The Heart is a Lonely Hunter

by Unknown

  “Look, Terrance, I realize that we’ve just met and don’t know each other all that well, but I’m sure you’ve gathered that I usually say what’s on my mind. If I wanted to be alone, I would’ve said so. Shit, I’ve been alone for the past six years and the last thing I want is to be alone tonight.”

  “Could have fooled me,” Terrance muttered under his breath but loud enough for her to hear.

  “And what exactly is that supposed to mean? I did my damnedest to try and please you, to show you that Laura and the rest of your little yuppie girlfriends had nothing on this middle-aged sista. Perhaps you’re just not accustomed to being with a woman.”

  Terrance was sure she had issues now and they were obviously too deep for him to work out. Whatever trauma she had been through or was going through of one thing he was sure. She needed professional help and counsel-ing—and time. And he had neither the time, nor the experience to aid in what appeared some rather deep-seated emotional problems. Not wanting to argue, Terrance gathered his belongings and continued dressing.

  “What you did was show me,” he found himself saying. “What I wanted was for you to share with me. I’m not interested in a live sex show. I’m interested in you and what makes you tick. I wanted to make love, Sill, and you weren’t even in the same room with me, let alone on the same page.”

  Sylvia lit another cigarette, found the ashtray, grabbed the wine and sat up crossing her legs Indian-like on the sofa. “I suppose, you’re right, at least to some degree, Terrance. I guess I’m so afraid of growing old alone that I feel I have to prove myself, to perform just to keep a man. I am so very fond of you, Terrance but I keep thinking of the difference in age. And your friend Laura, so young and vibrant and beautiful scares the hell out of me. I kinda feel like she’s got a head start and I’m trying to play catch up. I’m not even sure of how to play the game anymore or if I can even compete with someone so young and so beautiful. I can’t ask you to forget about her and just run off with me, though I wish I could. But seriously, you don’t know how long I avoided you just so I wouldn’t have to feel like this.

  I know every woman that you dated at West Lansing and prayed that they wouldn’t work. You see, Terrance, I did my homework too. And now that I have you and think that this may be what I want, I know deep down in my heart that I don’t have a chance in hell of keeping you and it’s eating me up.”

  Sylvia crushed the cigarette butt out in the ashtray and dropped the loose-fitting camisole over her head to cover herself. And then everything seemed to sag at once. Her shoulders rose, and then fell rhythmically, keeping time to the Coltrane playing on the stereo in the next room. Sylvia sobbed softly in despair. She sobbed for the lost loves and turbulent relationships, for the loss of her marriage, for the loss of William, but most of all she sobbed for the loss of hope, and, therefore, for the loss of herself

  In an attempt to comfort her, Terrance wrapped his arms around her, and squeezed her gently. Sylvia’s startling revelation did Terrance a world of good. Perhaps they were in the same book, if not on the same page after all. Not sure of his own emotions, which only a moment ago seemed so clear, he again submitted to her requests.

  “Take me, Terrance. Oh, darling, please take me now! Show me that you want me, that you love me. Please darling! Just take me now.” As requested Ter-rance lifted the camisole and entered her and though he was sore and spent he rode her, trying to soothe her and bring some solace to a woman much more complex than he could have ever imagined. There was so much beneath the surface that he didn’t know but even as he lay on top of her he could hear Jazzy’s voice telling him to be careful and thought about getting up at that very moment but she was relaxed now and seemed to be one with him. Still sobbing, she met each gentle thrust with one of her own. Slowly, passionately, she rose, and then fell at his command. And then she rose again to meet him, praying that their union would never end. She bit her lip and recognized the salty taste of her won blood. Ignoring this Sylvia fought back the impending climax that would surely mark the end and leave her craving for more. How long had it been? And then, when she could not hold it back any longer, she dug the spikes of her heels deep into his buttocks as if she could hold on forever and to make him feel her pain.

