. And even when he did back off, he still secretly wanted you. I hoped that I would be the one who would be able to… I don’t know… make him snap out of his obsession with you. But deep down, I knew my efforts were going to be futile. The guy practically worshiped the ground you walked on last year. How did I expect him to be over it so soon?”
“I’m sorry, Belle,” Alicia said softly.
“No, don’t be. I’ve been the Alicia in way too many relationships. At least you found out that the guy who was cheating on me – well, I would call it cheating because we never properly ended things – but at least that guy does love you very much. For me, it’s always a fuck boy trying to get the satisfaction that his relationship doesn’t bring him.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, I don’t mind. I’m the same. As in, I also just want the satisfaction. Nothing too serious. That’s how I’ve always been. I doubt I’ll ever be different. And I don’t really want to be.” She shrugged and continued. “The worst part about being with James was not having the freedom to explore other opportunities. But there were so many good things about it that I never cared about that part. I love how he was always with me, how he always protected me and defended me against the haters, how he invited me to stay with him almost every night… and we didn’t just have sex, we talked. It was nice in a way, but then it got boring. Does that make me a bad person?”
“No,” Alicia replied softly. “It’s just who you are.”
Clarabelle sighed. “I do hate you for how you jumped onto him as soon as I took a break. Yes, it was a break to me. We didn’t even get closure. But I can’t blame you because I’m the one in your position in every other relationship.”
Alicia patiently ignored the rebukes and subtle hints she was throwing at her. “Will you try to fix things with James?” she said instead.
“I doubt he wants to.”
“He does. You should try to talk to him.”
“He does?”
“James made a mistake. That, too, only because it was me. I’m not even sure if he likes me. Maybe it’s just that… that he had wanted it for so long that when he finally got it, he took it without giving it a second thought. Maybe he doesn’t really –”
“Alicia,” Clarabelle cut across her. “He wants you. Even a blind man can tell.”
After a brief silence, Clarabelle spoke up again. “Paige told me, you know?” She laughed derisively. “Paige told me I should be grateful you don’t reciprocate his feelings, or he would have forgotten me in a second. How I wanted to believe she was wrong. But deep down, I knew. I always knew. Alicia and James was a thing that was bound to happen after all the angst and fights.”
She sighed and stood up. “This past week has been strange. James, Paige, you… I don’t know how to fix it all. I’ll have to figure it out, I suppose.” With that, she exited the room. Alicia felt a strange admiration for the woman; she always went after what she wanted and was shamelessly unapologetic about her needs and desires. She didn’t hold grudges or jealousies and accepted things for what they are. It’s too bad that Alicia was the reason for her melancholy.
Chapter Ten
Paige heard the news about James and Clarabelle’s break up and relished in the thought for a few moments before she sobered up. Some sort of realization hit her, but she could not place her finger on it. Now that it was finally over, Paige had no reason to be angry at Clarabelle. Clarabelle was gone. She had lost the only friend that she had, and there was not much she could do to fix it, and she was not sure how much she wanted to do. In all honesty, Paige needed a break from all the drama she had been a part of for the past few weeks starting from the phone call Clarabelle made to her to tell her about James up to the last encounter. Paige was, in all honesty, tired of all the drama. She was still the sweet girl who avoided conflict and preferred solitude along with her best friend who was no longer her best friend. A part of her missed Clarabelle and ached for the years they could have had ahead after college had this not happened. Another part of her was glad that it did happen. It had made her a confident and more resilient person who stood up for what made her happy and did not let people walk all over her. It was sad that her best friend had to be the one to teach her this through betrayal and heartbreak.
There was a knock on the door.
“Come in,” she said.
She wasn’t surprised when she saw Clarabelle enter the room. It was almost like the time when they were friends and used to spend hours in each other’s bedrooms.
“Hey,” Clarabelle said.
“Hi,” Paige replied.
“Can I come in?”
“Well, you’re already inside so might as well.”
“I broke up with James,” Clarabelle spoke up after she sat on the bed next to where Paige was sitting.
“I heard.”
“Are you happy?” Clarabelle asked.
“Are you?”
“No.”
“I’m not either.”
The two friends were silent. They both were thinking of how to move past the recent events and how to forget the horrible things they had each said to one another.
“Why did you do it?” Paige asked suddenly.
Clarabelle did not need to ask what she was talkin
g about.
“Because boys like James don’t like girls like me.”
“That’s just what you think.”
“No, it’s true. Paige, I’ve been with a lot of boys, but that doesn’t mean any of them have ever genuinely liked me. In fact, I’ve been more of a good shag for them than anything else. You know it’s why. Why deny it? I’m not much of a believer in relationships, but I do believe in love. I always thought one day someone will come along and he’ll like me for who I am. He wouldn’t just want to fuck me. He’ll want to get to know me. He’ll take the time to understand my mind before he takes my body. James had these qualities. So much so I thought he could be the one. But turns out, I’m the one who wasn’t ready for such a thing. I’m the one who wasn’t ready for love yet.”
Paige was silent.
“I wanted it so badly, Paige. I wanted to be liked and not just desired. I wanted to be more than just a good body and good shag for someone. I wanted it so much that I put it before your needs. I don’t regret it. It put things into perspective for me. Like how my needs go far beyond anything I comprehended and how much work it will take to be able to move past this life of freedom. I love my freedom, Paige. And I realized my sexual needs don’t even come close to what I thought.”
“Didn’t you think of me at all?”
“I thought you’ll forgive me.”
“Well, I don’t.”
“I know. And I won’t say I’m sorry. This helped me realize a lot of things. About myself. About us, about our relationship.”
“What about our relationship?”
“There’s just so much we leave unsaid. So much that we don’t talk about.”
“There was nothing to say.”
“Can we ever go back to what we were before?”
Paige thought about it and then – “No.”
Clarabelle nodded. She was expecting that.
“You hurt me too badly for me to be able to move past it. We can try and fix things. We can have those conversations and talk about things that you think we’ve left unsaid. Maybe we can make peace with what happened.”
That made Clarabelle incredibly sad.
But there was nothing more left to be said or done.
The Campus Jock: A College Bad Boy Romance Page 6