Into the Fire (Bridge Book 2)

by Meredith Wild

  I shrugged. “Maybe.”

  “I don’t know what he said—”

  “Falling for you is ripping my fucking life apart, Vanessa. I’m risking things I’d never risk.”

  She swallowed hard and straightened before me. “Your timing is impeccable, Darren.” The strength in her voice wavered, as if she were close to tears even if her expression didn’t show it.

  I opened my mouth to speak, to somehow justify how I could have sex with her and then say the words I’d just said. But before I could, she pushed past me.

  “Vanessa.”

  I was calling her back and I’d barely let her go. Sickness twisted inside me.

  “Vanessa!”

  She was out of sight, and I rushed out the door. Down the hall after her and a second later, I was standing outside the station, watching her get into a cab and disappear down the street.

  She was gone.

  And I’d let her go.

  VANESSA

  Once the tears started, I couldn’t stop them. The cab driver was eyeballing me in the rearview mirror. I didn’t care.

  Darren had ripped my heart out tonight, and I had seen it coming a million miles away. I’d known it weeks ago. Falling in love with Darren had been a mistake. Maybe I hadn’t said the words, but I’d said it in my heart. I loved him. I’d let him inside me in all the ways that mattered.

  Despite his promises, despite the passion between us, I’d known full well that I was flirting with disaster. A raging fire, so beautiful and seductive that I couldn’t resist—I’d walked right into it, knowing full well the risks.

  Some people couldn’t change. They weren’t meant to. Deep down I knew this. I’d grown up knowing it.

  I scolded myself over and over, but the truth was that Darren was temptation personified.

  Now I had to pick myself up from the ashes.

  I walked into the apartment and dropped my things onto my chair. I paused at the threshold into the living room.

  Eli was sitting cross-legged on the couch, a full glass of wine in his hand. “You okay?”

  I shook my head, and the tears started again. “No, I am not okay,” I muttered. I’d just been screwed and disposed of by the man I loved.

  “What’s wrong?” He jumped up and came toward me.

  The closer he came, the less control I had over the sobs that racked my chest.

  “Come here, hon.”

  His arms came around me, and we crumbled into a heap on the floor. He, hushing me as I cried, and I, purging the last of Darren Bridge, swearing to everything holy that I’d never let him hurt me again.

  DARREN

  I felt her slipping away every second she was gone. She was upset, and rightly so. I’d fucked her and told her to get out of my sight. Something I was used to, but the fact that I’d done it to the woman I loved was making me sick.

  Something had snapped. Reilly’s words clanging in my head. The feel of his face too fresh on my knuckles. I balled my hand into a fist, ready to find the guy and punch him into next week, even knowing it would solve nothing.

  What I needed was a stiff drink, but the punching bag at the station gym was calling my name. I walked in, and Ian was doing pull-ups nearby. He said something as I passed that I didn’t hear. I went right to the heavy bag and hit it hard without breaking stride.

  “Whoa, buddy. You all right?”

  “Stay away from me.” I hit the bag again hard. This wasn’t exercise. This was violence.

  “Darren. Buddy. Slow down. You’re going to break your hand.” Ian was beside me now but giving me a wide berth.

  “Don’t fucking care.” I hit again and again. Slowing down only every few rounds.

  “You’re going to care when you’re out on disability getting fat. What’s going on?”

  I kept hitting it. How many times it would take before I could get her out of my head? Never had a woman do this to me. Never. Why now? Why her?

  Bang. Bang. Bang. My hand was starting to ache, but I welcomed the pain. Had to feel it, until I couldn’t feel anything at all.

  “Is it Vanessa?”

  I paused. Ian had never used her name before. She was always the redhead, the chick who had me pussy whipped, the broad. I narrowed my gaze at him.

  “So she’s a person to you now?”

  “She’s your girlfriend.”

  Bang. “Not anymore.”

  He hesitated, eyeing me cautiously. “What happened?”

  I stopped to catch my breath.