  A warm wave swept through her. And then another. Screaming his name, she lifted her legs up and wrapped them around tightly around his back to keep him in her. Orgasm after orgasm fell into place as if they had been ever so perfectly choreographed. Damn, he was good! Oh, how she wanted to please him, to keep him forever, right here, between her thighs, in her heart. But would he allow her. Still moving beneath him, Sylvia continued to meet his gentle thrusts with those of her own. She felt the soreness between her thighs now and was sure she could not go another minute and then the floodgates opened up and another warm rush of orgasms rained down upon her. She had never before known that such pleasure existed but was sure she could stand no more. Reaching for the headboard, she attempted to pull herself free but found she could not move him. His gentle thrusts were no longer and he seemed to have lost all sight of their coupling. He was coming and she was not going to stop him. Sill felt the pain of his pounding creep from her thighs to the small of her back. Her legs were cramping and her efforts to free herself were in vain. Frightened by his violent thrusts, she screamed for him to stop, and then demanded him to. Her demands fell on deaf ears, as he too, was swept up in a wave of orgasms. It would all be over soon. But when? God! She prayed it would be soon. And then when the pain and pleasure became one, and more than she could bear, Sylvia, tears flowing freely, raw and cut up inside, shrieked from the pain, had a moment of madness and begged him for more, before passing out beneath him.

  Terrance untangled himself, dressed quickly, and exited through the back door. He now knew that any man involved with Sylvia Stanton could not simply walk away. He also knew that there would ultimately be a price to pay and right now he wasn’t quite sure that he could afford to or had the desire to pay.

  The cold night air felt good to him. The seasons were changing but there was still a bitter nip in the air. It was no more than a five minute walk to his own townhouse. And before he knew it he was there. Entering the foyer, he kicked off his shoes and fell into his easy chair. Tapping his answering machine resulted in a slew of messages. There were three from Laura who appeared adamant about seeing him tonight.

  Ignoring them all, he ran a tub of hot water, added some Epsom salt and then poured himself a glass of Chivas on the rocks before submerging himself. The phone rang and someone knocked simultaneously. On any other night he wouldn’t have minded but tonight he was beat. And yet, the night was young. It couldn’t have been later than nine or nine-thirty. Stepping out of the tub and reaching for a towel, he realized he didn’t care how young the night was. Sore from head to toe, he was finished for the night. And whatever they were selling, he wasn’t buying. He smiled; he knew Sill was sleeping soundly. Aside from her, no one else was welcomed. In fact, he wondered if he would have opened the door even if it had been Sill. He tried to ignore the phone but it continued to ring. Whoever was calling was, if nothing else, persistent. Terrance rinsed off the beads of soap and water, and dried himself off before reaching for the phone. A familiar voice greeted him on the other end.

  “Why, hello, lover and where the hell have you been? I’ve been waiting all night for you to fill my rain check,” Laura chirped merrily along. “Now, do me and you a favor and go look through your peephole. Hurry up now. I’m waiting.”

  Tired from the move, spent from Sill’s insatiable appetite, the last thing he felt like doing was playing games. He placed the receiver down next to the phone, picked up what was left of his drink and dragged himself to the peephole. There stood Laura in a brand new full-length fur and heels. When she realized that Terrance was looking through the peephole she opened the coat wide revealing everything. There stood Laura, buck naked except for the fur, which she let drape off her shoulder and those heels, which made her appear
ten feet tall. Terrance swung the door open, grabbed Laura by the arm and yanked her into the apartment by the arm, looking around frantically.

  “My goodness! You are glad to see me, aren’t you?” Laura laughed, heartily. She let the fur fall from her shoulders and Terrance watched speechless as it crumpled to the floor in a heap around her ankles.

  “Someone else is glad to see me too, I see.”

  The towel Terrance wrapped around himself had fallen in his haste to get Laura’s naked body in the house and out of plain view of the neighbors. And as sore as he was her nakedness had sparked a flame. Following her mischievous gaze, he quickly noticed that his manhood was standing at full attention. He reached for the towel to mask his embarrassment.

