THE DEAL: Novel

by Bvlgari, M. F.

  She was confused more than ever, she still didn’t remember anything.

  "But how are babies and where is JP?"

  Insists Carolina confused. The boys look at each other and say:

  "We don’t know what are you talking about, you aren’t pregnant and who is that JP?!"

  Carolina smiled at them still flustered from anaesthesia she continued:

  "Now boys, where is my husband?"

  The boys looked at each other nervous again and without realizing what their mother was saying. They don’t know what to tell her, they weren’t understand anything she was talking about. They noticed that she was confused and they were also getting confused and concerned about her conversation it was making no sense.

  "Mom, we don’t know any JP. You are divorced from our father already 8 years and you never got married again, you never introduced us a boyfriend. What's all this talk of twins and husband? Where that came from?"

  Alex tried to explain to her again, but was getting seriously apprehensive, his mother was very confused. Carolina looked at her hand, waiting to see the rings, but they weren’t there.

  They had likely taken them off at the hospital and keep the rings somewhere in a safe or JP has them?

  She thought.

  But she decides to ask anyway:

  "Where are my rings?"

  The eldest son said he would talk to the nurse to know about the rings and would be right back he will only take a minute. While the other son, Leo was making her taking his hand trying to comfort her and give her another sip of water, Alex went to the nurse because he was seriously concerned about his mother, his mother didn’t look well. He found the nurse who was treating Carolina and explained what was going on.

  "Don’t worry if it seems confusing and even if she tells only nonsense, it is rare to happen but sometimes patients when they wake up from the anaesthesia they are confused and some even have amnesia. As I said it's rare, but it happens.

  We have had cases of patients reporting that they dreamed all the time under the effect of anaesthesia and they say the dream was so vivid that it seemed real.

  Some rare side effects of anaesthesia, but when they happen they are reversible and the patient will return to normal state within 48 hours.

  We have her closely under observation, don’t worry."

  Said the nurse trying to quiets him from his visible worries. A little bit less worried, he returns to her mother’s room with an acceptable explanation for what was happening to his mother when he arrives near her, he explained what the nurse told him, but Carolina doesn’t believe her son.

  She wants to see JP she really needs to talk to him.

  The eldest son starting to get frustrated, takes her hand and with his hand takes it to his head pulling the hair from the forehead back, putting his hands on his hips, and starting to walk from one side to the other going up with his hand again, repeating the process several times.

  "Mom, you are confused from the anaesthesia. While you were numbed you must have dreamed you were married to this JP guy, but the truth is that you aren’t. It was just a dream mother, don’t worry that within 48 hours everything will return to normal."

  That’s what’s everybody was waiting for.

  She turns her head to the side and didn’t want to hear the truth, she just couldn’t believe it, if they said that JP didn’t exist, if everything had been a dream, it had been dream very real for her.

  Now she was trying to put her thoughts in order:

  If I wasn’t married.

  If I never met JP.

  Never had lived happy moments with him.

  And I was not pregnant?!

  Disappointed, sad and confused, uncontrolled tears fall from her face in utter despair. The pain she felt right now from the operation was nothing compared to the pain she felt right now in her chest, she was feeling pressed so hard in her chest as if they were putting 1ton on top of her, smashing her, making her feel short of breath. She wanted to go back to sleep and dream that she was still married to JP, she wanted to continue to live happy with him. Felling terribly tired her eyes start slowly to close and gradually arriving in the world of dreams.

  Without realizing that in the real world she had gone into cardiac arrest. As soon as the machines started beeping, two nurses entered the room, getting one to prepare Carolina to get back again, while the other nurse ran out of the room fetching the hall the defibrillator to revive her again. While the nurses were struggling to bring Carolina back, she returned to JP.

  Carolina and JP walked together in a huge park, hand in hand. In front of them she saw two small children, with same age, they should have only 2 years old, and they ran toward them, the girl with a pink doll rag and the boy with a ball under his arm. The children had golden colour hair with big blue eyes that looked like two spotlights. Carolina took a few seconds to realize where she was.

  JP was talking all excited with her and when she began to hear his voice again and started to understand his words:

  "So what do you think Mrs Bennett of Central Park and New York is it very different from what you had imagine?"

  She replies as if she had never left his side:

  "It's beautiful, everything is magnificent. Discovering the world together is simply marvel. You know how much I love you don’t you? I love you this world, the other world and another half."

  "Only that?! So you just love me half as much as I love you"

  JP said with a laugh teasing her, putting ahead of her, hugging her and kissing her, she hugs him back putting her arms around his neck, handing him a tender and passionate kiss. The children arrived next to their parents rolling up the parents legs. Carolina was happy again, there was no better sensation than to feel loved by the man she loved from the first moment she saw him.

