Annie closed her eyes and searched for the right thing to do. She doubted that she could just be friends with Derick, but the offer was too enticing to say no. He was right, she felt trapped. She needed someone impartial to talk to, even if it was in half-truths.
Reaching out to take his hand, she tried not to overthink things. “I’m sorry for storming out.”
“I’m sorry for being rude,” Derick said sheepishly. He let go of her hand once they started walking. If they were going to be friends, he had to avoid touching her; otherwise, he would have trouble thinking clearly and maintaining his distance. Her skin was like a drug to him. He craved her uncontrollably, which made the friendship thing intolerable, but for this woman, he would do anything to make her happy.
They walked down the street in silence while Derick thought about what he should say. He needed neutral subjects to talk about. He remembered Annie mentioning a fight with her friend.
“You said you are having trouble communicating with someone. What’s wrong? Maybe I can help,” Derick smiled.
Annie tried to simplify her problem with Alazar since she doubted that even Derick would accept the fact that the Angel of Death was very much a part of her life. “He’s having serious issues, mental issues. I don’t know if I can help him,” she grimaced. Alazar’s fate was in his own hands now.
Derick tried to think of something comforting to say, but came up empty. “When was the last time you saw him? Maybe he’s improved during the time that you’ve been traveling.”
Annie faltered and stopped in the street. She didn’t want to lie to Derick.
Derick saw Annie stop from the corner of his eye and turned to check on her. She fidgeted with her coat and refused to look at him. That’s when it all made sense. The marks on her neck weren’t made by her boyfriend, but the crazy friend.
“That’s why you have the marks on your neck, isn’t it? He did this to you, your friend,” Derick tried to keep his indignation under control. He felt stupid for jumping to conclusions about her boyfriend, though she had admitted that he was the jealous and controlling type.
What was it with this woman and violent men? That’s when it dawned on him. She was too sympathetic. She was one of those women who thought they could help every loser and convince him to change. Her friend must be seriously disturbed if he physically assaulted her. She was too nice for her own good, and it was going to get her killed.
“He lost control, but I calmed him down. I gave him an ultimatum. Either he has to seek help or I’m done with him. He came at me, but he wasn’t in his right mind. These marks aren’t from him, but the first set of bruises were made by him. He was confused at the time and mistook me for someone else. Like I said, his mind isn’t always clear,” she bit her nail and continued walking down the street. She was grateful to be able to give Derick some kind of explanation.
“Annie, I’m afraid that one of these guys is really going to hurt you. I honestly don’t know what I would do if something happened to you,” his chest tightened as he spoke. He didn’t want to see anything bad happen to her.
“Nothing is going to happen to me. I’m very sturdy. Don’t worry, I’ll be okay,” she smiled, but then looked away. “Derick, I wasn’t exactly honest when I said that I was here as a tourist. I came to Romania with the intention of finding my friend. He’s been off the rails for a while now and I came to help him. Everyone else has turned their backs on him. I’m all he has left. After tonight, it won’t be a problem. I meant what I said about being done with him. I shouldn’t have lied, but it was too personal to talk about with strangers,” she shrugged, hoping that he would understand.
Derick looked at the ground. It was naïve of him to think that she didn’t have a life outside of whatever was going on between them. She was a person with many secrets, just like him. He could appreciate how hard it was to pretend that everything was okay, even though the world was falling apart. The least he could do was support her.
“I don’t blame you for not telling me. I didn’t exactly spill my guts out in the parking lot when we met. Is there anything I can do to help?” Derick took her hand and kissed her knuckles. “You shouldn’t bear the burden of these maniacs by yourself.”
She relished his kiss, grateful that he understood why she had lied. “No. It’s best if you stay out of it. That’s why I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want you getting involved and getting hurt. I can handle it myself,” she nodded.
“Why are you hell-bent on helping him if everyone else has given up? What makes you think you can get through to him? He tried to hurt you. Isn’t that proof enough that he’s beyond help?” Derick asked. He was concerned that he would hurt her again.
