Promise Me Always

by Rhonda Shaw

  “I don’t understand…how….”

  “Maybe we’re not supposed to.” His shoulders hitched up. “Maybe we’re just supposed to believe in it.”

  “But you didn’t want to. You said so yourself, opposites and all that.”

  He sat back, considering me, before rising and walking a few steps away. Standing with his back to me, he stood straight, the lines of his body tense, as he worked his way over something in his head.

  His shoulders dropped and he returned, sitting next to me as he grabbed my hands with his. “You’re right. I didn’t want to believe it.” He stopped and shook his head. “No, it’s not even that. I resisted because I knew if I gave in, it would be the end of the game for me.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You could destroy me, Gabrielle. Easily.” Seeing my confusion, he pressed on. “I know I walk around like I don’t give a shit, like I got a fucking boulder on my shoulder and that nothing fazes me, but you’ve somehow gotten past all that. Now I’m open to you. Exposed. I knew once we started, there was no turning back. Ever.”

  “You could hurt me just as much, if not more. Remember? First timer here.” I tried to joke, if only to keep from suffocating. So much was swirling around inside me that I was having trouble not becoming overwhelmed.

  “Never. I would never hurt you. I would hurt myself before I hurt you.”

  I broke eye contact and let out a shaky breath, unable to breathe under his penetrating gaze. I never would have believed I would find a boyfriend in my new life, but that’s exactly what happened. It was exhilarating and nerve-wracking, all at the same time, but I’d never felt more alive. “God, this is intense.”

  “I’m sorry, baby, but that’s the way I roll. I don’t do anything half-ass.”

  “I’m not complaining.” I gave him a timid smile as I turned back toward him, emboldened by his words. “But it would really help things if you would kiss me.”

  His eyes darkened in the hazy lights before he drew me to him, his fingers tangling in my hair, and his mouth pressed against mine. He held me there before angling our heads and parting his lips, encouraging me to open to him, teaching me what to do.

  My arms wrapped around his neck to pull him closer. The heat rushing through me from the warmth of his lips and the gentle slide of his tongue was startling, and I craved more. I wanted his hands all over me and my hands on him, needing to feel everything. Caught up in the rapture, I forgot my usual apprehension. It was as if an eruption had exploded when we touched, and there was no way to bring the rush under control.

  I ran my fingers through his unruly hair before moving to relish the strength of his shoulders and down his back. But when my hands bumped into something hard and cold at his waistline, I shoved away. The jagged edges of reality pushed through, reminding me of where I was and how everything was different, dampening all desire within me.

  “What’s that for?” I asked on a panted breath.

  His eyes were bright and dazed, but he held his hands up as if in surrender. “It’s okay.”

  I shook my head, my chest heaving as I fought the clogged feeling of alarm in my lungs. I couldn’t stop imagining the gun accidentally going off. “Why do you even have the gun on you? It’s a date!”

  “It’s okay, baby. Really. I carry everywhere I go.”

  “But why?”

  ~ Danny ~

  I gave her an apologetic smile, but one that also conveyed she was still green to her surroundings. “Because I have to. You just don’t understand yet.”

  Her eyes widened with a fearful expression that tore at me. She took in a haggard breath and stood, walking a few feet away as I had done moments before. I hung back, watching as she dropped her head and hunched her shoulders, hugging her arms around her torso as if to shield herself, before I could take no more and strode over, pulling her against me. She came willingly, for which I was thankful.

  “You’re safe with me, baby. I’ll never let anyone hurt you.”

  “It just scares me that you have to carry a gun. I’m not worried about me.”

  My heart expanded at her words. When had someone else worried about me, let alone cared? Never.

  I reached down and lifted her chin to meet her eyes. “I’ll be fine.” I kissed her lightly. “But thank you for caring.”

  I tightened my hold on her, and she rested her head on my shoulder as her arms circled my waist. We fit together like two puzzle pieces.

  “Can you not have it on you when we’re together?” she asked.

