Breaking Bad: 14 Tales of Lawless Love

by Koko Brown

  Anger won’t help either of us. I need to get them settled in and figure out our next step. He can’t be out of school for too long, and I’ll need papers for both of them. I need to know what’s going on back in Boston. I pull out my cell phone and begin to make calls. I need to put all my eyes and ears on alert for anything to do with Porter Douglas.

  The sky overhead was still dark as we park in front of my home. Douglas is in the wind. Whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing I can’t tell yet. He could be underground, or dead. I stare down at the sleeping forms of my family. Family. In one night, I’d gone from being along in the world to having a son, and a woman. She might not think of herself that way now, but she will. I’ll make certain of that. I’m making good on collecting the debt owed by Porter Douglas. The man had stolen my pride, dignity, health, woman, and damn near claimed my life. Knowing he also took the first nine years as a parent made me want to be the one pulling the trigger on the gun that stopped the bastard's, heart.

  My love for Athena has always been true. There was nothing I wouldn’t have done for the brilliant, bright-eyed beauty who was meant to be so much more than an ornament to be paraded around, or a puppet to be controlled and kept isolated and polished. Like some untouchable trophy, the girl had been placed so high up on a shelf it was a wonder she hadn’t suffered from nose bleeds.

  Porter demanded so much and enforced rules that prevented her from truly living her life. I understood his obsessive need to keep her safe, but the steps he took went beyond that. They were about control. I often wondered if he planned to use her as a bargaining tool politically. Marrying a child off to another prominent family might be an archaic practice, but it did the job.

  Guess I ruined any chance of that. I can’t help but smirk. It was the least I could do. One final jog off as he shipped me back to my country. I gently shake Athena’s shoulder. She startles awake, jerking as she peers around wildly. Tense and shielding Kier from view, she’s a warrior befitting her name, ready to wage war and protect her offspring. The panic and fear etched on her face, twists my guts.

  “Hey, you’re okay now, Thena. It’s only me,” I say quietly.

  She blinks and peers up at me. As she focuses, the dread melted away from her face, and a sleepy smile curves her full deep rose lips. I want to kiss them again and sample that unique flavor of spun sugar, but I know better. She’s been through too much tonight. Her eyes are filled with affection and a happiness that takes my breath away. In can see her, buried down in the depths of those dark brown eyes, the woman who loved me every bit as fiercely as I did her. My mouth becomes as dry as the Badlands, and my heart kicks up a notch.

  She leans against me, and I nearly hold my breath, afraid I’ll spook her and end whatever spell has fallen upon us. She clears her throat, pushes, away and her expression is shuttered. I watch the invisible curtain come down over her emotions. I mourn the loss, but I’ve caught the scent now. I know I’m not barking up the wrong tree.

  “Where are we?”

  “My home. I didn’t expect him, so the accommodations might be a little feminine for now. We can go shopping later after you’ve both had a bit more rest and a shower and some food in your bellies.”

  “We can’t pretend this is normal.”

  “No, but these are all things that need to be done regardless. You want him to be out of school indefinitely.”

  “Of course not.”

  “Then I need to work on getting paperwork together after we figure out what’s going on. If you’ve got a target painted on your back, I don’t want to lead them to you with a flashing neon sign.”

  “I thought the whole point of shipping us off here was because they couldn’t do that.”

  “It’s best to never underestimate your opponent. I’m not taking any chances with the two of you, so I’m erring on the side of caution.”

  She grinds her teeth. “We’re not yours to –

  I bend down and grip her face. “We didn’t have the chance to do this right. I should’ve come back for you. That was my mistake, but I didn’t want to make everything worse, and it took me years to get back on my feet and build an empire strong enough to even think about challenging your father. Now that I have you here make no mistake, you’re mine.”

  “I’m not a thing.”

  “No, you’re my heart living outside of my body.”

  She scoffs. “Right? That why you just gave up on us?”

  “Is that what you think? You know how long it took me to heal? Let alone rebuild my name.” I grit my teeth. “We both did what we had to in order to survive and thrive, Athena. If you want to be upset with me fine, but don’t make it be for something petty and out of my control. The person who deserves the bulk of your anger is the same person who sent you here to me, Why? Because he knew no matter what I’d take care of you. You think I’m the type of man who does shit for sentimental reasons, Thena?”

  “No,” She whispers. Her breath caresses my lips. The air between us crackles.

  “We’ve both changed. We need to relearn one another ,but it’s still there. We both feel it. Don’t insult me by lying.”

  “It takes more than attraction.

  “Attraction would’ve burned out long ago.” I grip the sleek braid that pulls her hair back from her face and tug gently. Her eyes go liquid. “You remember what happens when you give me lip?”

  She gasps and shudders. I lick my lips. “Still so damn responsive.”

  “Fie.” My nickname is honey to my ears.

  “That’s right, love.”

  “I- I can’t,” her voice shakes, and I release her hair and move back.

  “I’ll give you the space you need to acclimate for now.”

  “My father?”

  I shake my head. “No news to give. He’s in the wind. If he’s a crafty old bugger, who escaped or he’s been captured I can’t say. I have people working on finding out.”

