Nate (The Chaos Chasers Book 1)

by C. M. Marin

  “You can go wait outside,” Lilly says to Cody when she joins us. “I’ll talk to Dona for a minute and be right there with the pancakes.

  Cody frowns his concern. You’d think that letting her out of his sight for a minute is the hardest ordeal he’s ever had to face. Since it’s not my problem, I don’t wait for him to make his decision, and I stride out to take a damn breath.

  I’m still in a fucking bad mood. Sue me.

  Jayce follows me before Cody catches up with us, his brows still furrowed deeply.

  Before we know it, the three of us have been leaning on our bikes for five fucking minutes.

  That’s a typical girl thing. Why in the hell don’t they say they’ll be there in five instead of saying they’ll be right there? Like we won’t notice them taking their fucking sweet time.

  My mouth opens to tell the guys I’m riding ahead when Lilly finally shows up.

  Thank fucking God.

  The fact that she’s not crossing the door alone hits me immediately, but who is standing too damn close to her has barely registered in my brain that Cody has his gun pulled out and aimed at the Spider who has one arm coiled around Lilly’s neck and one hand holding something against the side of her throat.

  A knife.

  Where did that fucker come the fuck from?

  Jayce and I mimic Cody’s motions, and the next second our weapons are trained on the Spider I don’t recognize. Not sure where Rod finds his numerous new recruits, but something isn’t right with how many of them are patching in these days.

  “Let her go, now!” Cody barks at the guy. “You’re fucking dead!”

  Cody is damn good with a weapon. One of the best. He could easily get the fucker between his eyes, even from across the street, but I know he won’t make a move. Too many witnesses. And Lilly’s head being inches away from the Spider’s would probably have stopped Cody from blowing his gray matter to shreds anyway.

  Let’s face the truth: none of us knows how to play this. People tend to think we’re some sort of savage cowboys pulling their guns out for no reason, but the truth is, we barely ever do. We carry one or two every time we set foot outside, but we mostly do as a precaution. What’s happening in front of us is something I’ve personally never had to deal with. I’m only sure of one thing. The motherfucker isn’t going to comply nicely just because we ask him to.

  But before we can come up with any plan of action, the Spider is roaring a tortured yelp as he doubles over. On his knees the next instant, he seems to be cradling against his chest the hand that was clutching the knife a second ago. The knife that’s now lying on the asphalt as Lilly rushes toward us, her own palm moving up to cover her neck as though she’s hurt. But she’s running, so the damage must be minimal.

  Cody meets her halfway as Jayce and I stride toward the squirming son of a bitch who’s more preoccupied with his hand than with us charging at him. Looks like I just found a way to let off some steam today after all. Just the time to get the fucker moved to the warehouse and I’ll get to work.

  Jayce kicks the abandoned knife away, and his foot then collides with the Spider’s twisted-in-pain face. What the hell did Lilly do to him?

  Just as I’m spinning around to tell Cody to text Blane because we’re going to need the SUV, a sharp, agonizing pain lances through my chest. I’m on my knees before I can understand why I can’t stand or even get air to normally travel to my lungs.

  Jayce’s voice calling out my name is one of the last things consciousness allows me to make out before I fall limp on the ground. But the very last thing my mind gets to see is the beautiful image of a girl with light brown hair, smooth skin and gray eyes staring at me with a smile that would bring me to my knees if I weren’t already on them.

  Chapter 29

  Camryn

  The sound of the door darting open has me whirling around, a gigantic knot of terror replacing my stomach until I see Melvin and relief sets in. Or rather tries to set in.

  There’s something disturbing in Melvin’s eyes when he storms in the room then stops abruptly despite the fact that he only barely crossed the threshold. This time, my stomach is violently tossed up into my throat, nausea getting close to the surface, as I take in the savage emotions springing from him. Urgency, dread, fury… These are only some of them, and each one seems to be cohabiting easily with the others. But the dominant emotion is the one that has my legs wobbling under me and my breaths shortening dangerously.

  Compassion.

