She didn’t want to be with him, she didn’t want to see him, nor want to hear his voice again, his words that tore her heart, and she needed a safe distance. She started walking in the opposite direction where JP was, she passed through the palm trees, the white sand reaching the beach on opposite side. The problem is that the island was too small for both as they could see each other no matter where they were and there were almost no blind spots on the island. They could still see each other through the palm trees, there was no privacy if she wanted to hide, and there was no way. When she reached the beach she began to walk from one side to the other, she needed to do something but didn’t know what.
She had a brilliant idea, she saw once in a movie many years ago, people who had been trapped on an island and wrote SOS in the sand to be rescued. Tried to do the same, but the sand was so dry that the letters were not to be noticed from afar. So she decided to get palm leaves and drawing with the leaves letters on the beach. It wasn’t a masterpiece, but if a boat passed nearby the island it was easy to spot the drowned SOS on the sand. Now she needs to do the same thing in all parts of the island. The sun was starting to be very strong so she decided to sit a little bit in the shade of a palm tree looking at the sea, she need to be careful with the skin, she didn’t need a sun burn, she had nothing to soothe the pain on the island, and there was no need to get a sun burn as well. She was so lost in her thoughts admiring the crystal clear water.
"Can I sit here with you?"
Said a voice behind her, forcing Carolina to take a leap and return to the present. Before she could open her mouth to say something, he took the opportunity of her silence as a yes and sat next to her with his legs shrunken and his arms on his knees to contemplate the sea with her.
"This is a really cool place and the water is a delight, have you tried already? But getting all these days without technology, no one to speak to, being here without any interesting people and without be able to have sex, that is a bloody pain in the ass."
Carolina laughed while shaking her head feeling ridiculous to be there. It was not her choice to be there alone with him, she didn’t know how she had end up there for start, and it was not her idea at all.
"I think you will survive a few days without a phone and without messages from your girlfriends to rub your ego. I apologize if you are with me in this end of the world for the next days. I am sorry if you couldn’t make it with somebody more interesting to you and appreciate to spend time with. Regarding sex, you have two hands, I am sure you will not die from hand jobs for a few days"
Announced Carolina with contempt, rising up from the place she was sitting, starting walking to the cabin, leaving him behind. As she was approaching the cabin tears came to her eyes, she was so irritated with him and especially with herself, she didn’t know why she was so angry, but she couldn’t help but care. What have she done to him so nesting to be treated like that? She did nothing! Or was it will be because she did nothing?!
Who the heck does he think he is coming to me with that kind of conversation because I'm nobody to him?
She couldn’t get his words out of her head. When she reached the cabin she needed something to calm her down, but didn’t know what. She thought of a chamomile tea, but it was too hot for that, she couldn’t drink hot tea with the hot weather and didn’t feel like waiting until it cools down.
In the kitchen she opened the doors of the refrigerator and saw a bottle of Italian rosé wine. Looking at it, this was what she needed, fresh wine, an alcoholic drink to numb everything that was happening and to ease the pain in her soul, to ease the hate and love she felt at the same time. She searched for cups finding them easily on top beside the refrigerator. Sitting at the small and solid wood table in the kitchen, she poured the wine glass halfway. She drank it in two gulps. She refilled her glass. She knew if she continued to drink it was not a good sign, because she would be drunk in no time, she had only taken breakfast and this has been many hours ago. She returned again to the refrigerator and searched for something that she could eat. Inside was a silver platter with fish already half baked with potatoes and vegetables, ready to put it in the oven, that’s what she did and sitting back to drink some more wine. More than anything she felt furious with herself, she couldn’t allow someone to treat her as if she didn’t exist, and who treated her with bickering and lessened as a woman.
The man was insensitive, arrogant, with an ego the size of the world thinking he is the best. It seems that he makes on purpose and looks delighted making her feel miserable. Already it smelled at ready food when JP enters the cabin, sitting on the opposite side of the table looking at her, and as if guessing her thoughts he spoke:
"Sorry if I seem insensitive and sometimes even arrogant, and having silly attitudes but I haven’t build what I have today to be a mild man.
I learned early to fight hard in life, I know what life costs”
Making a pause and continuing
“Believe me know. When sometimes I seem to cold and direct, it is because I don’t want people to have any illusions about me.”
Carolina was astounded hearing his words and couldn’t restrain but say:
“I am sure people don’t have any illusions about you”.
He looked down and gives up a little smile, he continued:
“Damn it Carolina! What I am trying to say to you is I don’t want people to suffer for me because the truth is I don’t feel worthy being loved. Anyone who knows me, think and I believe it has to with it, it may have connected to do with what happened to me when I was young, I do not know.
In general I consider myself a good man and I don’t like to hurt people."
Carolina sat still looking at her glass clinking with the tip of the nail at the glass base, remained silent. He expected a reaction from her and she knew it.
Finally she said:
"You don’t have to give me any explanation."
Rising to remove the ready roasted from the oven, showing it to JP:
"Are you hungry? I'll eat something."