  This feeling was torn when she feels pulled away by her waist by an unseen force. She begins to levitate in the air being pulled slowly away from JP and from the children, getting more and more distant from them in to the sky, flying direction to the clouds, rising skyward, high, and higher away from JP and the twins. She tries to grab him with her hands to hold on him, to hold on to happiness, but she can’t help but being pushed away, because the invisible force is stronger than her. She is faced with all her strength struggling to break off and return to them, she didn’t want to go away from him and the children, but they are increasingly distant as she goes up, and up.

  JP see’s her being pulled away, tried to hold on her, grab her hands as much as he could, but the invisible force was stronger than both, when he was forced to let her go he still with his arms in the air straight at her, begging her to come back, screaming in despair for her to stay with him, falling to his knees desolate in the ground as she continues to distance herself. He screams over and over again for her to return.

  The small children are confused as they don’t understand what is happening and cling to his father crying on the floor, with fear and perplexity seeing their mum moving away in the air like a bird in the sky and their father crying for her. All together they beg for her return, but she continues rises high, too high when it was only a small dot in the sky.

  But she is gone. And they are gone.

  This is the last thing Carolina sees from above when she returns to the hospital room. Nurses are able to stabilize her, ensuring her sons that she would be fine and that now she needs some rest, they should go home and do the same. After being medicated Carolina was still monitored, left alone in the bedroom to rest, but she can’t sleep, sadness took over her and she cries for hours in silence, tears ran down her watering face, soaking the sheets. With red and swollen eyes from rubbing her fingers and wiping the tears with the back of the hands, she can’t help to enters in a deep unhappiness, despite the confusion she is in as well.

  Carolina wants to fall asleep hoping to return to JP, she could only fall asleep is was already dawn. She sleeps agitated, but she doesn’t dream about JP, he doesn’t come back to her.

>   The next day, Alex and Leo return to the hospital with a bouquet of red velvet roses, mother's favourite flowers. They are hopeful that their mother continues to recover from what had happened the day before, they had been very frightened, beyond mum came into cardiac arrest without medical explanation, was all that confusion in her head, all that talk about being married to a man they have no idea who he was and that she would be pregnant with twins, it was just terrifying not knowing how they could help mum.

  When the boys enter the room they see a very pale mother, her eyes were red from crying, arriving next to the bed they embraced her and asked concerned how she felt.

  "I’m feeling better today, thanks"

  "Mum, you were crying?"

  Asked Leo concerned about his mother's well-being.

  "It was just a reaction to all the confusion, but I'm better today, there is nothing to worry about"

  She tried to reassure them because she wanted to convince herself as well that she would be better, that one day she could get over JP. When her sons talked with the doctor, he confirmed that she was out of danger and was recovering well, having spent the night well and the confusion of anaesthesia had passed almost entirely. If she continued recovering well, the doctors saw no need for her to stay in the hospital much longer. Carolina knew she was recovering well from the surgery, but she knew she was not recovering from the shock of knowing about JP, she knew something was not right, she was different. She feels incredibly sad, she doesn’t want to live and she doesn’t have strength to change that, not even to talk with the doctor about it. Carolina stayed two more days in the hospital and was discharged when the boys helped her to get home, still concerned to get the mother with all the care she deserved.

  At home with the children, she noticed the apartment was beautiful and everything clean, she knew most of the work had been from the cleaning lady that had passed there in the morning, as she usual use to do from Monday to Friday. But the flowers around the house, it had been Leo's work, he's the one who likes to offer flowers to his mother because he knows that she loves it, and he made her this surprise.

  Physically by the end of one week Carolina was ready to return to work. However psychologically he wasn’t feeling very well at all, she felt sad, depressed and despite all the love and affection the boys gave her she could avoid but feeling miserable. Life was like it had always been before the operation dedicating her life to her sons, went to work, meeting up with some friends for dinner and went only to the most important events during the week. The way she felt well was shut at home all weekend alone, she didn’t want to see or talk to anyone. She used to stay the entire weekend alone lying in bed or sitting on the couch watching TV. Most of the time she was not even watching TV, she almost didn’t paid attention to her favourite series, she find herself looking into infinity, remembering the dream over and over again, that seemed so intense of feelings and felt so absurdly real.

  She revisited in her memory the dream to the detail over and over again she just can’t help it, when she was distracted she was already dreaming awake. The dream she had under the effects of anaesthesia was exactly what she was searching in her life, she thought she had found with the father of her sons at the time she got married, but as soon she had the second son he started to give more importance to his friends then to his own family, leaving them night over night alone at home and going out to be with his friends, it came a day she decided that she was better alone, but she never give on hoping to find one day one man who cared genuinely for her and could be a real family man. The dream she had was what she wanted a long time, and it had been hidden in her unconscious all this time, making her aware and know exactly what she needed to look for, she needed to search for JP.

  She felt the dream as if it was for real, her pain was real, she had never really been aware that she needed something more in her life to complete her happiness until the day she woke up from the surgery. She wanted to find a man in real life to make her vibrate with passion like JP because she wanted to be loved by a man like JP learned to love her in the dream.