  His hazel eyes are drowning in it, and my head shakes on its own as dozens of intolerable images slam into me.

  “No, no, no…”

  My head keeps shaking in slow motions. I don’t want him to say it. I can’t hear him say it. If he voices what’s already tumbling inside my head, it’ll become real and I’ll quit breathing altogether.

  I can’t hear him say it.

  Melvin must have approached me without me noticing because his hands are suddenly framing my face and his eyes searching mine.

  “He’s still alive, okay? He’s still alive,” he blurts out the words out like they’re supposed to produce some sort of relief in me.

  They don’t. Relief is the last thing I feel. My stomach is nothing more than a ball of terror battling hard to make me collapse, and tears are blurring my vision and rolling down my face while sobs threaten to climb up from my heavy chest.

  Still alive.

  What do those words even mean? They sound more like he’s not dead yet than he is going to be okay.

  “What…what happened?” I croak out.

  It’s a miracle he even grasped that hoarse whisper, but his answer proves me he did. “He got shot.”

  Just as miraculously, my body stays upright with the help of a huge breath I take through my nose.

  “Where?” I murmur then. “Is it bad? It’s bad, isn’t it?”

  If not, he would have said so right away. And his eyes wouldn’t be dancing with hesitation as to whether answering that question.

  “In his chest, sweetheart. He’s in surgery right now.”

  “I need to go back,” I urge. “I need to get to him. I need to get to him now.”

  We had planned to drive back today anyway―though Melvin would have dropped me off at a hotel where I would have stayed until my parents’ house was habitable and safe―, but now I wish so badly I were already there. God, I wish I had never left him.

  “We’re heading back right now, but we’ll get there more quickly if we take my bike. We’ll deal with your car later.”

  “I don’t care about my car.”

  “Then let’s go. Only take the bare minimum. No purse. We’ll squeeze everything into my backpack. I’ll leave some of my things in your car,” he explains, and I nod. “Nate might kill me for having you on my bike, but he’ll kill me just the same if I let you drive upset. I’m counting on you to protect me when he wants to rip my head off.” His tone appears light, but I can tell it’s fake and only meant to help me keep my thoughts positive.

  Not finding enough strength in me to smile back at him, I only give him another nod before some switch seems to be turned on somewhere inside me, prompting my legs to be set back into motion.

  Thankfully, my clothes are still gathered in my suitcase and my cosmetics in my vanity case. Not taking anything out of whatever suitcases or bags I travel with is something I do when I feel homesick. It helps me believe in the fact that I’ll be home soon, no matter how untrue I’m aware it is.

  Melvin goes back to his room to take his stuff as I grab a couple of jeans, a couple of shirts, a handful of underwear, and my toothbrush. Then I wait for him to come back, my hands grasping my jacket, and I freeze again as the dread is back to sharply piercing my heart. And this time, the sobs find their way out. They escape me quietly, but they’re out anyway.

  “Hey, just breathe, okay?”

  Melvin drops his backpack onto the bed, and I’m grateful that he takes care of shoving my stuff in it himself.

/>   “I left so Colin wouldn’t hurt him,” I confess in a shaky gasp. “The day Nate and I went to my house to sort things out, Colin showed up. He said he wouldn’t hurt him if I left him. He said he would hurt you all if I stayed in Twican. It was them, right? The Spiders? They did that to him, didn’t they?”

  “They did. And I know why you left, Camryn.”

  My gaze darts to him. “You do?” I ask, confused.

  He snorts as he closes his backpack. “The guys do, too. Well, they knew someone had to make you leave, but they didn’t know the details. It’s as obvious to Nate, even if he’s been too much of a mess to see it.”

  “He hates me,” I sniff.

  God, I can bear the idea even less now. If he…

  No, I can’t contemplate that possibility. I’ll break down.

  “Like he could,” Melvin counters with another snorting sound. “He wants you back. So let’s get to him now, okay?”

  I’m pretty sure the last thing Nate wants is to see me, but I nod anyway. Being beside him as soon as possible is all that matters.

