“So sorry for me that you kissed me?” He never cared about me. He pitied me. To him I was nothing more than a weak little girl.
“I’m only a man, Lexie. And you threw yourself at me. What was I supposed to do?” I couldn’t believe what he was saying. Is that what he thought of me – what he had been thinking this whole time?
“It’s not true.” My voice was barely a whisper, the pain his words caused, leaving me weak.
“You’re not my type. Get over it.” His words sliced through me. Bile rose in my throat. It felt as if someone had taken a knife and cut out my heart. There was this vast hole in my chest where my heart once used to be. All the blood drained from my face and I heard a whooshing sound in my ears. How many times had I stood before my father and listened to every vile despicable word he said to me, how many times did he hit me and yet none of it could compare to the pain I felt at this moment.
“That’s enough!” Arianna yelled at Chai and looked like she was very close to punching him in the jaw. “If you say another word, so help me, and I will tear your throat out.” I didn’t think I’ve ever seen her so angry.
“I’m leaving,” Chai said stoically, his eyes resting for a second on my pale face. He opened his mouth, but shut it again firmly. I didn’t watch him leave. I just stood there and wished the floor could swallow me whole.
“Lexie?” Arianna said carefully and rested a hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it off.
“Don’t.” I whispered. I didn’t want them to say anything. I didn’t want their pity. I didn’t want to feel anything. “Let’s get back to training.”
By the end of the day every muscle in my body and a few I didn’t even know existed ached.
“I’m hopeless,” I groaned as I lay on the training mat, too tired to move an inch.
“I think you have potential,” Arianna said as she pulled me to my feet. That meant a lot coming from her, even if she was lying.
“I agree.” Gaios said and wiped the sweat from his forehead with a towel. “You don’t give yourself enough credit. You did great today.” He ruffled my hair as he walked past me and gave me a glimpse of his adorable dimples. “You have a lot of courage.”
“Not at all bad for a puny human,” Arianna said and laughed at the offended look on my face. She constantly took great pleasure in mocking my size. “Tomorrow you can start training with the others”
“Others?” I asked. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to train with the group. I knew how hopeless I was. They were trying their best to make me feel better, but even I had to admit that I was the worst student here.
“We’re preparing for war and you must be ready,” Gaios answered. “Let’s face it, there are only a few among you that have any skills when it comes to fighting and you’re not facing an ordinary enemy. The Vandelrizi are just as fast and strong as we are and they have other skills too and weapons far more advanced than you have.”
It was something that bothered me too. I had witnessed the Vandelrizi first hand in action. Except for their strength and speed, they could lift a man off his feet with a single swipe of their hand. They could lift objects ten times their size with a single thought. They possessed telekinetic powers not even the Epsilon had.
We needed all the help we could get.
Chapter 10
I forced myself to get out of bed. It had been another long sleepless night and I rubbed my burning eyes. I wished I didn’t volunteer to do the morning kitchen duty. Usually I welcomed the monotony and isolation of working in the kitchen, but today I was too exhausted. Training turned out to be a lot tougher than I expected. I was stiff and sore and after four days of non-stop sparring and sprinting under Arianna’s supervision, I felt like death. She was a real pain in the ass and kept drilling me non-stop. I wasn’t getting better either and even the younger kids handed me my butt on a silver platter.
I got dressed in a pair of tight fitting sweat pants and t-shirt and headed toward the mess hall. Breakfast should be over by now. I hadn’t been hungry in days and got in the habit of skipping meals in the mess hall. I knew the main reason was Chai. I avoided seeing him as much as I could. I usually grabbed a couple of sandwiches at night before I went to bed. It was too painful to see him every day and not to speak to him. Chai totally ignored me and even Emily had backed off. She hadn’t said a mean thing to me in days. But it hurt seeing them together. A lot. Arianna and Gaios tried their best to cheer me up. It was difficult for them too. Chai was like their brother. It wasn’t fair to make them choose between me and Chai and I started avoiding them too. After training each day I locked myself in my room. There had been times that I even wished I’d never left Palasium.