“Aside from his mental condition, the problem stems from a misunderstanding between us. He was angry because he thought that I did something that I didn’t do. He blamed me for all of his emotional fallout. Alazar’s very headstrong. He’s been through a lot and didn’t have anyone there to help him. He started to see the world from the wrong perspective. He let his anger and fear cloud his judgment, which makes him a threat. I was starting to get through to him, but there’s a lot of damage, and too much baggage. He needs to decide if he can get past it. I know that underneath all the pain is a good person. He just has to see it for himself,” she grimaced, knowing that Alazar was fighting an uphill battle.
“Yet again, you are allowing other people’s problems to become yours. If you had nothing to do with the issue, then it’s all on him. It’s noble and kind of you to want to help him, but he has to work through it on his own before he can accept help. Somehow, you keep trying to bear the burdens of others. Kindness is one thing, but you can’t live their pain for them. They have to break free of it before they can heal. That’s something I had to learn the hard way. I wanted to blame everyone else for my problems and I took it out on them. You don’t know how many arguments I had with my uncle because I was frustrated. I shouldn’t have been mean to him or yelled at him, but I couldn’t get past my own grief. Thankfully, my uncle forgave me, but he taught me that I had to focus on putting the blame where it belongs. I wasn’t mad at my uncle, I was mad at my mother for being too weak to handle things and making shitty decisions. She left me alone to deal with all of her crap. I was mad at my dad for dying and leaving me with her. It took a long time to come to terms with why I was so angry. My uncle told me that we have to take responsibility for our agony and anger so that we can channel it into something positive before we can get past it,” Derick remembered a nasty fight that he’d had with his uncle. He still regretted what he’d said to him.
“Your uncle sounds like a smart man. I wish I could get Alazar to channel his anger into something positive,” she pulled her hair off her face and pushing it behind her ear. She wanted a clear view of Derick’s gorgeous face. It was hard to be just friends with him. Her body craved his touch, especially since she wanted to be comforted.
“What’s he like, I mean aside from being out of control?” Derick asked. He was having trouble keeping his distance from her while they walked. He wanted to put his arm around her and hold her.
“He’s smart, but very sarcastic. Right now, he’s depressed and feels isolated from the world. He volunteered to do something very difficult. In the beginning, he was able to handle it and excelled at it. Now, he’s struggling with his own doubts. He has trust issues, but I’m hoping that he can overcome them. Deep down, he’s a strong person, but he has forgotten who he is. I have a difficult time finding the right thing to say to him. I usually end up yelling and then we fight,” she rolled her eyes. If only Derick knew about the battles that she’d endured in the last few days. She intentionally avoided walking in the direction of the street where Alazar had kicked the crap out her. She didn’t want to see the destruction and remember how filled with rage Alazar had been. She wanted to remember the angel who had held her on the bed and looked at her with trust in his eyes.
“Are you sure that he’s still a good person? May
be you’re seeing something that isn’t there,” Derick suggested.
“Derick, I can feel it. I can’t explain it, but I know deep down that he can live his life as he was meant to, but he’s lost faith in himself. I believe in him and I won’t give up until he believes in himself. I feel like I’ve failed him. He needed help and I wasn’t there for him,” Annie kicked a rock on the sidewalk to alleviate her frustration.
Derick heard the guilt in her voice and knew it was the reason she was fighting so hard to help this guy. “Don’t blame yourself for his problems. He’s a big boy. Place the blame where it belongs, on him.”
She nodded. “I’ll try to remember that.” Despite all their issues, it was up to Alazar to find his way back to her.
They walked along the street in silence, not knowing what to say to one another.
Derick finally stopped and shook his head. “Let’s forget about our problems for the next few hours and try to enjoy the fact that we are in Romania. I don’t have a lot of time here, and I want to spend as much time with you as I can. If we can get through the day as friends, then maybe you can help me at the castle tonight. I don’t care what Cassie says, we need help. I liked investigating the castle with you. We made a great team,” he blushed when he thought about how great a team they’d been in the throne room. He immediately pushed the memory away. Friends weren’t supposed to fantasize about having sex with each other.
