Identity Crisis

by Grace Marshall

  He forced a smile. ‘I’m certainly glad one of us is confident.’

  This time she looked up at him, and the smile she offered, if he wasn’t mistaking, was reassuring. ‘It’s natural for you to be nervous about the situation and I know we’re cutting it close to the wire, but believe me when I say I’ve handled a lot worse.’

  ‘Why?’ he said.

  She blinked and the smile faded. He was sorry to see it go. ‘Why what?’

  ‘Why are you doing this? I know how you feel about me.’

  She laid aside the iPad and scooted forward on the sofa. ‘Garrett, this isn’t personal. This is my job, and I really admire Tess Delaney and her body of work.’ He thought he could see a slight blush tinging her cheeks. ‘I figured you could see that yesterday with my extensive knowledge of her novels.’

  That did give him a sense of satisfaction.

  ‘Besides,’ she added, ‘I really am the best in my field.’

  ‘That’s good. That’s great,’ he said. And it was; he knew it was. But he couldn’t help feeling just a little peeved that she could turn it all on and off as though she had no feelings one way or another. He’d have never thought it possible, but he missed her anger. At least when she was angry he knew what he was up against, and why. Plus, it was hot. There, he’d actually admitted it. She was hot when she was angry. Not that she wasn’t hot now too, but now it felt like she’d put some sort of plexi-glass wall between them. He forced his attention back to what she was saying.

  ‘I’ve taken care of the limos to get us there and back.’

  ‘Limos?’

  She nodded. ‘There’ll be four, two each way. One we’ll be in and one we won’t. Just a distraction.’

  ‘A distraction. Right.’

  He listened carefully as her brilliant plan unfolded with all the careful arrangements and attention to detail. And then she told him his role in the plan. ‘I know you have no problem looking rakish and getting the attention of the opposite sex, and we’ll be counting on that Friday night.’

  He burnt his tongue on his coffee. ‘Excuse me.’

  ‘Garrett, everyone knows who you are and what your reputation is. You’ve counted on that for a long time to distract people from the truth, so now we’re going to count on it some more. You are going to be stunning and charming and every woman there, and every woman watching you on television, is going to want you.’

  He braced himself for the insult that didn’t come. Instead, she continued, ‘And Tess is going to be totally enthralled with you, which will give the press something else to focus on rather than her appearing out of nowhere. Everyone loves a love story, right? Especially if there’s a hint of scandal with it. And the very involvement of Garrett Thorne will give that hint and then some.’

  He wiped unusually sweaty hands on his jeans. ‘You’re going to be totally enthralled with me?’

  She shook her head and a wisp of a smile brushed her lips. ‘Tess Delaney is going to be totally enthralled with you. You’re her date, Garrett, and the more into each other we appear to be the more attention will be drawn away from Tess Delaney.’

  ‘You really believe that?’ Garrett said. He figured he could very easily pretend to be into Kendra Davis. He just wasn’t sure how safe it would be.

  ‘If I didn’t believe that, then we’d be doing something different. Garrett, you have to trust me.’ She ran a hand through her hair. This time she wore it loose around her shoulders. It looked silky and golden, and it was hard for him not to want to follow suit. ‘Look, I know you’re having trouble getting past the rough relationship we’ve had so far, and I can certainly understand that. But I’m a professional, and I would have never taken this job if I didn’t believe we could work together.’

  ‘You thought you’d be working with Tess Delaney,’ he said.

  ‘I am working with Tess Delaney.’

  He scrubbed his hands over his face. ‘God, it’s all so confusing.’

  She patted his arm. ‘Don’t worry. It’ll all be over by this time Saturday, and Tess can go back to keeping her private life private.’

  For a second the two sat in silence, him staring down into his half empty coffee cup, her taking notes on her iPad. At last she spoke. ‘Mind if I ask you a personal question?’

  He shifted uneasily. ‘You can ask.’

  She lay the iPad aside and smiled up at him. ‘Why don’t you want anyone to know that you’re Tess …?’ She backtracked. ‘Why don’t you want anyone to know your relationship to Tess Delaney? I mean, it’s got to be tough to know what people are saying and thinking behind your back when you know none of it’s true.’

  ‘Just because I’m gainfully employed doesn’t make me a hero, Kendra. It’s better this way, for Tess to take the credit. Besides, I get a much more intimate view of the world when no one takes Garrett Thorne too seriously.’