I touched the envelope in my pocket. I carried Mom’s letter with me wherever I went. It was like a little piece of her was with me. I couldn’t make myself read it. I wasn’t ready to hear her last words to me before she died. If I opened her letter, I would have to admit she was really gone, she won’t ever come back.
Chai and Emily sat huddled together at a table in the corner and my stomach did a flip. I was so sure the mess hall would be empty by now. She was pressed so close to him, she was almost sitting on his lap and giggled uncontrollably at every word he said. He smiled and took her hand. My stomach lurched. Not long ago he smiled at me that way.
I wanted to ignore the plates of half-eaten food on the table next to them, but it would be so obvious that I was avoiding them. I lifted my chin and headed to the table. I was not going to show them how much they upset me. My fingers trembled and I nearly dropped the stack of plates in my arms. They clattered loudly as I tried to hold on to them. A blob of pale yellow egg dripped on my shirt and I flushed. I felt their eyes on me as I tried to wipe the sticky yellow yolk from my shirt.
“How sweet! The spoiled little princess is doing manual labor,” Emily said, her voice filled with sarcasm. “Did you know she lived in a palace while everyone around her was starving?”
I stiffened and clenched my jaw. Emily was trying to provoke me and it was working.
“Her daddy doesn’t love her. He’s happy she’s gone,” she added and my gaze flicked to them in disgust at her crudeness. Emily smiled slyly. Chai stared at me, his face expressionless. I didn’t understand how he could be with someone so vile.
“You should try doing some honest work sometime.” I was tired of keeping quiet and letting her get away with insulting me.
“Be nice, girls,” Chai said and I wondered to whom he was speaking – to me or her. I wasn’t the one trying to start a fight. I had tried my best to get Emily to forgive me. I had apologized to her again and again.
“Not even your mommy wanted you. She ran away as fast as she could to get away from you.”
That was it! I had enough and I rushed forward, not sure if I was going to dump the plates on her head or punch the smile from her face. I didn’t get very far, before a strong arm grabbed me by the waist from behind and dragged me backward.
“It’s your fault she’s dead. It’s your fault your daddy shot her.”
I never told Emily how my mother died. She and Rosa came to Palasium after my mother died. I never told anyone that my father shot her. Nobody except for Chai.
“How could you?” I yelled at Chai. “How could you tell her?”
Angry tears stung my eyes. Chai looked at me with shock. It was the first real emotion I’ve seen from him since he returned from his ship. I was picked up from the floor; my feet dangled in the air and I was whirled around so that my back was turned to them. I was only put back on my feet once we reached the kitchen. I dropped the plates in the basin with such force that one of them cracked right down the middle. I wiped the tears from my face with the back of my hand.
“Why did you stop me?” I pivoted and found Erich grinning apologetically at me. He drew a hand through his unruly curls.
“Hi,” he said sheepishly.
“You’re back!”
“Yeah, things are getting a bit hot in Palasium. Bill wante
d me back here before my cover is blown.”
“I’m glad you’re safe.” I pushed my anger aside. I was happy and relieved that Erich was safely back here. I didn’t want him to get hurt, not after what he had done for me. I felt connected to him since that night.
“What’s up with you and golden boy?” I smirked and began scraping left-over food from the plates.
“You shouldn’t have stopped me,” I said warily. “She’s a bitch and he’s a jerk.”
“You seemed very cozy the last time I saw you.”
“Things changed.” I couldn’t believe that Chai told Emily about my parents. I never believed he would do that to me. He betrayed me in the worst possible way. I didn’t know him at all anymore. Maybe I never knew him at all.
“Arianna told me you’re training with the groups. Why don’t we head to the gym and I’ll train you today?” Erich asked. “Get some of this anger out of your system. I’ll even let you punch me.”
“Arianna told you how bad I was?” I laughed at the innocent face he pulled.
“She thought you could do with some extra help.”
“I have to finish up here first.” There was nothing I wanted more than get out of here, but I promised to clean up and the dishes won’t clean themselves.
“I’ll help you.”
Erich rolled up his sleeves and dutifully helped me washing the dirty dishes. I laughed more than once at his antics. We were both soaked with water and soap suds clung to his hair by the time we were finished. He was one of those people that even though you had just met them, it felt like you had known them all your life.
