After waiting on Auri for hours, by three in the morning I knew she wasn’t coming. What kind of mother doesn’t come check on their child? Every time I would try to get over the shit she has done, she goes and do something else. This time, I wasn’t letting that shit go. Picking up my phone I called my mom.
“Hey son, did you and Auri have a good reunion?”
“She didn’t come ma. She didn’t have the decency to come and see her child.”
“It may be a good explanation for it, give her a chance to explain.”
“I hear you ma, can you come up here with the baby? I’m going to find her and see what was so damn important she said fuck her baby.”
“Okay, I’m on the way.” When I hung up, I felt my anger starting to rise. This was probably the most fucked up thing she has done yet. Leaning down, I kissed my angel.
“If mommy doesn’t want to love you, daddy is going to make sure he gives you all the love you need.” Thirty minutes later, my mom was walking in and I walked out. The first stop I made was to her place. I could tell she had been there, the tub was filled with water, but she never touched it. Looking around, it was no evidence as to where she could have gone. Not wanting to think the worse, but knowing her past, I made my way to the trap house. The closer I got, the more nervous I became. Everything in me was telling my ass to turn around, but I knew that was because I didn’t want to accept the obvious. The minute I pulled up, I knew she was here. Her purple Lexus was out front and my heart sank. I’m grown, I could accept her choosing drugs over me, but not over our daughter. Busting through the door, there she was sitting in a corner with a glass dick in her mouth. Walking over to her, I told myself to control my temper, but that shit went out the window when I reached her. Slapping the pipe out of her hand, I smacked the shit out of her.
“What the fuck is wrong with you. Is this all that you want to do with your life? All you want to be is a fucking junky?” She just stared at me, actually it looked like she was staring through me. This was the first time it looked as if she had checked out. I don’t think she even knew what the fuck I was talking about. She was so out of it. Running my hands down my face, I realized this was a lost cause. The girl that I loved was completely gone. There was nothing left in her. Maybe I played a part in finally pushing her over the edge. With tears in my eyes, I walked away and left her to what she loved the most.
“You can’t be coming in here man handling my clients.” I turned around so fast, I almost broke my neck.
“What the fuck you say to me?” Walking up on Sosa, I tried my best to contain my anger.
“This is a place of business and every time I turn around, you over here on some personal shit. This a crack house my nigga, get ya shit together.” Without even thinking twice, I hit that nigga so hard, he went crashing into the table he was bagging up on. With so much happening and going on, I couldn’t control myself. Stomping his face in made me feel better. It may have been temporarily, but I needed to relieve some of this stress. He was steady saying slick shit to me and this was not the time. I’m guessing his boy wanted to see him get some act right as well, because he let me stomp this nigga for about ten minutes before he attempted to break it up.
“D, at the end of the day this is your family. He a fucked up nigga, but that’s still your blood. Let it go man.”
“Delow, keep this nigga the fuck away from me. He is dead to me and the next time, I will kill his ass.”
“You not mad at him, you mad at her.” Pointing at Auri. “But you involved yourself in they shit. You thought you could save her and you couldn’t. You tried man and for that you should take pride in that, but it ain’t his fault she keeps running back. It’s something in her. Leave them be and go live your life. You did what you could.” Knowing he was telling the truth, I had to get the fuck out of there.
“Good looking.” We dapped up and I pulled away feeling defeated. He was right, she wasn’t my girl from the start. I didn’t even know her ass, but I had to have her. When I saw her that day, I needed to save her, I wanted to be her savior. But it wasn’t my place. She wasn’t mine and everything that came after, was my fault. Finally allowing the tears to fall, for the fiftieth time, I told myself I had to let her go. The only problem was, my heart never listened.
When I got back in the hospital, Hannah was standing at the counter. Trying to get pass her, I damn near jogged towards the room. Feeling her grab my arm, I turned around and sighed. I had no more fight in me, I just want to get back to my daughter.
