by Gloria Foxx
Captive in his car, I didn’t have to talk to him, but I couldn’t stop him from talking to me. I should have made him promise not to talk.
“Abbi, I was wrong. My dad asked me to stop seeing you. Actually, he told me I should. He warned me that you might prove distracting and I needed to finish my doctorate this year. I said no. I told him I’d live my own life and make my own decisions.”
“Could’ve fooled me.” I was sullen, angry.
“That’s because later that evening when I was wishing I’d brought you back to my place and unable to study because I couldn’t concentrate, could only think about you, I realized you were distracting me.”
“Sure, it’s my fault!”
“No. It’s my fault. It was terrifying how quickly you became part of my life. I was losing control, me who had always been independent, always taken care of myself. I thought if I let you go, I could concentrate. I could take my life back. I was wrong.” We were stopped at a light. Dominic turned my way, smiling grimly as he said, “Letting you go made everything that much more difficult.”
“I’m sorry Dominic. This is too hard. I can’t let you back into my life. You told me that people have the power to hurt me only if I let them. Well I won’t let you have that power. You hurt me once and now I can’t trust that you won’t again. If only you hadn’t made that promise”
We arrived at my dorm. I reached for the door latch, ready to leave.
“Wait. Just one more thing.” He put his hand on my arm. I turned back to him. I don’t know why. Maybe it was hope. “Please promise me you’ll think about it. Promise me you’ll consider why I left you alone. I didn’t do it to hurt you. I did it to protect myself. You know what that’s like.”
When I climbed from the car, his fingers slid from my arm. I was so cold. I didn’t look back. I had to think about myself. My steps were leaden as I made my way to my room. I was insulated from my surroundings, not seeing the doors I passed, not hearing my echoing footsteps in the hollow vacant halls. I was moving on autopilot feeling more hollow and alone than the quiet empty building warranted.
Chapter 31
I spent Christmas break alone, going out only for meals with the skeleton staff and missing many of those meals. Dominic texted me every day, but only once each day. He said:
Hi.
Thinking about you.
Cold today, better stay inside.
Hi again.
They were such trivial messages, yet I knew what he was doing. He wasn’t pushing me or trying to change my mind. He was reaching out, keeping the connection open, hoping that I would be ready to reach back some day. I wondered how long he would hold out hope, because I wasn’t going to answer.
Dominic had changed me, given me strength, helped me understand myself and put my childhood in perspective. He helped me to change myself and he introduced me to love. First sexual intimacy, and then love.
It was hard to breathe and I felt heavy. I did nothing for days on end and it was exhausting. I was ashamed that my past could have so much influence on my future. I felt like someone else was inside my skin, nagging at me, asking for something I couldn’t give
I was so alone. I never realized how hard it is for people to spend so much time alone. I felt like The Shining, going crazy a little at a time until I’m full-on psycho. Of course I wasn’t crazy. I just needed to talk. I needed someone.
I finally called Father Jack and poured out my heart. He gave me some advice and in typical Father Jack style, it wasn’t black and white, yes or no, go or no go. I had to find meaning for myself in his words. Of course it was obvious, but mired in my misery I didn’t realize what he meant at first.
He said, “Life is messy, difficult, fast, thrilling, aching, frightening, joyful, challenging, slow, and so much more. It all depends on the day. Most importantly, life is for living. Whenever I have to make a difficult choice, I know I can’t go wrong if I choose living.
It took me four days to figure out what he meant. Classes start tomorrow and I needed to find Dominic. I could text him, but this was important. I had to see him.
I couldn’t go now though. Maddie came back from break today and wanted to tell me all about spending weeks alone together with Jake. Monday is my busiest day. Could it wait until Tuesday?
Chapter 32
It did. Tuesday evening found me sitting outside of Dominic’s room, much like last time, but with a brighter outlook. It was a new term and I remembered how long it took him to arrive last time I waited here. Maybe he would be free earlier this semester.
Tuesday nights seem to be late nights still. It’s just after ten and he’s not back yet. I thought about heading back to my room, but I couldn’t. This was important. I’ll wait as long as it takes.
I felt good after coming to my decision, sleeping better the last couple nights than I did over the entire Christmas break. I dozed off outside of Dominic’s door. It turns out a good night’s sleep didn’t make up for weeks of neglect. Something woke me later. It might have been minutes or hours, I wasn’t sure. It was dark and I couldn’t see beyond the dim light filtering up the stairs.
Footsteps. That’s what woke me and they were Dominic’s. I was sure of it. His shoulders were slumped and he looked exhausted. It must have been a busy day. He didn’t even text me. I had planned what I was going to say, rehearsed it even.
“You didn’t text me,” popped out of my mouth.
He stopped suddenly, straightening, standing taller. He was a few steps from the top and we were eye to eye as I sat on the floor.
“If I knew that’s all it would take to bring you back to me, I would have stopped texting weeks ago.”
“It wouldn’t have worked then. I needed time.”
Dominic continued up the stairs, stood next to me and unlocked the door behind me. Then he offered me a hand up off the floor.
He stepped aside, letting me enter first. When he switched on the light, I was surprised by the mess. The bed was unmade. Clothes, maybe dirty, maybe clean were strewn about. The chair was buried and his desk was stacked with stuff.