  “No need for that, Terrance.” Laura grabbed his arm and led him to the sofa. “Mind if I fix myself a drink?”

  “Not tonight, Laura. Please, baby, not tonight. Believe you me, I had a rough day, today.”

  “Don’t worry, Tee. I’ll make whatever’s ailing you go away, baby. Damn, how I missed you Terrance. And I apologize for making you spend time with your mother while I was gone. What’s her name? You know—the grad student?” Laura was in rare form tonight. And, when she was like this, Terrance loved being with her. She could be both witty and charming but tonight was not the night.

  Emotionally and physically spent, he couldn’t respond if he wanted to. His thoughts turned to Sill. She’d been asleep when he left her but what if she were to awaken and find him gone. She didn’t have a phone yet and she’d asked him to stay. If she were to awaken and find him gone she would surely stop by and here they were sitting, he in a towel and she nude. Lord knows what conclusion she’d arrive at. He thought about taking Laura out to dinner, maybe a flick. He had promised her an evening. He knew Laura, knew her strengths and her shortcomings. The jury was still out on Sill. In fact, there had been several times during the course of the day when he questioned her mental stability or as his daddy used to put it—he wondered—’if all the bricks were in the wagon’.

  Now, here was Laura, intent on cashing in on a debt owed. She was certainly not going to make it easy for him to wriggle out of his promise this time and especially after having been stood up for another woman. In retrospect, their first affair had been nothing short of extraordinary as long as they were not in the prone position. They were the best of friends and she was certainly worth the effort but with Sill in walking distance, there were just too many complications at this point.

  “Be a sweetheart, Laura and let an old man get some rest. I’ll meet you at Dante’s tomorrow at eight. We’ll grab a bite, take in the show, you know, make a night of it.”

  Laura sighed. Her disappointment showed but she agreed. What could she do? “Eight o’clock it is then. Don’t be late. You know Jazzy’s starting to get better looking each time I see him.”

  In no mood for her teasing, he was tempted to tell her to go for it but knew that at any other time he would have been glad to see her. But tonight he was truly exhausted. First the move and then all the extra-curricular activities had worn him out, but it was more than that. Closing the door behind her, he let the stopper out of the now cold bath water and sprawled out across his bed. His thoughts returned to Sylvia.

  A strange bird, he couldn’t exactly put his finger on it but there was something amiss. Again he thought about Jazzy’s warning. He’d known quite a few women but there was something unnerving and unsettling about Sylvia though he couldn’t nail it down. Like when she was on top of him, making love and had a faraway look in her eyes or the piercing laugh each time she orgasmed. Then there was the fighting and screaming that seemed to be a part of the act that let him know that she wasn’t all there. At least that’s how it appeared and as beautiful as she was it did little to enhance the lovemaking. Instead, it frightened him and made him wonder what was truly going on. There had been that one girl several years ago when everything came down to the sex partner of the week when it just seemed like he was collecting notches on his belt or trophies as far as how many women he could sleep with. It had been a stage and he had to admit looking back on it now that it had been fun at the time—or at least-up until he met that one girl who was everything he could have imagined in and out of the bedroom, except for one serious flaw. Each time she would near orgasm she would start singing the Star Spangled Banner. He’d waited months for the opportunity for them to have sex and the only thing he could remember was being at her place when it finally occurred and her singing or screaming that god awful version as she climaxed. He’d dressed quickly and gotten the hell out of there as it didn’t take a rocket scientist to know that something was wrong. And for months after he made sure to check the caller I.D. and he’d been right to. She started showing up at his job and everywhere else as well. She eventually told him that he was in love with her and she’d kill him if he thought about seeing anybody else. For awhile he couldn’t bring anyone home because she’d follow them and threaten them when she caught up with them. The whole affair had lasted months and been nerve wracking and yet he’d felt that same uneasy feeling when he was with Sylvia although he wasn’t exactly sure why.