“I enjoyed investigating with you too, but I have a feeling Cassie won’t like me being there. I’ll be honest, I don’t like her. I feel like she’s up to something, but I don’t know what. I don’t trust her,” Annie sneered. Cassie’s reaction to Pete’s disappearance didn’t sit well with her. She acted as if she didn’t care about Pete.
“I know what you mean. Cassie was very aggressive when she approached us in Tulsa to do the documentary. She wouldn’t take no for an answer. She kept offering us more and more to come to Romania. We had no choice but to say yes. It was as if she was on a mission. After her reaction to Pete’s disappearance, I’m not sure what to think. Why would you ignore a missing team member if you had worked so hard to put this whole thing together?” Derick thought about Cassie dismissing their rescue efforts. If Annie hadn’t overridden Cassie’s orders, Pete would have died.
Annie liked Cassie even less, which she didn’t think was possible. She needed to figure out what the bitchy brunette was up to, or at least that was the new lie she told herself to spend more time with Derick. “Okay, if we can get through the afternoon, as friends, then I’ll help you at the castle tonight. I have to meet Alazar at midnight, but it shouldn’t take long. I’ll take off a little before twelve and then maybe I can meet you somewhere once I’m done.”
“Sounds good,” Derick nodded his head in agreement.
Derick exhaled deeply, pleased that he had more time with this woman. He was grateful for the second chance and vowed not to screw it up.
Chapter 13
Alazar looked out over the courtyard of the castle. He leaned over the cement railing on the second floor, trying to see the beauty of the castle. He knew it was a work of art, but all he could see was pain and death within its features. He felt the same way about himself. Anjali had given him a choice, renew his vow as a Predznak and pledge himself to her, or she would replace him. She never actually said what she would do to him if he denied her. Regardless, he wasn’t sure if he could do it, despite the consequences. He’d endured too much in Hell. He thought about the whips, the chains, and the beatings. They had taken a toll on his body, mind, and soul.
He’d looked into too many mortal eyes and been crushed by the evil inside of them. Anjali was right; he had allowed his temptation to overtake him. There had been a time when he looked into a mortal’s eyes and presented them with visions of their possible future, Heaven or Hell. In the beginning, so many had chosen Heaven. Now, more often than not, the mortals chose Hell. He had decided there was little reason in giving them a choice when most of them chose evil. Of course, it was possible that he’d allowed the darkness inside of him to blind him to the truth, just as he had when he tried to tempt Anjali. Perhaps he saw darkness in the mortals because he could identify with it. Nonetheless, he wasn’t sure if he could go back to the way it was. What would keep him from succumbing to evil and falling into darkness again? Could joining with his Master help keep the darkness at bay? He wasn’t sure that anyone could help him.
When he had volunteered, he hadn’t cared about the mortals, but the more he tempted them, the more he started to understand their plight. It was easy for a Heavenly Angel to do his job. An angel was given a straightforward duty and the angel was happy to do it. Mortals had too many doubts and choices. They feared that Father didn’t care about them. Alazar had seen the difficulties they had to face and had begun to understand why they questioned Father’s motivations. In truth, he had started to care about the mortals, which made it harder to tempt them. It was yet another reason why he had given up on his emotions and turned to the numbness for relief.
Having allowed his own temptation to overtake him before leaving Hell, killing his Master had been his single objective for nearly 2000 years. Could he break free of his temptation and conquer his urge to kill her? Every time he saw her, he imagined squeezing the life out of her body. He had to find a way to stop this compulsion, but death was all he really knew. He had long forgotten about love and tenderness. Hell had scarred him too deeply to ever think about caring for someone. When they had first arrived in Hell, his brothers had comforted him, but in the end, everyone was out for themselves, even Zacharael. He could barely remember what compassion felt like. How could he offer it to Anjali?
