Something Like Happy

by Sasha Greene

  Nick lay on his bed, fiddling with his watch. The whole thing today had just seemed surreal. That girl – Jade – appearing out of nowhere, just at the time when he was at his lowest point. He knew his mother would say God had sent her, if he talked to her about it. He wasn’t so sure about God as his mother was, although he did sometimes wish it was all that easy. It would be so nice to be certain that all of his life was this way for a reason. But that was one of the problems. He couldn’t speak to his parents about this. Didn’t want them to worry about him.

  Plus, if he was really honest, he was a bit frustrated with them too. He tried to go back home as often as he could, but his parents hadn’t been to visit him since the day they’d helped him move here. Sure, they were busy, but couldn’t they at least take a couple of days off every now and again? He had even offered to take some days off during the week, but his mother would mutter about mounting costs and bills, and his father would just be vague as usual. It almost seemed like they didn’t really care about him now that he was far away.

  And Jamie too. His best friend was always happy to see him when he went home but hadn’t bothered to come down and visit either. So, the last time Nick had been home was Christmas, and it was hard to keep making an effort when the feelings just weren’t returned.

  He ran his hands through his hair. It wasn’t even a year ago that he had come to Glasgow. So full of hope that the big city would offer a good time and some new friends. Fort William was a great place for the outdoors, but the night life wasn’t exactly buzzing, and he had been looking forward to doing a whole host of new things. So where had it all gone so wrong? What had happened in a year to bring him so low? It wasn’t anything specific really. More a series of small individual events that had finally driven home to him just how lonely he was. But actually, he could maybe pinpoint a couple of things that had been really pivotal. The walking group was one of them …

  Nick stared at his computer screen. He was going crazy. Six months in Glasgow and he still hadn’t made any friends. None of his colleagues were even vaguely into the same things as he was. And that football club had just been full of students.

  Scrolling through a web page, he finally found what he wanted. A walking group. It would be great to get out into the mountains again and this one looked very popular. It would be a good chance to meet some people who also liked walking. They had a walk planned this Saturday, so he signed up immediately, full of excitement.

  Friday night he checked the weather. Beautiful sunshine. It couldn’t be better. The next morning bright and early he strapped on his walking boots, took his rucksack from behind the door where he had packed it the night before and set off to the station. He had brought his map just in case, although it looked like the organisers were very experienced. That was great. It meant that he could just relax and get to know the people in the group as they walked along. He rubbed his palms together, feeling a small twist of excitement at the thought of getting out into the countryside again.

  When he got off the train at Helensburgh it was obvious who he should meet. A group of eight or nine people in outdoor clothes were standing around in the car park, and they were joined by some more people who had been on the train. Most of them looked like they were retired, but there were a couple of people who looked closer to his own age. He summoned his courage and went up to them. He had to start somewhere.

  ‘Hi. My name’s Nick.’ He held out his hand to one of the younger men, who was dressed in black walking gear.

  ‘Tony,’ the man said, grasping Nick’s hand firmly. ‘And this is Bill.’ He indicated the other younger man, who was sporting a very impressive beard above his warm red jacket. ‘We’re the leaders of the group.’

  The other members introduced themselves. They all seemed very friendly and Nick felt his spirits lift. By the time they left the station there must have been at least twenty people with them. They walked up the road and out of the town. The sunshine seemed to be making everyone happy.

  Nick found himself chatting to one of the older men, who said that he had joined the group when he retired. Apparently, Tony and Bill had only recently taken over the group after the previous leader had left. ‘We’re very lucky to have them,’ the man said. ‘They’re both qualified as mountain leaders.’

  Nick felt a surge of happiness. He was back doing something he really enjoyed. They stopped for lunch on the top of a hill, sitting on a rocky outcrop of stone, and everybody exclaimed at the view all the way across the river. Some of the less fit people were congratulating themselves about managing the climb.

  Nick took out his sandwich. The view was truly spectacular, and he could hear the singing of a skylark. He let out a deep breath, and then breathed in the freshness of the air. He was back where he belonged and days like this were just what he needed.

  Glancing over to the west, he could see a front of cloud which looked pretty nasty. He gestured to Tony and Bill, who were sat not far away. ‘What do you think about that?’ He pointed at the cloud.

  Bill looked over at it and shrugged. ‘Not an issue. The forecast says we’ll be long gone by the time that arrives.’

  Nick wasn’t sure. He had learned from painful experience that you couldn’t take things like that for granted. As the group finished their lunch and started slowly down the far side of the hill, he kept glancing over his shoulder, still worried about the weather. About half the people didn’t have waterproof trousers. And a couple of them didn’t even have waterproof jackets. If that cloud rained down on them, they would be soaked to the skin in seconds.

  And sure enough, an hour later the cloud was upon them, and a few minutes after that it started to rain miserably. The cloud was so thick they could barely see ten metres in front of them. Nick felt for his compass in his pocket, just to reassure himself. If they got into trouble in the mist then they might just need it. And his fancy GPS watch that his parents had given him last Christmas. He had been ecstatic when he had unwrapped it and grateful to his parents – those things were so expensive, and they really couldn’t afford it.

