by L A Cotton
Dad was resting so I left him and headed down to the hospital cafeteria. Ethan was coming to see me—and Dad—but I’d texted him to meet downstairs first. He’d been by a couple of times in the past week. He understood better than anyone what I was going through. Sure, Zac and Coach were great, and I would never forget the way Zac had been there for me. But Ethan knew what I was going through—what it was like to have to hold things together.
“Hey, man. Good to see you.”
“Dude, it’s only been two days.” I returned his shoulder check.
“True, but it’s been too long.”
“Yeah, lost time to make up for and shit.”
He laughed. “How’s your old man doing?”
“Driving everyone crazy. One of the nurses has already complained about him.”
We found an empty table and Ethan offered to grab us some subs and drinks. “Some of that stuff doesn’t even look edible, much less healthy.” He handed me my plate.
“Thanks. How’s Laurie?”
Ethan smiled. Laurie was his new girlfriend; they’d been dating for a few weeks. “Yeah, she’s good. What about you, man? You almost choked when I asked you the same question the other day.”
I shuffled in the metal chair. “Umm. It’s complicated.”
“Okay, I’ll let you off…for now. But I want to hear all about her. She must be special to have you so worked up.” We had eaten in silence for a few minutes, before Ethan asked, “So are you going back to work this week?”
I wasn’t. Not yet. Coach was insisting that I take as much time as I needed, but I was starting to get restless, and it was Tuesday—my chance to see Sharn. I hadn’t texted her for a whole week, and it was nearly killing me. I almost lost it when she sent me a brief text saying ‘I hope everything is okay. I’m here if you need to talk. Sharn.’ Zac told me that she’d asked about me at last week’s session, and he’d told her to give me some space. But her text sounded like she was giving up a little too easy. Maybe it was for the best because, after today’s session, she would never want to speak to me again.
~
“Keefer, you don’t have to do this. She’ll understand; just ask her for some time.”
I brushed past Zac and stuffed my equipment into the bag.
“Son, listen to Zaccy boy. You need time to calm down and get your shit together.”
I stopped and turned to face them both. “What I need is to get on with my life. Which means going to the school to do my job. I’ll see you both later.” I stormed out of the office and climbed into the truck, dragging the bag with me. I couldn’t stand Zac looking at me like that. Like he knew that I was making a huge mistake.
I drove straight to the school and parked. The boys spotted me and headed in my direction, clearly excited that I was back. “Yo, Coach. It’s good to see you. We missed you last week.”
I rubbed Otis’ head and bumped Kenny’s fist.
“Where were you, Coach?” Marc asked.
“Family stuff, kiddo. Come on, we’ve got to make up for lost time. I heard you gave Coach Bryant a rough time?” I laughed and the boys snickered.
My eyes immediately scanned the bleachers for Sharn, but she wasn’t up there yet.
“You looking for Miss M? Dunno what’s eating her, but she’s had a stick up her ass all day.”
“Jared! Rein it in. I won’t tolerate that kind of talk. And you know Miss M won’t.” Fuck. She was pissed. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.
The boys started their warm-ups and I noticed Sharn round the corner. My body stopped, giving my eyes a chance to drink in the sight of her. She looked stunning, but something was off. Her huge tan glasses covered her eyes, and I wondered if it was deliberate on her part, as the sun was barely out. The hairs on my arms stood to attention as I raked over her body. Dammit. What was I doing?
She headed straight past us and took a seat in the bleachers. It wasn’t her usual spot down at the front, and I guessed that she was making a point. A ball whizzed past me and I shook Sharn out of my head. I’d have to get through the next two hours do or die.
Two hours later, I’d just finished commending the boys on their behavior and skills. They had gotten so much better since the first session back in February. My usual helpers—Kenny, Marc, and Jared—collected up the remainder of the equipment and deposited it in my truck. Sharn remained unmoved. I started to feel sick. This was only going to go down one way…badly.
