My Misery Muse

by Betzold, Brei

  “Yea, I guess,” I said a little calmer.

  My cell rang and I glanced down, damn so not what I need right now, I pushed it to voicemail.

  “Who was that?” Sam asked.

  “Drake,” I said.

  Just then Eli’s phone went off followed by Sam’s.

  “Drake,” Eli said.

  “Max,” Sam said just as he pushed it to voicemail. It rang again, he groaned, “Crispin.”

  “We’re going to have to talk to them,” Eli said.

  Xavier walked in just then. “Guess you saw it.”

  We all nodded.

  “What’s the plan?” Xavier asked.

  “I have no clue,” I said then my phone rang again. I groaned, “Hello.”

  “I’m sure you know why I’m calling Seth,” Ray said.

  “I have a pretty good idea,” I said.

  “The label execs want to see all four of you in their offices pronto,” Ray said.

  “Yea, I was expecting that,” I said. “We’ll be there as soon as we can.”

  “Make it here in an hour or less,” Ray said then hung up.

  “Ray?” Xavier said.

  I nodded. “Yea they want us in their offices in an hour.”

  We made it to the Label’s office, and were ushered to a conference room then made to wait for over 30 minutes. We were still hiding out from phone calls. I knew we would have to deal with them, but first I wanted to see if the label had my back on this.

  “So we all know why we’re here,” Tom said when walking into the room.

  We nodded.

  “Alright then, tell me about the girl, how much did she ask for, and is the kid yours?” he asked.

  I stiffened. “Yes, Jaks is mine, she never asked for money.”

  “DNA test?” he asked.

  “No, didn’t need one,” I said.

  He snorted. “Are you stupid boy, some girl comes and says the kid’s yours and you just believe her?”

  “No, I know Devi, and one look at Jaks was all it took, he’s mine.”

  “Fine, whatever, it’s your money.”

  “She never asked for money.”

  “Not yet,” he said, “but they always do.”

  “We’re trying to find out who leaked this to the press, but it doesn’t really matter since it’s already out. Let’s figure out damage control. I have staff working on a press release, you don’t know this girl, never saw her or the kid before,” he said.

  “Uh no sir, that’s not going to work,” I said.

  “Why the hell not?” he barked.

  “Too many people know about their past,” Sam said.

  “What past?” Tom asked.

  “We datedand lived together for three years, before I came to LA,” I said.

  “Damn boy, did you know about the kid or not?” he asked.

  “I didn’t, but I think it would be better played as if I had. I didn’t speak of him and saw him when I could, not wanting him brought into the spotlight.”

  He nodded. “Will she go with it?”

  I looked over at Eli he nodded. “Yea, Devi will go with it.”

  “Yea I think she will too, it’ll be easiest for Jaks,” Sam said.

  “Alright, how long since you saw the kid?” Tom asked.

  “About six months,” I said. “I haven’t seen him since we left Dallas.”

  “Is it true about Eli being her cousin?” he asked.

  “Yea, I’m her cousin,” Eli answered.

  “Fuck, did you get the job because of her?” he asked.

  “No, he got it because he’s a kick ass drummer,” Xavier said, “and that’s all that mattered to us.”

  “Ok, I will get the press release done and sent out a.s.a.p.” Tom said standing and walking out the door.

  “Well, that could have gone worse,” Sam said.

  I nodded. “Yea, we need to call some people back.”

  “You need to call her,” Eli said.

  I shook my head. “I’m going to Dallas.”

  “About fucking time,” they said in unison.

  “Have I been that big of a bastard?” I asked.

  All three nodded.

  “You guys coming with?” I asked.

  They all three nodded again.

  “Fine, let’s get out of here then,” I said walking out of the room.

  Chapter Twenty Four

  “You almost ready for his party?” Mags asked.

  “Yea, I have a few things to pick up still.”

  She nodded. “Anything you need help with?”

  “Nah, I have it handled.”

  “Have you heard from him?”

  I shook my head. “Nope, I did hear from a PR person from his label.”

  “What did they want?”

  “Wanted to make sure I understood my cover story,” I said then snorted. “He’s always known about Jaks, he visited when he could yada yada yada.”

  “You ok, honey?”

  “Sure, I love having my picture and my son’s plastered all over tabloids, on TV, it’s one of my life long goals.”

  “Call me if you need anything, ok?” she said. “I’ll see you tomorrow for Jaks’ party.”

  I nodded, “Yea, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Honey, it’s only been two days,” Mags said. “He’s probably dealing with all this on his end.”

  “Yea whatever,” I muttered after she left.

  I went back to my painting; I needed something to focus on other than the media camped outside my house and outside the shop.

