Under The Peaches (Teaching Love Series Book 1)

by Shana Vanterpool

  “Stop,” he scolds him, setting the glass down on the counter. “She’s not like all these other girls, Jaz. She’s not going to get obliterated and sleep with you because you say so.” Julian grabs my elbow and brings me over to the sink, pouring me a glass of water. “Drink this,” he says softly, bringing the water to my lips.

  “Deb, get him out of here. I’ve got work to do and he’s getting all jealous boyfriend on me.”

  Julian glares at Jaz. “I’m not jealous.”

  I drink the water, but the taste remains. “Yuck. People like that?”

  Julian nods, finally cracking a small smile. “Not bad after the second one.” Then he leans close, putting his mouth over my ear. “Drink because you want to. Not because he makes you.”

  “Thanks for the tip, boss.”

  “Kael,” he groans, sensing something in me he doesn’t like.

  I sense it too. And her name is Deborah.

  “Let’s go dance,” she says, grabbing Julian’s hand. She starts to pull him away. “I missed you since you moved down to middle earth.”

  “Later,” he replies crossly, yanking his hand from her grip. “I’m talking to Kaelyn.”

  Deb sighs and reaches for a shot glass. “Talk then.”

  Jaz squeezes between us and blocks me. “How do you feel now?” He wiggles his eyebrows at me. “Am I eligible now?”

  I smirk. “Nope.”

  “It’s the hair, isn’t it?”

  “No, I think your hair is kind of hot.”

  That makes him grin. “Is it the tattoos?”

  “Hot.”

  “Then what?”

  I realize something right then and there. I have a say, and I say no. Just because a man wants me doesn’t mean I must want him too. I want myself more tonight. I don’t need an explanation. But I don’t want to hurt his feelings either, and this is his party. “Keep trying.”

  He groans and laughs at the ceiling. “You women are insane.”

  “Let’s go.” Deborah tries to get Julian’s attention. He’s looking right at me and his eyes are so off, I look away.

  “Pour me a shot, Deb,” I hear him growl.

  “That’s what I’m talking about.” Deborah pours him a shot of something brown. I watch him pound it back like a pro. Doesn’t even make a face.

  “You want another?” Jaz asks me.

  “I don’t know …”

  Julian groans. “I have a feeling I’m going to be babysitting you all night.”

  “If she can’t handle it then she doesn’t need to be here.” Deborah gives me a dark look before she looks at him sweetly and touches his face. “Let’s go dance. I’ll show you how much I missed you.”

  I look away before he can answer. “Shot,” I grumble. “And then we dance.”

  “Kael,” Julian warns.

  I whirl around. “This is a party, Julian. You told me to have fun. That’s what I’m doing. Don’t tell me what to do again.”

  Jaz slips his arm around my waist. “What do you think? I might’ve found my perfect match.”

  Julian looks angry and agitated as he eyes Jaz’s arm around me. “Fine. Have fun. But know that I’m going to as well.” He warns me with his gaze.

  But I’m not taking kindly to his threat. “You do that,” I bite, grabbing the shot Jaz offers me.

  He sighs in frustration and runs a hand through his hair.

  “Are we going or what?” Deborah nags.

  She’s such a nag. He sure knew how to pick them. A nag and a nag. Was I a nag too? No. He hadn’t picked me. “Go. I’m fine with Jaz.”

  Julian points threateningly at his friend. “You bother her once, even on accident, and I’ll kick your ass.”

  Jaz is cool and at ease, unaffected by his threat. “I don’t bother. I strongly entice.”

  Deborah laughs. “He totally does. Come on, Jul.”

  Finally, Jul—what kind of nickname is that—gives in, throwing me one last angry worried look.

  I take a breath and eye the shot in my hand. Then I toss it back. Jaz gives me a high five when I don’t have a fit and then he takes my hand.

  “Dancing time. This is how I woo the ladies. Try and say no to me after we’re done.”

  “I don’t think I’ll have trouble.”

  He chuckles. “Tell me something. Julian’s a little uptight around you. You two hooking up or something?”

  I gasp, shocked. “No.”

  “You sure? Because if you are, tell me now. I don’t want to step on his toes. He’s my boy and sometimes he has a hard time giving himself what he wants.”