  She held his gaze, and he wasn’t sure what happened, or how, but suddenly there was no doubt it was Kendra Davis’s eyes he was looking into, and it was like looking into fire. ‘Oh, I take you seriously, Garrett. Believe me I do.’

  The sudden urge to kiss her was visceral, almost overwhelming, and he might have very well done it if she hadn’t broadsided him with a question that took him almost as much by surprise as her slap had. ‘Garrett, I need to know what you want me to say if Tess wins the Golden Kiss. After all I’ll be taking kudos for you … For the two of you.’

  Garrett scratched the stubble on his chin. ‘Honestly, I don’t think there’s any chance of that happening. Did you see the names of the authors Tess is up against?’

  ‘I did, yes.’

  ‘They don’t mean anything to you? I mean, they’re huge. They’re the biggest names in the business.’

  She blinked. ‘Oh, I know that. I’ve researched them all, and I’ll be very familiar with their work by Friday night.’ She offered him a self-deprecating smile. ‘I never read romance before Tess Delaney, and she’s the only one I’ve read until now.’ Before he could say anything, before he could even let his feelings about that fact sink in, she continued. ‘I’ve researched the other four authors you’re up against well enough to know that your chance is as good as anyone else’s.’

  There was no disguising the sense of pride he felt at Kendra Davis actually believing Tess might win the Golden Kiss, but really, how well did she know the business? ‘Thanks,’ he said, ‘but I won’t win, so we don’t have to worry about that, and if we do, well, you can say whatever you want.’

  She cocked her head and looked at him in a way that made him think she was expecting to find something, something he was hiding. But just when he was beginning to feel defensive, she shoved her iPad back into her bag and stood.

  ‘All right then. That’s all I need today.’

  ‘Wait a minute,’ he said, following her to the door. ‘Don’t we need to – I don’t know – practice? I mean, I barely know you and you said we need to be comfortable with each other.’

  She turned so quickly he nearly ran into her. ‘You don’t have to be comfortable with Kendra Davis, Garrett. You have to be comfortable with Tess Delaney, and I promise you will be.’ She looked up at him with a smile that might have been teasing, might have been a smirk. Whichever it was, the small alcove where they now stood suddenly seemed even tighter fitting than it actually was. ‘If it’ll help,’ she said, ‘you can kiss me goodbye.’

  ‘That’s not very professional,’ he managed, feeling like the breath had been squeezed out of him as he fumbled to help her into her jacket.

  Her smile was warm, reassuring. ‘Actually, in our case it’s very professional.’ She rose on her toes and brushed a kiss across his lips. ‘Very professional indeed.’

  And before she could pull away he scooped her into his arms, feeling her little gasp of surprise as he took her mouth. What had only been intended to show her he was up for it very quickly changed to something else, and suddenly they were clawing at each other, hands grabbing collars and hair and anything
else to get closer. Clothing brushed against clothing until friction mounted and body heat radiated through. And God, her mouth was sweeter than anything, full lips so soft one second and so hard and demanding the next, parted to allow him access to her tongue and her hard palate, to her humid breath coming faster and faster as her fist clenched in his hair and her own tongue battled for supremacy. And her body, Jesus, her body was hard-pressed and tight and mounded and undulating and he’d never felt so much fire just beneath the surface.

  But she was Kendra Davis. And just when he was ready to scoop her up and carry her off to his bedroom, just when he was ready to hold her captive there for the next three or four or more hours, she stepped back with a little sigh and caught her breath. She raised a hand to her lips, almost but not quite covering her teasing smile and said. ‘You get an A-plus for practice, Garrett Thorne. You just convinced the hell out of me.’ Still breathing hard, she ran a hand through his hair, brushed a quick kiss across his lips, and let herself out, leaving him leaning against the wall, barely able to stand. For the very first time, he allowed himself to think that not only might they be able to pull this whole charade off, but he might actually enjoy it.

  Kendra fled Garrett’s house, mentally kicking herself. Why the hell did she kiss him? Could she be any more stupid? Yes, they might have to kiss each other, and yes, they might have to hold each other like they couldn’t get enough of each other. But that was for Friday night. That was for the Golden Kiss Awards. That wasn’t for this afternoon. That wasn’t for the privacy of Garrett’s house. What the fuck was she thinking? She didn’t even like the man. This was her job, nothing more.