  A little while later there was a knock at my door. “Go the fuck away,” I growled then they knocked again and I knew they weren’t going to go away.

  I put my brush down, and wiped my hands on my shirt, then brushed my hair from my face, knowing I just wiped paint on my face but not really caring. I stomped to the door and opened it as much as the chain would let me. Seth stood there looking as gorgeous as ever, his 6’2 lean body taking up the doorway, his dark hair mussed, his green eyes looking haunted. He was dressed in a long sleeve thermal shirt that clung to his chest and worn jeans that fit like a second skin. I slammed the door shut then started to walk away.

  “Devi, open the door!” he yelled.

  I ignored him and he started pounding on the door again.

  “Damn it Devi, open the door,” he said more quietly.

  I knew he wouldn’t go away, but I just didn’t want to deal with him on top of everything else. “Just go away Seth,” I finally said.

  “Not until you open this door and we talk,” he said.

  “Fine,” I growled and walked back to the door, undid the chain and flung it open. “What do you want?”

  ¯¯¯

  I walked past her noticing she looked beautiful as always. She was in a pair of old ratty jeans with paint smeared on them, an old flannel that hugged her breasts and no shoes, her hair was longer than the last time I saw her. There were pirate decorations put up around the house, and a happy birthday Jaks sign hanging up.

  “When’s his party?”

  “Tomorrow afternoon.”

  I nodded. “Remember, remember the fifth of November, the gunpowder, treason and plot, I know no reason why gunpowder treason should ever be forgot,” I murmured.

  “Yes, I know our son was born on Guy Fawkes Day.”

  “Maybe one day he will try and blow up parliament,” I joked.

  “If I remember correctly that didn’t work out too well for him,” she said. “Why are you here Seth?”

  “I needed to see you, I needed to see how you were handling things.”

  “You could have called.”

  “Yea, probably, but I wanted to see you for myself, not have you tell me your fine.”

  She snorted. “Now he cares,” she muttered.

  “I always cared, Devi,” I said quietly. “I left so this wouldn’t happen.”

  “Yea that’s what Drake told me.”

  “You didn’t believe him?”
/>
  She shrugged. “Don’t know, not like you ever talked to me about it.”

  “Your right, I didn’t,” I said, “though I should have.”

  “Yea, well a little too late for that,” she quipped.

  “The label’s released a statement, and I would have been here sooner but I was dragged into some interviews the label wanted done.”

  “Whatever, Seth do what you need to do, and I’ll do what I need to do.”

  “Where’s Jaks?”

  “He’s with Drake, he’s staying the night with him so I could get ready for his party,” she said. “You can go over there if you want to see him.”

  I walked over to her and brushed her cheek, I noticed the paint smeared on her nose and forehead. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  She stepped away from me, “So am I,” she murmured.

  I left her place and headed over to Drake’s, I wanted to see Jaks, it had been too long.

  “Hey man,” Drake said when he opened the door, “Devi called and said you would probably head over here.”

  “Yea, I wanted to see Jaks.”

  He nodded, ”Well come on, he’s in the family room.”

  I walked into Drake’s sunken family room and looked at my son. He was bigger, he had lost some of his baby fat and was beginning to look more like a little boy than a baby.

  Jaks looked up and gave me a big grin. “Daddy!” he screamed and ran at me.

  “Hey little man,” I said scooping him up and holding him in a tight hug, “how have you been?”

  “Good Daddy, my bfday morrow.”

  “Yea I know,” I said. “What do you want?”

  “Cars, uitar, colors, paint.”

  I nodded. “All of those are really cool.”

  “What kind of party are you going to have?”

  “Pirates, arhhh,” he said while scrunching his face up in his best pirate face.

  I laughed, damn he was cute. “How’s school, any cute girls?”

  Jaks shrugged and looked away biting his lower lip like Devi does when she’s worried.

  “What’s wrong Jaks?”

  “They mean and made Mama cry,” he said looking at me with sad eyes that saw too much. “I give her hug, but she still cries.”

  “I’m sorry buddy,” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath then kissed him on his forehead.

  “I’ve missed you,” I whispered into his hair.

  “I miss you too Daddy,” he whispered back.

  Having decided he was done talking, he wiggled to get free, I let him go and he went back to his toys on the floor.

  I looked over to Drake and saw his sad eyes watching Jaks play.

  “So how are things, really?” I asked.

  “What did Devi tell you?”

  I snorted. “What she always tells me, everything’s fine, she can handle it.”

  Drake nodded. “Yea, that’s what she’s been telling everyone,” he said. “Things haven’t been good man. The daycare has asked that Jaks not come back until the media lays off, she’s had a lot of cancellations. Cris said she didn’t go to work yesterday at all, she just holed up in the house with Jaks.”