  “He doesn’t want me. Trust me. I’m too young anyway.” I know I sound sullen so I smile forcedly and pat his arm, although I don’t know why I’m reassuring someone who only wants to get me drunk and have sex with me. “I am terribly single.”

  “It’s not terrible for me. And you’re eighteen. You’re not that young. If you’re old enough to vote you’re old enough to choose me.” He pulls me to a stop. We’re crammed between bodies and the music is louder in this room. Women dance unashamed, having fun in a way I fear I can’t. Jaz looks at me expectantly. “Move, girl.”

  I roll my eyes, masking my nervousness. “How?”

  He grabs my hands. “I’ll lead till you get the hang of it.”

  “Just let go, Kael,” someone says in my ear. I turn around to find Julian dancing with Deborah. They’re wrapped around each other like a latex glove. “Pretend no one’s watchi—” Deborah snatches him away before he can finish.

  I watch them dance together. Julian’s keeping up, if not more so, dancing like everyone else. Closely with her ass against his groin. I am overcome with something I can only call jealousy. It’s hot and fiery, traveling through me along with something fuzzy in the back of my brain. I shake my head to clear it, but the fuzziness remains. How can he dance with her like that? He’s so twenty-four, young and carefree. He’s so sexy and confident as he moves against her. His hands are against her hips and hers reach behind her to grasp his face. Their bodies are pressed together so aggravatingly tightly.

  As I watch, he looks over, right at me, as if he knows my heart is burning in my chest. I look away.

  Jaz moves my arms to the beat encouragingly. I decide right then and there that if Deborah can do it, I will do it better. I listen to how the bass pounds in my feet and the lyrics match to it perfectly.

  “You got it, girl. Move your hips more.”

  The fuzziness makes it easier to do what he says. I can feel his body heat burning between us. He smells like tequila and a heavy cologne. He pulls me closer, and then drops my hands so that his are on my waist and he’s moving against me. I feel wanted, and though I know it’s not real, I kind of like how Jaz feels against me. I embrace him tighter. I’m not a fan of the song, but Jaz hoots, giving up on teaching. He rotates me so that I’m like every other girl. My ass is against his groin and he’s leaning over me, dancing and having a good time. I admit it’s kind of fun. To let go of the wall for a moment.

  He sings along, knowing every word. He’s the life of the party, having so much fun just dancing I can’t help but feed off his mood. We grind against each other; he gets impossibly closer, making it so everywhere I look he’s there.

  The song shifts to an R&B beat. I get nervous as everyone around me gets so close I know I have to too. I’m not ready to get that close.

  “My turn.” Julian shows up, off and just off.

  “Aww, come on. This song is made for grinding.” To prove it, Jaz grabs my hips and humps against me, his groin nestled tightly against my ass.

  Julian’s face is red and his cheeks are flushed. His eyes are glazed over. He’s drunk.

  “Tell him to get lost,” Jaz orders, putting his face in my neck as he grinds against me. “Don’t leave yet.”

  Julian watches me, his eyes damaging. “Come dance with me?” He gives me his hand.

  I eye his hand. I want to take it, yearn to feel him right now, but I’m remin
ded that he danced with Deborah before he even asked me. I turn around and wrap my arms around Jaz’s neck, making my choice. When I turn around, Mr. Ean’s gone. I feel guilty, but I’m fuzzy, and he was all over Deborah. Still has Layla’s peach lotion. And I have nothing and no one.

  I dance with Jaz for so long sweat coats my lower back. Some songs are fast; others are so slow I can feel his erection against me. Each move of my hips is proof that I’m not unwanted. Jaz wants me. He just won’t want me later.

  “Let’s go have another shot,” he shouts over the music. His eyes are dirty. He thinks he’s going to get what he wants.

  I know he isn’t.

  After we take two more shots each, I’m tripping over my own feet. He leads me onto the back deck to get some air. As I’m trying to breathe without puking, he finds a cooler and digs out a beer, handing me one. At this point, I can’t believe how fuzzy I feel. I take the beer unthinkingly and have a taste, wanting something cold. My stomach turns over. I am turning over. I feel close to puking. As I turn around to ask Jaz where the bathroom is, I see him.

