I roll back over and snuggle against Julian’s smell. There isn’t much left now. I’m getting blood all in my sheets.
Eventually, Brady leaves the room. I can barely breathe. This is different than anything I’ve ever been through. I feel violated, like those girls took my strength and pounded it into the asphalt. My body aches and so does my heart. My mouth is swollen and blood runs from the slit on my lip. I can’t take the blood anymore. I peel my clothes off slowly, mindful of the aches on my body. Once I’m naked, I grab a towel and slowly tread into my bathroom. Under the hot stream of the shower, I let it go. I let the last two years out of me.
Blood pools around my feet. My hair is matted and twisted. When I come out, most of the bleeding has stopped. I step out of the shower and face the mirror. It’s still early, but even now the black eye is forming. My mouth has two large slits in my bottom lip. There’s a cut over my left eye. There are darkened shadows on my ribs from their feet. My eyes are red and swollen. I know in a few hours I won’t even look like me. I will be nothing but a bruise.
Brady’s coming up the stairs as I’m leaving the bathroom with something hot and steaming in both hands. He takes me in and clears his throat.
“I made coffee. This is a nice place. What do your parents do?”
“I don’t know my parents.” It shocks me in that moment how little he knows me. “This is Julian’s house. My foster dad tried to take advantage of me and this is where I came to live.”
“Wait a minute. You were … what? Adopted? In foster care?”
“Was. I’m eighteen now.”
“Your foster dad tried to …?”
I nod, feeling small and exposed. “I’m going to go get dressed.”
“Julian saved you.” He says it like a statement.
I smile a little. “Yeah. He did.”
He follows me into my bedroom. I think about telling him to leave, but don’t have the strength. I simply get dressed without taking my towel off. I put a pair of sweats on under my towel and then quickly put a black shirt on and drop my towel. When I turn around, Brady’s lying on my bed. His shoes are off and he’s sipping his coffee.
“Here.” He offers me the other mug.
I walk slowly to him and take the proffered mug. Sitting as carefully as I can, I sink down into my bed. The coffee feels wonderful on my throat. I sip it gratefully. “Thanks,” I mumble, peeking at him.
“Kaelyn.” He shakes his head sadly. “I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry.” He grabs my arm. “You have to know how sorry I am.”
“I do?”
He sighs and lets me go. “I understand if you’re upset with me. This is my fault.”
“I’m glad you understand.” I take another drink and notice that my hands are shaking. “Can you leave now?”
“I already called my parents and told them what happened and that I’m not leaving you.”
“You shouldn’t be here. Julian won’t like it.”
“Is he abusive?”
I laugh in disbelief, instantly regretting it; my ribs are killing me. “No. He’s aware of your MO. And for other reasons.”
“What other reasons?”
I sigh in irritation. “I don’t know, Brady. Just reasons. Mind your business.”
“Fine.” He gets comfortable within my sheets, drinking his coffee. “We’ll just hang out in here.”
I set my coffee mug on the floor, and then I burrow down in my blankets with my back to him. When I lie on the side that didn’t get pummeled, my other side doesn’t hurt as bad as when I lie on my back. I want him gone. It’s his fault I’m here in pain covered in cuts and black eyes. I’ve given this boy way too much. For what? This? For pain?
For nothing.
I fall asleep somewhere between seething and stewing. When I awake, Brady’s gone. The sky is pitch-black outside my window. I’m in too much pain to breathe, to move, to even blink. I lie still, breathing only as deep as my lungs allow. My brain feels drained; I didn’t sleep as long as I needed. As I’m lying there, I hear a thump downstairs, and it’s followed by the distinct pounding of feet running up the stairs. My bedroom door flies open and knocks against the back wall.
I find the strength to lift my head.
Julian’s entire face falls apart. “Kael,” he manages, horrified by the atrocity my face has no doubt become.
The sight of him brings me to tears. He falls to his knees by my head. “What happened?”
