20 Shades of Shifters_A Paranormal Romance Collection

by Demelza Carlton

  “She means so much to you?” Gabriel asked.

  He nodded. “I love her, and I betrayed her. This is all I can offer.”

  They were silent for long minutes. Finn’s fists clenched at his side. He had no clue which way this would go. Finally, Gabriel gave a small nod. “I think it can be done.”

  He closed his eyes, the strength flowing out of him, and he almost sagged against the table. Someone’s hand rested on his shoulder from behind. Torr. Would it happen now? Or would Gabriel allow him to say good-bye? He was working himself up to begging when the archangel spoke again.

  “There is of course something you must understand,” Gabriel said.

  He forced himself to look up and into the angel’s eyes. Was that pity he saw there? A sense of foreboding washed over him.

  He swallowed. “What’s that?”

  “That the sacrifice you make is not your sacrifice alone.”

  “It’s not?” He wanted to get up and walk out now. While he was ahead. Wanted to put his hands over his ears like a child. Instead, he sat there, unmoving. “Tell me.”

  “Your wolves are created from your power, and that came from Lilith. Once you die, that power will be no more.”

  “They will no longer be werewolves?” He sensed Dawson take a step closer.

  “The moment your life ends, the power that sustains them will be lost forever, and they will cease to exist. They will die.”

  “No.”

  Thousands dead. Because of him. All because of one fucked-up decision he had made so long ago. He couldn’t make his brain function to think through it. Friends. Men he’d worked with.

  Gabriel rose to his feet. “I’m sorry. This may change things. You have until the end of the five days. Contact me before then if you wish for your woman’s life.”

  And he was gone.

  Chapter 20

  Rachel spent the morning in the apartment with Jacob. He was itching to get outside, but she wanted to wait for Finn.

  Soon she would go home—maybe—and she wanted, needed, to spend as much time as she could with him.

  But the waiting was driving her crazy. She couldn’t settle. She was still in the dressing gown, and she went through to the bedroom and searched through the clothes. Black panties and a matching bra, jeans and a red T-shirt. Perfect for the scarlet woman she was fast becoming. She slipped her feet into sandals and was ready to go.

  She made Jacob some lunch, but couldn’t eat anything herself. Afterward, Jacob curled up on the sofa, his wolfy wrapped in his arms, watching cartoons on television—a novelty for him—and dozing.

  Finally, there was a light tap on the door. He didn’t wait for her to answer, but opened it and stepped into the room. He came straight toward where she stood staring out the window, took her in his arms, and kissed her.

  There was a sense of desperation to his touch, his hands cupping her face, his fingers threading her hair as though he would never let her go.

  Finally, they ran out of oxygen, and he raised his head and stared down into her face. His eyes were dark, like storm clouds, restless.

  “What’s happened?” she asked.

  He took a deep breath, and some of the tension drained from him. “Nothing important. Just something I have to think about.” He looped a strand of her hair behind her ears, lowered his head and kissed her on the cheek.

  “Mom.” At Jacob’s sleepy voice, she turned around. He was sitting up, his thumb in his mouth, looking at the two of them. “Are we going to see the president now?”

  She looked at Finn, not wanting to say yes if he had other, more important things to do. He’d said nothing important, but intuition told her he was fighting some sort of internal battle. And losing.

  But he nodded. “Of course. Let’s go and be tourists for a few hours.”

  “Yay!” Jacob jumped up. He was wearing clothes Phoebe had brought for him, blue jeans and a T-shirt with Spider-Man on the front. He looked cute, and like all the other kids she had seen around the city. It made her wonder about the rightness of returning him to Haven. She’d always loved it, but never truly believed in their philosophies. It was the closeness to nature that she’d enjoyed. But was that enough for Jacob? He was a bright boy. Maybe he deserved more options.