  Deborah and Julian are in the back on a lounge chair. She’s straddling his lap and her tongue is in his mouth. His hands are in her hair. He kisses her back deeply, ravenously. They’re practically having sex in front of everyone. At least that’s what it looks like to me. Like a betrayal.

  It feels like someone stabbed me. I grab at my stomach, sure I’m bleeding out, but when I pull my hand away, it’s bare.

  Jaz smirks. “Knew they were going to hook up.”

  He’s clueless. Empty and clueless, uncaring like so many men.

  Like Mr. Ean.

  I try and pull in a breath, but there’s no oxygen left in the air for me. That or my lungs no longer work. He looks so consumed by her; he doesn’t see or feel anyone that isn’t Deborah. I manage to breathe, finding my eyes are stinging. I have never felt as eviscerated as I do in this moment. I understand my reaction isn’t warranted. Julian isn’t my boyfriend. He’s just a teacher. We can barely be friends. But I am reacting nonetheless. How could he? I never felt this way when Nessa kissed Brady in front of me. I was jealous, but I wasn’t broken over it the way I feel now.

  “Kiss me,” Jaz whispers. “Make him just as jealous.”

  Clueless stupid man.

  Why would I make him jealous when he clearly doesn’t want me?

  Jaz clears his throat loudly. “Hey, Kaelyn! How’s the beer?”

  I smack him, but it’s too late. Julian has unwrapped himself from around Deborah. He’s looking right at me, mouth slightly open in shock, eyes sunken and drunk. I turn around without saying anything, even if I have a few words for him. If Mr. Ean wants to make out with his old college buddy, there’s nothing I can do about it. But as I walk away, I feel empty. My eyes burn. I duck into the empty hall and take a few deep breaths to calm myself down.

  Julian is not mine. He can’t be mine. He is a man, and I am just some lonely pathetic girl he’s trying to help. The bad part is this time I think I might want him without him wanting me back. That’s never happened before. Unreciprocated want could turn into disappointment. I run a hand through my hair and remove it from my face, needing something to make me feel better. I’m fuzzy all over and I can’t focus on my thoughts the way I normally do.

  I search for the bathroom, ducking inside when I locate it, and lock the door, bracing myself against the sink and staring at my reflection in the mirror. I look like me. Dark blue eyes rimmed in makeup, red hair damp with sweat, and my heart-shaped face is flushed and alcohol pinched. But I don’t feel like me. Maybe it’s the drink, or that I want Julian to take his tongue out of Deborah’s mouth and put it in mine.

  I can’t stop feeling like I’m going to puke and cry at the same time.

  “How could you, Julian?” I beg my reflection to explain.

  How could he kiss someone else in front of me? How could he kiss someone else period? We’ve been going back and forth. This isn’t one-sided. He may not want anything but friendship, but we’ve talked about things friends don’t talk about. We are not friends. He made us not friends.

  I want to leave, to go back to Bruce’s house and hide in my room under my parka. But Bruce is gone, my old room is gone, and Brady still has my parka. I can’t think straight.

  My breaths are too loud to think around. The panic in my eyes looks a lot like heartache.

  Someone pounds on the door. “I need to piss!”

  I glare at the door. I can’t breathe, I want to scream. But they don’t want to hear it. I wrench the door open. A drunk douche leans against the wall waiting. He’s holding his crotch in his hand. He makes a run for the door when I step aside and slams it in my face.

  I stumble down the hall, using the wall to support me. I’m trying too hard to not be drunk, but I think I am drunk despite my efforts. I somehow end up in the kitchen.

  “No you don’t,” Jaz reprimands when I reach for a bottle of water on the counter. “Have another shot.”

  “I’m not going to sleep with you.” I look him right in the eye. “I’m not.”

  He raises his eyebrows. “Even though Julian and Deb just asked if they could have my room?”

  This time my eyes fill. I look away and consider my options. I’m too drunk to drive. I don’t have any money for a cab. Julian’s having sex with Deborah. He’s being bad with someone else. How could he? I mean in what universe is it okay for him to do this to me? Men were lying abusive heartbreaking creatures. They simply used me. When I didn’t, or couldn’t for that matter, give them what they wanted, they found someone who could. Even Julian didn’t want me. A tear slides down my cheek. I am unwanted, and this time I accept it.

