Identity Crisis

by Grace Marshall

  ‘It’s over then,’ Kendra said at last.

  Both men nodded. And for another long moment they sat in the rain-pocked silence as though the remote had somehow switched them all off as well, as though the whole world had gone into standby.

  It was Kendra who broke the silence. ‘Good.’ She shoved to her feet and grabbed her BlackBerry from the coffee table. ‘Then I’m out of here.’ She headed toward the front door.

  ‘What the …? Kendra, where are you going?’ Garrett pushed off the sofa to follow her, ignoring Don. ‘Kendra, what are you doing?’

  At the front door, she stuffed the device into her bag, which she hoisted onto her shoulder. Then she turned to him, and the look on her face was cold, distant. ‘I quit, Garrett.’ She nodded to the door. ‘I’m not speaking to the press. I don’t care what you tell them. That’s up to you. But I quit.’

  He felt like the floor had fallen away from under his feet. He reached for her arm. ‘Kendra, no, you can’t, you can’t leave now. We’re not finished.’

  She jerked away and wiped at her welling eyes with the back of her hand. ‘We are finished, Garrett. There’s nothing else for us to do, and I don’t work for people who don’t listen to me.’

  ‘Jesus, Kendra, this is not about work, it hasn’t been about work for a long time now, you have to know that.’

  She raised a hand and grabbed the door handle. ‘I don’t know that, Garrett. I don’t know anything anymore.’ She glanced at the door. ‘I’m going. Don’t make a scene. It won’t do you or Tess any good.’ Then she turned and walked out the door, startling the soggy press with the unexpected visitation.

  He started after her, but before he could clear the door, Don grabbed him in a firm hand and pulled him back, slamming the door shut as he did so, and Garrett was on him, fists first. ‘Get off me. Get off me! I can’t let her go, goddamnit!’

  He landed a blow to Don’s jaw and Don would have gone down if he hadn’t caught himself with a hand against the wall. He shook his head, hard, then grabbed Garrett by both shoulders, risking another onslaught.

  ‘Garrett! Garrett, listen to me! Let her go. She’s right. Leave it. You can go after her later. Hell, I’ll even drive you if you want me to, but you have to drop this until cooler heads prevail.’

  ‘She’s angry at me for doing exactly what she would have done if she’d been in my shoes,’ Garrett yelled. ‘The woman ran into the woods after me like some crazy lady, like she could save the world, like, like, like …’

  ‘Like she wanted you safe, I know,’ Don said. ‘Like she was afraid of losing you.’ He eased his arm around Garrett’s shoulders and guided him back to the sofa in the living room. ‘She’s scared. That’s all, she’s scared. I could see it in her eyes. Give her a little space, Garrett, and let her breathe. Just let her breathe.’

  ‘I can’t lose her, Don.’ His control broke. ‘Fuck this! I’m going after her!’

  He sprang from the sofa just as his BlackBerry buzzed an incoming message. He grabbed it up and felt his whole body tense as he viewed the screen.

  ‘It’s from her. Wait a minute. Something’s wrong.’ Garrett fiddled with the device, nearly dropping it before he figured out what was going on. ‘This is Kendra’s BlackBerry. She took mine, then. She’s probably emailing to say she has mine and …’ His words died in his throat and the world fell away as he opened the email.

  Hello Bird Woman,

  I’m back at long last, and I’ve been missing you terribly. Surely you knew I’d find you. I know, I know. You thought I was dead, but honestly, darling, a love like ours can’t be conquered by death. Surely you know that. You’ll never guess where I am, loveliness. I’m right here in your delicious little apartment, and I’m writing this message from your laptop, even from your address. It’s so much more personal that way, don’t you think? Of course I won’t be here when you leave that horrid Thorne. But don’t worry, I’ll find you when the time is right. And this time, Bird Woman, I won’t take no for an answer.

  My Deepest Love,

  Edge

  P.S.: LOVE the Mustang!

  Garrett was still reading the message as he frantically tried to call Kendra on his land line.

  ‘She probably isn’t picking up,’ Don said. ‘Let me try.’