I aimed my foot at Erich’s midsection as I kicked. At the last moment he moved out of the way and my foot hit empty air. I lost my balance and tumbled backward. Erich tried to grab my arm and we both ended up on the training mat in a tangled heap. We laughed loudly as we tried to untangle our entwined legs.
“My grandmother can move faster than you,” taunted Erich and pulled me upright. I stumbled again and this time he caught me and steadied me in his arms. He gave me a wicked grin and the next moment he flipped me over his shoulder and I landed on the mat with a thud. I groaned loudly.
“You’re going to pay for that,” I grunted and jumped up. “Can you’re grandmother do this?” I tackled him and used the full momentum of my weight to bring him down on the mat. We were like two kids playing instead of training and Arianna shook her head in disapproval. I didn’t mind, this was the first fun I had in days.
I caught Chai glaring at us from across the room. His hands were balled at his sides and his eyes flung daggers at us. It looked like he wanted to strangle us both.
“Your boyfriend is pissed,” Erich said. He stretched and I was once again surprised by how muscular he was for his age.
“He’s not my boyfriend,” I mumbled and gave Erich a push. I didn’t know what Chai’s problem was. He made it more than clear that he wasn’t interested in me.
“But seriously, you’re hopeless,” Eric said and stared thoughtfully at me. “Maybe we should try something else.” He rose and pulled me up with him.
I followed him to the room next door. It was a bit smaller than the gym and there were huge white targets mounted on one wall with red circles painted on them.
He took a key hanging from a chain around his neck and unlocked a steel cabinet in the corner. The door creaked open. The cabinet clearly didn’t belong on the ship. The rebels must have brought it with them on the ship. Erich took out a gun. I watched him, raising my brows. This didn’t seem like a good idea. Thus far I had done poorly in training and I was sure I wouldn’t be any better using a gun.
“Can you shoot?” he asked expectantly.
“Aim and pull the trigger? It’s as easy as that,” I said with more confidence than I felt. I had fired a gun once before – the day I met Chai in the jungle. I wasn’t sure shooting plants counted.
Erich placed the gun in my hand. “Give it a try.”
I lifted my arm and aimed at the target in the middle. I pulled the trigger and the bullet hit the wall next to the target, leaving a dent in the shiny metal. I completely missed and I cringed. I doubted the alien council would be happy with the damage I did to their spaceship.
“Turn your body. Like this.” Erich placed his hands on my hips and turned me so that my one foot was in front of the other. “Now feel the gun in your hand. Think of it as an extension of your arm. It is a part of you. Focus on the target. See where you want the bullet to hit in your mind.”
I inhaled and let my breath out slowly, readjusting my grip on the gun until it didn’t feel foreign in my hand anymore. It was an extension of me. I imagined the bullet moving through the air and hitting the target in the middle. I pulled the trigger. The bullet smashed into the target precisely in the middle. I couldn’t believe it. Erich let me shoot again and again and every time I hit the target in the middle. I was an excellent marksman. It was at least something I didn’t suck at.
“I knew you would be good at this!” Erich said and draped an arm around my shoulder. “It’s in your genes.”
I frowned. Robert knew how to use a gun, but he wasn’t a very good shot and somehow I couldn’t imagine my mother ever doing any of this.
“Why do you think it’s in my genes?”
“I think Bill mentioned to me your mother was a good shot.” Erich suddenly looked very uncomfortable. “Why don’t you put the gun away and I’ll go fetch us some water.”
I got the distinct feeling Erich was lying to me, but before I could say another word, he sprinted from the room.
I emptied the gun and put it back inside the locker when I heard footsteps behind me.
“That was quick…” I turned and came face to face with Chai. Uneasiness filled me and my eyes automatically darted to the door. As if Chai could read my mind, he moved in front of the door, blocking my only escape route.
“I didn’t tell Emily about your mother,” he said grimly. His fists opened and closed at his sides. He seemed nervous.
“I don’t believe you.” I slammed the door of the cabinet shut and the sound echoed through the room.
