The Nerdy Dozen #3: 20,000 Nerds Under the Sea

by Jeff Miller

  Click.

  Neil felt the raft stop moving. He lifted his head to see JP’s magnets had connected with the sparkly paint job of Jolly’s boat.

  “Here goes nothing,” Neil murmured to himself. He tossed Waffles’s lasso up, but he didn’t allow enough slack. The looped end hit the side of the boat and splashed into the water. Neil ducked down and hoped Jolly’s henchmen hadn’t heard.

  Neil gathered the lasso once more. With a flick of his wrist, he managed to wrap the rope around the thin metal handrail above. Neil gave enough slack for the looped end to fall down to him. He fished the other end of the rope through the lasso and pulled the rope tight so that it slid up and made a knot around the handrail.

  As Neil tugged down on the rope, Magda resurfaced fifteen yards from him. He watched its eyes glow red under the shimmering water. More important, though, Neil felt his boat begin to be magnetically pulled toward the shark. It must’ve locked onto its fin.

  “Yipes,” said Neil as he grabbed tight to the rope. This would be his first rope climb since gym class, where he’d held on for ten seconds before dropping to a soft mat on the ground. Now, below him were sharks.

  Neil’s shoes squeaked as he planted them on the side of the boat. Slowly, he walked himself upward, gripping the rope with all his strength. He turned to see his boat chase after Magda, and watched Pierre’s and Fabien’s flashlights illuminate a splotch on the deck of the ship. Another splash of red goo fell from above.

  Red goo on demand, and a repaired drone. This is the best day yet for Scones ’n’ Drones.

  Pierre and Fabien chased after the mysterious glop. They followed it to the front of the ship.

  “Perfect distraction,” Neil gasped, collecting himself.

  He reached hand over hand up the frayed rope, finally throwing a leg over the top to fling himself up.

  Neil’s hands burned, as did his lungs. He lay on his back and looked at the sky above. He took a deep breath. The ship smelled like ketchup, fish, and, well, feet.

  Now let’s keep going.

  With Jolly’s guards on the other end of the ship, Neil rushed down one side. His shoes squeaked, so he did his best to walk on his toes. The sounds of thousands of thrashing sharks seemed to drown out other noises, so Neil raced to the stairway leading up to Jolly and took the stairs two at a time.

  He tore open the glass door leading into Jolly’s captain’s quarters.

  The interior of Jolly’s ship was in disarray. Yellowed, old-looking books were thrown to the floor. The lace drapes above the windows were torn.

  “Fancy seeing you here,” said Jolly. She was hunched over the huge birdcage—its doors were open. She fed the albino birds pellets from her hand.

  “Jolly,” said Neil calmly. “Where are my friends?”

  His eyes scanned the contents of her lavish cabin. Neil noticed just how many collectibles she really did have.

  “Oh, I think you know quite well where they are,” she said, examining his outfit. “And—you’re staining the carpet! You mustard freak!”

  Neil kept his attention on the shelves full of valuables.

  Each one of these is probably stolen from a kid genius. Especially that poodle!

  Neil’s eyes focused on Marla’s invention. It was next to a mask with bright feathers and a fake red bird.

  Neil leaped at the toy dog.

  Jolly looked startled but didn’t stop him. He turned Marla’s poodle on and pushed a button. He watched the small dog do a flip, then bark.

  “Yes!” Neil cheered. He aimed the dog outside, toward the metal shark passing through a sea of fins. It barked once more.

  Nothing happened.

  Jolly howled with laughter. She pressed a control in her hand, and Neil saw Magda pop out of the water, scooping in a new mouthful of victims.

  “Oh, Neil,” Jolly laughed. “There’s no help for you here. But I thank you for coming back to watch me finish what you started.”

  Neil pushed the buttons on the back of Marla’s robot poodle, but it just kept barking. He could hear the jaws of Magda slam shut even through the thick glass.

  Why did I think that would work?

  “I just fancied that thing as a toy,” Jolly said, pacing around her cabin. She dragged a finger along a crushed velvet drape. The boat rocked as the megalodon rushed past. “I’ve got governments and corporations bending over backward to help me. I go poaching ideas from young minds for fun. Nobody bats an eye if you make kids do everything for you, as long as you give them a free game or pizza.”