I sniffle and sob, unable to get out anything but the name, “Nessa.”
“That little bitch!” He gets to his feet and drags his fingers roughly through his hair.
“Julian,” I sob.
He falls back down and gently cups my cheek. “How did you get home? Whose truck is that in the driveway?”
I look away from his fearful angry eyes. “Brady.”
“Brady brought you here? Kaelyn,” he scolds.
“I could barely walk. There was no one else to take care of me. I didn’t mean to, Julian.”
“Shh,” he soothes. He kisses my cheek. “It’s all right. You didn’t have any other option. I’m glad he was there to take care of you. Where is he, sweetheart?” His voice is eerily calm.
His eyes are off.
“Somewhere around here if his truck’s here.”
He takes off his black blazer. He rolls up his sleeves and stares at my open door. “I’ll be right back.”
“Julian, no!” I shout. It causes everything inside of me to scream in pain too.
His feet pound down the stairs. His pounding is followed by two males shouting. I force myself to get out of bed. Everything on my body fights back. I hold my ribs and struggle into the hall.
“Stop!” I hear Brady beg.
“You little fucking piece of shit. You did this to her!” Julian roars. Something makes a sound I know too well. “This is because of you.”
“Leave me alone!” Brady fights back.
When I finally get downstairs, Julian is hovering over Brady on the couch. From the looks of it, Brady was sleeping when Julian found him. He’s half on and half off the couch, covering his face with his hands. There’s blood on his lip and Julian’s fist is cocked back, waiting for the excuse to hit him again.
“Don’t, Julian.”
He looks over at me. His handsome face is twisted in rage. “Don’t? Look at your face. Please do not don’t me right now. He’s lucky he can even breathe through his nose.” Julian roughly lets him go and stands up. “Get out of my house.”
Brady sits up and looks at me. “It’s true?”
I look down at my feet. “Just go, Brady.”
“I can’t believe it’s true. You are with Mr. Ean.”
Julian is breathing hard, rage-filled, yet at Brady’s words his face drains of color. He points threateningly at Brady. “You don’t know anything.”
Brady puts his hands up to fend Julian off. “After everything I’ve done to Kaelyn, I’m not going to say anything. If that’s what she wants, then I’ll do it.” He looks at me for confirmation.
“Please don’t say anything. I need Julian. If you say anything, I’ll lose him.” I cover my ribs and cringe.
Brady makes a move toward me, but Julian stops him, grabbing his shoulder and shoving him back down onto the couch.
“Don’t touch her, you little shit. She’s mine.”
Brady stands up anyway. “Look, Mr., er, Julian. I know I did things wrong by her. I get it. But I’m trying to fix it.”
Julian’s rage intensifies. “You’re trying to fix it?” he roars, making me cringe. “Look at her face.” He jabs at me, getting so close to Brady’s face he could kiss him if he wanted. “Look at her beautiful fucking face. Look at what those girls did to her because of you. Because you used her. You’re lucky she’s standing right there or I wouldn’t have stopped until you stopped breathing.”
“I get it!” Brady shouts. He leans away from Julian and gets up, grabbing his shoes off the floor. Before he leaves he
looks me in the eye. “I won’t say anything. I promise. Can I see you tomorrow?”
“No.” Julian’s tone is final.
I can’t stop looking at the blood on Brady’s lip. It’s so little compared to mine. “No.”
“Then I’ll see you at school,” he says defiantly, closing the door behind him.
Julian’s eyes are off, but he’s trying to calm down. He closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose, breathing deeply. “Have you gone to the hospital?”
“No,” I answer quietly.
“Get your shoes on.” His tone defies argument. He grabs his keys out of his pocket and stares at me when I just stand there.
“I don’t have medical insurance.”
“I’ll pay out of pocket. Let’s go.”
“You pay too much out of pocket for me.”
“Kaelyn!” he snaps. “Get your fucking shoes on.”
