Under The Peaches (Teaching Love Series Book 1)

by Shana Vanterpool

  I think he might be sincere. “Sorry for calling you an a-hole.”

  He cracks a smile. “You’re still getting detention tomorrow. Be here after school. Go dismiss your sub, Ean. Miss Jefferies, you may return to class. Have the secretary give you an admit-slip.”

  I follow Julian out of the room. The office staff gives us both looks as we leave Hunt’s office. Julian continues, leaving me alone. I don’t mind the looks about me. I mind the looks about him. He’s not the bad guy. He’s an amazing guy. He doesn’t deserve to be looked at like he did something wrong. I feel sick to my stomach as my slip is filled out. They think Julian is a bad guy.

  When I exit the office, I lean against the wall and attempt to force the terror, anger, and guilt in my mind aside.

  A sound catches my attention. I look down the hall to find Julian motioning me to come into the bathroom at the end of the hallway.

  I peek into the office; the staff’s heads are bent. I walk casually away from the glass windows and then sprint for the bathroom, ducking inside as he closes it. He checks each stall, pushing the swinging doors open and then settling with his back against the door.

  “What the hell was that?”

  “I know, Kael. I know. But you have to be strong. Don’t panic.”

  I couldn’t breathe. “They know.”

  “They can’t know anything. Were they there this morning?”

  “No,” I whisper. The reminder of this morning erases some of my panic.

  “Are they in here?” He taps his chest.

  “No.”

  “Then relax. Be calm.”

  This was getting too real. I knew all along that Julian was a teacher. I understood what that meant. But after being accused of it the reality of what we’re doing is sinking in. This isn’t simply wanting someone else’s boyfriend. This is forbidden.

  Amazing. Terrifying.

  I won’t take it back. I will never regret this morning.

  “We’ll figure it out, I promise.”

  I nod with tears in my eyes. “I need this.” I point between him and I. “I know I’m not supposed to, but I do.”

  “I know. Trust me. I need it too. I can’t even—” He takes a deep pained breath. “This last week was hell without you.”

  “What are we going to do?” My hands are shaking. I ignore them; I have a feeling the shaking hasn’t even started.

  “I don’t know yet. But I will. You trust me?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good.” He takes another breath and walks over to the sinks, turning on the faucet. “Watch your back, please? Nessa is out for blood.” He splashes water on his face and grabs for a paper towel.

  “Watch yours too.”

  “Will do.” His eyes soften. “I’ll miss you.”

  My heart breaks. “Me too.”

  “We have to be careful. I’ll see you at home tonight?”

  I know what that means. No lunch. No contact until we’re alone.

  “Tonight.” I am on the edge again.

  “Go,” he says softly.

  Without another word, I walk away, leaving the men’s restroom carefully after checking if the coast is clear. When I’m far enough down the hall, I look over my shoulder as he turns the corner. His dark blue slacks aren’t even enough to lighten my mood. I watch him leave, and then I head to the student parking lot. I get in my car and drive away. The second I’m free of school, I feel better. Okay, I don’t feel better at all. I feel worse. However, if I have to deal with the backlash from the kids at school, the looks, or the insults, I would have felt a whole lot worse.

  In my backpack, my phone rings. I reach over in the passenger seat, already knowing who it is when I pull it free. “What, Julian?”

  “Get back here.”

  “Are you in class?” I smile through my tears.

  “Yes.”

  “I can’t come back. I’m having a breakdown in my car. You’re going to lose everything over me.”

  “I will not.”

  “You will.”

  “Excuse me for a second class,” I hear him say. “Start working on page 64. Odd numbers only. We’ll go over the answers when you’re done.” A second later Mr. Ean is gone and Julian is back. “Please come back, Kael. I’m not going to be able to function knowing you’re out there feeling the way you do.”

  “Did you hear him? One more indiscretion and you’re going to lose your job. You’re on probation because of me.”

  “Kaelyn!” he whispers harshly. “Cut it out right now. You will come back to school and go to class. Stop worrying about me. Everything is fine. We’ll be careful. Won’t we, baby? We won’t walk away with tears in our eyes and leave the second I turn my back, will we?”