  There was no response. Garrett forwarded the email to Wade, along with a text saying he was on his way to Kendra’s house.

  ‘Dear God, do you really think she’ll catch him there?’ Don asked.

  ‘Probably not, but she’s still not safe, and I have to find her.’

  ‘What do you want me to do?’ Don said, following Garrett to the front door.

  ‘Call the police. Tell the press what’s going on. Maybe they can help, and keep trying to call her.’

  Garrett shoved his way through the rain-soaked press and into his Jeep, which hadn’t been driven in two days. The tires spun up a wild spray of rainwater as he accelerated out onto the street.

  Kendra felt like someone had gutted her. And she felt scared, scared like she’d never been before. She drove down I-84 at break-neck speed, not really caring if she got stopped, not really caring about anything but getting home. Harris was right. It was a mistake for her to sleep with Garrett Thorne. It was a mistake for her to have anything to do with him. He was trouble. Already he was trying to control her life. Even when she was the boss, even when she was in charge, he had to take that away from her. Well, she couldn’t have it. She couldn’t! She would never allow herself to end up like her mother, controlled by some man who only used her, controlled by some man who always had room for one more when he got a little bored. There had been no sense of pride, no sense of self-worth, and in truth, she would have done anything for Garrett. It had gotten to that point. So close, so close. It was only when he walked out of Ellis’s house this morning and tried to do what he did that she really realized just how close to losing control she was, just how close to losing what she’d fought so hard to win. And she couldn’t have that. She just couldn’t.

  What was really terrifying was that, for the first time in her life, she understood. She understood exactly how her mother could feel so deeply for a man, so deeply that she would abdicate all control to him, that she would be willing to suffer all humiliation, willing to do whatever it took just to keep him by her side, just to have his affection from time to time. Jesus, she understood! And nothing, nothing in her whole life had ever been more terrifying. She didn’t want to understand, damn it! She didn’t want to empathize, and she hated Garrett Thorne for opening her to such self-loathing, to such weakness.

  She wanted to get home, have a hot shower, then take the Mustang out for a good hard drive. It had been too long, and the Mustang always made her feel better. The Mustang always reminded her of who she was, of how tough she was, of how she could handle anything if she had to. She could handle anything, even Garrett Thorne. The thought made her eyes well. Goddamn him! Why couldn’t he have just let her walk out the door in the beginning? And why had she been so hell-bent on connecting with Tess Delaney? Why couldn’t she have just left well enough alone?

  As soon as she could breathe again, as soon as she was a little more calm, she’d give Dee a call and see if she could have one of Ellis’s drivers come and get the Audi. She practically stole it when Dee had gone for a shower and Ellis had been distracted in his study by a phone call. She tried to cheer herself with thoughts of an outing to The Boiling Point next weekend, but all she could think of was being there with Garrett. Well, there were certainly other clubs she could go to. The Boiling Point wasn’t the only place to shake her booty. It wasn’t even the best place to shake her booty. So why did she still feel so fucking miserable? Dee and Ellis didn’t have to go clubbing to find each other. Dee and Ellis didn’t try to control each other. And Garrett was Ellis’s brother.

  She tried to shake thoughts of him out of her head. He was Tess Delaney; he was Garrett Thorne, so different from his brother, so different. But she didn’t care who
the hell he was. He was not her problem anymore.

  She pulled Dee’s Audi into the underground parking garage in the space right next to the Mustang. Her lovely Mustang. She gave the well-polished candy-apple red flank a stroke, as she locked up the Audi and headed for the elevator. A hot shower, that would be a good start. And then maybe she’d just drive on over to the coast, maybe to Lincoln City, and spend a couple of days driving the Mustang on the coastal highway. Surely that would take her mind off – things. She stepped into the elevator and let the doors shut behind her before she punched in her floor.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  ‘Where are you?’ Wade Crittenden’s voice huffed out of Carla’s iPhone into her ear. There was no greeting.

  She nearly cried with relief. She had been terrified the man would just write her off. ‘I’m nearly at the parking garage of the Pneuma Building,’ she managed, making no attempt to sound any less scared than she was. She wasn’t sure she could have if she wanted to.