He’s upset. I look terrible, Brady’s here, and there’s nothing he can do for me. I’d be just as upset. So, I do what he says. I grab my work shoes by the door, which reminds me I missed my shift tonight. Tamryn probably fired me. The weight of the day is starting to compile into a huge unmanageable heap.
“Can you walk?” His face is stone and pain.
“Yes.”
“Are you saying yes because you think that’s what I want to hear?”
“Yes.”
He wiggles his hands at me. “Come here, baby.”
I walk to him and he bends down to pick me up in his arms. He holds me closely to his chest and carries me outside. He doesn’t jostle me once. When we get to his SUV, he lowers me into the passenger seat. He even buckles my seatbelt for me. Before he pulls away, I lean over and kiss his temple. He turns to look at me. His face softens and hardens at the same time.
“Where’s your phone?”
“In my car.” I kiss his cheek. “I forgot it in there.”
He won’t straighten up. “I have never been more afraid in my life. I had this pit in my stomach the second I left. I knew the first time you didn’t answer your phone you were in trouble. I tried to talk myself out of it. Every time I’m away from you I think something’s going to happen anyway. I tried to go to my hotel, sleep and pretend nothing was wrong. You forgot your phone. You were at work. You were anywhere else but right here.” He leans over and kisses my swollen raw mouth. “But I was right. You were in trouble. What happened?”
“They jumped me after detention.” A tear falls down my cheek and he kisses it away. “They beat me on the ground.”
He closes his eyes and takes deep breaths. “Then what?”
“Brady and Mr. Hunt caught them. They went to jail.”
“Good. I know they’re just girls, but right now I want to treat them like anything but. Then what?”
“Brady brought me home. I’m sorry it was him. I couldn’t drive myself.”
“It’s all right. I promise. I’m not mad that he brought you home.”
“But your eyes are off.”
He leans away and closes my door. I watch him walk around front and then claim his seat. He pulls away from the house and waits until he’s on the road to answer my question.
“I’m being ridiculous,” he finally speaks up. “There’s no reason why I should be upset that Brady brought you home.”
“But you are?”
“But I am.”
I respect his honesty. In fact, it makes me relax.
“You want to know what upsets me the most? He was your only option. You had no other option but the one person who brought you to the place that you’re at. It should have been me. I never should’ve left you alone. I want to protect you, Kaelyn. I want it so you never have to hurt again.”
“I don’t hurt around you.” I can’t seem to stop crying. “You’re the only person in my life that makes me happy. You’ve never hurt me. That’s enough for me.”
“Well, it isn’t enough for me. I want to give you everything you deserve. I know now isn’t the time. Let’s just get to the hospital and get you back home.”
I want to say something to comfort him, but I think we are both beyond comfort.
The emergency room is packed full. People are standing up, leaning against the wall waiting for their turn. People cough loud and wet sounding, making me cringe. Julian supports my weight the entire time we stand in the back. When it’s my turn he isn’t allowed to come with me. I can’t stand to be apart from him.
“I’ll be right here,” he promises, giving my hand a squeeze.
I am poked, prodded, and x-rayed. After an hour and a half, I’m finally released with a prescription for pain meds and four stitches over my left eye. My ribs are bruised and require no other treatment. When I shuffle painfully out of the emergency room, Julian is waiting right where I left him. I don’t think he’s moved a single muscle. He looks stressed and tired, yet still somehow handsome. The fact that he is still beautiful in all of this makes me feel better.
“Did you know it’s four in the morning?
He smiles tiredly. “Good morning. What’s the final say?”
I hand him my prescription and medical report. “Stitches. I have some bruised ribs. Everything else will heal on its own. Can we go? They keep asking me about the cops.”
“They should.”
Walking hurts, but I refuse to let him carry me out like he carried me in. The morning is still dark and the air is cold. The drive is silent. Julian stops at a twenty-four-hour pharmacy and drops my prescription off while I wait in the car. While he’s gone, I attempt not to think about this. It feels too big for me to think about on my own. He returns a half hour later with two shopping bags.