  But how would she live in the normal world? She had no formal qualifications. What sort of job could she expect to get? How could she earn enough to support them? And did she want to leave Papi? He was their only relative now. Well, if you discounted her other grandfather, and she thought that was for the best. Just put the senator from her mind and pretend he didn’t exist.

  And what about Finn? She was scared to think of the future. Last night had been beyond imagining. She knew he had feelings for her, suspected they were deep, but still had no clue why. And he couldn’t or wouldn’t tell her. She was getting fed up of that answer.

  Last night had been no one-night stand. It had meant something to both of them. But again, she had no clue what.

  Finn lifted Jacob by the waist and swung him around, and Jacob squealed with glee.

  He was a reserved child, but he had taken to Finn. Her son looked happy.

  So she would put aside her worries for now. There would be time to think about what to do next when Finn told her it was safe to go home, and the senator was no longer a threat to her and her son.

  They spent the afternoon wandering the city. They showed Jacob the White House, the Lincoln Memorial. They walked in the park by the water, under the cherry trees. They all held hands, and she felt like a family. Finn seemed to have put his distraction aside and was good company, chatting to Jacob—telling him about everything they saw. It was a beautiful day and easy to forget about the decisions that would soon need making.

  The streets were busy, but at some point, Rachel became aware they were being watched—it was a familiar feeling. She didn’t see the watchers; it was more a feeling than a seeing. She could sense their eyes on her, but when she glanced around, there was nothing.

  As the sun was going down, they found a restaurant for dinner. She was starving, and they had burgers and ice cream. Afterward, as they came out on the street, Jacob yawned. He was done in.

  “I think he needs his bed,” she whispered to Finn. If Jacob heard, he was sure to argue the point.

  “I’ll call a car to take us back.”

  They found a bench on the edge of a square of grass and sat down to wait. Again, she got the feeling of being watched. She searched the area and found a man standing in the shadows between streetlights. When he caught her gaze, he nodded and headed toward them slowly. Tall with black hair and blue eyes.

  She turned to Finn, he was watching the man with narrowed eyes, but didn’t do anything to prevent his approach. He walked with an easy grace, and something flickered behind his eyes.

  Wolf.

  The word whispered through her mind. There were wolves in the city?

  He came to a halt in front of her. She took Jacob’s hand in hers and pushed herself to her feet, though she felt no immediate threat.

  He was studying her, head cocked to one side. “I just wanted to meet the woman who might mean the end of my people.”

  The words made no sense. She didn’t even know who he was, let alone who his people were. Did he mean werewolves? She opened her mouth to ask when a low, menacing growl came from beside her.

  “Leave it, Dawson,” Finn said.

  The man’s attention flickered from her to Finn. “Does she know?” he asked.

  “She knows nothing.”

  “And don’t you think she has the right to know? Would she want this?”

  “She’ll never know.”

  “Goddamn it, Finn. You can’t do this.”

  “I don’t have a choice.”

  “There’s always a choice. Fucking find it.” He turned back to her. “Ask him. Ask him what your life is worth.” And he whirled around and stalked away. As he left, Rachel saw the others, watching from all around them.


  A big black SUV pulled up at that moment, and the door opened. Finn lifted Jacob into the back.

  Rachel was still watching Dawson walk away. The others fell in behind him. Men and women. Who were they? She was pretty sure she’d never seen them in her life.

  “Get in, Rachel.” Finn’s tone was harsh. She had never heard him speak like that. Certainly not to her. But right now, she wanted Jacob away from here. While she’d felt no immediate threat from the man, she sensed he wanted something from her. Something she wasn’t aware of, and which, seemingly, Finn did not want her to give.

  A week ago, her life had been so simple.

  Now, nothing made sense.

  She helped Jacob fasten his seatbelt as Finn climbed in beside her, and the car pulled away. She wanted to ask what that had been about, who was Dawson, what should Finn be telling her? But at the same time, she knew it wasn’t a conversation to have in front of Jacob, so she clasped her hands on her lap and held her lips tightly together.

