"Hi, I'm very busy lately, but we can meet to catch up someday."
She waited days for a reply and a call that never came.
Again and proving Tess theory was right, he began by patrolling her and when he was sure that she was still available to him, he despised her completely. Carolina decides to end this bad joke once and for all. Carolina had to strip it of the head once and for all and had to be today. She sent a message to an ex-boyfriend, Nils, asking how he was and if he was still in London. After a few minutes Carolina receives a message from Nils saying:
"Hello, I have been to contact you for some time now, but didn’t know if I should.
I was pleasantly surprised with your message because it seems that was broadcast thoughts. Look, do you want to have dinner with me this week?"
When she see Nils message, Carolina was satisfied that he was not upset with her anymore and that they might be able to be friends or even return to be lovers again, they could start where they stop for the last time, and without delay she responded:
"I'm free this week tell me when you can"
"Tomorrow at 8 pm, we can go directly from work to Patara restaurant, in Mayfair, the one I asked you to be my girlfriend, the one we began our relationship, who knows if it is not a good choice for tomorrow. I’ll go directly from work. Miss you xx"
Carolina smiled when she saw Nils message, it was so easy with him, she remembered that it had been at the restaurant that he had asked if she wanted to date him, he wanted to take her home after dinner. Unconventional his request for these days, but was due to the fact that they had been dating for a few weeks and he didn’t want Carolina to think it was just a one-night stand, Nils wanted that Carolina could be assured that they would start a serious relationship between two adults, something he wished it to last. Carolina beat up herself mentally, how was it possible that she couldn’t love this man who was so perfect, so kind and a real gentleman to her, why was she in love with a man who didn’t deserve her and treated her the way he did. Knowing for sure she wasn’t a masochist, so she had to get rid of that feeling she had for JP once and for all and move on, it might be a good idea to get back together with Nils if he still wanted her back.
"Great, I'll be there xx" Answers Carolina to Nils.
"Can’t wait to see you again, Nils"
With Nils back and interested in her, she was able to forget JP but at least that's what Carolina was hoping to achieve.
She decides to send a final message to JP with the following words:
"I'm seriously thinking to get back to my ex-boyfriend."
At least JP would know that she was going back to her ex-boyfriend and she was not available for him. This obsession that Carolina had for JP would end soon because she was tired of being teased in her face from him. However she knew in her heart that he wasn’t responsible for the situation in which she found herself in it. It happened only because she allowed it to happen, and JP just took the opportunity that Carolina had given him for easy sex, it was as simple as that.
But now the time had come to an end, there wouldn’t be any hope anymore, or messages, and contact would be cut for good. Carolina couldn’t forget the words that JP had said about her to Tess and she had never felt so humiliated and diminished by anyone, let alone from someone who she harboured such strong feeling it’s incomprehensible to her. The last thing she wanted to happen was act or end up as a victim, Carolina wanted JP to know that she was well and was moving forward in life, and without him, she wanted him to know that she didn’t need him for anything. Since she discovered the truth, the way he felt about her, she had reached the limit, she already felt in such a way disappointed with him she thought it was an insult to her intelligence.
However an immediate message from JP arrived.
What more was there to say? He had nothing more to say or she had nothing more to say to him, it was over. She read his message:
"What a coincidence I'm also thinking going back to my ex-girlfriend"
And this message was enough for them to start talking about the former JP's girlfriend that he still loved and Carolina’s former boyfriend. With JP there was never a way to predict what would happen, but when Carolina tried to distance herself from JP, there was always something that was attracting them to get close again, and this time had been former girl/boyfriends. She wanted to tell him goodbye, that was why she had sent that message at the first place and now he bombarded her with messages. Although Carolina before wanted everything to which she was entitled with JP, at this point, even if he wanted a relationship with her, she no longer felt strong enough to be with him, Carolina kept the same thought that he didn’t deserve her and hoped he had the courage to delete her contact her, and stop the messages. Gone were Carolina’s plans when JP began to open up again talking about his previous relationship and talked non-stop about his ex-girlfriend.
Carolina tried to avoid be heartbroken, but she was still sensitive to him, so she remained suffering in silence, reading all the messages he wrote and described a love so intense and illogical, an overwhelming passion he had for this woman. She wished secretly that he felt that way for her, but no, it was for another woman. A woman who didn’t want him and it was this woman who couldn’t live with him. They were unable to understand each other, because he couldn’t cope with the feeling of an intense passion he felt for her, eventually ruin their relationship. However he continued to feel that overwhelming passion for her, confiding that he thought about her every day, he couldn’t get her out of his mind. He was still completely in love with this woman and nothing seemed to make him change his mind!
JP didn’t realize how much he was hurting Carolina’s heart, with her undergoing as a counsellor friend. Not only JP opened with Carolina but also asked questions about Nils. JP asked if Nils behaved like a man or if he behaved like a boy. If he was a happy man and could give her happiness, if he could provide her security, comfort and support showing his concern about her with her former boyfriend, he wanted to know if Nils treated her well or not. Sometimes Carolina had the impression when JP spoke or asked questions about Nils, he had a twinge of jealousy or was she just wishing he was jealous of Nils? She couldn’t see clearly, but was determined to continue with Nils and let JP back in her past, maybe their fate would be remain just friends and talk about each other’s relationship, who knows.