His Master had been kind to him. She had shown him pleasure beyond his wildest imagination. She said that she wanted him to choose her not because she made him feel alive again, but because deep down he knew he could be her Angel of Death. He had witnessed Zacharael tempt countless people with desire. Zacharael spouted meaningless promises and sentimentalities, but his eyes were always vacant and emotionless. He didn’t feel any joy in the things he spoke of. Anjali hadn’t promised him anything and yet her eyes were filled with concern and love. Love. Did she love him? Did he love her? He wasn’t sure he would know what love felt like if it kicked him in the head.
Alazar pictured Anjali sitting on the bed. She had confessed her fears and opened herself up to him. The Destroyer wasn’t supposed to be afraid. He should be irate that his Master didn’t have control over her powers and have some kind of plan, but instead he felt sorry for her. He understood her woes. She hadn’t been properly prepared to take over the Predznak and she certainly hadn’t been warned about Lucifer.
So many nights he had thought about what it would be like to see her, to join with her. He imagined her storming into Hell and fighting off Lucifer with unfathomable power. He had wanted her to crush Lucifer for forcing her angels into subjugation. He would watch as Lucifer pleaded for his life at the hands of the Destroyer. Sadly, this was not the case. His Master had suffered in the Realms of Torture without any allies, all because he hadn’t been there.
Why was it so hard to say yes to her? While it would be difficult to tempt the mortals, as was intended, it wasn’t completely impossible. Entering Hell would be pure misery, but he would do it for her. The problem was, it meant that he had to face his brothers again, the Predznak that he had forsaken. He would have to beg for their forgiveness, and convince them to join with their Master, a Master he swore that he would kill. He would have to tell them to return to Hell, a place he had promised they never had to see again. He would have to look into nine sets of eyes, knowing that he’d let them all down. He’d failed to protect them from the darkness, from Lucifer, and from himself. It was a wonder that the Destroyer wanted him at all. He was a complete mess.
It killed him to know that he would have to explain his actions to them. Thinking back on his grand exit from Hell, he knew that most of them would rather kill him than forgive him. W
hat could he possibly say to them to convince them to return? He had a hard time granting forgiveness to Anjali, and she had been ignorant of their plight. The Predznak knew exactly why he needed their forgiveness. Maybe he should accept death by Anjali’s hand. It would certainly be easier than fighting off Aeries or Balthazar’s swords. He didn’t even want to think about what Tristan would do to him. That wouldn’t be pretty.
He thought about each of his brothers and the sins they carried. Was Anjali right? Was he really suffering from their temptations? His fear of Hell and Lucifer certainly stemmed from Tristan’s obsessive worrying and “what if” scenarios. Fear was a powerful temptation and Tristan had absolutely no control over it in the end. There was a time when Lucifer would do everything within his power to avoid Tristan because of what Fear could do to someone’s mind, but over time, Tristan was the one suffering while Lucifer stood over him laughing. Tristan hid in his room whenever possible. Sadly, Alazar wasn’t fairing any better hiding in a basement in Romania. Fear of what his Master would do to the Predznak was Tristan’s primary fear. Shit. Anjali was right. After so many years of listening to his insane brothers, he had started to think like them.
Alazar thought about all the reasons he didn’t want to join Anjali. He was obsessed with wanting retribution for Anjali failing to obtain the Predznak. Balthazar’s influence was all over that one. His anger over Lucifer and Hades’ treatment came from Aeries and his constant threats to battle them. Not trusting Anjali was Haydn’s primary weakness. His paranoia and black outs were similar to Solren’s bouts of insanity. Wanting to be close to his master was without a doubt Zacharael’s temptation, though not completely. He did need her, but it seemed more like an obsession. Wanting to possess and control his Master was definitely Elrick’s temptation. His pain and suffering could be attributed to Rayan’s temptation, though regrettably, some of his agony was real. Worst of all, he was actively deceiving his Master and plotting against her. As much as he hated Sacha, the truth was, he was no better than Sacha.
The Third Throne: Angel of Death Page 34