  She shoved her way into the Mustang and barely managed the seatbelt with her trembling hands. But she took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, and forced herself to drive around the block out of Garrett’s site before she stopped, threw on the emergency brake, and laid her head against the steering wheel, struggling to catch her breath, struggling to calm herself, struggling not to think about how badly she’d wanted to stay, how badly she’d wanted to escalate things even further. If he’d started it, she would have slapped his face or maybe kneed him in the balls. But she had started it. Her! What the fuck was the matter with her?

  She fumbled in her bag and found her lipstick, trying to breathe deeply as she used the rear-view mirror to tidy her make-up. Clearly she just needed to get laid, that’s all. How long had it been now? And all this the result of too many Tess Delaney novels, no doubt. Even when he wasn’t consciously fucking with her, Garrett Thorne was fucking with her. God, he was a pain in the ass. Yet how could she blame him for her bad behavior? And now she’d have to face him Friday night as though nothing had happened, as though what she had done was simply a part of her plan to facilitate their desired end result. She would have never pulled anything so brazen and unprofessional with any of her other clients, and she’d had more than a few who were plenty willing, bigger names than Garrett Thorne, she reminded herself. When she was calm again and her hands had stopped shaking, she started the Mustang and headed back into Portland. She had a dress to buy and all the other accessories she could imagine a glam romance writer extraordinaire might need for an awards ceremony. And, in spite of her best efforts, she couldn’t help thinking of just how her version of Tess Delaney would take Garrett Thorne’s breath away.

  Chapter Seven

  Garrett had gotten lucky. He’d managed to catch Dee and Ellis between travels and meetings and wrangled an invite for dinner at Dee’s place. Well, it was just burgers on the grill, but it didn’t matter. He didn’t care so much about the food. He just needed to talk. Dee met him at the door in cut-offs and a Sportswide Extreme Adventure T-shirt. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. ‘Hope you’re hungry,’ she said. ‘Your brother believes in grilling for the masses.’

  Her ease with him after everything that had happened always surprised him. She certainly didn’t hold the grudge that Kendra seemed to hold. In fact, she’d already accepted him like family. He was outrageously glad for that. Not only because he was sure she would be the dream sister-in-law, but because she had been the balm that had, in spite of everything, eased the way for greatly improved relations between him and Ellis. That had been a gift for which he could never fully repay her.

  She motioned him through to the patio, where Ellis stood over the grill in faded jeans and a black T-shirt. Garrett had to do a double take. He’d so seldom seen his brother at his ease in the past few years, and he could never remember him looking so relaxed. Ellis coughed and moved out of the line of the smoke from the grill, then turned to offer his brother a smile and a wave with a spatula. ‘Hey, bro, beer in the cooler. Grab yourself one and tell us the latest.’

  Dee went about the business of setting the picnic table and Garrett grabbed a beer. ‘How was Paris?’

  ‘Fast,’ Dee called over her shoulder.

  ‘And Spain?’ he asked Ellis.

  ‘Muy bueno,’ came the reply as Ellis returned his attention to the burgers.

  ‘Good. That’s good,’ he said, pacing the length of the patio, admiring the rhythm the two had fallen into with each other. He wasn’t sure if they’d worked out a plan for when to be at her place and when to be at his. He didn’t know if they’d decided where they would live after they married. He’d not had time to ask about the future since they officially announced their engagement. He needed to make time. It was important, maybe the most important thing ever – to see Ellis truly happy. But tonight, there were pressing issues.

  ‘Did you see Stacie before she headed off to Japan?’ Ellis asked. ‘I got an email saying she was overnighting here before she left. Plans for the new gallery seem to be moving along.’

  ‘No,’ Garrett said. ‘No. I missed her. So, Kendra does PR?’ The words were out before he had a chance to think about them, and suddenly he had both their full attention.

  ‘You could say that,’ Dee said. ‘Her degree’s in marketing and PR. After she graduated she went off to California to start her own business.’

  Ellis laid the spatula down and dropped onto the bench of the picnic table. ‘That was why we were trying to head you off at the pass the other day at the engagement party.’