“Can we please talk.” Nodding, I walked with her to the waiting room. “I’m sorry for the stuff I say to you, but it hurts and it confuses me. What is it about her that has you like this?” Look at you. You look a mess and it’s because of her. All I wanted to do was love you and you treated me like shit. She treats you like shit and all you do is love her.” Thinking about what she said, I answered the best way I could.
“You didn’t do anything wrong. To someone out there you would be perfect. You’re a great woman and you have it all, but my heart. I tried to love you and I tried to do right by you, but it wasn’t fair to you to keep pretending. Honestly, I can’t tell you what it is. I wish I knew so that I could let her go.
The first day I met her, something inside me moved. I’ve dated a lot and I have never felt that way about someone before. I could date you a thousand times because you are amazing, but every time she is brought back into my life, I would leave. I’m not trying to hurt you, I just don’t know how to love you. I gave my heart to Auri and she won’t give it back. I’m falling apart, but I know I need to get it together for my baby. She is back getting high and it hurts, but I know it wouldn’t hurt so bad if I didn’t still love her.” She was crying, but I couldn’t allow her to keep doing this to herself. She felt if Auri keep fucking up and I keep running to her, eventually I would choose her and that’s not the case. It’s time for me to focus on Faith and myself. I didn’t have room for anything else.
“I understand, thank you for being honest with me.” Hugging me she got up and walked away. Once thing for certain, she damn sure was fine. Walking in Faith’s room, my momma was singing to her. Walking over to her, I leaned down and kissed my baby.
“Did you find her son.” Nodding my head yes, I thought she would stop questioning me. “Where is she?” Taking a deep breath, I responded.
“She was back in the crack house getting high. I tried talking to her, but it was like she didn’t even know I was there.” Knowing I needed some time, she rubbed me on my back and continued singing to Faith. My baby was starting to look like Auri and that would be the hardest part for me. As much as I wanted to let her go, I would see her every fucking day.
CHAPTER 38- SOSA
Wiping the blood from my face, I was pissed. This nigga was all in his feelings over a bitch, but he was supposed to be some tough ass nigga in the streets. Knowing I couldn’t touch him and his reach was too long, I had to hit him in other ways. Looking over at Auri, I walked over and slapped her. The madder I got, I kept slapping her.
“Nigga what the fuck is you doing? I was getting real tired of Delow’s ass too. I had to beg him to come back, because I needed his help. This business shit didn’t work if it was just me, we were the Scotty and Pippen of the drug game and I knew it would fall apart if he was gone. Since the nigga been back, he been on some real distant shit.
“It’s her fucking fault. First the nigga was holding back the connect, then he sent us through a drought, and now this. All over her ass.”
“It ain’t over her, nigga it’s your mouth. You talk too fucking much. You think a mother fucker ain’t gone get sick of that shit?”
“Naw, but I’m sick of your ass. Now you a fucking saint? You forgot we been side by side since we were kids. I know all your fucking dirt. You ain’t no better than me, unless you get sprung on a bitch. Then that’s when your ass want to be on some that ain’t cool shit.”
“Grow the fuck up, you sound bout dumb as hell
. When shit ain’t going your way, you want to bitch and cry. You don’t even like her, why are you keeping her around? You fucked up that’s why. You get off on hurting bitches.”
“If I got off on hurting bitches, then I would be fucking you over. You the biggest bitch I know.”
“Says the nigga that just got his neck stomped out. You didn’t even breathe on the nigga.”
“Fuck you.”
“It’s been that way my nigga. I’m out before I have to stomp out the other side of your face.”
“Whatever clown ass.” Walking to the bathroom, I got a towel and cleaned my face. He fucked me up, but he was going to get his. Limping out of the bathroom, my homie scooter came in the door.
“What the fuck is wrong with Delow’s ass? Damn and what happened to your face?” He said when he finally looked up at me.
“Me and D got into a fight and you know Delow’s ass always bitching.”