  “I can’t breathe.”

  “Pull over.”

  I shake my head without answering.

  “Where are you going?”

  “Nowhere. Anywhere. I’ll see you tonight.”

  “No!” I can hear him shout in the hall.

  “Keep whispering,” I chastise.

  I think I lost it the second Mr. Hunt punished me for getting bullied. Everything after that no longer makes sense. I was tortured. He had the audacity to punish me for my aches. I didn’t mean to want Brady. I never wanted to be used.

  I never wanted any of this.

  “So help me, if you don’t come back to school right now I’m going to come get you.”

  “Don’t,” I beg, blubbering. “I don’t know what’s happening to me.”

  “Calm down. Breathe. You lost it back there.”

  “He punished me for getting bullied. For years! Can you believe that? I’ll come back to school. But only to see you. I need to see you.”

  “We can see each other at home.”

  I understand his dismissal. It isn’t to hurt me. It’s to protect us. I give him a grunt; replying right now would result in more tears. “Go back to class. I’m fine. I just needed to escape for a few seconds. I’m not a … whore, am I, Julian?”

  “Never,” he promises. His voice is unshakable, but pained. “I’m sorry they called you that. You can’t believe the things people say. Because if they knew you, that would be the last thing on their mind. Please be careful.”

  “I will.”

  I toss my phone aside and make a U-turn before I get to the upcoming turn-off, and drive back to school. When I get there, I’m fifteen minutes late to calculus. So much has changed since the last time I saw Brady. I forgot about his presence, but not his memory.

  When he sees me, he looks down.

  “Why are you so late?” Mr. Tane asks.

  “I was talking to Mr. Hunt.” I’m so not in the mood right now. “Ask him,” I snarl, digging the admit-slip out of my pocket and handing it to him “He’ll tell you everything. If he hasn’t already.”

  “Just sit down, Kaelyn.”

  All the seats are filled except for the one next to Brady. I resolve myself to him. I did this to myself. I sink down beside him, looking straight.

  “She saw your jacket,” he whispers immediately. “I didn’t tell her.”

  “Don’t talk to me.”

  “Be careful,” he warns. “Please watch out. I tried to calm her down. I tried to explain to her. I tried.”

  I look at him then. His eyes are wide open for the first time ever, terrified. “You want to know the worst part? You’re not even worth it, Brady McAlister. I suffered for you, and you weren’t even worth a single second. You’re a user. You’re a spoiled unappreciative brat who deserves no one. You are nothing. I’m not nothing. I’m something!” I get up and slap him so hard across his face he doubles over as everyone stares. Sweet pain burns in my palm. “And it’s because of people like you I don’t think that often enough. Oh, yeah, and you’re terrible in bed. You were the worst. You suck!” I screech. I snap. Open. In two. I try and slap him again, but the girl next to me holds my hand.

  “He’s not worth it,” she says. “Trust me. Just sit down.”

&nbs
p; “But I’ve been sitting down for years. I don’t want to sit down anymore.” I kick at Brady’s desk and then take my seat. “But I will because it’s my choice. Carry on. Calculus. Yay.”

  Some people are looking at me in shock and the others in disgust. I ignore them all. I am my own person and no one is going to tell me how to feel ever again.

  “Are you okay, Brady?” Mr. Tane asks.

  “Fine.” He’s rubbing his face.

  Mr. Tane smiles a little at me. “And you, Kaelyn. You feel better?”

  “I do actually. Thank you.”

  “Do I have to send you back to Mr. Hunt?”

  “No,” Brady speaks up. “I’m cool. It’s cool.”

  It isn’t cool.

  “Well then.” Mr. Tane clears his throat. “Calculus. Yay.”

  For the rest of class, I sit beside Brady. He stares at me the entire time, trying to get my attention.

  “She flipped out on me. I couldn’t even leave my house for days.”

  “I’m sorry, Kaelyn.”

  “Talk to me.”