  She closes her eyes and nods.

  “After everything, you still love him so much.”

  “He’s the only parent I have. And we came to an understanding recently. He apologized for what he did. He admitted he was wrong. That’s more than I’ve ever gotten from him my entire life. So excuse me if I’m concerned for his safety. I’ll never make excuses of fully forgive him for what he did to us. But.” Her voice cracked. “He’s my father, and I don’t want to see him dead.”

  “Once he might’ve been all you had. Not anymore. I’ll find out what I can, love.”

  She sniffs and nods her head, sitting up straight. Her hands tremble as she wipes the tears away. “We need to maintain for Kier. He adores his Papa, and he’s been the only man in his life.”

  I growl.

  “I know you’re upset. You have a right to be. I get it. But he’s already losing so much. We can’t take the memory of him at the same time.”

  “So ye want me to pretend then?”

  “It’s what I’ve been doing. After everything happened. I shut down, pulled away moved into my own place, and lived off my own money. Until I started getting sick.”

  “You were sick.”

  “Well, it was morning sickness, but I didn’t’ know that at the time. I started to think I had cancer. Once I realized I had a life to provide for I got my shit together. All the money he ever gave has been divided into trust funds and an account for Kier. I played nice because Kier needed someone other than me in his life. Family is important. It was an agreement my father and I reached. I lived life on my terms, and he got to be a part of his life. I’m not proud of the way I used him as a bargaining tool, but it allowed me to take my life back and shape his world the way I wanted it to be. I spent a year waiting for you to come back. When you didn’t, I figured you were dead or no longer interested.”

  “That’s not it at all—.”

  Kier stirs beside her, and we both go silent. The conversation will have to wait for now.

  “Mom?”

  “I’m right here baby. Perfect
timing, we just stopped.” Her voice has softened, and she’s looking at him with tenderness and adoration only a mother could manage. My head is being clouded by emotions. I need to take a minute before I proceed. There’s a lot coming at me.

  “Let’s get inside, and I’ll show you the house and where you’ll be staying.

  FOUR

  ATHENA

  It’s been a few days now, and I’m no closer to reconciling my emotions or figuring out what we’re going to do. Jet lag has made me its bitch, and the enormity of my situation is staggering. There’s been no news on my father as we continue to treat this trip as an impromptu vacation with a friend of mommy’s. Alfie’s changed. His accent is thicker, and he’s twice the size he once. The crow’s feet are deeper around his eyes, but the laugh lines have faded. Despite all the power he’s amassed, he appears to have remained stoic.

  Even more closed off, he’s harsher than before, which I didn’t think was possible. Then again, as a debt collector, you have to rule your workers with an iron fence and show no mercy or wavering in the field. It's eye opening, watching him screen calls, deal with employees and leave to work. He spent the first day home, taking us to the local shop and allowing Kier to pick the décor for his room. My little boy is growing up, gone are the days of Bob the Builder and Thomas the train. His navy themed room looks like it belongs to a tween. Ugh, I’m not ready for that age. He’s worked the last two days, but he’s due home any moment to take us sight-seeing.

  I glance over at my son. Engrossed in his X-box Game, he’s completely oblivious to the truth. I envy him. Sleep is fleeting, and the phone calls I’ve yet to return has led to a buildup of messages in my voicemail. I don’t have my story straight, so a conversation with anyone is impossible. There’s also a chance that I could be tracked through them. Reassured Kier is fine, I make my way back to my room, leaving the door open. I’m shocked, Alfie did this. From the soft turquoise throw rug, I’m sinking my toes into to the turquoise comforter with peonies. The man even remembered my favorite flower. It’s hard to stay angry at him when he’s showing me how much I meant.

  He’s kept quiet about his past with my father and his paternity, but I can tell it’s killing him. Every time he looks at Kier there’s longing, joy, and fury wrapped into one. I can still read those electric blue pools after all this time when his guard is down. Which isn’t often. A small voice in my head tells me what I’m doing is wrong. But it’s drowned out by the urge to do right by Kier. I have yet to tell them this is our home for now. Being a parent is hard, but this feels like walking through a minefield and trying not to detonate anything. In the end, my little boy is going to have his heart broken. Putting it off won’t change that. But it might give me a chance to get myself together so I can help him through the next stage in life.

  Right now I’m shaky and confused. I understand his reasons. They parallel with my own. I didn’t want to complicate things more. I had Kier to worry about, and most of all I didn’t know if he blamed me for what my father had done. It shames me to admit it, even to myself. The thought of seeing his eyes devoid of emotion stopped me every time I got the itch to search for him. There were days when I got in the car and thought of nothing more than boarding a plane to England with Kier in tow and hunting him down. It's been long lonely years. Too afraid of getting close, I never let relationships with men veer in the romantic lane.

  Now I’m here with the one man who owns my heart and shares my DNA, and I can’t get past the thought that giving in to him would make weak. He never came back. He was too busy recovering and rebuilding. If it wasn’t for that Kier and I would be shit out of luck. I sink onto the bed and peer out the window to the streets below. It’s bizarre being here in this penthouse apartment. One look at the large building across from us tells me I’m far from the United Stated, and I’m from Boston. We have plenty of original architecture and streets. I long for the home we’d purchased, and the garden where I find my peace. I’m not sure about the rules for practicing medicine in a different country. Have I lost everything I’ve worked so hard for?