  “I broke her boss’s nose, and when she came to talk to me about it tonight, I fucked her and told her to leave.”

  “Wha— Okay.” He shook his head. “Tell me about the boss.”

  “He came onto her when they were out of town. They got off the plane and I punched him. She freaked out and told me to leave. Yeah, that was about thirty seconds after I told her I loved her. Not sure. She could be fucking him.”

  “Jesus Christ, I do not envy you.”

  Deep down I knew she wasn’t. But like her, I was becoming prone to believing the worst.

  I continued throttling the bag and abusing my knuckles. I spoke through my clenched teeth. “Doesn’t matter now. I’m sure I’ll be back on the plan shortly. Go to a bar, get a few drinks, fuck a girl I don’t care about.”

  An old tape, one that had lost its glimmer a long time ago. I could go out after work and find anyone to get Vanessa out of my system, but I knew it wouldn’t fucking work.

  Meanwhile, she could do the same damn thing. Let Reilly finally take what he wanted from her. The scene played out in my head, and white rage cut through me.

  I hit the bag as hard I could and stifled a groan when I felt a snap. Pain speared through my hand and ricocheted up my arm. Gritting my teeth, I slowly accepted what I’d done.

  Stupid. You’re a stupid piece of shit.

  I closed my eyes and let my head rest against the cool leather of the bag. I’d broken my hand. What was worse, I was destroying the only thing in my life that had ever really mattered. I was losing her. I might have already lost her.

  VANESSA

  I mumbled the lyrics from a sad old song that played from my speakers. My throat was froggy, and my eyes stung from all the tears I’d cried.

  After about a half hour of bitching and crying, I convinced Eli I’d be fine even when I knew it was an outright lie.

  I’d put on one of my mom’s old Bonnie Raitt albums, grabbed Beau, and stared at the ceiling.

  Darren Bridge had campaigned for my heart, and then he’d thrown it away. He was an amazing lay and a total bastard.

  I squeezed my eyes closed, willing away a fresh wave of tears.

  I could still feel him inside me. My muscles already ached from being pounded against a desk. I’d feel him for days…

  The memory was imprinted on my skin. Literally. I was still wearing marks from the incredible sex we’d had. Maybe that’s what he’d wanted all along. Worse, the memory was imprinted on my heart. I could only hope it would fade like the marks.

  The phone rang, distracting me from my misery. My heart pounded unevenly when I thought Darren might call. Not that I’d answer.

  It was an unknown number. I picked it up.

  “Hello?”

  “Vanessa?”

  “Who is this?”

  “It’s me, Michael.”

  I hesitated a second. “Oh.” I’d completely forgotten about his call last week.

  He cleared his throat. “Did you get my message?”

  “Yes, I did. I’m sorry. I’ve been really busy.”

  “No problem. I understand. I’ve been in town for a couple of days. I was hoping we could catch up.”

  “Now’s not really a good time.” The inopportune timing of Michael’s reintroduction into my world compounded with the devastation I now felt, knowing my relationship with Darren was definitely over.

  “Are you crying?”

  I swallowed over the painful knot in my throat. “It’s been one of th
ose days.”

  “That sucks. I’m sorry.”

  I sighed. “Me too.”

  “Listen, I’m free after one tomorrow. Can I take you out? Buy you a drink or something?”

  I shook my head, knowing he couldn’t see me. This really wasn’t a good time. But what could I say? If my mother found out I’d avoided him on his trip, she’d never let me hear the end of it.

  “Sure, that sounds good. I have to run a couple of errands, but I can text you in the morning and we can coordinate something.”

  “Great. I wish I could see you tonight. You sound like you could use a drink.”

  I laughed weakly. “I definitely could, but I’m afraid that’s impossible.” I was in no position to be seen in public. I didn’t want to think about the wreckage that was my post-cocktail, post-fucked, post-breakup state. “I’ll text you tomorrow.”

  “Sounds perfect. I can’t wait to see you.”

  “See you then.”