  “Jolly, you’ve got to stop while you still can,” Neil argued, chucking the poodle to the ground. “It’s not too late.”

  “Oh, there’s no stopping now,” she said through gritted teeth. “Those jaws are eating everything in sight. And you’re next, Neil Andertol.”

  Jolly lunged at Neil, her eyes furious. The two crashed into a small table that held a tea set that must’ve been two hundred years old. It shattered as Jolly tackled Neil. She pinned him down, driving her knees into his elbows.

  Her hair was a mess, and her eyes were red. She’d had either too little sleep, too much Singaporean candy, or both.

  “Jolly, you could use that robot shark for so much good, instead of evil,” Neil said. “What if you helped sick sharks or something? Instead of killing them?”

  “Help? Sharks ruined my life,” Jolly yelled. “They made me live on a boat and have nothing but two hairy men for a family.”

  “That is a rough deal, I agree,” said Neil. “But sharks are misunderstood. Like you and me.”

  “You?”

  “Yeah, you bet. I’m still trying to get people to call me ‘Neil’ at school.”

  “What?”

  “That’s not important,” Neil continued. He heard one of Jolly’s birds squawk. They were perched right above him on a windowsill. “But school is pretty rough, is what I’m saying. So is being a high-seas orphan, I’d imagine.”

  Neil tried to loosen her hold on him, but she was strong. She even got a hand free to remotely open and close the mouth of her shark, sucking in more sharks. Neil noticed she was pushing another button—probably sending shocks right through his friends.

  “But Jolly, when school is unfair, I don’t round up every kid who’s mean to me with a giant metal shark.”

  “Are you practicing a speech right now?” said Jolly with a disgusted face. “I can do whatever I want! I wish you had just helped me like I asked, Neil.”

  “I am helping you. You’ve got to cut this out! I can tell you’re a smart person.”

  Neil heard a voice on Jolly’s radio.

  “Captain.”

  It was Pierre or Fabien. “We have spotted zem. A boat—zey’ve been trying to run over ze shark fin. Permission to take zem down.”

  The captain struggled to keep Neil pinned and press the transmission for her radio. She pushed the radio’s button with the back of her hand.

  “Granted,” said Jolly, speaking slowly as if to enjoy each syllable.

  While she was still transmitting to Fabien and Pierre, Neil did his best Jolly impression.

  “And Magda’s emergency capsule? Installed?” he said, impressing himself with an accent that wasn’t too over-the-top.

  Jolly glared down at him as Neil violently squirmed, shaking the radio to the ground beside them.

  The men simply responded, “Oui.” That meant a safe escape for Trevor and the Jasons.

  “You’re toast, Neil,” Jolly fumed. But for a second she eased her hold on Neil. He grabbed the bottom of a long iron lamp that was next to him. With all his strength, he flung it at the window.

  Its pointed and intricate design worked perfectly to shatter the glass into millions of pieces. Bewildered, or possibly sensing freedom, her albino parrots flapped their way out into the warm night.

  “No! No!” Jolly shrieked. She ran to the window. “My beloveds! How dare you, you monster!”

  Neil raced to the other side of the cabin with the rad
io.

  “Ohhh, Jolly,” Neil said, his eyes glowing with an idea. He made his way to the control deck. “If you’re not going to stop this, I will.”

  “If you’re looking to take over my Magda, I’ll have you know the only controls are right here,” Jolly said, leaning out of her cabin. She was flourishing a tiny remote in her hand. “Can’t trust you not to break anything.”

  “Nope, you can’t.”

  I hope this works.

  Neil reached the controls for the boat and pulled the lever for the anchor, dropping it toward the ocean floor far below. He could hear the splash of the heavy hook as it hit the water, and the metal sounds of chains unspooling.

  But Neil stopped it before it made contact. As he jerked the lever back up, it snapped in half.

  Now Jolly would have no way of pulling the few hundred feet of chain and giant metal anchor back up. Neil yelled into the radio he’d taken from Jolly.

  “Trevor! I know you’re not an actually evil person, so you’ve got to help me stop this crazy pirate. You’re the hero for this mission.”