  At the end of class, I get up without a word and walk away from Brady McAlister. He wasn’t worth a single second. I gave him so many, spent so much of my time wanting just a second with him. But it was a lesson I needed to learn. Julian was right. Need is too intense. Need left you not thinking straight. Want made you helpless. Want clouded your judgment. You had to be right in the middle, or it would never work.

  I avoid my locker today. I go to class without my textbook and resign myself to the torture. My next class is full of whispers and pointing. I ignore them all. Even when I hear teacher and sex in the same sentence. Or Brady and back of his truck. I ignore them all. When the bell rings, I keep a lookout for Nessa. I take the long way to my spot, going around the teacher’s parking lot.

  I sit cross-legged and wait. I wait for the entire lunch period before I realize he isn’t coming. He can’t come anymore. We can’t be alone together. When the bell rings, I remain in that spot alone. There was a time when I was annoyed Julian was here. It was brief; I feel terribly guilty because of it. I put my face back and feel the sun on my skin, soaking up its heat. I’m cold today. I’ve been cold for years, seeking out even a little warmth to keep going.

  When the last bell chimes, I take my backpack and walk the long way to the student parking lot. I don’t bother looking at my phone or waiting on Julian. I simply get in my car and drive away, feeling as if I lost everything, before I remember I had nothing to begin with.

  Chapter Eight

  I doubt Mr. Ean will be home right after school.

  I hide out there until my shift at Bella’s. I sit in my room and stare at the wall. I’m not seeing the smooth white paint, but Julian’s face when he walked away from me this morning. Sad and resolved. As if he was finally going to do what he should’ve done the day we met, what he tried to do days ago.

  I should as well, but responsibility and desire frequently fought the other. What I crave and what is good for me are two separate things. Why can’t they be the same for once? We can be no more than secrets in this house. I was Brady’s secret. I will not be Julian’s too. The sadness I feel over that frightens me. It hurts my entire body. I won’t see the light this time the way I did before. All I’ll see are the gaping holes Julian will leave behind.

  But I’m used to this. It’s been this way for as long as I can remember. Shadows and pain, foggy memories of people who didn’t love me.

  For some reason, I imagine my mother’s face. Did we look alike? Did I look like my father? Maybe that’s why they gave me away.

  Today is a cover up and smile day. Hide my tears with mascara day. I apply a thick layer of makeup, and then put on my uniform. It’s a change not to have to drag it around in my backpack. I can leave everything here but my purse and return home like so many others after work. I’ll have to avoid my landlord/teacher who I have feelings for, but that’s my life now.

  I roll my eyes at myself.

  When I get to Bella’s, I paste a smile on my face and enter into the smell of basil and fresh pasta. Tamryn eyes me uncertainly.

  “What’s going on with you?”

  “Tamryn, I’d need an hour to tell you everything, and even longer to process it all. I’m here and I want to work. Can’t I just work?”

  Smiling stiffly, she hands me my apron. “You’re eighteen, honey. You shouldn’t have so much stress in your life.”

  I snort and tie it around my waist. “Tell me about it.”

  My shift tonight is as consuming as all the others. I have the weekday dinner rush. Nestled downtown, we get a lot of men in business suits and equal parts tourist and local. I work my tables with intensity and precision. I make no mistakes and get almost a hundred dollars in tips before I even hit eight o’ clock. At eight-thirty, I’m bringing table four their risotto when Avery taps me on my shoulder.

  “Handsome’s back. You have room?”

  I sigh and smile at my customer. “Would you like some parmesan on top?”

  He gives me a long lingering look. “No thanks, beautiful. This’ll be just fine.”

  I refrain from groaning and smile bigger. “I’ll be back to check on you in a few minutes.”

  “I’ll be waiting,” he promises, winking in return.

  When I turn around, Avery’s trying not to laugh at my friendly customer. “Put him on table two. It needs to be cleared off.”

  “I’ll clear it.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yeah.” She’s looking at the entrance, eyeing Julian who is eyeing me. “He is so damn sexy.”

  I laugh and swat her. “You should see him without his shirt on.”