  “Oh, and Jayce told me I could as well share the news with you. You’ve got a brother, sweetheart. Well, you’ve got a bunch of them, but you have a real one, too,” he smiles.

  Some more sobs stay locked in my throat, mixed with what can barely be called a laugh.

  I have a brother. A brother who is the best friend of the man I love. That’s just insane.

  “And since he’s my VP and told me to get you back ASAP and safe, let’s go now.”

  We do need to get going. I don’t have enough time, or even enough strength, to be happy right now. My focus needs to be on Nate, and solely on him.

  I grab the backpack and leave the room as Melvin follows me with my suitcase.

  As I jog my way to my car, begging my heart to slow down a bit even though I know it won’t, Melvin strides in the opposite direction, apparently toward the reception. My hands still ruled by heavy tremors, I open the trunk and wait for Melvin to come back.

  For a while, I toy with my phone, as eager to call one of the guys as I am terrified to do it. What I could hear on the other line has dizziness menacing me to lose consciousness.

  “I paid the owner to keep an eye on your car. You can leave it here.” Melvin’s unexpected voice has me jumping, my spine automatically stiffening in fearful anticipation before I realize who has approached me. “Just me, sweetheart. Ready to head back?”

  I shut the trunk, swat a tear off my cheek, and nod as I already walk to his bike.

  * * *

  My muscles scream with soreness when I climb off Melvin’s bike, but I feel lucky to be back in Texas instead of sprawled on the road somewhere, my blood, guts and gray matter on the asphalt.

  He drove like hell. Or maybe it only felt like it because Nate never drove so fast. Not with me on his bike anyway. But since it took us twelve hours to get to Twican, I’m fairly sure Melvin didn’t do a good job of respecting the speed limit. We only stopped for gas, not even taking a couple of more minutes to go to the bathroom, but still. Twelve hours.

  Twelve hours only, but twelve hours that felt like days. Thinking of coming back only to learn that the man I can’t live without died because of the impostor I once made the mistake of loving terrified me all the way. Ever fiber in me is still filled with the gruesome fear of hearing anyone tell me that Nate’s heart stopped beating.

  It happens. One second, a heart is beating, and the next one…the next one the person you shouldn’t have left the side of stops existing.

  “Give me the backpack,” Melvin says, already pulling it down my arms to sling it over his broad shoulder.

  My breathing hitches to see him taking his phone out of his pocket. He types something, and I know he’s getting in touch with the guys to find out what’s waiting for us inside the large building I’m dreading to set foot in.

  After tormenting seconds, his phone buzzes.

  “He’s out of surgery,” he says. “They put him in a room. We’re going to meet the guys up there.”

  The sobs that leave me are immediate and powerful. You’d think they were held prisoner in my chest for months at the way they spring from me.

  “Hey, it’s okay,” Melvin soothes me, pulling me to him in a brotherly embrace.

  He was right this morning. I have more than one brother, and the feeling is amazing.

  Calming down after crying those ugly sobs into his chest, I gasp my admission, “I was so scared he’d be gone when we arrived.”

  “I know. But he’s here, so let’s head inside to tell him you’re here, too.”

  I agree with a nod. Then I scrub my puffy-feeling face with a shaky hand and a minute later, we’re entering the hospital.

  Melvin guides me to an elevator, and when we get to the fourth floor after one more endless ride, the door opens on a long hallway where Chasers are packed in silence.

  They seem to be all present, and I’m surprised the hospital even allows two dozen of these massive men to be here, indubitably in the way. I spot Liam and Ben among others, standing near a half-open door that must be the one of Nate’s room since his friends are guarding it fiercely.

  Melvin told me they all were convinced something made me leave without even a thank you, but as gazes all around the hallway find me, I wonder if some of them think of me as the girl who left their brother because of the life he lives. That’s what I told Nate, after all.

  I’m somewhat relieved when I see them nod at me as I weave my way through all of them, but I’m too focused on the door to acknowledge them back. I try to offer them at least a smile, but even a faint one is impossible to pull off.