  I hung up quickly and tossed the phone onto the bed. Bonnie’s bluesy voice faded back into the speakers. I closed my eyes, letting the familiar sound soothe the ache of today.

  I pushed thoughts of Darren away, making room for the broken faded memories of Michael. I hadn’t seen him in years. We’d cared for each other, once upon a time. We’d grown apart, making the betrayals a little less painful. I’d never held a grudge because he’d never sliced me open the way Darren had tonight.

  Suddenly, the prospect of seeing Michael didn’t seem so terrible.

  Chapter Eighteen

  DARREN

  I’d never felt this kind of agony before. Trying to accept that I’d ended things with Vanessa was like a physical ache all through my body.

  But…as miserable as watching her walk away from me was, maybe it was the best thing. After all, hadn’t we been doomed from the start? Maya had me pegged. Cameron knew I was bad news. Now Vanessa knew better than anyone.

  I’d been so determined to make it work, to prove them all wrong. Why the hell had I pushed? I’d been chasing women half my life, and I’d never wanted a relationship. I’d never wanted to stake my claim over a woman so damn bad.

  Having the right to meant I had to change.

  I wanted to change, and I had. Even if I survived the torture of letting her go, I’d never be the same. There’d never be another Vanessa, and my heart wouldn’t take back its old shape. She was forever there.

  The sad fucking truth was, I’d ache for her until I got her back. If she’d ever take me back. I’d given her no reason to. I’d been heartless and cruel.

  After moping around my apartment most of the day, I headed for the gym. Maybe the familiarity there would give me a shred of solace.

  Once there, I went through the motions. I couldn’t really challenge myself with my busted hand. Another painful reminder.

  I cursed inwardly and headed back to the office to talk to Cam.

  He was dressed in his workout gear. He looked up from the computer and then down at my hand. “What happened to your hand?”

  I lifted it casually. “Messed it up at work. It’s nothing.”

  He lifted an eyebrow and nodded slowly.

  I sat down in the chair across from the small metal desk that filled most of the small office.

  “What’s new? Anything I can help with?”

  He shrugged. “I’ve just been trying to dot my i’s and cross my t’s for this proposal. The investor is ready to write the check for the expansion.”

  “That’s great.”

  “It’s only great if all the math is right.”

  “You’ve pulled it off before. You’ll do it again.”

  “Sure. Except this time I’ve got a gym to run and a thousand other things coming at me.” He blew out a breath.

  For the first time, I actually felt sorry for him. I’d always been happy enough letting Cameron take the risks. I’d always have his back, but being a business owner wasn’t my thing. I had other priorities. A bunch of nothing filling up my life that now had been turned upside down by the most incredible woman I’d ever met.

  “Cam, I’m sorry. I’ve been so caught up in my own shit I haven’t been helping as much as I should.”

  He frowned. “No, it’s fine. It’s my job.”

  Not like I’d given him any other choice. He’d had the balls to take the reins, and I’d let him. Now he was going to be a father. And what was I doing? I was part-time and probably causing more problems than I was solving.

  I cleared my throat and traced the line of the bandage wrapped around my hand. “What do you think about letting me be an investor, a partner?”

  He cast me a tentative look.

  “You can’t keep doing it all on your own, Cam. You’ve got Maya now, and a baby on the way. If this all goes through like I’m sure it will, you’ll have two gyms to manage.”

  “Maya’s been helping. I couldn’t have done all this without her.” He flipped through the hefty stack of paperwork.

  “I’m glad, but her life’s about to change in a big way too.”

  “That’s true. But where is this coming from? You’ve never mentioned it before.”

  “I’m comfortable,” I admitted. “Too comfortable. I have everything I need, but I’ve never looked any further. Mom and Dad were always so focused on having and buying and keeping up with the neighbors. I never wanted a life like that. I know this is different. It’s a livelihood, but it’s also your dream. I’ve shared it, but I’ve shared from the sidelines.”

  He drummed his fingers on the edge of the desk. “Is this about Vanessa?”