  Turning over on the bed, he reached for the remote to turn the television on took a swig from the bottle of Seagram’s, thought of how good Laura looked with and without the fur before eventually dozing off. He didn’t know how long he’d been sleeping when he heard the phone ring. It couldn’t have been long though since he found himself still clutching the bottle of Seagram’s. He was tempted not to answer the phone before tiptoeing to the front door to check the peephole. Laura definitely had him spooked. Rushing back to the phone and picking up the receiver Terrance was surprised to hear Sill who he’d left sound asleep only a few minutes ago. She was hardly asleep now and sounded as chipper as he’d ever heard her.

  “Hey baby, it’s me, Sill. I just called to let you know that you left your cell here.”

  There was more on her mind than his leaving the cell but he wasn’t inclined to engage her in conversation at this hour.

  “Thanks for letting me know. I’ll pick it up on my way to work in the morning, babe,” Terrance replied, hoping to end the conversation at this point.

  “Well, it’s been ringing off the hook. I tried to ignore it the first couple of times but whoever it is keeps calling. I figured it must be important. Want me to run it over to you?”

  Terrance wanted to tell her to just turn the damn thing off but remained polite. “I don’t know why they just don’t call me here,” he muttered. Then he remembered that he’d turned the ringer off at home when Laura left so he could get some sleep. “Oh hell, I turned the ringer off. Whoever it is probably tried to reach me here and couldn’t.”

  “It must be important, Terrance. They had to have called at least five or six times. I would have answered it but I wasn’t sure you wanted me to.”

  Terrance ignored her remark. She was fishing to see how far they’d come and how much leeway she had. It was obvious she wanted to know just how much progress she had made in a night. She was moving entirely too fast now and again it frightened him. He’d always liked the hunt, the intrigue of the pursuit. Once he snared his prey however, he always found himself wanting. If he did commit to pursuing a relationship with Sill he wanted it to be his decision. One thing was for sure. He’d be damned if he would just let her come in and run roughshod over the peaceful little existence he had fought so hard to establish.

  “Would you like for me to check your caller I.D. to see who it is?” Sill asked being a bit more than helpful than was required. In actuality, what she was being was too damn nosy and Terrance didn’t like it. He didn’t like it one bit.

  “Don’t worry about the phone, Sill. Whoever called can call back tomorrow. I’m sure that whatever it is, it can wait.” And without another word he placed the receiver back on the hook.

  Sill was shocked. “No, he didn’t! No he didn’t just hang up on me. That mother—.”

  What
he didn’t realize was that Sill had already checked the caller I.D. The first time it rang and when only a number appeared and no name she felt a twinge of guilt and did her best to reassure herself that after all Terrance had done for her that day he must have some type of feeling for her. And she was content knowing this. When they called, a second and third time she ignored it. But when they called a fourth time had to know who could possibly be that persistent and had answered it. She recognized Laura’s voice right away and was at once sorry she’d answered it. She knew she was stirring up a can of worms but it was too late to do anything about it now.

  When she called Terrance she was merely looking for an opening so she could tell him of her blunder but he had not allowed her to. Now she’d lied and Laura was certainly going to ask Terrance why he’d hung up on her. Damn! She hadn’t been involved in such pettiness since she was in college and wondered why she was allowing herself to be caught up in the drama now. Was he worth it? Was any man really worth the trials and tribulations they made women go through? Sill smiled. Hell, yeah! Putting her hand between her legs she felt the moistness along with soreness. Damn, that man was good. Fuck Laura Harrington! Baby girl, she thought, you’re in for the fight of your life.

  Though exhausted, his conscious got the best of him. He considered walking back to Sill’s then decided against the idea. The phone rang again. Recognizing his own cell number he picked it up. He felt guilty for having walked out on her and then ending the conversation so abruptly.

  “You know, I didn’t get a chance to pay you or to even tell you thanks. How much was the rental and the deposit for the townhouse? Did I tell you how much I love it? It’s absolutely gorgeous. I especially love the skylight and the fireplace.”

  “The stairs and the patio aren’t bad either,” Terrance chuckled, muttering to himself.