“Yes, except for the note on the door. We don’t want any patients waiting on us, since we’ll both be gone all day.”
The younger man disappeared inside, and Dr. Archer climbed up into the buggy with a groan.
“Where are you heading, both together?”
“Mining camps, again. I need to check up on the patients I saw yesterday, make sure they’re not any worse. A couple of them were doing very poorly. Thought I’d take Gabriel, teach the boy how to do the rounds. Once he’s familiar with it, I can stop going up there myself. Spend more time at my hunting cabin.”
“When are you going to stop calling it a hunting cabin? No hunting gets done up there.”
“True enough. But I’m old and eccentric. I can call it what I like. Speaking of which, when are you going to accept my invitation up to see the place? I’ve been asking you for a year now. I swear, you work harder than I did before I hired Gabriel to help out.”
“I’ll have you know I’ve cut my work down to five days a week, thank you very much.”
“Reeeaally?” Doc exaggerated his surprise. “Never thought I’d see the day anyone or anything could drag you away from that smithy on a Saturday! That girl must have really gotten under your skin.”
Jake cleared his throat, uncomfortable with how the conversation had shifted back to Lilly. “Uh…maybe…hey, is that a rifle I see, sticking out from under the seat?”
Doc glanced down, and nudged the barrel back under the seat. “Might be.”
Jake laughed. “What would an animal-loving fella like you need with that? You don’t hunt, and it’s not like you see a lot of crime, on this block of town.”
“I started bringing it with me a few months back, when I had a run-in with a couple of miners who were a little too much into their homemade whiskey. They don’t think I belong up in the mining camps.”
“Their attitude just irks me, Doc. You go up there out of the kindness of your heart—because they certainly never pay you—just to make sure one of those fellas doesn’t die of gangrene because they’re too stupid to see a doc when they get cut. And what thanks do you get?”
“Most of them are good men out there, just trying to earn a living, and keep their families in food. They don’t want to miss a day’s labor. It’s hard convincing some of them how important it is to tend to wounds, or bring their children in when they’re sick. Most of them are decent fellows, but the men I ran into a few months ago…” Doc shook his head. “Those two are dangerous. Hence, the rifle. At least until the sheriff can catch them doing something bad—for now, he says it’s my word against the ruffians’.”
“I’m tempted to take that rifle out and make all those miners pay for the services they’re all too eager to use, but not to pay for.”
“Believe me, they’re not eager. It takes a lot of convincing sometimes to get them to trust me, and let me take care of them. I don’t know how they’re going to react to Gabriel, as young and…uh…citified as he is.”
Dr. Archer glanced up as Dr. Foyle came out and tacked a note on the door before shutting and locking it.
“Well, it’s nice that you have an assistant to help. I know that Edgar—when he isn’t daydreaming about girls—tends to be very helpful at the smithy.” He pointed a finger at Doc. “And if you ever tell anyone that, I’ll denounce you as a liar.”
The doctor laughed as his protégé joined him in the buggy. “Well, just make sure he keeps his eye on his work. I don’t want to have to tell his mother that he got disfigured by hot steel, and there was nothing I could do for it. That woman scares me.”
“Me too.” Jake shuddered. “I think she scares everyone.”
Jake waved to his friend as the buggy pulled away. Back to work, he thought. And hopefully I’ll decide what to say to Lilly before I get home tonight.
Chapter 18
Lilly had paced the floor for over an hour when Jake didn’t show up for supper. The man was always eager for his evening meal, so his absence did not bode well, in Lilly’s eyes. Would he not even come home for supper, before staying another night at the smithy?
Eventually, she moved his plate to the warming closet above the cookstove, with another plate overturned on top of it, to keep the baked chicken as moist as possible in case he changed his mind and came home for supper. Then she changed for bed.