  Neil heard no response.

  “Even if she starts electrocuting you, you’ve got to bring her down,” Neil said. “The anchor—I need you to bite the anchor and sink her ship. It’s the only chance to stop her.”

  There was nothing again. Neil wasn’t sure if he had broken the radio, too, but he had to trust that his message was getting to Trevor. “It’s time to go deep-sea fishing.”

  As Neil tossed the radio on the captain’s chair, Jolly appeared at the controls. She carried a heavy, pointy candelabra in her hands.

  “Neil, I have to finish this,” Jolly said. She swung the long piece of metal toward Neil.

  “Why?”

  “For my family. To get their revenge.”

  Neil felt truly sorry for her.

  “Jolly, revenge isn’t the way to do that,” Neil said. “Your family probably wants you to keep making ketchup.”

  “I don’t care about ketchup!”

  “Well, that’s fine,” Neil said. “There are lots of things other than ketchup and shark vengeance. But if you want to keep being rich, I bet you’ll want to keep the oceans safe. You’re getting rid of what your family loved by destroying something you alone hate.”

  Skrrkkk.

  “What’s that?” said Jolly. The boat jerked, and she and Neil both grabbed the captain’s chair to stabilize themselves.

  “Trevor!”

  He’s actually not evil after all. I knew it all along, mostly.

  Bubbles rose to the surface of the water as the ship was tugged straight down by the power of Magda. With a groan, the boat started to give in to the force, its shiny exterior beginning to bend and snap.

  “Oh, no!” yelled Jolly, clutching a railing on the side of her cabin. They were slowly sucked down toward the water and the sharks. With each passing second, the stern of the ship rose out of the water as the middle of the ship buckled in. The deck creaked, and Neil could hear water rushing into Jolly’s fancy cabin. Her doilies and plush rugs were most definitely soaked.

  He grabbed the radio from Jolly’s captain’s chair.

  “Reboot! Time to come pick me up!”

  As the ship lurched down again, Neil clipped the radio to the neck of his chain mail and made his way to the deck. Sharks of all sizes still swam, though there seemed to be less ketchup spurring them on.

  The boat began to sink, and sink fast. The water was fifteen feet away, and getting closer with each passing second. Neil could hear Magda churning underwater, struggling against the buoyancy of the large boat.

  “Jolly!” shouted Neil.

  She didn’t look at him.

  “Jolly!”

  Again, nothing. She seemed defeated, as if she’d given up. Water splashed all around her, washing over her in thin sheets.

  From Neil’s right, though, came a flash of light. He looked to see Reboot’s boat, its lights and engine now fully on. Neil waved his arm as someone put a spotlight on the front of the ship.

  “Neil! This thing’s gonna blow; we’re outta here!” came Trevor’s voice. “Find us after so we can get medals!”

  Neil could hear the sounds of his friends scrambling toward their escape pod. He heard the creak of metal doors, and soon a thousand captured sharks were set free back into the ocean. They swam away in every direction as the overheating Magda kept pulling Jolly’s yacht toward the seafloor.

  “Neil!” shouted Sam, leaning over the side of Reboot’s ship. “Hop on!”

  Reboot’s boat edged closer, and Neil managed to crawl to the top deck of Jolly’s ship. He balanced on slippery metal and jumped into the outstretched arms of Corinne and Sam. They fell backward, all landing with a thud from Neil’s chain mail.

  “Huzzah!” shouted Riley. “Lord Andertol returneth!”

  Neil shimmied free from his mustard-metal tunic. He cupped his hands around his mouth to yell back to the girl clinging to a sinking boat.

  “Jolly, you don’t have to go down with your ship,” yelled Neil.

  “I do!” she yelled. “All great captains do!”

  “You’re not a great captain!” Neil replied. “You’re actually an awful, evil captain. But now you just get to be Jolly Rogers the Third, landlubber.”

  The sharks greedily snapped at the half-broken bottles of ketchup floating on the ocean’s surface.

  “We already captured Pierre and Fabien,” added Biggs, gesturing to Reboot’s kitchen. “They were actually pretty OK with everything once they saw the amount of dark chocolate Reboot’s got on this thing.”

  “Just get over here!” yelled Corinne.