  When Finn rested his hand on hers, she glanced up at his face. She wanted answers, but he looked so troubled and sad that she couldn’t resist him, and she slid her palm into his and rested her head on his shoulder.

  Whatever it was, he was struggling with a dilemma, and it wasn’t an easy one. But it clearly concerned her, and that made it her business.

  The car dropped them off in front of the building. Finn picked up Jacob and carried him inside, her little boy snuggling up against the big man as though he belonged there. She led the way back to the apartment and into the second bedroom. As she pulled back the covers on the bed, he laid Jacob down. He was fast asleep, and she kissed him on the forehead. Then pulled up the covers.

  When she turned, she found Finn leaning in the doorway, watching them, his face expressionless. She followed him back out into the sitting room. Part of her wanted to confront him, somehow make him tell her what was going on. Who and what he was. There was so much she didn’t understand. But another part of her just wanted to comfort him. Hold him and make the pain go away. But she sensed that was beyond her.

  As she opened her mouth, he lowered his head and kissed her. For a long time, then rested his forehead against hers.

  “Just give me a little time,” he said. “Before we talk. There are things I can’t tell you. And maybe things I can. I just don’t know which is which anymore. And whatever I do, I know I’m going to lose you. Please, just for a little while, can we pretend? Let me hold you.”

  She exhaled, letting out the tension with her breath, and gave a small nod.

  He kissed her again, and then slid his arms around her and picked her up, sinking down onto the sofa, holding her in his lap. He rested back against the leather and shut his eyes, and she snuggled close to him.

  He’d saved her life. He’d rescued Jacob. She trusted him to make the right decision. Almost all her life, he’d looked after her. Whatever was going on, he would do what was best.

  Like Jacob, she was exhausted both mentally and physically. She closed her eyes and safe in his arms, allowed sleep to drag her under. This time, there were no nightmares waiting.

  Just an angel who loved her.

  If he let things run their course, at the end of the five days, Rachel would die. Pain stabbed him in the heart at the thought. That was never meant to happen.

  He would have a few more years of freedom, but at the end of the thousand years, his allegiance would revert to Lilith. He would effectively be under her control. As would his wolves. God knows what chaos she would turn them to. Most of them weren’t evil, but neither were they good. And what freedom would they have? Would they prefer an existence under Lilith’s control to no existence at all?

  Finn had always planned to have Torr end his life when the Covenant drew to a close. It had never occurred to him that his death would result in the death of all his wolves. He didn’t even know the numbers. With the exception of Brandon—who he’d come across close to death on a World War 1 battlefield—he hadn’t changed anyone since the Covenant began, but the alphas possessed the power to change men into wolves. There must be thousands spread across the globe. Some, like Brandon, whose pack had looked over Rachel all these years, had become friends. Other worked for Stormlord Securities and had watched his back on missions. And now he planned to betray them all.

  He was good at that.

  Dawson’s words echoed in his head. Tell her. But if he told her, he would be in violation of the Covenant, and her life would be forfeit. And If he didn’t tell her, at the end of the five days her life would be over anyway.

  He slipped his arms from around her. Outside the window, lightning flashed in the dark sky. A storm was coming, and he drew the curtains so she could sleep in peace. He felt restless, as though his skin was too tight. He needed to get out and run.

  He gave her a last, lingering look as he stood at the door. Even in sleep a little frown made a line between her arched brows. Was she dreaming again? Reliving that first death, over and over. She was such a good person. He’d been an angel, but he’d never felt that he deserved her love.

  He had one chance to save her, but at a price she would never want to pay.

  For the first time, he doubted his resolve.

  When it had been just his death, he had never questioned his decision. His life for hers. He owed her. But what right did he have to trade the lives of others.

  It seemed like everything he’d believed for so long was dissolving before his eyes. A howl rose up inside him, and he clamped it down. He couldn’t face her right now. When his mind was in such turmoil.