  Carolina couldn’t forget the man from her dream and she couldn’t forget how he looked at her with his intense blue eyes. When she was concentrated in her thoughts she could see the way he looked at her, she could almost feel his kisses on her lips and she could swore that she could often smell him around her. She knew it was her mind tricking her and none of this was real, but when she was away in her thoughts it seemed all so true. Realizing that what she had lived in the dream had been as intense and authentic as if she felt his loss in real life, as if he had existed in her life.

  It took weeks, months and Carolina was still feeling that unsettling unhappiness craving for someone who never existed, missing someone who never real touched her, grieving for someone who didn’t died. Time was passing, but she continued whenever she had a spare minute absented remembering all times with JP, especially when they share that wonderful love they lived together, and when she feels that full happiness she longed for him, she misses him badly. Over the months the memories are no longer as sharp as they were after the surgery and colours were now less vibrant as they were before.

  Now she wanted to remember how they had met in the dream but she couldn’t. Her sons seeing her every day with that sadness engraved on her face, they didn’t know what to do and in an attempt to cheer her, they installed a dating application on her phone. A flash of memory appears in Carolina’s mind and she remembers right now how exactly she met JP!

  It was through that application that in her dream she had meet JP! She wasted no time and began her quest to find JP in that application, she didn’t sleep that night in a constant search for him. She knew she was crazy running all those pictures looking for him, but she had nothing to lose. Like in the dream he could be real and he could be out there, she just needed to look for him. Already early in the morning, the photos and the names started to repeat and were the same from the beginning when she started. Disappointed Carolina gave up tired and fell asleep.

  In the following days Carolina continued her search in the application for JP, without finding him. The hopes that she had deposited to find him now in real life through the application had revived the memory of all moments that she had lived in another world. If he was out there she was determinate to find him, she had to find him urgently before sadness took over her forever.

  After a few days the relentless pursuit with little hope had faded and sadness ends up taking over her again.

  She strives to not succumb to the misery that plagues her on a daily basis, accepting with all her strengths all invitations available for events and dinners, in order to get distracted and leave the obsession of trying to find him behind. Unwittingly finds herself trying to compare all men to JP, but none are like him, none has the same effect as JP had on her. It was difficult to move on when she knew exactly what she was looking for in her life and couldn’t find it.

  Hope is always the last thing to die

  One of the events she went she was introduced to Tess, and as a déjà vu, she remembers that in the dream Tess had been the one who tried to set a meeting with JP.

  And if she could do it again?!

  Carolina sees hope again, and all her life started to be seen in colour again, putting all her faith in Tess.

  Could she in real life find him for me? It was certainly worth to try.

  It was the first thought that came to her mind immediately getting excited about the idea, a feeling that she has long forgotten. She wanted to believe Tess could safe her from her misery. Carolina couldn’t help it but feeling happy and hopeful, because if Tess existed in real life, so could JP exist as well. Tess was exactly the same person as in the dream and she was really famous for bringing together the most unlikely couples and Tess continued to expand her success bring up couples very successfully. So Carolina had all interest to talk to Tess, they started talking during the event, at first general conversation, when Tess asked Carolina if she
had a boyfriend or was married, and Carolina said no, Tess didn’t loss time and asked her if she was interested to find the man of her dreams.

  Tess never waste time, she is always looking for new clients, she initiate questioning Carolina bluntly, a little flustered Carolina says she hasn’t had time to meet any interesting men, but the idea of hiring someone to help her to find the perfect match it seems right now an excellent idea. But she couldn’t give it away what she was thinking but she couldn’t tell Tess that she was looking just for one man specifically and if he was out there Tess was her best chance to find him. But if he didn’t existed she could try to find someone who could be very similar to him, that was possible, wasn’t it?

  Carolina’s mind lightened all up of hope. In fact she thought it was time to move on and stop thinking about the madness to continue looking for someone that probably doesn’t exist. Tess being real doesn’t mean JP was real as well she needed at all cost keep her feet on earth. Carolina didn’t want to talk about JP to Tess because she hadn’t spoken about him to anyone of fear that no one would believe in her story, people would probably starting saying instead that she could be crazy or be lying.

  When Tess asks Carolina to describe what she wants from a man, how she view herself with another man in 10 years, her goals for herself, what goals should they have together as a couple and how need that man looks like. Therefore to Tess request Carolina describes the man she idealizes to stay until the end of her days, while making a detailed description of him, based on the physical and psychological description of JP the best she could. Carolina someone very similar to him and if JP existed, she wanted him. When Tess hears all what Carolina has to say, she gives Carolina a very open smile, and enthusiastically Tess tells her immediately:

  "My dear Carolina, you are a lucky girl I have someone who you can be interested in, he is everything you described me. Believe it or not, but I’ve been looking for someone like you to introduce my client. He was very specific in who he was looking for. I will send all his info by e-mail for you to see and then give me your feedback, is that okay for you? If you like what you read, I will book a date with him!"