  “Sure, baby. Anything for you.”

  “Thank you.”

  We stood wrapped in each other’s arms before I began to rock back and forth.

  “Alone in mistrust, I wasn’t looking for much,

  Until one day it changed and a bright light showed me the way,

  It glowed and flamed, before taking my breath away.”

  I rapped softly in her ear, telling her a story about never believing in love until an angel appeared, bringing love and light to a world that was dark and mistrustful, and how things could never go back to the way they were.

  She raised her head when I finished. “What was that?”

  “Some lines I threw down about finding you.”

  Her eyes shone, and my chest expanded and filled. I felt like a hero. “They’re beautiful. Thank you.”

  “You’re beautiful.” I leaned in for another kiss.

  When we pulled away, both of us a little breathless, I stopped her from putting her head back on my shoulder. I had to tell her. Everything.

  Her expression shifted to worry. “What is it?”

  My mouth went dry. I struggled to swallow, my tongue feeling too big. “I’m falling in love with you, Gabrielle. I’ve never felt anything like this before.”

  She hesitated, and my heart tripped in panic, fearing I’d revealed too much, had misread everything, but then she smiled and everything was back to perfect. “I know this sounds crazy, but I’m already in love with you, Danny.”

  I caught her lips with mine. “Forever.”

  “Forever.”

  Chapter 12

  ~ Gabrielle ~

  Present Day

  “I don’t know what to tell you, Brad.”

  He loomed next to me while I stirred dinner on the stove, demanding a word-by-word replay of what Danny said about signing his contract.

  “I don’t understand. How can you have lunch with the man, spend an hour with him, and never have the subject come up in conversation?”

  Because not everything is about you. I stepped around him to retrieve the salad from the fridge. “It didn’t. I’m sorry.”

  “What did you discuss then?”

  “Oh, his daughter, maybe.”

  “Of course.” He huffed in annoyance that I might dare to insult his intelligence. “But that couldn’t have taken the whole hour.”

  “Jesus, Brad. Drop it. It didn’t come up, okay? Can you tell Dani dinner’s ready?”

  Gritting my teeth, I turned back to the stove and turned off the burner. He hissed a breath out of his nose, but respected my wishes, for once, and let the matter drop. I waited for him to leave the kitchen and pound up the stairs before letting out the breath I was holding, rather than the scream threatening to break loose.

  He was becoming impossible. These new dynamics with Danny were casting him in a different light, revealing his true, unfavorable colors. Despite my feelings for Brad never coming close to the depth of those for Danny, he had once been charming and pleasant, had promised a stable life for Dani and me. Now…now, that didn’t appear to be the case.

  Over dinner, conversation was minimal, and I thought we would get through the meal without Brad uttering another word about Danny, when he cleared his throat.

  “When are you going to see him again?”

  Willing for patience, I strove to keep my tone neutral. “I don’t know. We don’t schedule things in advance. He calls when he has time.”

  “T
hat’s rude. There appears to be a pattern here with him.”

  I frowned. “A pattern? What does that mean?”

  “He expects everyone to wait around until he beckons, like we have no life of our own.”

  “He’s busy and probably doesn’t want to break any promises to Dani.”

  “I can see you’re wrapped around his finger again.” He took a drink of his wine.

  I sat back with my mouth hanging open. Was he picking for a fight? I glanced at Dani, who sat listening to us. “Dani, if you’re done, please go up to your room.”

  “Oh, no. Let her stay. Let her learn who her daddy really is. All the skeletons in his closet.”

  “Stop,” I hissed. “Dani, please go to your room.”

  I waited until she scampered out. When the door shut upstairs, I whirled back to him, my face heating. “What’s your problem?”

  “My problem is my girlfriend is only thinking about herself and doesn’t care one damn thing about me while she’s out parading around with her ex-boyfriend.”

  “Jesus, Brad. You act like Danny and I are hooking up or something. I go because of Dani. That’s it. Besides, we’ve only met one time.”