  He took the elevator down to the basement and picked up a car. He needed out of the city. He drove along the Baltimore-Washington Parkway for nearly an hour, the rain heavy now, before finally pulling up in the Patuxent refuge. This was the nearest he could get to wilderness, so close to the city. After parking the car, he headed into the trees, ignoring the driving rain. Lightning flashed as he dropped to all fours and the change came over him. Then he ran, weaving between the trees, his pads making no sound on the soft earth. Thunder rumbled, rain lashing down, the wind howling through the treetops. When he came out of the trees, his speed increased, and he raced flat-out.

  He was vaguely aware of a hawk flying low overhead, buffeted on the wind. Cade. Keeping watch over him.

  For hours he ran, until exhaustion made his legs tremble, and he crashed to the grass, his sides heaving.

  He pushed himself up and shook himself. Sniffed. The scent of ozone was heavy in the air, but the rain had stopped, and the clouds cleared. Dawn had come and gone as he ran. He willed himself back into human form.

  He knew Rachel too well. He was going to have to tell her, give her the choice. Her life for thousands. But he knew what her answer would be. She wouldn’t want her life at this price. Which meant he was telling her she had little more than a day to live. And it was all his fucked-up fault again. But at least if he told her, she would have the chance to say good-bye to Jacob. To decide the boy’s future.

  Shoving his hands in his pockets, Finn started the long walk to his car. Time to get back and face what needed to be done.

  Chapter 21

  Rachel blinked open her eyes. She’d been asleep on the sofa, dreaming of angels and a love that transcended life. And she woke knowing there was something she had to do, something so important that if she failed, she would regret it forever. But the details slipped away before she could grasp hold of them.

  She was alone, the room in semi-darkness, the curtains drawn. Finn must have left sometime in the night while she was sleeping. And already she missed him.

  Sitting up, she ran a hand through her hair and pressed a finger to her forehead to ease the tension.

  So much going on, so many undercurrents. She couldn’t shift that strange feeling that time was running out. But time for what? She got up and drew back the curtains. It was still early, but already daylight. The sky was a washed-out blue, and rain spotted the windows. She crossed to Jaco
b’s room, opening the door slightly to peer inside. The curtains were drawn, the room in near-darkness, and he was still fast asleep. Seeing him made her think of home, and she had a wave of longing for the forests and the mountains. And her Papi.

  Suddenly, she remembered the phone Finn had handed Papi as they were leaving. Why hadn’t she spoken to him before now? She went into her bedroom and found the one he had given her. He’d shown her how to use it, and she scrolled through the numbers, found her grandfather, and swiped the screen. He picked up after a couple of seconds.

  “Rachel?”

  “Papi.”

  “Are you okay, Rachel?”

  “I’m fine. I was just feeling homesick and wanted to hear your voice. We’re both fine. Jacob is back with me. I should have called you sooner.”

  “Don’t worry. You have a lot on your mind. Your young man called me the day before yesterday and told me about Jacob.”

  “He did? I’m glad.”

  “He might be a stranger, but he’s a good man.” He was silent for a moment. “Are you coming home?”

  “Soon. I think. I don’t know. I want to, but I need to know it’s safe. That the senator won’t come after us again.”

  “Do you want to come home?”

  It was her turn to be silent.

  “Rachel?”

  “I don’t know. It’s complicated. I don’t know what I want. But I think I will soon.”

  “Put your trust in God. Ask for the way and he will guide you.”

  The problem was she didn’t trust God. She’d always suspected that God wasn’t on her side. She just hadn’t known why. “Perhaps I will. I love you, Papi.”

  “I love you too, child. Tell Jacob I said hello, and we’ll all pray for you both.”

  “Thank you.”

  She ended the call and sat staring at the phone for a long time. Wishing there was someone she could call who would miraculously tell her what was happening. What she should do. She remembered the man from earlier. Dawson, Finn had called him, but she knew nothing more than that.