  I worked my jaw. I hadn’t seriously thought about investing in the gym until about five minutes ago, but without a doubt, the thought of taking on a role that would make me worthy again in her eyes was there, under all of this.

  “That’s probably part of it.” No point in lying.

  “How are things going with her?”

  I gnawed at the inside of my lip and avoided his stare. “Not very well.”

  “And you think me giving you stake in the business is going to be a Band-Aid for whatever is going haywire now?”

  “No. Maybe.” Yes. I was grasping at straws.

  He sighed heavily and put his elbows on the desk. “Listen, I’m up to my eyeballs with this right now so we can break ground on the new gym on schedule. Why don’t we talk about it more when things settle down? For me, and for you.”

  He might as well have said no, but I wasn’t giving up so fast.

  “Cameron, I’ve got all the money from the trust fund they set up. I never touched it. I’ll put it all in. Run the numbers and figure out how much stake it’s worth. I trust you. You know this gym is like a home to me. I’ll do whatever you need me to do. I want to be all in.”

  He rubbed the back of his neck and released a tired sigh. “I’ll think it over, okay? And in the meantime, you should figure things out with Vanessa. You look like shit. What’s going on anyway?”

  “We’re taking a break.”

  He rolled his eyes. “I thought you were in love with her. Now you’re taking a break?”

  “I am in love with her. I punched her boss, and that didn’t go over real well.”

  He grimaced and shoved a hand through his hair. “Fuck, Darren. Is he pressing charges?”

  “No. He knows Dad, so he squeezed him for a mil to invest in his stupid hedge fund.”

  “Typical.”

  “Seriously.” I rested my elbows on my knees and let my head fall into my hands. “I’ve spent my whole life trying to carve out my own life. This is where I landed. I can’t give her the private jets and the wealth and the status. I hated that life, but I can’t help but feel like she deserves all of that. She grew up poor. She doesn’t see the world the way I’ve seen it.”

  His expression was thoughtful. “Is that what she wants? The money and status?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know what she wants. She’s got this incredible voice, but she never uses it outside of a karao
ke night here or there. She’s talented and smart, but she works long hours for a guy who treats her like crap and is pulling out all the stops to get in her pants. Why would she do it if it wasn’t about the money?”

  “Have you talked to her about it?”

  “A little. But…shit happened.”

  I’d tried to call her a dozen times and abandoned my courage every time. I was too mixed up. I didn’t know what I’d say, or if any of it would matter now.

  “I’m so fucked up over this, Cam. I’m sorry I wasn’t more supportive when you were having trouble with Maya. Now I know what it was like for you.”

  Cam’s eyes took on a faraway look. “We went through a lot, but we made it.”

  My jaw tightened, and emotion twisted inside of me. “I’m glad. I really am.”

  “It’s not too late. If you love her… If you really want this to work, Darren, you have to fight for her.”

  “She deserves better than me.” That was the truth.

  “Maybe she does, but my gut tells me you’re the only one she wants.”

  VANESSA

  I’d arranged to meet Michael at a little Thai restaurant in Brooklyn that had amazing takeout. I was camped out at a table in the front of the restaurant when he walked in. Like most things in Callaway, Michael Browning hadn’t changed at all, from his even tan to his neatly trimmed blond hair tucked under his university baseball cap. He wore a polo shirt and blue jeans.

  I rose when he saw me. He gave me a long hug that could have made me uneasy but didn’t.

  “It’s good to see you,” I said, surprised at how much I meant it. I pulled away.

  Michael was a friendly face, and the hatchet had been buried long ago. I wasn’t sure suddenly why I’d dreaded this moment so much.

  “Good to see you too. Damn, you look great.”

  His slight accent brought back old memories. I’d really been living in a different world, and Michael was a very long way from home.

  We settled at the table and ordered drinks.

  “What’s good here?” he asked.

  “Basically everything. But you can’t go wrong with pad thai.” I studied the menu, hopping between my go-to favorites.