She tried not to imagine the worst, but unbearable scenarios played themselves out in her mind. Jake hopping a train, never to be heard from again. Jake coming home and throwing her and all her belongings out into the street. Jake down at the saloon, tossing back drinks and telling everyone who would listen how wanton his new bride was. Each scenario was worse than the last, until finally, as she climbed into bed, she decided it was time to take some solace in the Good Book. Things would work themselves out.
At least, she hoped they would.
She was a few passages into the chapter she had chosen at random when she heard the door open and close. He didn’t slam it, so that was a good sign. At least…she thought it was.
“Jake?” she called out.
“It’s me.” He appeared a moment later in the bedroom doorway—sooty, sweaty, and looking exhausted. “I’m going to take a bath, then eat my supper. Then I’d like to talk. I’d talk first, but…” He held out his arms, to show her how much dirtier they were, than usual.
“It’s alright,” she said in a small voice. “You look like you worked hard today. You must be starving. I can wait. Your supper is in the warming closet.”
“Thanks.”
An hour later, he reappeared in their bedroom, freshly-washed and looking a little less grim. Lilly closed the Bible and set it aside, then wished she’d kept holding it. She didn’t know what to do with her hands, so she clenched them in her lap.
“Look…Lilly…”
Here it comes…
“I’m sorry.”
She blinked. “You’re…what?”
“I’m sorry. I was much too hard on you. I didn’t even give you a chance to explain. It wasn’t fair. Doc told me…well, he didn’t tell me much, other than your family sort of…abandoned you…after it happened. And he said to ask you the rest. And I realized that’s what I should have done in the first place.”
“Oh.”
“So…” he sat on the edge of the bed. “I’m asking.”
“You…want to hear the whole thing?”
“Only as much as you want to tell me.”
“Alright, then.” She hadn’t expected that. She fiddled with the edge of the quilt. “Well…Father didn’t let men court me until I was eighteen. He was very strict. When I turned eighteen, I was eager to start seeing men. Quite a few showed interest, and I was excited, but Father spurned them all. There was only one man he wanted me to show an interest in. His name…his name was Theodore Bennett.”
She took a deep breath, then continued. “His father was an up-and-comer in Boston, a good step or two up the social ladder than we were. Father felt that a marriage to Theodore would be a financial boon to our family, and open up a lot of opportunities for him. I tried to tell him I wasn’t interested in Theodore. In fact, I was adamant that there was something…just something about him I didn’t like. He said I was foolish. I wanted to please Father, so I…I tried to like Theodore. I really did. I thought maybe I wasn’t giving him enough of a chance. He was rather good looking, well-off, and had a bright future. Why shouldn’t I give him a chance?”
She took in a shuddering breath, and blew it out. Jake looked away, obviously uncomfortable with what he knew was coming next.
“He was always very polite, and very proper. I had no valid reason to think he wouldn’t make a good husband for me. One night, he took me to a church social. It was…well…I was bored. With him, with the social, and with trying to make my father happy. But I put a smile on my face and played my part. After a while, the room was just too crowded and stuffy, and I really wanted to go home. Theodore suggested we just get some air first, and then see how I felt
after that. We went outside on the back steps of the church—the social was being held in the hall at the back. He…he said he had something he wanted to show me. Something he found, that was really interesting. I didn’t want to go—I just wanted to go home, and I knew Father wouldn’t approve of me going off alone with Theodore, even for a minute. But he insisted, and I…he’d never given me any reason not to trust him. As I said, he’d always been the perfect gentleman. Still, my instincts told me not to go. But I…”
“You didn’t listen.”
She shook her head. “I didn’t listen. He led me down some stone steps, to the basement door of the church. It was only accessible from the outside—more of a cellar than a basement. The walls were made of damp stone, and the floor was earthen. It was where the pastor kept any church supplies that couldn’t be harmed much by the dampness. When we got down there, it was dark…I was afraid, and nervous, but he teased me and said not to worry, he’d find a light. It didn’t occur to me until later that the church had only recently been electrified, and it would be unlikely they would have incurred the great expense of installing lights in a basement that was used for nothing but storage of rarely-used items. I could feel cobwebs brushing my face, and…and…”
The tears burned her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. “Then he…he touched me. I tried to pull back, but he grabbed me by the arms. He tried to kiss me, and I told him we’d better get back to the party, that someone was sure to come looking for us. When I tried to pull away, that’s when he…he knocked me down and…”
Jake leaned to the side of the bed, resting his elbows on his knees, and fisting his hands in his hair.