  I don’t want to beholden to anyone again. It was hell growing up with a father who loaded everything over me. He wasn’t horrible, but he let me know at every turn that he ran things, how he expected me to behave, and what my place was in his life. Everything was about image. I had to drive the best car, wear the priciest clothing, and make sure I was always on point. It was exhausting and not me at all. I’m just as happy in a comfy pair of jeans and a t-shirt with gym shoes as I am in heels and finery. There’s an anonymity that comes with life here. It’s alluring.

  The sound of barking from Daisy the resident pit bull precedes a key in the lock. I leave my room and see Kier rushing toward Alfie who smiles down at him. Their connection is already forming. A bond is being made in front of my eyes.

  “Alfie.” He hugs the man around the waist, and I see the shimmer in Alfie’s eyes.

  “Well, hello to you too. I’ve got a surprise for ye.”

  “For me?” His blue eyes widen, and I bit my cheek to keep my laughter from spilling out.

  “Aye, my boy.”

  My boy. I shove my fist into my mouth. How can I even think of separating these two again?

  “We’re going on a tour.”

  “Of what?” Kier asks.

  “Well, I heard there’s a lad here who likes Harry Potter. Figured he might like to go to the Studio tour.”

  His eyes widen, and his body stills. A moment later he breaks into a cheer, fist bumping as he hops around to get out the extra energy.

  I cover my mouth with my hands. Alfie is already proving what an amazing Dad he’ll be. I always knew that. The loyalty he showed those he cared for told me everything I needed to know. This was my first time meeting Ifan, but I’d heard all about him when he was in Boston. More brother than friends, the two kept in touch over the years and always had each other’s back. I envied that tight-knit relationship. Sometimes I felt like the princess from the Never Ending Story, alone in an in an ivory tower, completely cut off from civilization in a beautiful building that became a prison.

  “What do you think, Ma? Should we hit the road?” Alfie asks turning toward me.

  Of course, he knew I was here. The man never misses anything. Ma? The word flows from his lips a tempting sweet morsel I want to gobble and demand seconds for.

  “Yeah we should, or he might combust.”

  “This is the greatest vacation ever.”

  The words make me cringe. We’re lying to his face. We can let him have this one final thing. Tomorrow we’ll face the truth head on.

  “Well you’d better go change out of your jammies and get on shoes,” I say as he takes off like a shot. I turn back to Alfie. “Thank you for this.”

  “He’s my boy too. I’m playing nice now, but I won’t forever.”

  “I know. Tomorrow we’ll start to sort the mess we’ve landed in.”

  “It doesn’t have to be a mess, love.”

  I shake my head. “No job, no house, and the inability to contact any of the people who’ve meant something to me the past ten years.”

  “You got a bloke back home, then?” he asks.

  I hesitate. Saying yes would give me instant gratification, but I’ve never been that petty. I’m not about to start now. “No.”

  “Good.”

  “Why?”

  “You won’t have to disappoint anyone, and I won’t have to kill anyone.”

  “You’re that confident?”

  “Some things are as sure as sunrise. You think we’ve come to this point without the fates weaving it into their loom of life? No.” he shakes his head.

  Just like that, he’s weaving his brand of magic, showing his knowledge with that sexy accent that made my belly quiver like jelly. The man still does it for me. “I should get my shoes on too.” I turn away, not ashamed to flee and regroup. Considerably calmer I rejoin father and son who are acting the roles more with every minute that passes. It�
�s like a natural gravitation. I never noticed how many of Alfie’s qualities he possessed. The insane focus, head tilt, and boisterous laughter when they’re really happy about something.

  They’re chatting now like old pals. I walk into the living room, and they turn their heads and flash my identical grins that heat me like a kidney shot. I press my hand to waist and smile.

  “I’m all set.”

  “She looks brilliant, doesn’t she, Kier?” Alfie says.

  “Smart?”

  “It means sharp here.”

  “Oh, Yeah you look great, Mom.”

  I focus my attention on Kier afraid to fall under Alfie’s spell. Nearly three and a half hours later we’re exiting the studios, and I feel like I’m leaving an actual world. The experience was completely immersive. The blend, of sets, costumes, and dedicated guides meshed to build an incredible, multifaceted tour. The enthusiasm of the crowd only added to everything. For those two and half hours, I could pretend we were a regular family out for fun. Tucked beneath Alfie’s arm, I’m safe and secure. Kier appears to be equally content on his opposite side. As we walk out into the evening air and head to the car, I allow myself to remain in the daydream.

  Snuggled up to his warm body I’m not adrift in a sea of crazy. I’m firmly anchored by the one man not too scared to stand up to my father. The tough man with the soft heart, and hidden kindness, who took my virginity and wooed me proper like. Dinners, movies, nights in, and he never pushed me. By the time we came together, I was the one pushing for it.