  ‘Of course, you had no way of knowing that she loves Tess Delaney novels, and certainly no one would suspect that from Kendra,’ Dee said. ‘But I don’t know anybody as tenacious as Kendra when it comes to getting what she wants, and once she found out that Tess needed help with PR, if anyone could figure how to get to Tess, Kendra could.’

  ‘Could and did,’ Garrett said, slugging back half his beer.

  ‘Shit,’ Dee half whispered. Then she dropped onto the seat next to Ellis. ‘What happened?’

  ‘Kendra’s going to be Tess Delaney for the Golden Kiss Award, or rather Kay Lake is. I’m going as her date.’

  For a second neither Dee nor Ellis said anything. They only sat looking at Garrett as though he’d suddenly grown a second head. Then Ellis spoke, holding his brother’s gaze. ‘Garrett, are you sure this is a good idea?’

  ‘It’s not like I have any choice in the matter, is it? I’ve got less than a week before the award dinner and Don hasn’t found anyone but Kendra.’ He waved his hand. ‘I mean, I didn’t know K. Ryde was Kendra, and obviously Don doesn’t know either. We nearly gave each other a heart attack, Kendra and I, when she showed up at the Pneuma Annex and discovered Tess’s true identity.’

  In spite of herself, Dee almost managed to hide a snigger, and Ellis was biting his lip, trying to keep back a laugh of his own. ‘That would have been a sight to see,’ Ellis said.

  Garrett glared at him. Then he turned his attention to Dee. ‘Is Kendra really that good?’

  ‘Let me put it this way,’ Dee said, scooting forward on the bench. ‘The Shelby Mustang she drives? A gift from Devon Barnet.’

  ‘Jesus,’ Garrett said. ‘Are you serious?’

  She nodded. ‘A gift for a job well done. No one knows that, of co
urse. Devon Barnet and everyone else K. Ryde ever worked for are sworn to secrecy. Well, anyone who actually ever met the real K. Ryde. She’s good all right.’

  ‘Still,’ Ellis said, returning to the grill to check the burgers, ‘I’m surprised she’d even consider working for you, knowing how emotionally attached she is to you.’

  Garrett flipped his brother the finger. ‘Kendra’s not working for me. She’s working for Tess Delaney.’

  Dee nodded. ‘Well, that makes sense. She’s a ravenous reader, but not of romance, not until she discovered Tess Delaney. Kendra doesn’t believe in romance.’

  ‘Has she talked to you about any of this?’ Garrett asked.

  ‘Of course not,’ Dee replied. ‘Kendra loves a good bit of gossip as much as the next person, but when it comes to keeping secrets, the woman’s a fortress, and when it comes to her work, the woman’s a fortress with a shark-infested moat around it. In fact, she’ll probably not be happy that you’ve talked to us about it.’

  ‘You think she can pull it off, then?’ Garrett asked.

  ‘Of course she can pull it off.’ Dee sounded like Garrett had just asked her the stupidest question ever.

  ‘Question is, bro,’ Ellis called over his shoulder, ‘can you let her pull it off and stay out of her way?’ Then he turned and offered a wicked smile. ‘I certainly hope so, because I’m guessing she’ll probably kill you if you mess it up for Tess.’

  Somehow Garrett suspected that might just be the case.

  Kendra had never needed a lot of sleep. It was a part of what made her good at what she did. If she needed to go to a party at night and do research during the day, she could manage it on an hour of sleep and a cup of strong coffee. Back in the early days, no one would pay any attention to a young woman a little too blonde and a little too pretty to look like she knew what she was doing. But she did know what she was doing, and when that blonde became a brunette and took a job as the PA for the mysterious K. Ryde, she had more work than she could manage. In the beginning, that was cool. In the beginning, she juggled the roles flawlessly. And it didn’t really matter because no one ever saw K. Ryde. Ryde was like Charlie from Charlie’s Angels, only she imagined him much edgier, much scarier – that is, when she imagined him at all. K. Ryde was only male because that’s what people naturally seemed to think, and that suited Kendra just fine. K. Ryde controlled the business from behind the scenes, leaving Kendra Davis free to recreate herself again and again. At first she did it only for the job, only when K. Ryde needed her incognito. But it was so freeing to be someone else. She’d never felt such power. Soon she realized she could just as easily become someone else to explore the night and the people who hung out in it. In the beginning, it was thrilling and exciting. She felt alive and free and totally untouchable. Of course, it was just an illusion. But she didn’t know that back then.