  ‘Park in the reserved section on the ground floor,’ he said. ‘Take the elevator to the basement. I’ll meet you there. And hurry up.’ Then he hung up.

  She’d heard Wade seldom bothered with pleasantries. He wasn’t rude. He was just busy. And, frankly, this was no time for pleasantries anyway. Her father liked him, and that was good enough for her. She exited the street into the parking garage, miscalculating the turning ratio of the motorhome and driving the back wheels up across the curb with a loud kathunk. She didn’t have to worry about finding the reserved spaces. Wade Crittenden himself was waiting in front of them, pacing back and forth with his arms folded across a dark blue hoodie that looked like a Wal-Mart special. She had also heard he wasn’t exactly the king of dressing for success.

  With him directing her, she managed to take up only three parking spaces, before he practically yanked the door open and looked up at her with wide eyes. ‘Give me your iPhone,’ he said.

  She didn’t argue, but handed it over. ‘You know, then.’

  ‘I know,’ he said, nodding her in the direction of the open elevator. ‘Garrett got an email. Well, Kendra did, actually, but they got their BlackBerries mixed up.’

  ‘Who’s Kendra?’ she asked.

  He ignored her question. ‘Clearly this is not from Gleason, and Kendra doesn’t know what’s going on. She has her device turned off. Fortunately, she has Garrett’s BlackBerry, so I can still track her with the satellite, but that still doesn’t tell us where this guy is or if she’s safe.’

  ‘Who the hell is Kendra?’

  ‘At Pneuma, I ask the questions,’ he said as he herded her into the elevator. ‘Not you.’ He pushed a button that was not labeled, and they began to descend.

  ‘You don’t like journalists?’

  ‘That’s another question you’ve asked,’ he said. ‘I have no feelings one way or another about journalists. We’ll just get more accomplished if I ask the questions.’

  He was probably right. While he fiddled with her iPhone, she stood quietly next to him for the rest of the descent, which took a lot longer than she would have expected. She wondered how far underground they were. She’d heard Wade’s domain was called the dungeon. Was that why?

  ‘You’re the one who exposed the mess at John Day,’ he said, without looking up from her iPhone.

  She found herself blushing. ‘Yes.’

  If she was expecting a compliment, she didn’t get it. ‘How did you get in touch with this man, and why didn’t you tell anyone?’

  She stiffened at the accusation in his voice. ‘He got in touch with me. And I’m a journalist, so you know why I didn’t tell anyone, Mr. Crittenden.’

  He looked up at her as the door to the elevator opened. ‘And yet here you are. Why?’

  God, the man was irritating. ‘Because I know the person who wrote those first emails, and this is not him. If this asshole is anything like he sounds, Tess Delaney’s in real danger.’

  ‘You realize your life is in danger for coming to me with this?’

  Suddenly her knees felt weak and she leaned against the wall to steady herself. ‘I get the feeling my life might have been in danger anyway if I didn’t do exactly what he wanted me to do. Look, like I said, I didn’t contact him. He contacted me. I have no idea why, but he did; me and Barker Blessing.’

  Wade grunted. ‘And Blessing is already wetting himself demanding police protection.’

  ‘Has he been contacted again?’ She switched into journalist mode instinctively. ‘He promised he’d tell me.’

  ‘If he had been contacted, he’d be squawking about it. Loudly.’

  The elevator doors opened and they exited. At the end of a long hallway, Wade opened a set of double doors and motioned her through. Two more sets of double doors and a maze of twisting hallways later, Carla found herself standing nearly nose to nose with Ellison Thorne and his fiancée, Dee Henning. The look on Dee’s face was agonized.

  ‘It’s the same guy,’ Wade said without making any introductions, though at least on her part, none were needed.

  Dee gave her a forced smile, but Ellison Thorne offered her his hand. ‘Carla, it’s a pleasure to meet you in person. I wish the circumstances were better.’

  Before she could enjoy the fact that Ellison Thorne, the Ellison Thorne, knew who she was, she noticed Harris Walker sitting in front of a very large computer screen.