  “That I’m aware of.” He sat back in his chair, leveling a challenge with his eyes.

  I shot up and gathered the dishes. “You know, I’m not even going to respond to that. It’s your issue if you think I’m out there cheating on you.”

  His eyes followed me as I stalked to the sink. “Why not? Daddy’s back, and now daddy’s rich and famous; not the white trash loser he used to be. Why wouldn’t you try to jump on that bandwagon?”

  Fury pulsed through me, and I dropped the dishes on the counter with a loud clatter. “You’re a real jerk, you know that?” I whipped around to face him. “Danny was never a loser. Even back then, he was more of a man than you’ll ever be.” I skirted the counter and stood in his face. “This just shows me you know nothing about me. It’s always been about you, Brad. Never about me or Dani, always about you.”

  He shot up, making me step back. “Oh, you’re right. I’m such a prick for taking in a single mom and letting her live here so I could support her and her daughter. Excuse me for believing I wanted to make a life with you, for falling in love with you.”

  I glared at him. “I was a package deal. You knew that from day one. Maybe you provided us a place to live, and provided money, but you’ve never been supportive, Brad. Not of me and definitely not of Dani. You never once acted like she was anything more than an annoyance to you. You never tried to make a life with us.”

  “What was I supposed to do? Roll around in the grass and play with her? She’s not my kid!”

  “It wouldn’t matter to a real man!”

  He jerked back and his eyes narrowed, his nostrils flaring as his breath came hard. “Only a needy whore would get knocked up by a loser who wanted nothing more than to forget about her while he left to make a name for himself.”

  I gasped at his words, but refused to let him make me cry. It didn’t matter what he said; I was right. He was a selfish jerk. “You’re an asshole. You never loved me. You can’t love anyone but yourself. I’m getting Dani and getting out of here.”

  I brushed past him and rushed up the stairs to pull two duffel bags out of the hall closet. Opening the door to Dani’s room, I tossed one on the floor. “Put as much as you can in there. We’ll come back for the rest later.”

  Dani sat up on her bed. “Mommy, what—”

  “Just do it.”

  With my breath coming hard, I hurried to the master bedroom and threw everything from the dresser and closet into the bag. I wanted to get out of there as quick as possible before Brad decided to flap his lips some more.

  Rushing into the adjoining bathroom, I tossed everything into a backpack before going into the small bedroom we used as an office. I wrenched open the file cabinets and pulled out anything related to Dani and me. When I had everything, which wasn’t much, I dashed back into Dani’s room.

  “Come on, Dani. Let’s get going.”

  I opened the closet door and yanked things off the hangers, tossing them into the bag without bothering to fold them. Dropping to my knees, I grabbed her shoes until no more would fit, and tugged the zipper closed.

  “Mommy, what about my stuffed animals?” She pointed to the pile on her bed.

  “Grab one for now, and we’ll get the rest later.” I stood and pushed her toward the door, eager to leave. “Let’s go.”

  When we passed back through the kitchen to the back door, Brad blocked the way. “I’ll get everything else when you’re not around, and I’ll leave the key on the counter,” I told him.

  He didn’t respond, and remained fixed where he stood with his arms crossed. I raised a brow at him, but placed my hand on Dani’s shoulder, unsure of his intent. “Nothing to say, Brad?”

  He stepped out of the way of the door, letting his actions speak for him, and I let out a humorless chuckle as I ushered Dani out. “Have a nice life. I hope you don’t get Danny’s contract.”

  Slamming the door behind me, I opened the trunk and tossed the bags in as Dani climbed into the back seat. I peeled out, driving without a destination in mind, my goal only to get as far away from him as possible. Once I’d put some distance between us, however, I realized we needed a place to stay for the night. Monica had moved to Chicago, my mother had remarried, moving a few hours away, and I didn’t have money for a hotel, so that only left one option. I reached for my purse and pulled out my cell phone. After dialing Kat’s number, I glanced in the rearview mirror and caught Dani’s eye.