After the boys had finished and headed out, I took a deep breath and turned to walk over to the bleachers. Sharn had beaten me to it. She stood poised in front of me, arms folded over her chest, lips taut. She looked so fucking cute I wanted to grab her and kiss her senseless, but that would have only made what was about to come worse.
We stood locked in some kind of showdown. Eventually, I caved. “Sharn, look I-”
She cut me off dead. “I’ve been so worried. A whole week. Nothing, Keefer. Not. One. Damn. Word.” Her glasses covered her eyes, but I could see the tears streaming down her face and hear the quiver in her voice.
I felt like a total shit. You are a total shit, Smith. “I’m sorry.”
Good one, fucktard
“That’s it? You’re sorry? No explanation? Nothing?”
I stalled. My head was telling me that this was the right thing to do, but my body, my heart, wasn’t so sure. I could fix things right now; right at this moment. Instead, I sealed my fate.
Chapter 19
~ Sharn ~
There were moments in our lives that changed us forever; some for the better, some for the worse. This was definitely going down in history filed under the I’d-rather-forget category.
“There is something else…” He gulped and shifted uncomfortably on his feet. “I think we should stop seeing each other.”
I stared blankly at him, relieved to have the protection of my sunglasses. And then I did something unexpected. I laughed—hysterical-crazy-lady laughed. “That’s just perfect.” I even sounded hysterical. Like an old, bitter, and twisted spinster.
“Look, I’m sorry. I really like you and I wanted to give us a shot, but something’s come up and well- I- hmm, I can’t do this,” he motioned his hand between us, “right now.”
I fought the urge to throw up. It was an extreme reaction, I knew that, but I just couldn’t handle this. Not again. Not from him.
“Please, say something. Are you okay?”
I laughed again. “I am anything but okay right about now.”
“I am sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.” He stepped toward me, his hand reaching for me, but I stepped back. I couldn’t bear the thought of him touching me.
“Sharn, I-”
“Don’t.” It came out hushed. “Don’t apologize. Don’t feel sorry for me. Just don’t. You had no intentions of letting me in, did you? Even now, you still won’t tell me what in the hell is going on! You’re a coward and a liar. And I want nothing to do with you.”
He flinched, the color draining from his face. Inside, my body yearned for his touch. But I couldn’t give in; I couldn’t allow him to break me anymore. So I spun on my heels and ran from him. Away from my breaking heart. Away from the guy who I was pretty sure I was falling in love with.
~
“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?” Mae wrestled the margarita out of my hand and juice sloshed everywhere.
“Dammit, I could have-have...” Hiccup. “Drank that.” I snatched the drink back and slurped it down.
“Seriously, what has gotten into you, Sharn? It’s not even ten, and you’re totally wasted.”
I stumbled to the bar and waved my empty glass at the bartender. The room was spinning. Weird. “I jam not.”
“Did you just say jam?” She wiggled her eyebrows. She looked funny. “Need I say more?”
Nicki Minaj “Starships” blasted out around the club and my body started to bop. “Let’s danceeeee.” I grabbed Mae’s hand and dragged her toward the circular dance floor, letting my body syn
c to the beat, and started moving. The reverberations of the music hummed through my body as I let go and forgot. That was what tonight all was about— letting go. After three days of moping and hating myself, I needed to blow off some Keefer-steam. That had become my word of the week. Keefer. Keefer-funk. Keefer-mope. Keefer-heartache. Keefer, Keefer, Keefer. Keefer-dick had gotten so far under my skin I was losing it.
A hand snaked around my waist and a body ground into me. And for just for a split second, I imagined it was Keefer. Imagined him seeking me out to apologize, to make it up to me. But when the same hand spun me around and I was faced with a dark-haired God, I forgot. Almost. Our bodies, slick with sweat, moved in rhythm. He molded into me and I matched his moves, our bodies colliding, bumping, and grinding.