  ‘Damn it, Wade, if he’s not lying,’ Walker said, ‘if he is Edge, how can that be? He’s supposed to be dead.’

  ‘Kendra’s not the only one who’s good at reinventing herself,’ Wade said.

  ‘Who the hell is Kendra?’ Carla asked, but she had pretty much already figured that Kendra must be Tess Delaney’s real name.

  ‘From the look of these emails and texts, I have no doubt they’re written by the same man,’ Wade said, handing Carla back her iPhone. ‘I’ve got police in Santa Monica investigating and I’ve contacted the detectives Kendra used to find this Edge as well as some of my own contacts in the area. At the moment, though. I think it’s a pretty good bet this is Edge.’

  ‘She’s still not answering.’ Dee said. ‘I’ve called her house, but there’s no answer. I only hope she’s gone somewhere else, anywhere else. She’ll touch base soon because she has my car, but in the meantime, she might go out to Harris’s place. That’s often a place where we run away to, all three of us.’

  ‘If he knows her, he’ll know that,’ Harris said. ‘Thing is, Kendra’s unpredictable. She might just take a flight to Spain and call us when she gets there.’

  ‘I wish to God she would,’ Dee said. ‘At least she’d be away from him.’

  ‘Not necessarily,’ Wade said. ‘If he’s been in her house, we can’t predict how much else he knows or how easily he can track and follow her. Best find her ASAP.’

  The elevator had only gone one floor when Kendra punched the stop button. For the first time she could ever remember, she didn’t know what to do. When her anger at Garrett had dissipated a little bit and it sunk in that the stalker had been caught, that Tess Delaney could go back to her life without Kendra as a front person, that Garrett really didn’t need her any more, she suddenly felt awash in a sea of emptiness. He didn’t need her, that’s what it all boiled down to. Now everything was over, he really didn’t need her. And she wanted him to. Dear God, she wanted him to. Ellis needed Dee. He’d announced it right in front of the whole world. And Dee needed him back. There was nothing wrong with that. It’s exactly what every person in the world wanted, what Garrett believed everyone could have. He really did believe it. And he’d wanted her to believe it too. He told her she deserved romance. Then she’d run away scared.

  Maybe she’d just take Dee’s car back home. Then maybe she would talk to her friend, the one who would know something about being brave enough to go for the happy ever after, the one who would never lie to her and never steer her wrong.

  She shivered and, for the first time since she’d left Garrett’s, realized just how cold
and wet she was from her mad race to and from the car in the rain. She pushed the button on the elevator and it began to ascend again. She’d just change clothes, then she’d call Dee.

  It was only as she turned the key in the lock she realized that she had Garrett’s BlackBerry instead of her own, and there were at least a dozen messages, and that many missed calls and texts from her device. She smiled down at the screen. Perhaps it was fate. She’d have to get in touch with him now. Anyway, when she moved back to Portland, when her world fell apart around her, she had made herself a promise, that she’d never run away again. She’d come pretty damn close to breaking that promise just now. She was just about to send him a text when the first text from her device came up.

  Kendra, don’t go to your apartment! I repeat DO NOT GO to your apartment.

  You’re …

  She never got to finish the text.

  ‘She’s at her apartment,’ Wade yelled into the phone to Garrett. She just got there. I’ve got police on the way over. And it looks like you’re about ten minutes out or so.’

  ‘I know! I know where I am,’ Garrett yelled back. ‘I’ll be there as soon as I can.’

  ‘Carla Flannery is here and her emails and text from the man match what you got.’

  ‘Dee and Ellis?’

  ‘They’re here, and Harris,’ Wade said.

  Garrett white-knuckled the steering wheel and drove faster. ‘Wade, if she gets in touch with you first or anyone there, I need you, all of you, to tell her something for me.’ He didn’t wait for Wade’s response, but ploughed on. ‘Tell her I love her.’ He ignored Wade’s uncomfortable sputterings at the other end of the phone and continued, ‘Make her listen, Wade. Make her listen and don’t let her be afraid. There’s no reason to be afraid. Tell her I need her to know. Tell her that, and the very second I see her again I’ll tell her in person.’