"Tell me about him, is he willing to marry? Does he want to have children?"
JP kept on insisting on all those questions. When she sees the messages, she takes a deep breath, she didn’t want to talk about Nils with JP, and it was too depressing for her. She didn’t want to be rude eventually she would answer contradicted, but she tried to be always polite.
"He is an extremely intelligent man, cultured, multilingual, with several PHD’s.
It's too early to think about marriage, I need time to get used to the idea of marrying again.
Regarding children with Nils it’s not an option because he had a vasectomy after his children were born long ago." Explained Carolina to JP hoping it was enough. Heading the bedroom exhausted from all the text messages from JP, Carolina find herself having the same dream again. She was with a man at the beach, every time it was the same dream. This time waking her up in the middle of the night, a new episode in the dream had happen, the man had reached her so close that he touched with his lips, Carolina’s lips, he kissed her, and Carolina woke up recognizing JP’s kiss and smell. It was just a dream, but she couldn’t fall asleep again.
The next day, Carolina was very excited to see Nils again while she tried to convince herself all day long that he was the right man for her, he was a man who deserved her, and he was the best option to build a life with. After work Carolina met Nils to dine as they had agreed. When she saw him again, his appearance was better than ever and his charming smile made her forget JP for a few moments. And she couldn’t stop wonder why didn’t she love this magnificent man, which fate had put in her way and everything was perfect when s
he was with him, she couldn’t understand why.
Patara restaurant was a restaurant serving Thai food, mostly spicy but very tasty. The food has all this spices and unusual ingredients that she doesn’t uses on her everyday dishes. The restaurant had a Zen-like aspect with a very relaxing and cosy atmosphere, and its appearance was elegant and romantic. Carolina and Nils talked all night and he asked again if she wanted to continue where they had ended almost two years ago. He told Carolina that he was still alone, had tried other relationships but without success mainly because he always giving priority to work and no woman can hold this pressure. Nils confided to Carolina that he was willing to return to date her if she also wanted him back, because he still loved her and the relationship they had was the best he ever had. Carolina already imagined he was going to propose to start dating again, she wanted to return to Nils, she wanted to answer him yes, she was momentarily betrayed by her heart and her mouth remained closed longer than the time needed to give him an answer.
Flashes of JP haunted her mind, she wants to compose herself and give a reply to this wonderful man, she wants to return to the present and stay with Nils. She can’t avoid remember everything that happened to her and JP in memory flashes, she remembered all the horrible words that JP told Tess about her as well. And it was this last memory of JP, these harsh words, but real that brought her back to reality, making her realize that she and JP will never have any opportunity to be together, let alone build a relationship.
After a few minutes Carolina managed to compose herself saying to Nils she wanted to try again. She wanted to start dating him, she admitted that she had also had great moments with him and she missed him as well, which was the true as she missed him not out of love, but as a companion and as a friend.
Mentally repeating in an endlessly pray that this was the right decision for her because he is undoubtedly the ideal man for her. JP would never love and treat her well the way Nils does. Nils wants her as a woman with respect, for companionship and friendship. After all Carolina knows already how to be in a relationship with Nils, everything is fantastic and predictable, which makes the relationship comfortable. When Nils and Carolina finished dinner, they end up in Notting Hill together in Nils’s house.
His house was huge and going from the ground floor up to the second floor of the house was furbished in a contemporary way, with white classic standing out with the many windows and high doors with black iron balconies on the first floor. The entrance had four steps that gave access to a small entrance under a small arcade protecting to who needed to get inside from the rain. The door entrance was made from solid wood and was black painted with a silver lion head in the middle with a hanging ring for decorative purposes and the door handle was also in silver colour. Inside, the decor was contemporary classic but the furniture was very smooth in plans traits with neutral colours, going between beige to beige-gray, with small sofas and upholstered chairs with wooden rim, making different environments with low tables serving as centres decorated with candles, books or just with big decorative items. The walls were decorated with huge paintings bought in the modern galleries in London and some were full confusion of colour, letting our imagination flow and wonder what the painters would want to express in each painting. Strategic located they found themselves surrounded with beautiful floral arrangements of white flower and dark green foliage giving to the whole place a sublime elegance. The access to the rooms on the first and second floor was separated from the stairs with a wooden banister and the rest was black wrought iron throughout the top, the second-floor ceiling down to the ground floor elegantly narrowed a chandelier strategically illuminating all the stairs, giving the place an airy and elegant look.
Nils’s bedroom was welcoming, simple and elegant. The headboard of his king size bed was padded in an almost golden brown that went from the floor reaching the ceiling, giving the bed the illusion of being bigger and the most important piece in the room. A corridor lined up with closets on both sides giving access to a bathroom with shower and bath was part of this cosy bedroom. They ended up spending the night together at Nils place.