He was only a couple of inches taller than me and my six-inch heels, so our faces were nearly aligned. The glint in his eye told me that he wanted me, and it spurred me on to move harder and sexier. He lapped it up, gliding his hands over my waist and down to my ass. He grabbed me and pulled me even closer. I felt his erection pressing into me and caught Mae watching me in my peripheral vision. Her scowl caused me to stop.
“Hey, what's wrong? Why'd you stop?” the guy mouthed.
I shrugged him off and headed for Mae.
“I think I just got pregnant from watching you two,” she shouted over the music.
“Please, don't. Need air.”
She entwined our hands and pulled me in the direction of the courtyard. It was so hot as we fought our way through the crowds, and I shuddered when the crisp air hit my burning skin. The effect was destabilizing and everything began to spin again. “Whoa, I need to sit.”
“What has gotten into you? And don't tell me that it's nothing.”
I didn't know whether it was the alcohol coursing through my veins or my desperation, but I blurted out, “I met someone. And he ended things before they even had a chance to start.”
“You met someone? How is it possible that I don't know about this?” She frowned.
“I didn't want to talk about it, not until I was sure.”
“Sure?”
“About the spark.”
“Spark?”
“Yes, remember. I told you. I want the spark. The one that tells you that he's the one.”
“And mystery guy sparked?”
I threw my head back against the leather seat and groaned. “He didn't just spark, he ignited.”
Her emerald eyes watched me. “I wondered what was up with your aura tonight. It's all over the place. I thought maybe you were feeling a little out of the game and were looking to get laid, but it's not that, is it. You're hurting.” She tilted her head, as if trying to work me out. “And you're...you're in love!”
I groaned again. This time from the sick feeling in my stomach.
“You don't look so good. Are you okay?”
“Water, I need water.”
Mae fetched me a jug of iced water and I drank down two whole glasses. So much for forgetting and letting loose. I felt more miserable than ever and I had a killer headache starting.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not tonight.”
~
I woke up feeling like I'd been mowed over by a truck, complete with cotton mouth and a pounding headache. “Ugh.” I threw my arm across my eyes to try to stop the spinning.
I hadn't been hung over like this since freshman year in college, when I'd woken up in a frat house, barely clothed and covered in pink puke.
“Sharn, you up? I'm heading out. I'll be back before two. The realtor’s coming,” Dad shouted up the stairs, and I groaned some inaudible reply.
The night came flooding back to me. I could remember—one too many— margaritas, dirty dancing with some guy, and oh God, I talked about the spark…And Mae knew I was falling in love with Keefer. Crap.
My phone started to vibrate and the first beats of Lady Gaga’s “Born this Way” played out.
“Hello.”
The voice on the other end laughed. “Are you hung over?”
Recognizing the voice, I sat up. “Livy? Is that you?”
“The one and the same.”
“Damn, it's good to hear your voice. How's Tampa?”
“It's good, but I'm itching to move back now. I'll be there in June. Start at UFL graduate school in the fall.”
I squealed. “That's only a couple of months off.”
“Yep. I wanted to tell you as soon as it was confirmed.”
“It is the best news I've had all week,” I smiled down the receiver.
“How're things with your mom and dad?”
I sank back into the bed. We had a lot of catching up to do. “How long have you got?”
“I have no plans.”
“Good. I have so much to tell you...”
Almost an hour later, I'd offloaded to Livy enough that I felt a little better. Of course, I'd told her about Keefer. She'd known his friend, Ethan, back in high school. She had such a logical head on her shoulders, helping me see things from a whole other angle. I still felt hurt and rejected, but he'd never given me a reason to doubt him during our brief relationship—if you could call it that—so, perhaps his stuff was as bad as it sounded.
I didn't want to spend the day moping; I'd done enough of that all week. So dragging my hung over state out of bed, I showered, dressed, and went in search of breakfast. I'd already texted Mae to see if she wanted to go the mall. Phil was away the whole weekend so she was home alone, and I didn’t want to be around when the realtor turned up. I was done with that.