  She whips around to look at me jealously. “Please tell me he’s delicious.”

  “Delicious doesn’t even begin to describe him.” I giggle at her when her mouth pops open.

  “You lucky tramp.” She swats me back. “I’d better go and say hello to him.”

  I duck into the kitchen to check on my orders. Grabbing the prosciutto and melon appetizer for table one, I balance it on my elbow as I grab the pasta plates for table seven. I deposit each meal, make my rounds on all my tables, and when I can’t put it off anymore, I go to table two and see Julian.

  He’s not even looking at his menu. His sleeves are rolled up and his fingers are kissing in front of him, elbows on the table. His hair is messy as if he’s run his fingers through it too many times to count. His mouth is thinned and his eyes are both upset and tightened.

  “Where were you at lunch?” I immediately demand. “I needed you. Where were you?”

  He holds my gaze. “Mr. Hunt paid me another visit. He kept me busy all during lunch. I’m sorry I wasn’t there. You’d know that if you looked at your phone.”

  “Ice water?” I’m not in the mood to hear his excuses.

  “And a glass of red wine.” He says it tiredly. “He doesn’t believe me. I don’t know what it is, but every time Hunt looks at me, I swear it’s like he knows something.”

  “You’re paranoid.”

  “Am I?”

  I nod, wanting to touch his face. His arm. His anything. “He can’t know anything, remember?”

  He doesn’t look convinced. “You should see the way he looks at me now. Like I’m a disappointment.”

  “Do you regret me?” I hold my breath.

  His eyes flash. “I could never regret you. How can I regret someone who takes my breath away just by looking at me? Someone who makes me laugh and pissed off in the same moment. I will never regret you, Kaelyn. You’re worth whatever happens.”

  “Julian, I don’t know what to do.” My bottom lip trembles and my throat hurts from holding in my tears. “I don’t know whether to be your friend or your secret.”

  He hangs his head. When he looks back up my stomach drops. “I never want to hear you say that again. You don’t deserve to be a secret. You deserve to be right beside me, to be acknowledged. I won’t treat you the way Brady did. I’m
so sorry if you think that I have.”

  “I don’t feel that way. But’s that’s what I’ll be if we keep this up.”

  “I know,” he admits. “Trust me, I know. Shit, I’m a selfish bastard.” His fingers drag through his hair.

  “No, you’re not.” I’m starting to feel like he’s leaving me. And I know, I know that’s what this conversation means, what they’ve all meant, but I still want him here. I reach out and touch his shoulder. “Look at me.”

  He does. His eyes are exuding the turmoil inside of him.

  “I want you to know this.” I look around the restaurant before leaning in to speak. “I’d be your secret if you let me. I’d let you kiss me in the dark and ignore me in the daylight. But I’ll only despise myself for it when you’re not there. I did that once and it backfired. I don’t want it to be that way with you. I think I do deserve better.” I smile sadly when he does. “But at the same time,” I continue, my smile fading. “I don’t know what to do. I feel better around you. When you’re not there, it’s not—

  “Right,” he finishes, saving me from my struggle. “I get it. You’re here right now, but you’re not here. I can feel the difference.”

  I nod fiercely. For the first time in my life, someone understands what I feel. “I don’t know what to do.”

  “Can we talk when you get home? I wanted to see you. I had to, even if for one second.”

  “We can talk.”

  He pushes to his feet and touches my shoulder, leaning down to kiss my cheek and whisper in my ear. “Bye, Kael.”

  My eyes close in regret. “Bye.”

  The moment Bella’s door closes behind him, I feel like I’m on my own and the monsters in this world know it.

  For the rest of my shift, I try and turn my mind off. I work my tables as fast as I can. They never need a thing. When my night is over, Tamryn gives me my check and I take my tips with me to the bank to deposit my money. I write Julian a check for all I have. Three hundred and sixty-five dollars and twenty-seven cents. When I get home, I unlock the front door and step inside. The lights are off except for a door across from the living room. I push it open to find Julian sitting at his desk.