"It looks marvellous. I'm starving, sit down, I’ll serve you"
He ordered to Carolina, starting looking for dishes without giving her time to say she could manage herself, she didn’t need any help. He sought in kitchen furniture for dishes, cutlery and a glass for him, to serve from the same wine Carolina was drinking already. Before sitting down he poured a portion for her and one for him, sitting when everything was in place and start eating. When they began to eat both realized how hungry they were, it was certainly the effect of the island air and from the sea and especially the hours that had passed already since last time they had breakfast. When they were almost finishing JP started to initiate conversation:
"You know from the beginning that since we met that was just something sexual, you know it would never be more than that, don’t you?!"
He wanted her to be sure that she understood it. He decided to continue:
"I've always been honest in my words and never deceived you or promised you anything.
If sometimes I act like an idiot is because I don’t want anyone to suffer for me. That’s all."
He was repeating himself just to be sure she understood.
But I also can’t blame me to fall in love with you - Screamed Carolina mentally although she wanted to say it to him, in his face all the suffering he put her through, but again it wasn’t his fault, he had been always straight with her and she knew always what end would come from it, everything else was an illusion she build inside her head. But it wasn’t on purpose. Instead she looked at her almost empty plate without having the courage to look in his eyes. Staying like that for few brief moments. Carolina finally looked up with a halfway fork, putting the fork with the food in her mood, looking at him, decided to put it down again for a moment and then start slowly talking.
She knew what he just said was true, she couldn’t deny it, but the fact that he acknowledged that was and is stupid and insensitive to her, had just climbed
a point in her consideration.
Now she felt guilty for having liked him, but it was an accident, she didn’t want it, it just happened, it was stronger than she was. When she finished chewing, she said:
"I know that the agreement between us was just sex, nothing more. You don’t need to worry about me. You don’t need to repeat yourself I understood everything at first."
He cleared his throat and said:
"We are here on this island alone, with nothing to do, of course I find myself worrying about you.
I want to avoid behaving like an idiot with you, I saw you as a sex object and want to see you as a friend, at least while we are here on this damn island"
The conversation could not have just taken a step forward when I’m on the edge of a cliff - Carolina shouted in despair with her head. She felt the wine to numb her body and clouding her mind, mixing her ideas. At this time she felt like throwing herself on top of him, to sit on his lap for sex. For him to feel her hands on his skin grabbing him and groping him, for him to feel her woman’s smell, kissing him with desire and to feel what the sexual object was able to do to him.
At cost she could resist the urge she felt, the words wanted to come out from her mouth, daring him and without realizing that she was already saying out loud what she was thinking.
"So you don’t see me as a woman, but as a sexual object. I only served to satisfy you, and then you put me in the rubbish because I was an already used item, is that it?"
Hearing these words out of her mouth, Carolina was amazed with herself mainly to see the reaction she made to JP that looked like a kid who has just been reprimanded for having screwed up. He took a deep breath, pushed his plate aside, folded his arms on the table and said looking at her:
"I have to admit that is almost it, you know what motivates a man chasing a woman is taking her to the bed and you were so easy, you didn’t even played hard to get. After having you in my bed, after I achieved my goal, there was nothing left."
She was stunned. He is so brutal honest, that he admits it. She couldn’t hear anything anymore, it was too much. The truth was too much to bear. Struggling with her feelings, she pours the rest of the wine in the glass, got up and left the cabin, walking towards to the beach bed where she had slept the night before as she sat down and took a deep breath. Looking at the sea she drank the last sip of wine, put the glass on the side table and lay on the bed.
The air was hot, but the shade of the awning over it was nice, closed her eyes to enjoy the sound of the sea. When she jumped with JP’s voice:
"Why is it when we are talking you decide to leave, we haven’t finish"
JP said sitting beside her without asking permission to do so.
But who does he think he is?!
Thought Carolina already irritated.
"I don’t see that we have something to talk about. You see, if you are talking to me, you are talking to a sexual object and objects which I am aware of, they don’t talk or answer. Don’t waste your precious time talking to me"
Preparing to get up and go away from him again. JP grabs her arm, forcing her to lie down again pulling her to him, catching her off guard when she was starting to tell him off, as he with an impulse kissed her to shut her up. She tries to punch him briefly in his chest, but she couldn’t resist the longing that she felt from his kisses. Attempts to recover her presence of spirit and with great sacrifice she pushes him away trying to break free, finally saying without knowing if she should be annoyed or happy for being kissed by him:
"Why are you kissing me? If you despise me that much, if I’m not worth anything to you, you shouldn’t even come near me. Don’t think you can have what you want always the way you want just because you have no one to hand on this island. Because on the contrary to what you might think, I am not at all interested in whatever you think about me."
She got up quickly, confused, she thought he didn’t want anything to do with her and strode walking along the beach.