  Bill and Tony gathered the group around them. ‘OK guys, we have to stick together. Keep sight of the person in front of you and check you can still see the person behind. The path is really clear, so we shouldn’t have any problems.’ They produced ponchos from their bags for the two without coats, which impressed Nick. Clearly these two made sure they planned ahead.

  They trudged on, conversation less forthcoming now as they squelched through the mud. Nick had his head down, water dripping off the hood of his coat, and didn’t see the fork until he was almost on it. The people ahead of him had taken the right fork, which was the logical direction to turn back towards Helensburgh, but something just niggled at him. He lifted his map case and wiped the drops off it, so he could study it carefully. Yes, that was it. The bridge …

  He hadn’t realised that he had stopped walking until he heard a small noise of surprise from the person walking behind him. Ahead the group members that he could see had stopped, obviously wondering what had happened. They came trickling slowly back in twos and threes, looking worried.

  Bill came striding over. ‘What’s up?’

  Nick pointed at the map. ‘I think we should take the left fork. It leads down to a bridge and we can take this as a short cut.’ He indicated a lane on the map. ‘The other way will take us at least two hours more than that.’

  Bill snorted. ‘That would be true if we were there. But we’re not.’ He pointed at a fork much further back on the map. ‘We’re here. So we take the right fork here, and the left fork later on.’

  Nick felt the colour coming into his face. Of course. He had misread the map. What a stupid thing to do. But … he studied the map again. He could have sworn that they passed that hill just before the clouds came down. His instincts were screaming at him and he just knew he was right. If it was just him, in his nice warm waterproof mountain gear, he wouldn’t have minded. But a couple of the group were starting to s
hiver, especially since they had stopped, and he felt like he had a responsibility to them.

  ‘Come on, Tony,’ he said. ‘Back me up on this one. We passed that turn ages ago.’

  Tony shook his head, not even bothering to look at the map. ‘No, Bill’s spot on. Right fork is the way to go.’

  Nick felt his face flame red. What should he do now? He was so convinced he was right, but what if he wasn’t? Was it worthwhile standing up for, just to get back a couple of hours earlier?

  He looked at the group clustered around them. An extra two hours for some of them would make a big difference in this rain.

  He grabbed Bill by the arm and steered him away from the watchful eyes. ‘Look, you know we passed that fork not long after lunch,’ he said, careful to keep his voice lowered so no one else could hear him. He had spoken without thinking, and the last thing he had intended was for this to become a public battle of wills.

  Bill looked him up and down scornfully. ‘Tell you what, we’ll split up the group. You take half of them your way, and we’ll go the right way. We’ll meet at the café by the station and see who gets there first. Losers pay the bill.’

  Nick felt like he had no other choice but to accept. Now all he had to do was make sure that all the less able people in the group somehow came with him. What had meant to be a fun day out had suddenly turned into a stressful situation, but that was OK. Growing up in the mountains had got him used to dealing with what the weather threw at you. If only dealing with people was so easy.

  The group split fairly amicably into two. Nick was happy to see that the two without proper coats were coming with him. Or had Bill and Tony engineered that specially? He didn’t want to think about that possibility. Best just to believe the best of people. It was always his approach to life.

  During the walk back the clouds cleared, but a stiff wind started up, and Nick was glad when they got to the café and he could have a hot cup of tea. There was no sign of the others though. Not that he should have been surprised. He couldn’t feel elation at the fact he was right. Not when half the group was still out on the mountainside somewhere.

  It was almost an hour and a half later when the other half of the group trudged in, looking weary and very muddy. However, some seemed excited by the experience, talking about massive bogs they had been forced to cross and fences that had to be climbed. Bill and Tony just sat in a corner with their coffees, not looking at Nick. He decided he would leave and let them get on with it. It was their group after all. But not before a couple of people gave him hugs and thanks and said they would post their pictures on the group site.

  That night he considered the experience. Not great, he thought, but not a disaster. He found himself suddenly looking forward to the next walk. It was a bit of an eclectic group, but they were all very nice. Even Bill and Tony had just made an honest mistake. He reached for his phone. He would just see if anyone had posted any pictures yet.

  But for some reason, he couldn’t get into the group. He could see it, but he no longer seemed to be a member. He sank back on the couch in bewilderment. It must be Bill and Tony.

  A message to the website support returned the information two days later that he had been blocked from the group for ‘inappropriate behaviour’. The email that he received gave the impression that he had been lucky not to have been blocked from the entire site, so heinous was the nature of his supposed crimes. When he saw the email, he felt a surge of anger and his hands clenched. He started putting together an angry reply to the site moderator. But then the anger died away, and he felt a wave of sadness wash over him. If they didn’t want him, then he would just move on. Find something else to do with his time.

  He did have a look for other walking groups online, but there didn’t seem to be anything else that was really what he was looking for. His experience with the first one had made him cautious of anything that seemed even vaguely competitive. And as the winter blew in then it didn’t really seem to be something that anyone wanted to do anyway.

  * * *

  The thought of meeting Jade sustained Nick through work all week. When Saturday came he was so desperate not to be late that he took an earlier train and got there twenty-five minutes ahead of time. A bitter wind forced him into a cafe not far from the station, where he kept repeatedly checking his watch, paranoid that he would miss her.