  I ran my hands through my hair. “This is why I left to begin with.”

  “I know,” Drake said, “but it didn’t help a damn thing, she’s still in the middle of this and I can tell as much as she tries to hide it, what they’re writing about her hurts.”

  “I’m trying to get it all worked out. I’ve had some interviews, the whole band was interviewed by Rolling Stone, I’ve gone on MTV and the studio is doing what they can to push my side of the story.”

  “Yea I know, but first impressions and all that,” he said. “Worst of all though, is talking to Jaks, every time I do he tells me about how Mommy’s crying, and I know there is nothing I can do to fix this.”

  “I know,” I said quietly, thinking about how he had just told me about Mommy crying and it made me want to hit someone.

  “Just if you’re going to come back this time, then stay, don’t leave again,” Drake said earnestly.

  “Honestly, I don’t think I could leave again with a gun against my head, the only reason I did last time was to protect Jaks and Devi, and well that didn’t fucking work,” I said. “We’re working some things out with the label. And I have to convince Devi I’m not going anywhere this time, but I don’t know if she will give me a third chance.”

  “I don’t know if she will either,” Drake responded. “I don’t know what you’ve been told, but damn it was a rough six months. I thought it would be a good thing when she started dating again, but man was I mistaken, I think that screwed her up even more.”

  “She’s been dating?” I growled.

  “Hey, don’t get that attitude, you left, again,” Drake said. “And yea she tried, I don’t know what happened, she was seeing the guy for like 3 or 4 months, I don’t think it was anything too serious, but afterwards, she just retracted from everyone even more.”

  “Who was it?” I ask. “Do you think he hurt her?”

  “Some new guy at the shop, and no, or he wouldn’t still be breathing,” he said. “Eli didn’t say anything to you about it?”

  I shook my head. “No, but no one mentions Devi around me,” I said. “I haven’t been the best of travel companions lately.”

  “That’s what Eli said, he said a few times Sam wanted to throw you off the bus, while it was driving down the highway,” he said with a snicker.

  “Wouldn’t surprise me,” I said with a shrug.

  “You want to stay here tonight, hang out with Jaks, and then we can go to his party tomorrow?”

  “Yea, that sounds good, I didn’t really want to crash at X’s anyway.”

  He slapped me on the back. “Alright, let’s go play cars, maybe we will come up with a way for you to get Devi back.”

  I nodded and walked over to where my son was crashing his cars.

  Chapter Twenty Five

  “Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Jaks, happy birthday to you,” we all sang while Drake, Sam, Eli, and Seth played along on acoustic guitars. Jaks looked around with a huge smile.

  “Blow out your candles, baby,” I said.

  He took a big breath and got more spit than air on the cake, I didn’t think anyone else noticed, until Seth caught my eye shaking his head and smiling. With some help, Jaks got the candles blown out.

  We were having a good day. Jaks seemed to love his pirate themed birthday party. I had a cake made for him that looked like a ship, then of course, the guys being who they were, had to add their own flair to the cake. I had left the house earlier to pick up last minute party items, Jaks was sleeping so I left six grown men at home, they were supposed to be keeping an eye on Jaks. What they did instead was ran to Wal-Mart and purchased Barbie dolls, then decorated Jaks’ cake with wenches for the pirates. I was not amused but Mags and Cin thought it was the best thing ever. I was glad the day was special for Jaks, he deserved this.

  I started cutting the cake and passing out pieces with Cin and Mags’s help. “That man keeps eyeing you like you’re a steak, and he hasn’t eaten in a month,” Cin murmured getting more cake to pass out.

  I glanced over at Seth, and yes he was once again watching me. He’d watched me most of the day. I had noticed, Mags had commented, now Cin, but then again I didn’t think he was going for subtle.

  After everyone had cake and Jaks was covered in icing, he was sugared up and ready to open his presents. As always the kid was spoiled. I always go overboard for his birthdays, but I blame that on being the mom, I know Drake says he has to play double uncle and godfather, and Mags says it’s the prerogative of the godmother to spoil her godson. Only this year it was worse, with Seth and his band mates added into the mix it looked like a toy store exploded in my house. If it was made for a boy and even semi appropriate for a three year old Jaks now owned it, I just shook my head. The best was a shirt Mags had made, “Yes, Seth Taylor is really
my daddy” we all got a good laugh at that, and Jaks’ reaction to getting clothes. After it was all finished and my living room was full of wrapping and tissue paper we went to work opening packages. The guys had more fun playing with the toys than helping and throwing all the trash away. After the living room was semi-normal, Seth got up and walked out of the room. I watched curiously as he slipped out of the room covertly and out the front door, I was about to go after him when he came back in carrying a guitar case, my breath left my body.