  “Even then.” I wipe my nose and shove past Jaz. “I’m walking home.”

  “That’s a long walk all the way inland.”

  “Thanks for the tip.”

  He groans. “Fine, here.” He digs into his pocket, pulling out some cash. “I’ll call you a cab.”

  “Thank you, Jaz.”

  He smiles a little. “On one condition,” he says, not yet ready to be a completely nice guy. “We go on a date.”

  I hug myself. “I’ve never been on a date.”

  “Really?”

  “Really.” Telling Jaz things feels wrong.

  “I’m renting a boat next weekend. We can go out on the water together? How’s that sound?”

  I want to leave, not hash out date details I won’t even go on. “Great.”

  “It’s a date then. Wear as little as possible.” He hands me the money and leans down, kissing the corner of my mouth. “Get home safe.”

  I reach up and hug him. I want to hug someone right now. His arms come around my back and he squeezes me to his chest. I probably hang on too long but he doesn’t seem to mind. When I let him go, I shove through the bodies for the front door. Once free of them, I lean against the side of the house and breathe in fresh muggy air, trying to squelch the tears I feel burning in the backs of my eyes. I know their presence is unwarranted, but so are a lot of things in life; my tears burn hotter.

  All my life, I’ve felt things I didn’t want. My reaction to Julian is one more emotion I didn’t ask for.

  Forcing myself to move, I begin to descend the stairs, holding onto the railing to keep myself upright. There’s someone sitting at the bottom, body hunched in on itself. I glare; I don’t want to deal with anyone else tonight.

  “Excuse me.”

  They turn around. I expect some drunk idiot. But I’m shocked by the eyes that meet mine. Julian looks up at me, fully clothed, not on top of Deborah, and tongue still fully in his mouth. His gaze fills with an intense emotion. Relief, anger, or both—something dark and consuming. He’s drunk off his ass. When he gets up, he has to hang onto the banister to keep from falling over.

  “Who’s a mess now?”

  “Kaelyn,” he exhales, relief thick on his breath.

  That can’t be true. “Move out of my way.”

&n
bsp; “No!” he lashes out. One second he’s glad and the next he’s enraged. “I’m never going to get out of your way.”

  I shove at his chest, making him stumble back. Now he’s out of my way. I walk around him, my feet sinking in the sand, but he grabs my hand and yanks me back to him, and I end up flush against his chest. He moves to cup my face, gray eyes glassy and intoxicated.

  “She kissed me.”

  His words feel like lead in my stomach. Hard sharp lumps. “You kissed her back.”

  “I was pissed off at you.” He shakes his head, either trying to think right or trying not to. “You were all over Jaz.”

  “What is it to you who I’m all over? It clearly isn’t up to me who you’re all over.”

  He leans against me, needing the support. I want to lean against him, because I want the support, but who’s to say he won’t pull back the moment I do?

  “Do you want it to be?” he asks, eyes momentarily clear.

  “Yes,” I whisper. In my condition, there are no lies.

  “I’m a teacher.” He shakes his head again. “I want it to be up to me too.”

  In my drunken state, I listen to every word. “Do you like me, Julian?”

  “Like you?” He laughs in disbelief. “Like is so tame. I haven’t been able to get you off my mind since you walked out of that side door. You’ve been in here.” He taps his head. “No matter how hard I try and force myself to stop thinking about you. I can’t stop thinking about you. It’s driving me crazy. I can’t feel my face—” He lets me go to puke into the bushes.

  “I’ll try not to take offense to that.”

  He falls to his knees in the sandy walkway. I rub his back as he heaves. I feel wobbly. His admission keeps bouncing in my thoughts, clashing with my doubt. He’s drunk. He doesn’t mean a word he says.

  “I’m sorry for kissing her.” He sits back on his heels and lifts his shirt to wipe his mouth, his expression guilty and reproachful. “You told me to go for it even though I know you didn’t want me to. We both know you want me, don’t you, Kael?”

  I nod wordlessly. I want him.

  He grins up at me. Even drunk and covered in puke Julian’s smile is breathtaking. It’s not tainted, like so many of mine. It is a man smiling at something that makes him happy. It knocks the breath out of me.