In his house everything was as she remembered last time she was there, it was as if they never ended their relationship. Being with him again was nice but left a bitter taste in her mouth, she couldn’t concentrate having sex with Nils, she couldn’t get JP out of her head, JP was haunting her mind and she felt frustrated walking to the irritation not being able to concentrate and enjoying the moment with Nils.
Nils was sweet and affectionate with her as she always remembered he has been that way, nothing had changed. She struggled and tried to shake JP out of her mind, she wanted him to disappear from her head, but he wouldn’t go away. JP was like a phantom insisting on appearing in such a clear picture in Carolina’s mind that the she found herself closing her eyes and imagine it was with JP who she was making love, it was JP that she was kissing, and it was JP who was inside her. She knew it was ridiculous, but she couldn’t help it.
Keeping her eyes closed she desperately searched for the taste and the smell of JP, awaking to reality when she couldn’t find JP’s taste and smell. Carolina was really fortunate that Nils was a great lover and knew how to pleasure a woman, at least to her, because she was able to skilfully reaching her climax. She couldn’t compare with JP, and she didn’t want too, because JP was incomparable.
Nils was good and that was enough for now, giving Carolina hope that he wouldn’t notice her mental absence. The very next day JP initiated messages but Carolina wasn’t interested to read his messages and less reply to them. She didn’t want to talk about her relationship with Nils, ending up replying with dull answers avoiding giving straight answers to JP in the end of the day. She felt terrible for using Nils to forget JP because she was going through a torment and a whirlwind of feelings that she couldn’t describe how she felt.
But Nils would be her JP’s savvier. By the time they were dating almost two years ago, she loved having sex with Nils, but last night was something inexplicable to her, she had never felt something like that, she couldn’t feel the same pleasure she had when she used to be with him before, the more she wanted to forget JP the more his image appeared in her mind while having sex with Nils, it was a horrible experience for her. The more she thought about it, the more agonizing was the situation. But now she didn’t want to go back, it was not fair to Nils and she had to forget JP at any cost.
I can do it, I will forget JP with Nils help - thought countless times since she returned to Nils.
To worsen the whole situation in which Carolina was in, emotionally she felt as if she was in a Russian roulette, because now JP was sending her several messages a day, asking questions about her about her boyfriend, she didn’t want to be nasty to him, sometimes she would reply, other times she just stayed in silence. JP began to send her messages on a daily basis, several messages a day saying that now that he knew he couldn’t have her, he only thought of her, that he needed her, she was wonderful and that he wanted her. Carolina was confused and happy at the same time for having provoked in him a reaction.
But it didn’t last.
The illusion exploded a few days later when Carolina realized he was like a child trapped in an adult’s body. He act the same way as when child has to many toys, normally neglect who likes least, not playing with it and despises it because he knows that is available on the shelf, but when another child appears showing interest in the toy left on the shelf, he wants the toy back, just because the other child also wants it. It was the same way JP made Carolina felt, if she wasn’t in a relationship right now with Nils he wouldn’t even contact her the way he was doing. If she was still available he wouldn’t show any interest or contact her, but now that he knew she wasn’t available, he was trying to get to her.
Unfortunate for JP, he chooses the wrong way to do it. Carolina knew what he was after, he wanted only sex and walks away after like if nothing happen, he was probably thinking if they had sex once and it w
as nothing more than sex, it wouldn’t hurt continue trying the same thing as before.
He didn’t want her for a relationship, why should he?
He had her already for sex.
She knew he only wanted to use her and then throw away as a sex object again, it was pointless. JP behaviour only made Carolina tried her best to invest in the relationship with Nils. She continued to see Nils which was always charming to her and he was just a man that any woman would want to have, she felt grateful to be the chosen one by Nils. Carolina couldn’t help but feel sad, because unfortunately JP and the whole text conversation would always lead into sex, there was nothing else to explore with him, and he made no effort to be nice to her, he wasn’t romantic or even strove to pursue her.
Like Tess told Carolina:
In his mind, he thinks that the first time was easy to take me to bed, if it was easy the first time it will be easy all other times as well, so he would come always for the same.
JP was dry, cold and direct.
Gradually the relationship with Nils went back to what they had before and she really began to appreciate the moments with him. At this point Carolina began increasingly getting hold mentally of JP whenever she was with Nils, but that didn’t meant she had managed to overcome the incomprehensible feeling she had for JP. She only managed to put him in a small corner in the back of her head, allowing continuing her live and living the best way she could with Nils. JP continued trying to convince her that they had to meet again. At certain point she said him that she wanted to remain only friends, now that she had someone and he needed to respect her decision.
After one month JP says her, he will delete Carolina’s number, because he can’t stop thinking about her, continuing sending her messages that he can’t stop thinking about her, about being inside her again. The only way he could stop sending her messages would be erasing her number, that way he wouldn’t bother her anymore. Now he wanted to stop contact her and delete Carolina’s contact. She didn’t want to continue his text messages the way he was sending them now, but erasing contacts?
THE DEAL: Novel Page 7