  He needn’t have worried. At precisely one minute to ten she strolled up, dressed in her usual red coat. There was still no hat, but her hair was tamed into a beautiful long plait that ran half-way down her back. The sparkly green flashed in and out of the braid at surprising intervals.

  ‘Wow, you look half-presentable,’ he joked, suddenly feeling nervous. ‘Are we going somewhere special?’

  Jade gestured in the direction that she wanted them to go and linked her arm through his as they walked, a move that surprised him. She had seemed so remote the day when they first met. Almost alien.

  ‘Lily likes to see my hair like this.’ She looked up at him with a smile, touching it with her other hand.

  It was the first time he had seen her properly smile, he realised, and he was completely blown away. He knew it was a cliché, but it really did transform her face. She did look better than when they first met, he thought, sneaking a glance at her when she wasn’t looking. The dark smudges under her eyes were less prominent, and there was a bit of a glow in her cheeks. Although she could just be wearing makeup. Was that a hint of gloss on her lips?

  ‘So who’s Lily?’ he asked, suddenly remembering what Jade had said.

  Jade smiled again. ‘You’ll meet her. Today. We’re going to see them all.’

  ‘Them?’ Nick couldn’t help feeling a bit lost. Or was he just distracted by the woman walking along beside him?

  She just laughed, squeezed his arm and increased her pace, dragging him across a junction and down a side street. She stopped in front of a large two-storey brick-built building.

  ‘Sunnyside Retirement Home,’ Nick read off the sign.

  ‘I started coming here a couple of years ago. It started just as a way to give a bit back to the community. And then I met Lily.’

  ‘She must be someone pretty special.’ Nick could see the faint smile that played over her mouth and made his deductions from that. ‘I’m looking forward to meeting her.’

  ‘Oh, you will.’ Jade took his elbow and steered him through the double doors. ‘But I also want you to meet Archie.’

  ‘I think I’m just going to go with it and not ask any more questions.’ Nick couldn’t help a smile starting on his own face.

  A friendly woman dressed in pink hospital scrubs greeted them from behind the reception desk. Nick noticed that she was wearing fluffy pink earrings to match. Despite her clothes the entrance hall looked nothing like a hospital. Two big blue comfy chairs stood ready for anyone who was waiting, and there were modern-looking photos of Glasgow landmarks around the walls. It smelled clean and fresh, and there was no hint of disinfectant.

  ‘Hi Sandra, this is Nick,’ Jade said. ‘I’ve brought him along to help out today.’

  The woman looked him up and down in an appraising manner, but not unkindly. ‘Hope you have big muscles,’ she said. ‘Clive’s just called to say he’s got the flu, so we’ll be needing someone to push Archie.’

  Nick was really starting to wonder what kind of crazy scheme he had got himself in for. ‘Just what is it we’re supposed to be doing today?’

  ‘Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you.’ Jade was unrepentant. ‘We’re taking a group of these people to the Riverside Museum.’

  ‘And just how are we going to do that?’ Nick had a crazy vision of trying to get a big group of wheelchairs onto the train while other passengers cursed the delays they were making.

  Jade laughed, her eyes lighting up. ‘Just relax and go with the flow. Loosen up. It’s all been planned.’

  They turned down the corridor into what was obviously some type of lounge. About fifteen people sat around on dark grey
sofas and comfy chairs. But, just like the entrance hall, this was no depressing beigey communal living space. Bright pictures decorated the walls, and hand-made cushions were scattered on the sofas. Lovely arrangements of fresh flowers were dotted around, giving off beautiful scents.

  ‘That’s Sandra’s work,’ Jade said, seeing him looking. ‘She was a florist before she came here.’

  Jade seemed to know everyone, and she introduced him, although Nick quickly lost track of all the names. Two of them she kept for last, though, and Nick knew this must be Lily and Archie.

  Archie was sitting in a wheelchair beside Lily, hunched over slightly. He had a massive hooked nose and chin under a large mop of messy white hair, and his face looked like someone who had spent a lot of time outside in his life. He reminded Nick of his grandfather actually. What he could remember of him.

  ‘This is Archie,’ Jade made a gesture with her hand, ‘and this is Lily.’ She smiled at the older woman and gave her a warm hug in greeting. ‘They’re not married, although you could be forgiven for thinking that.’

  ‘Never have been, and never will be.’ Archie’s tone was gruff, but looking closer Nick could see his eyes were twinkling.

  Nick was surprised to see that Archie was smartly dressed in shirt and tie with a bright red jumper.

  Archie must have seen his expression, because the old man reached out and put a hand on Jade’s arm. ‘Your young man there seems to be surprised that we’re all spruced up for today. What did you expect? A group of lolling, drooling imbeciles?’ He waved an arm in the air and made a face that was clearly meant to be an imitation of his words.

  ‘Oh hush, Archie.’ Lily spoke for the first time. ‘Stop with your antics and be kind to the young man. Otherwise they’ll leave you here without anyone to push you around. And you know how much you’re looking forward to that new tram they’ve bought recently.’