“Fight? Nigga did you swing back?”
“Shut the fuck up. Delow mad because I slapped that bitch.” Looking over he saw Auri.
“Nigga what the fuck you got in your dick? How you get her ass back over here?” Looking around, I made sure Delow’s ass hadn’t come back in.
“I killed her baby. At least I think the mother fucker dead.”
“What the fuck nigga. That shit ain’t cool. Even I ain’t that fucked up. What’s your beef with her?”
“I ain’t got no beef with her? She my money maker and I needed her here to make money.”
“Naw nigga, you ain’t killed no baby to have a junky over here selling pussy. You got the whole city on lock with drugs. You ain’t hurting for no paper. Tell that shit to somebody else.” Looking over at Auri, she was still zoned out and high.
“I killed her best friend too. You know I don’t need a reason to kill, if a mother fucker does something to me, I get even in the worse way.”
“Damn, what Delow girl do to you?”
“Bitch was pregnant by me and wanted to tell the fucking world. I needed Auri back I couldn’t have that shit.”
“Hey, I see why a nigga whooped your ass. You ain’t shit.”
“Shut the fuck up. You got my money nigga?” Handing me a bag, I could see he was trying to hide the disgusted look on his face. I didn’t give a fuck though, time will reveal all this shit anyway and if I had to kill all they ass, to accomplish my goal, then so be it.
Scooter left and I went to the bathroom to piss, when I came back out Auri was gone out the corner. Walking outside I went to see if I could find her or what the fuck she was doing, but I didn’t see her. Noticing her car was gone as well, I wondered where the fuck she could have went. Knowing her, she probably went to go get some more money. Not thinking too much of it, I went back in the house. Looking around, I realized I sure knew how to clear out a crowd. Laughing at the fact that mother fuckers stayed pissed with me. I sat down and played the game. When Auri came back, I would finally move on to the next step of my plan. It was time for some revelation. Niggas think they hate me now, they damn sure was going to hate me later.
CHAPTER 39- AURI
When I saw Deleon post, it was like I had an outer body experience. I could see and hear everything going on around me, but I was stuck. Not being able to cope with the fact that my baby was dead, the shit was eating away at me. Even though I didn’t kill her and I was cleared of all charges, I couldn’t help but feel it was my fault. Jumping in my car, I headed straight for the trap. That was the only thing that could give me comfort in this situation. I would have gone to Deleon, but he didn’t want to see me or be bothered with me and him yelling at me was the last thing I needed. My body was numb and I honestly didn’t know how I made it there without crashing. As soon as I walked in the door, I would have left if I didn’t need the drugs so bad. If I was high, I didn’t have to feel the pain. It was overwhelming, I didn’t know what else to do. Sosa was standing there smiling as if he knew I was coming.
“Glad to see you girl. What you need? Let daddy make you feel better. That’s the only time you come when you need me to make things right again.” I couldn’t respond to him so I just stared at him. All I wanted was the drugs, no conversation.
“You ain’t gone say shit? Fine, let me get your shit. You standing here looking like a damn zombie and shit.” As he gathered up the drugs, he kept throwing insults at me.
“Clown ass gone come all the over here just to look and shit. Here take this shit before I make you leave.” Grabbing the drugs, I went and sat in the corner on the floor.
“Where is my money? You ain’t fucking me or the homies so this shit ain’t free. Or are you?” He was looking hopeful, but I reached in my pocket and handed him the money. Once I got it, I didn’t waste no time digging in. As soon as the shit hit my body, I started to feel better. This feeling was better than anything I felt before.
After being in my corner for hours taking hit after hit, out of nowhere my pipe went flying out my hand. Looking up, I was face to face with Deleon. He raised his hand and slapped me so hard as if he was trying to hit me back sober. Too high to be ashamed, I just looked at him. He was going off on me about the baby.