  The water churned below, even faster.

  “But you all hate me. There’s no way of changing that,” Jolly said, watching her ship sink deeper and deeper.

  “Don’t say that,” said Neil. “Just today everybody was mad at me for leaving them to see Reboot Robiskie.”

  “Yeah!” said Corinne. “And now everything’s great. Except for the sharks.”

  Corinne looked right at Jolly. “People won’t always hate you,” she said. “But you have to work to make it that way, Jolly.”

  “You don’t know the feeling of being alone like I do. None of you do,” Jolly snarled.

  “I highly doubt that,” said Neil. “As alone as you think you are, somebody on this boat has you beat. We’ve got a guy who lives for cleaning up animal dung.”

  “I conversed only with pigs for an entire month last year,” shouted Riley.

  “And I know all about being homeschooled,” yelled Corinne. “We’re both just a couple of mixed-up girls getting taught stuff by father figures with facial hair. Come over here.”

  “What’s the point? I’ve been running from boarding school. Once the authorities get me, I’ll be sent away,” Jolly confessed. “I’m supposed to be there now, but it’s—inland. Landlocked. Disgusting.”

  The bow of the ship was nearly submerged. Jolly had walked out to the last part of the ship still above the water. Neil watched the red eyes of Magda turn off below.

  “Being away from the ocean isn’t so bad,” said Neil. “Sure, there’s more manure than you bargain for, but you’ll get used to it. I thought I hated the ocean before this weekend; now I kind of like it.”

  Then came a noise Neil had heard before.

  Cacaw!

  After a few flutters, Jolly’s two pet parrots landed on Neil’s shoulders. They pecked at the bits of mustard in his ears.

  “If . . . if I do,” the girl said. Her voice was thin and afraid. “Promise me there aren’t any actual pig droppings aboard.”

  “Promise,” Neil said.

  Reboot swung the boat back toward Jolly, and Neil extended his hand. Jolly took it and dropped the remote control to grab Neil’s arm. “Hold on.”

  With Corinne’s, Sam’s, and Biggs’s help, they yanked Jolly away from her ship as it sank in a burst of bubbles.

  “Neil, Neil!” came a voice from the radio.
“Can you hear me, Neil? This is submarine Captain-for-Life Trevor Grunsten.”

  Neil smiled and unclipped the radio from the chain mail on the floor.

  “Trevor, I—”

  “Save it. That was a good speech back there,” Trevor said. “I was trying to escape. It just . . . it is kinda hard to think when you keep getting electrocuted.”

  “Believe me, I know.”

  “This heroing is tough business,” Trevor said. “Glad I was around to do it.”

  Neil rolled his eyes.

  “Any good hero has to be humble—that’s the first thing they teach you,” Neil joked. “Now get back here safe and sound. We’ve got victory slushies to share.”

  Neil’s radio was silent, then came back to life.

  “Neil, we’re sorry about the sharks,” said Jason 1. “She said she had you three locked up somewhere. We didn’t want to—”

  “No worries, everybody,” Neil said. “We’re all OK now.”

  As Jolly coughed up a few gulps of water, the group’s attention went to the weary captain. Her hair was wet and stringy, bouncy curls now matted to the sides of her almond-shaped face.

  “I . . . I’m not sure what to say,” Jolly mumbled.

  “We’ll start with an ‘I’m sorry’ and go from there,” said Sam.

  “And might I suggest playing a video game every now and then?” asked Corinne.

  Jolly cackled.

  As Neil looked at the water, it was finally free of shark fins, but the items from Jolly’s ship littered the surface of the ocean. Her fancy leather-bound books and cheese plates now drifted through waves.

  They watched Trevor and the Jasons guide their submarine safely toward Reboot’s ship, while Biggs began preparing a giant sugar feast.

  Neil walked over to the weary Captain Rogers and knelt down beside her.

  “Sorry,” she said. Her birds sat perched on each of her bony knees. He handed her a towel.

  “Don’t be,” Neil answered. “We’ll figure this out.”

  “The sharks haven’t been killed yet, promise.”

  “I believe you,” Neil said. “Now let me introduce you to my friend Reboot. I think you might find you have some things in common.”