  “It’s okay, baby. We’ll be okay.” I hoped she missed how my lips trembled and my hands shook, or how I needed to pull over and fall apart.

  The truth was, I had no idea what to do. We needed a place to live, but to have that, I needed a full-time job. Who would help with Dani while I was at work? I took a deep breath. One thing at a time.

  The call went into Kat’s voicemail. “Hi, Kat. It’s me. I hope you don’t mind, but Dani and I are on our way to your place. It’s a long story, and I’ll explain everything when I get there, but we need a place to stay for the night, and then I’ll figure out something tomorrow. I’ll see you later.”

  Feeling better with somewhat of a plan in place, I headed toward Kat’s. I pulled up in front of the building where she lived and parked in a visitor’s spot. “Come on, baby.”

  I opened the door with the spare key Kat had given me, and seeing she wasn’t home, turned on the lights as we walked through the apartment. The place was spotless since Kat was never home. She had taken pains to create a masterpiece with sleek lines and lustrous colors of black, silver, and gold, but she was never around enough to enjoy it.

  I stepped into the guest bedroom and threw our bags on the bed. “You can sleep here. Get your pajamas on and get ready for bed.”

  “Mommy?” Her eyes were big and tearful.

  I stopped, sunk to her level, and pulled her into a hug. “I’m sorry, baby. Everything’s okay. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. We’re just not going to live at Brad’s anymore, okay?”

  “Why not? Does Brad not want us to live there anymore?”

  “Oh, honey. It’s much more than that, but no. I didn’t want us to live with Brad anymore. He will miss you so much though.” I hated to lie, but I wanted to ease her uncertainty. She didn’t need to know the true extent of how much of a jerk he was.

  The front door opened and closed, and then the click-clack of Kat’s high heels on the floor tiles filled the apartment. She appeared in the doorway, concern filling her brown eyes. “What’s going on? Is everything okay? I got your message.”

  I glanced up at my beautiful friend with Dani still in my arms. “Yeah, everything’s okay. We’re going to crash here tonight, if that’s all right with you.”

  “Girl, you can stay as long as you want, you know that.”

  “See?” I brushed Dani’s hair out of her face and wiped the
dampness away from her cheeks. “We’ll stay with Aunt Kat and everything’s going to be fine.”

  After seeing Dani to bed, I collapsed on the couch next to Kat, who’d curled into a corner with a glass of wine. “Everything okay in there?”

  “Yep, she’s better. Thanks again.”

  “Of course. So, what happened?”

  “I finally realized what a jerk Brad was, that’s what happened.”

  I filled her in about my lunch with Danny, and then the argument with Brad; from how he badgered me about Danny signing the contract to him calling me a needy whore.

  Her mouth dropped open in horror. “He didn’t!”

  “He did, but you know what, it doesn’t matter. I don’t care.” I leaned back and closed my eyes.

  “What did D say?”

  I lifted my head and frowned. “Danny? What does he have to do with this?”

  “You called him, didn’t you?” She twirled her finger around. “Told him about all this?”

  “No. Why would I do that?”

  She gave me an exasperated look. “Girl, he’s the reason for this, and now that he’s in Dani’s life, he will want to know what’s going on with his little girl.”

  I flipped my hand at her. “He can still get a hold of me on my cell phone. This isn’t because of him. This is all Brad and the asshole he is.”

  “This has everything to do with him! Why do you think Brad started acting the fool?” When I only stared at her, she rolled her eyes. “Because he knew he couldn’t compete with D, and if you guys are the same way as you were in the past, no one can.”

  “What are you talking about?” We were nothing like we were back then. We were both very different people. At least, I was.

  “The way you looked at each other, like you could never get enough of each other. Like no one else was even around. You only had eyes for each other. I’m sure it’s the same way now.”

  “What? Did you forget what happened in that stupid club?”

  “Of course, I didn’t forget,” Kat said in her matter-of-fact tone. “But, it doesn’t matter. He could have tossed you in front of a train, it wouldn’t have changed the way you felt about him.”