“Sorry about the mess. I had something on my mind.”
“I’m sorry Dominic. I was going to call ahead, but this is important. I thought we should talk in person.”
He didn’t seem quite so confident then, remaining serious when I expected hope. Without saying anything, Dominic moved to the chair scooping up the pile of clothes along with the infamous blue blanket and dumping them on the floor by the night table.
“Sit.” He was terse and I began to worry. “Tell me,” he said, seeming like he really didn’t want me to talk.
He stood, arms crossed. I was on the spot. Where were the words I had rehearsed so many times over the past two days?
I started out hesitantly, gaining confidence as I went along. “It took awhile … to figure out what I was feeling … and what I should do about it. I was unhappy letting you go, but afraid of the power you had to hurt me, like my mother leaving, like Aunt Jane. I wanted to protect myself, but I wanted you too.”
When I got to the part about calling Father Jack, Dominic finally smiled, understanding me.
“You needed someone to talk to.”
“Exactly and Father Jack with his cryptic yet very obvious advice told me to choose living. Of course I was living. I wasn’t considering suicide or anything. I just needed someone to talk to. Anyway, it took me three or four days to figure it out.
“I wasn’t living. I was protecting myself, insulating myself from life’s messy emotions, holding back. Using Father Jack’s advice, living means choosing you, giving you the power to hurt me again and again and trusting that you won’t. Trusting that you’ll choose living too, because you didn’t either, you know, when you left me on Thanksgiving Day.”
“I know and I’m sorry. When I said I love you on Christmas I meant every word of it though.”
“I know that now and I love you too. I’m yours. You can have me,” I said trusting him with my emot
ions.
“I know. You’ve been mine all along. I’m yours too.”
“Come here.” Dominic grabbed my hand, pulling me to my feet and into his arms. I snuggled into him, feeling right for the first time in weeks.
“Mmmm. Feels like home, comfortable and familiar.”
“You know your timing is perfect.”
“It is?” I said, wondering where he was going with this.
“I stopped texting today because I couldn’t take it anymore. I gave up on you, decided my only option was to move on.”
“That’s okay. I texted you today. Didn’t you get my message?”
Dominic pulled out his phone and there it was. Hi. I could keep the connection between us going too.
“See,” he said, “perfect timing.”
It was two in the morning. I had to decide between sleeping here and heading back to the dorm. Dominic looked dead on his feet. I couldn’t expect him to walk me back. I’d stay here. Besides, I wanted to stay here.
He found me a shirt and pulled out my panties from Christmas. “My mom found these in my pocket when she did the wash. She teases me about it every chance she gets.”
My face blazed bright red.
“Don’t worry. She doesn’t know they’re yours.”
I laughed saying, “Of course she does. Who else could they belong to?”
We laughed together as we tumbled to the bed, wrapped in each other’s arms.
Talking about his mom made me lonely for mine. I still miss her and I always will, but I have others in my life now. “She reminds me a lot of my mom, the parts I can remember at least. I think they would have liked each other.”
“I think they would too,” he said. “Everyone likes my mom.”
Dominic kissed me then, a deep soulful, heartwarming kiss before he drifted off, sleeping peacefully now.
I smiled to myself. My world is full of possibilities
Chapter 33
“You know I don’t really want you to go. I could bend you over that chair right now and take you from behind. Show you what you’ve been missing until now.”
Dominic was feeling amorous after a short, but good night’s sleep. I smiled, reaching for the hem of my shirt.
He grabbed my arms, holding them still near my breasts.
“I’m kidding. You have to get to class. Think about it though and imagine what it’ll be like.”
Now I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to imagine. I wanted to know now, but I had to go. I swallowed hard. “I’m not sure that’s what I want to try next. I won’t be able to touch you in that position and I want to touch you, kiss you, explore your body.”
“Oh God. You need to go now or we’ll never get out of here.” He pushed me through the door, hands at my back, making sure I left.
I chuckled. “Now you have something to think about and imagine too.”
Dominic walked me back to my dorm. We talked quietly, making plans for dinner tonight. We discussed some of the things you find out as you get to know another person, favorite food, music, books. We talked about our friends and I confessed to not introducing him to Madison for fear that he might find her more attractive.
His eyes twinkled when he laughed and the corners crinkled. “I knew you were with a friend when we first met, but I couldn’t tell you what she looked like. I only had eyes for you.”
Corny I know, but it was good to hear.
We kissed goodbye at the door. He had work to do too and I had to get ready for class.
Our kiss was wrenching and all-encompassing. It spoke of forever, but was not nearly long enough. I went off to my room feeling well and thoroughly loved, dreamy, unfocused, walking on air.
I almost tripped on the package outside my door, flowers folded into their cone-shaped paper wrapping. The wrapping was a dead giveaway. Dominic had ordered flowers early this morning.
Walking into my room, I daydreamed about the passion, the possibilities. While looking for myself, I found something else, something bigger and more powerful, and I wanted more, much more.
* * *
From the Author
www.gloriafoxx.com
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Other Books
By Gloria Foxx
Luscious from the Full-Bodied Collection
Coming Soon
Bold from the Full-Bodied Collection
Courageous 2 the conclusion to Courageous
Table of Contents
www.gloriafoxx.com
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
From the Author
Other Books