“Goodies,” he explains when I start pulling out candy from the bags he handed me.
I gawk at all the Skittles. He never forgets anything. “I love Skittles.”
“I know.”
I open a pack and pour a handful into my mouth. The fruity sweetness is exactly what I need. “You want some?”
He smirks and holds out his hand. “Sure.”
I pour a handful into his palm and he tosses a few back, pulling out of the driveway. “I bought you a soda. Take a pain pill. Just take one. They’re pretty strong.”
“Yes, boss.”
“Kael,” he warns, annoyed.
I reach into the bag and take out the orange soda he bought. Unscrewing the cap on my painkillers, I shake one out and swallow it. I happily eat my Skittles, content for a few seconds. I know my seconds of contentment are rare, so I take what I can get.
He takes my bags and carries me up the stairs when we get home. He lays me gently in my bed and then tucks me in.
“Where are you going?” I ask when he starts to leave.
“To check on a few things. Go to sleep. You need the rest.”
Even though it hurts, I sit up. “What are you up to?”
He looks away. “Go to sleep, baby.” He closes my door softly.
It’s as if his words are a tranquilizer. I try and fight my eyelids—I know he’s up to something—but I am no match to the painkillers lulling me into unconsciousness.
I awake once to feel Julian slide into bed beside me. He pulls me carefully against his chest and then I’m out again.
I have a brief panic-filled moment before I drift off again when I consider losing this.
He’s starting to have his own special place in my heart. I need Julian, and I would like to think he wants me.
I sleep comfortably because he is there.
I am safe.
I am flawless.
I am wanted.
Chapter Ten
Waking up is a struggle I’m not even sure I want to engage in.
My mind and body war with the other. I am awake mentally, but my pain reminds me that every second spent moving will only amount in more ache, more reminders of my time spent on the ground for a mistake I regretted every day.
“Don’t move,” Julian murmurs, his lips by my ear. “I’ll bring you som
e painkillers with your coffee.”
I realize two things when he leaves; anything else and my brain can’t handle it. It’s sunny outside, too sunny for it to be morning. I must’ve slept longer than my body feels. And secondly, he’s not at school.
I try to see his eyes when he returns with a mug of coffee and a pain pill. “You’re missing today?”
He sits down wearing the same clothes he was wearing yesterday. His black shirt is wrinkled and his gray slacks are worse. His bare feet poke out the bottom. “I took off a few weeks.”
I swallow my hot coffee too quickly in shock, groaning from the burn. “You what?”
His demeanor changes. It darkens, hardens. “Are you going to take care of yourself?” he snarls. “You can barely walk. You let Brady take care of you, but when I do it, it’s a big deal?”
His eyes are off.
I take his anger. I deserve it. “Thank you for taking care of me.”
“I don’t want a thank you. I don’t want you to think you have to thank me for taking care of you.” He’s agitated. “Aren’t you pissed off? Aren’t you livid? Those girls did this to you.” He points at my face as if I don’t know how terrible I look. “You’re not even the least bit curious what’s going to happen to them?”
I take a drink and simply stare. I am livid. I am enraged. But I am broken, and my cracks are too large right now to comprehend the amount of salve it would take to close them.
“I want them punished. I want them in jail for what they did to you. They’re all eighteen. Mr. Hunt and I talked last night. We think you should take this as high up as you can go.”
“You talked to Mr. Hunt? I’m sure that made you look impartial.”
“Kaelyn!” he snaps. He pushes to his feet, the rage inside of him spewing all over my room. “This isn’t a joke. This isn’t something that can be forgotten. You can’t keep letting people treat you like shit and get away with it. This stops now. You will press charges. You will go to trial. You will make sure they go to jail.”
Now I know what he was doing last night. Trial? Charges? These words are not words I want to apply to my life. They sound painful and exhausting, everything I don’t want right now.
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