“I tried to fight, Jake. Really, I did. I kicked and bucked, as much as I could, but…the dress I was wearing was heavy, and my corset…it was hard to move when he had my arms pinned above my head, with one hand. I tried to scream, but I barely got a sound out when he struck me with his free hand, then punched and hit my stomach, below my corset, over and over, until I promised to be quiet. He told me if I made another peep, he’d choke me to death, right where I lay. So I…I stayed quiet. And I laid there. And…I waited for it to be over.”
She swallowed over the large lump in her throat, watching Jake for any indication of whether he believed her or not. He just rocked a bit in place, as if striving to maintain control. It scared her a little, but she had come this far, and he hadn’t stopped her…so she pushed on.
“When he…was done…he told me to get up and fix my clothing, so he could take me home. He actually expected me to just dust myself off and hop up into his buggy, and let him take me home. I didn’t need to be out in the moonlight to know that I was caked in dirt, my dress was torn, and my hair was disheveled. He believed he could just drop me off, as if nothing had happened, and my parents would never know. Either that, or he didn’t care if they knew. Perhaps he thought his father held that much sway with mine. And perhaps he really did, given what happened later…”
Lilly swiped at a tear that trickled down one cheek. “I told him I wasn’t going anywhere with him. I backed toward the door, and turned to open it, but he shut it before I could get it all the way open, and grabbed me by the neck, pressing me to it. He told me I’d do exactly as he said, or I would be sorry. And if I even attempted to tell anyone what had occurred there, he would tell my father that I exposed my bosom to him, that I tempted him. He’d make it known to one and all that I was a fallen woman, and no man would ever have me.
“But by then I didn’t care about his threats. All I wanted was to be free of him, no matter the cost. Just then, I could hear someone—or perhaps a couple—come out onto the back steps, near the basement door, and I took advantage of the distraction. I pushed him away and he tripped and fell to the floor, then I pulled open the door, and ran up the steps, across the churchyard, and down the alley.”
She looked over at Jake, embarrassed. “I realize now I should have just called out to the couple for help, and gone back into the church, but I…I was completely disheveled, and humiliated…I just couldn’t let anyone see me like that. I just couldn’t. So…I hiked up my skirts and ran.
“I thought, at first, that he was pursuing me. I imagined I heard steps behind me, but they never caught up. He may have been chasing me—it felt like he was right behind me—but if so, he must have decided it was too risky to pursue a woman through dark city streets without someone seeing and intercepting him. I don’t know. When I finally reached home, he was nowhere to be seen. I hurried inside, as quiet as I could be, because my parents were waiting up for me in the parlor. I…I couldn’t let them see…” Lilly dipped her head in shame.
“I thought I’d made it safely to my room undetected, but my sister, Felicia, caught me at my bedroom door. I tried to shrug her off, but she could see what a mess I was. She followed me into my room and begged me to tell her what had happened. Eventually, I gave in, though I’m sure she could scarcely understand me, I was so distraught. She drew a bath for me—fortunately, it didn’t attract my parents’ attention, because Felicia often took a warm bath when she had trouble sleeping—and she hid my soiled clothing in my closet while I bathed.
“I never wanted to leave that tub. I felt…like I’d never get clean. It was all like a terrible nightmare that I couldn’t wake from. I worried about what my parents would think, and whether Theodore would tell anyone, and…and what I would do if I was…if I ended up…well, anyway, I finished my bath, and dressed and slipped into bed quietly, while Felicia cleaned up behind me.