Damn Island is too small it has nowhere to hide. - Cursing her inner gut. She tried to put herself together, after all it was just a kiss, like it was before, and his kisses were delicious and intense as she remembered them. She couldn’t avoid the irritation she feels inside her for kissing him back. He was no idiot, and he would understand that she liked kissing him. A rising anger makes her more irritated, she can’t believe it after everything he says about her, he still kisses her.
It was not fair at all – thought with a mix of emotions.
He remained for a few minutes lying on the beach bed looking at her moving away when he loses sight because the cabin is on the way of the middle of his field of vision, he unconsciously panicked gets up and runs towards her, placing him ahead of her preventing her from keep walking. He tries to relax putting his hands on her shoulders requesting:
"Damn it Carolina, please forgive me for being so rude with you. But the thing is we will be stuck here for a few days, we are two adults who had good sex in the past, and we could enjoy ourselves here, again.”
Blinking his left eye, continuing:
“It was an amazing experience for me, I really enjoyed, why we can’t consider taking advantage of being stuck on this island to explore our sexuality together. Let’s have some fun and make the most of it, because there is so much I would like to explore with you sexually.
It’s true that you aren’t the woman of my dreams, but I really loved our sexual experience.
Bloody hell I have to admit that whenever I come close to you only your smell makes me wake up the desire to kiss you, to hold you in my most primitive instinct.”
He was talking now non-stop, where did that came from?! – wondered Carolina.
“Do you remember of all the fantasies you wrote me? I read them all, when you started to write them for me, I found myself after a few days eager and waiting to get a new story of yours, each one better than the last, it made me feel with a willingness to be with you, you have no clue. I never returned to invite you to be together because I was afraid that I could give you some kind of hope for a relationship. Forgive me if my interest was only sexual"
He ended the sentence with a shameless smile waiting for her to continue this conversation. Carolina thought this was the best joke ever, he was direct, at the same time cold and calculating as ever, but she couldn’t smile, she was too angry. Losing herself from his hands that were still on her shoulders, she walked away from him continuing her way without saying anything. She wasn’t in the mood to hear anything from him anymore and she just needed to walk away right now.
He on other the hand was starting to get frustrated he didn’t knew exactly when the last he had sex, but one thing he was sure, he was getting desperate for her. He needs urgently to kiss, caress and feel a body of any woman or would it be that he was starting to be desperate only for her?!
The kiss she returned to him, that same instant woke on him a carnal desire. He wasn’t sure and it made him starting to be confused if he was longing for Carolina or was just because there was no other woman on the island and he is decided to have sex in the next hours. The proximity to her bothered him, he wanted her sexually from the very beginning and managed to keep her always away because he didn’t wanted her to suffer because of him, he wasn’t ready for a relationship with anyone either. But now there alone with her, he didn’t want to think about the future, he wanted to think about the present, only about today and he knew he needed her desperately.
He returned to the cabin to think of a strategy while leaving her alone in her walk along the beach. Carolina saw that he had apparently given up and saw him going to the cabin, she breathed with relief and slowed her pace. Looked out to sea and decides to get her feet wet, she enters the water, the water it was warm and inviting, she took off her dress and went in. The water was a delight, feeling bathed in that transparent and crystal blue water she felt much better even lighter and cleaner. Swimming, diving and opening her eyes under water trying to see the seabed and all t
he fish. She was surprised because there is great variety of fish, but most of them were very small fishes size like the ones in an aquarium, these were the black and silver not brightly colour stripes that she thought all fish would have in tropical place. The seabed was also devoid of rocks or plants, it had only sand it was the only thing she could see under water.
She couldn’t hold her breath any longer, returning to the surface to breathe and returned diving again. Exhausted of diving, she began to swim in the surface as the water had a pleasant temperature she didn’t felt cold staying in the water as long as she wanted too. Eventually she ended up getting tired of swimming as well and she started walking along the beach with the water only by the ankles, lay down by the water spending time alone until sunset.
After sunset she become conscious how night became so dark, having only the moon as a guide. On the side of the island Carolina as at the moment the moon reflected on the water with an almost neon blue light, it’s was an amazing spectacle. She decides to return to the cabin when it was already full night, when she was approaching the cabin she noticed that lights were out, but it was almost certain that JP was inside.
Maybe he’s sleeping - thought - Even better this way I don’t have to face him again.
She wanted just freshening up with a shower and change clothes, she intended returning to her outdoor bed to sleep as she had done the night before. Reaching the cabin's entrance, going 4 steps up slowly just in case. She was having a bad feeling noticing that there were candles distributed in the porch, tracing a road of candles going straight inside the cabin.
Strange - thought - Is the electric power gone?
She stops at the door before entering the cabin, see’s the path made with lighted candles from the entrance door going all the way to the bedroom. Overcome by curiosity she walks to the bedroom, slowly and quietly, she stopped at the doorway and the first thing she see’s is a perfect heart made of red and white petals on the bed. She knew the petals were not real they were made out of plastic, the same from the day when they awoke for the first time on the island.
THE DEAL: Novel Page 12