  It’s a chance that the guys are so quiet, because my voice is a gravelly whisper when I ask Ben, “Can I see him?”

  I’m already peeking inside, but I see nothing more than a white wall and an empty gray chair.

  “Of course, love. He’s alone, go ahead.”

  Afraid of what I’m going to find behind that door, I push it with my fingertips until it’s opened wide enough for me to sneak inside the room.

  My breath catches harshly as my eyes fall on him. Keeping the sobs at bay is challenging. His face is so deadly pale that I reflexively slide my gaze down to his chest to make sure he is breathing. Which is stupid since there is this beeping sound coming from the machine he is linked to, proving at regular intervals that his heart is beating.

  There are no bruises or blood to see on his skin because his torso is mainly bandaged, but the view has a wave of chills flowing over my skin anyway. I can’t stop thinking about how he could have easily died instantly.

  He’s breathing. That’s what I need to remember. Thinking about what ifs isn’t constructive at all. He’s breathing. And now I’m right here and able to keep a close eye on him at all times.

  Just as my dead slow steps finally bring me beside his bed, the door clicks shut behind me. I glance back only to see that I’m alone. Apparently, someone just thought of giving me some privacy.

  Going to sit on the chair I saw from outside, I don’t waste any more time and do what I’ve been craving to do again since the moment I closed Nate’s bedroom door behind me as he slept peacefully a few days back.

  I touch him.

  His hand isn’t icy-cold when I cradle it in mine, but it’s not as warm as it always is either. I rub it gently as I talk to him, my tears falling freely but silently.

  “I know I don’t deserve anything from you but please don’t go. Please don’t leave me,” I croak out.

  A snort follows my plea.

  I left him. And it doesn’t matter that I’ve been through hell these past three days. I’m still the one who left him. But I really have been through hell. One I never experienced before. The strange thing is that until this morning, Nate had been alive and healthy, but I was suffering so much that it made me think back to the grief I endured after Colin died.

  Sadness and hurt were all my heart carried back then. Getting up in the
morning was a challenge. Missing him was painful. Remembering him was harrowing. But three days ago, when I walked away from the club and lost Nate, it became obvious to me that somewhere along the way, I had grieved Colin. I took his betrayal hard because I shouldn’t have had to grieve him in the first place and not because I still had strong feelings for him. I did still love him in some way, and I still felt like I had to be faithful to him, but deep down, I knew that I had grieved him. I just couldn’t see it. But after the truth came out and every ounce of lingering guilt became unwarranted, I could see that my feelings for Nate were stronger than those I once had for Colin. With him, it had been warm and comfortable. With Nate, it was blazing and wild. Consuming. Having these emotions swirling inside me was somewhat scary but being away from him was even scarier. And more painful than anything I’ve ever experienced.

  None of this matters anyway. I’m still the one who abandoned him in the coldest way possible. He became all I needed, and I left him.

  Now he’s lying in this hospital bed, and I can’t change what I did. He might never wake up. He might never know how I feel. He might never know that I love him more than anything. I love him the way I saw my mom love my dad my whole life, and he might never know that he is loved so much.

  “I know you hate me, but I love you. Don’t leave me,” I beg him again. “You can’t leave me, too.”

  My eyes grow heavy after I roamed them over his face for a moment, his hand still carefully nestled in mine. And the steady beeping sound meeting my ears regularly isn’t helping my dozy self. There’s no explaining how I can even stay upright.

  “How are you, love?”

  Startled by the quiet yet raucous voice, I turn around, my suddenly sharp gaze finding Ben’s face. I didn’t even hear the door opening behind me.

  He grabs another chair from a corner of the room and set it beside mine before dropping on it.

  “I’m going to lose him for good,” I express my deepest fear for the first time.

  “Nah, you’re not,” he brushes my worries off with his usual nonchalance, even if his features reveal the same exhaustion I feel. “He’s not a weak thing, in case you haven’t noticed. Our boy’s taking a nap right now, resting. But he’s not going anywhere you’re not, love.”