“She promised to keep my secret, although she wanted me to go to the authorities. I told her they’d never believe me, and I just wanted to forget the whole thing. She went downstairs and told my parents that I’d come in the back, upset, and had gone straight to bed—she didn’t elaborate beyond that, as she detests lying. They assumed that I’d had a row with Theodore. I didn’t sleep well that night, or any night thereafter. I was plagued by nightmares, and even during the day, I relived it whenever something sparked my memory—”
“That’s why you were so afraid on our first night together.” Jake said softly, staring off into space. Then he turned finally, and looked at her. “You cringed every time I touched you. I thought it was just the typical uneasiness of a new bride, but…it wasn’t, was it?”
She shook her head slowly. “I couldn’t help it. That experience was…the only time I had ever ‘known’ a man, and our first time together…it triggered a lot of memories.”
Jake moved closer and took her in his arms. “Please forgive me, I had no idea.”
Tears burned Lilly’s eyes. “There is nothing to forgive. You couldn’t have known—”
“I should have known. I should have seen that something was very wrong. But then you seemed to relax more each night, and after several nights, you didn’t seem so overwrought. At least, I thought you weren’t.”
“I wasn’t. You were so…so gentle, and patient, and loving…I realized very quickly that what I experienced before was an expression of violence and control, and had nothing to do with the loving passion that a married couple experienced. You taught me that,” she squeezed his hand, “and for that, I am forever grateful.”
“I’ve been an insensitive fool today, and last night. I should have listened to you. I should have given you a chance to explain—”
“You thought I had lied and betrayed you. It’s understandable, given your first marital experience.”
“I still don’t understand why you didn’t just tell me. Lilly, I probably would have asked you to marry me, anyway. I’m sure I would have needed a few days to get accustomed to the idea, but I felt like you were the right match—and with my past, my divorce, I don’t see that I have the right to judge a woman who was just as much a victim of someone else’s wrongdoing as I was.”
“I know. You’re right, I should have been honest. But I truly didn’t think I was expecting. I swear that, to you, Jake. I had gotten my…my monthly time. And I got it twice more between t
he time we first corresponded, and the time we married. I was sure that I couldn’t be expecting. I swear to you, if I had known, I never would have even contacted Mrs. Gardner about becoming a mail order bride!”
“How is that possible? I thought that women who were expecting—?”
“That’s what I had thought, as well, but Dr. Archer assures me that it happens. It’s not terribly common, but it happens. I had no idea, truly I didn’t.”
He took her hand. “I believe you. I should have believed you yesterday.”
“Perhaps I should have led with that part—the reason why I had believed I wasn’t with child. I was just so befuddled—”
“There’s no reason to explain. You’ve been through a lot. I understand. But I promise you this—I will never let anyone hurt you again. Ever. If I could hunt that man down—”
“Oh, please don’t!” Lilly exclaimed. “That would be the worst thing you could do. I don’t want anyone to know. And it’s my word against his. No one would believe that Theodore Bennett would harm a lady, and if you hurt him because of me, you’d end up in prison. Please, he’s thousands of miles away. He can’t hurt me now.”
“Alright.” He kissed her on the forehead. “Only because you’ve asked me. But if that man ever came looking for you—”
“He won’t. I know he won’t.”
He held her to him, stroking her hair. After a moment, he pulled back. “Lilly, Doc told me that your parents betrayed you. What did he mean? I thought you didn’t tell them what happened.”
Lilly paled. “I didn’t. Not exactly.” She told him of how her mother had discovered the ruined dress, and how Felicia had been dragged into the discussion, and coerced to confess what Lilly had told her.
“I was almost relieved. All I wanted was to fly into my mother’s arms and feel the comfort and security of them. But…instead, Mother turned to me with cold eyes and asked ‘How could you do this to us?’ Then she dropped the dress like it was on fire, asked Felicia to dispose of it, and walked out of the room.”
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