“I wouldn’t do that.”
“Wouldn’t you? You’ve lied about everything else.” I knew I wasn’t being fair to him. I couldn’t blame him for having feelings for Emily. She was really pretty. Much prettier than me and she could be very nice if she wanted to be. I hated to admit it, but I was jealous.
“Not all of it’s a lie. I care about you.” His words slammed into me and my breathing sped up.
“Leave me alone.” My voice cracked. How could he say he cared about me, after all he had said and done in the past week? None of it made any sense.
“Erich isn’t right for you.” My head snapped up.
“You, of all people, want to tell me who I should be with?” I laughed bitterly. “Why don’t you go back to Emily? I’m sure you can find something to talk about and have a good laugh at me.”
“Lexie, listen to me.” A muscle popped in his jaw, his body tense and rigid.
“I don’t want to hear anything else you’ve got to say. You’ve said enough.” I hurled the words angrily at him.
“You don’t belong with Erich.” My anger boiled over. He had no right to come in here and talk to me like this.
“Who do I belong with? Not with you! You’ve made that perfectly clear.” My shoulders sagged and I felt the anger leaving me. I didn’t want to argue with him anymore. The pain it caused me was more than I could handle. “Erich is my friend. He makes me laugh and he doesn’t treat me as if I carry the plague. Please leave me alone.”
“I can’t do that. Ever.” There was an edge of desperation in his voice.
“I don’t understand. You can’t come in here and tell me you care and the next…” My voice broke and I knew I had to leave before I start crying.
“Lexie…” He took a step closer and I backed up, my back pressing against the wall.
“Why? Just tell me why? Is
it because of who I am? Because of what my father is?”
“I don’t care who your father is. It never mattered to me. I care about you…because of you are.” He took another step closer.
“Then why are you hurting me?”
He looked away and sighed deeply. “I can’t tell you.”
“Tell me what?” All the frustration I felt seeped into my words.
“I can’t explain it to you now, but I will. I promise. Just remember, no matter what I say or do, I care about you,” his voice pleaded with me and his hands skimmed my shoulders, but I was too hurt to listen. Nothing he said made sense anymore.
“Leave me alone!” I jerked away from his hands and tried to push past him, but he grabbed my hips, lifting me so my face was directly in line with his. His body pinned me to the wall and I couldn’t move. His lips crushed mine, hard and desperate. He kissed me with a hunger that left me breathless. I whimpered and immediately his grip softened. His lips moved to my tearstained cheeks, his fingers trailing the curve of my neck.
“Lesson number three - I’ll never leave you alone. You’re mine,” he whispered.
I was in love with him. It hit me like a sledgehammer. I didn’t know when or how it happened, but there was no denying it anymore. I pushed him away as hard as I could and I ran, before he could see the truth in my face.
Chapter 11
Once again, I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t stop thinking of Chai and I tossed and turned restlessly in my bed. I tried for hours to make sense of what he had said to me. He said he cared, then why was he always with Emily. Why did she cling to him, like she possessed him? Not once did he defend me when she said something hateful. He was the one that said he felt sorry for me. No matter how much I thought about it, I was nowhere near an answer. I even finished reading that silly book I borrowed from Arianna and hated the happily ever after ending.
Finally I gave up on sleeping and got up. Maybe I could find something in the kitchen that resembled milk and I pulled a hoody over the tank top I was wearing. It was past midnight and the corridors of the ship were deserted this time of night and I quietly made my way to the kitchen. Mom always used to make me warm milk when I couldn’t sleep. I searched the fridge and found a bottle of white liquid. It was the milk of an alien creature that resembled a cow and it didn’t taste that bad. If I closed my eyes I could even pretend it was real creamy milk. I sighed. How I missed chocolate bars. It was the small things you take for granted that I missed the most – like hot chocolate and potato chips. I headed back to my room with the glass of milk when I heard laughing coming from a room down the corridor. It was late for anyone to still be up. Curious I strolled down the corridor and came to a standstill in front of Chai’s room- the laughing came from inside. The door wasn’t closed and the light was dimmed inside.
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