My car pulled up in front of Mae's apartment block, and I beeped the horn. Two minutes later, she breezed out of the door, not a smidgen of a hangover in sight. The chiffon floral dress she wore complemented her pale skin. She smiled and waved. “How's your head?” she asked, climbing into the passenger side.
“It's been better.”
She laughed. “You were something else last night. But, holy mother of men, that guy you were dancing with was hot!”
“Yeah well, I'd rather forget all about that.”
She rolled her eyes and turned up the radio. We sang along to One Direction and Katy Perry as I followed the signs for the highway.
Saturdays at The Oaks were always busy and it had taken me almost fifteen minutes to find a parking spot.
“I need some new work pants. And I wanted to check out Victoria’s Secret. You know, a little something for Phil.” She wiggled her eyebrows and grinned.
“Gross. I'm not coming to watch you buy lingerie for your husband.”
“Why not? You could pick up something for mystery guy...for when he realizes he's made a huge mistake.”
I forced a smile to disguise the hurt squeezing at my heart.
Mae dragged me straight there, obviously not picking up on my discomfort. I wasn't a prude—far from it—but the last thing I wanted to do was to watch girls buying bras and panties for their boyfriends, or even worse, guys buying them for their girlfriends.
“Oh wow, this would look great against your coloring.” Mae thrust a deep red and black satin teddy at me.
I frowned and waved her off. “I'll be over here. You go do your thing.” I moved over to the nightwear section, browsing through the silky pajamas and chemises. The two girls over at the next rail looked familiar, but with their backs turned to me, I couldn't be sure.
“Apparently he ended things with her.”
I froze, recognizing Aubrey's voice.
“Thank God, I mean what did he possibly see in her? When he could have me?”
Barbie-bitch was dressed in a mini skirt that hardly covered her butt and stripper-esque heels. I dove behind a sale rack to hide and get a better listen.
“I know. Can you believe Zac cut me off all because of them? Hello, he won't find a better time than me, anywhere.”
Were these girls for real?
“So, how is he? Maybe I should text him; offer a shoulder to cry on.”
; “Not a good move. His dad is still in Shands. Felicity said he'll be moved to a facility soon though. Keefer’s been there every day, apparently.”
“Isn't your sister breaking some kind of patient confidentiality by telling you all this?”
Aubrey shrugged. “Who's going to find out? Besides, she only told me because she saw Zac at the hospital.”
“I guess. I still can't believe his dad tried to kill himself. No wonder he has issues.”
My heart stopped, and I clutched the nearest rail.
“It’s nothing new. After his mom had died, his dad turned to the bottle. He's been an alcoholic since we were young.”
“So sad.” Barbie-bitch shook her head as she pulled a bra down off the rack. “Oh look, I've wanted one like this, with the lace in the front.”
I stood stunned. Keefer's dad had tried to kill himself? His mom was already dead? Guilt swept over me. I'd spent the last few days moping when he had been at the hospital. How did I not know any of this? It all made sense now; him changing the subject every time I tried to ask about his family; the constant distractions. I didn't get along with Mom, but I still couldn't imagine her being gone. Forever. And Dad? If anything ever happened to him, it would crush me. Keefer. My heart ached for him. But even though it made me feel like a one-hundred percent totally selfish bitch, a tiny part of me still resented him for pushing me out. I could've been there for him. If only he'd have let me in—I would have been there.
Chapter 20
~ Keefer ~
“You look like shit.” Zac dropped into the chair next to me.
“Thanks, man. I’ve been with Dad all day. They’ve finally moved him to the Recovery Center for detox. He wasn’t very cooperative.”
“Have you talked to him about what happened yet?”
I shook my head.
“And what happened with Sharn?”
“I made a huge fucking mistake.”
“You really ended it?”
I grimaced. “Yep.”
“Dude, what is wrong with you?”