“What the fuck is wrong with you. Is this all that you want to do with your life? All you want to be is a fucking junky?” Wanting to respond, I looked at him but nothing came out. I wanted to tell him how empty I felt with the death of our baby. Looking at the hurt in his eyes, I wanted to tell him that the pain was just too much. Instead, I felt around the floor for my pipe when he walked off. I could hear him and Sosa going at it, but I didn’t care enough to intervene. Watching the shit unfold as I smoked my crack, I knew it wasn’t going to be pretty. Deleon hit Sosa and he went crashing into the table and the drugs flew everywhere. Now I wished I was closer, so I could have stolen a few bags, I continued to watch. Once Delow and Sosa got into it everybody left. Scooter walked in and I was almost tempted to have sex with him. He always paid good and made sure I had all the drugs I needed for the rest of the day so I wouldn’t have to have sex with anyone else. Scooter started asking about me and what I head next had me sober than a motherfucker.
“I killed her baby. At least I think the mother fucker dead.”
“What the fuck nigga. That shit ain’t cool. Even I ain’t that fucked up. What’s your beef with her?” Not wanting to be noticed, I continued to play like I was out of it. This nigga was the reason my baby was dead and I was over here getting high with him. What I heard next pulled me out of my thoughts.
“I killed her best friend too. You know I don’t need a reason to kill, if a mother fucker do something to me, I get even in the worse way.” This nigga was the fucking devil and I was in this bitch have tea with his ass. Not needing to hear anymore, I pretended to still be getting high, until I was able to walk out. I needed to tell Deleon and this mother fucker was gone pay for what he did to Faith. As soon as he went to the bathroom I got the fuck out of there. Praying I didn’t have an accident, I drove as fast as I could to Deleon’s house. Damn near running every light, I finally jumped on the expressway and I could speed. Praying I didn’t get pulled over, I drove with so much on my mind. Why the fuck would Sosa kill my baby? He claimed he loved me so much, but who could do that to someone. I have never done anything to him, not bad enough to where he would kill my baby. Yes, I left him for Deleon, but he didn’t even care. Plus, that wasn’t big enough to make you want to kill an innocent child. I also didn’t understand his beef with Jess. There is nothing my best friend could have done to him that should have gotten her killed. Pulling up to Deleon’s house, I was scared as shit. Walking to the door, I was about to ring the bell when the door opened. He had bags in his hand as if he was going somewhere. Actually able to see him now, he looked bad. He was taking this death pretty hard and you can see it.
“What the fuck do you want?” Almost scared to continue, I proceeded anyway because we had to know what happened to our daughter.
“Sosa killed Faith.” I didn’t mean t
o blurt it out, but it looked like he was about to go and I needed him to listen to me.
“You’re high, get the fuck off my steps.”
“I heard him talking about it when you left, he said he killed Faith and Jess.” Looking at me like I had lost my mind, he walked pass me.
“I don’t know what kind of sick joke you and that nigga playing, but I have to go.” Watching him walk away broke my heart. How could he not care that Sosa killed our baby? Knowing my credibility was shot when it came to him, but damn did he think I would lie about something like that. It’s okay, I would prove to him that I wasn’t lying. Not this time. Jumping in my car, I headed to my house, so that I could get my cell phone. Running in and running back out, my ass was winded, but I was determined to prove to Deleon that I wasn’t lying. Driving all the way back to the trap, I was sober as hell now. The only adrenaline flowing through my body was knowing I would get justice for my baby. When I pulled back up to the trap, I walked in the house and Sosa was sitting there again smiling at me. Knowing that in order for me to pull this off, I needed to avoid taking drugs.
“Hey baby, I knew your ass was coming back. What you had to go get some more money?”
“Yeah, I need everything you got. Let me pee first. Going to the bathroom, I took my phone out and called Deleon. Of course he didn’t answer, but I was determined to do this. Dialing him back he answered. Praying he didn’t hang up, I put the phone in my pocket and walked to Sosa to get the drugs.
Addicted to His Pain: A Standalone Novel Page 15