by Rhonda Shaw
She adjusted, freeing her arm and her fingers trailed over to undo my pants. Since I wore them low, it wasn’t difficult to loosen them more. When her hand brushed my dick outside my boxers, I moaned and shifted out of her reach, unable to handle her touch without going out of my mind. She tried to push my jeans down further and I grimaced, recognizing it was time to take her home before I lost my head. This was not how our first time together would be.
“No, don’t do that, baby.”
“Why not? I want to. I want you.” She gripped me.
I clenched my eyes and took a deep breath, resisting the urge to take, even as painful as it was. I put my hand on hers, stilling it. “I want you too, more than anything, but not like this. Your first time is not going to be in the back of an old Buick beater.”
Gabrielle draped one leg over my hip and pressed herself closer, the heat of her reaching me through our clothes, and everything in me tightened and my dick throbbed. “We don’t have many options, Danny.”
I shook my head, adamant with my decision, as I unhooked her leg, struggling to keep a fragile hold on my control. “No, no. I’ll find a way. Trust me, I’ll make it special.”
“It will be special because it’s with you!”
I kissed her hard before pulling back, even though doing so almost killed me. “Not in the car, G. That’s it.”
Deep hurt flashed on her face before she shuttered it and turned her head to the side. “Fine.”
“Hey.” I cupped her chin to turn her face toward me, but she fought against my hand. “Hey, look at me. Gabrielle, look at me.” I waited until she lifted big, glassy green eyes. “Baby, come on. Don’t do that.”
“It’s okay. I understand.”
“No, you don’t. You think it’s because I don’t want you or something ridiculous like that. Girl, you can feel how much I want you—so much it hurts—but, baby, I want your first time to be special. Please give me the chance to make it that and not a cheap time in the backseat of a car.” I lifted her chin so her eyes met mine again. “Okay?”
She nodded and attempted to smile, but her lips wobbled.
“I love you. You know that. Never doubt that. We have all the time in the world to be together. There’s no need to rush it in this piece of crap. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“Now tell me you love me.”
“I love you.”
I leaned in and kissed her. “Always.”
“Always.”
Chapter 14
~ Gabrielle ~
Six Years Earlier
I stepped outside the dance studio to wait for my mom and shoved my arms through the sleeves of my coat. Sticking my hand in one pocket, I hesitated when my fingers brushed against something hard before pulling out the small digital recorder Danny forever carried around with him. I sighed. If he thought he’d lost it, forgetting he’d asked me earlier to hold it for him, he’d pull his hair out searching everywhere.
My mom drove up, and I opened the door to climb in. “We need to swing by Danny’s.”
“What? Why?”
“He left his mp3 player with me.”
“Can’t you give it to him tomorrow when you see him?”
“Mom, please. He’ll go crazy, thinking he’s lost it or something. He uses this thing day and night.”
She released a heavy breath, tiredness etched in every line of her body, but she slouched her shoulders in defeat. “Fine. Do you even know where he lives?”
“Go down Parks and turn right on Hunter, which runs into Bonaventure. It will be on the right.”
“Okay, but do you know which place is his?”
I nodded. Despite Danny making it clear he would never take me to his home, curiosity had won out. I knew his address—he’d told me that much—and, using local maps of the city at the school, I’d located the trailer park in which he lived. He would be mad when I showed up, but once he understood why, he would be relieved, so I was willing to take the risk.
When we turned into the complex, I couldn’t stop slight tremors from rippling through me. The area was dark, many of the streetlights burnt out or missing. Most of the trailers resting in their assigned spots sat in disrepair and showed signs of serious neglect. Trash and junk piles littered the grounds, making everything appear much more ominous. Understanding dawned on why Danny kept this aspect of his life from me, and I belatedly wondered if I should have stayed away. My mother must have been thinking the same thing as she continued to glance my way, uncertainty and apprehension filling her face.
We pulled up to the trailer bearing his address, and she shifted the car into park. “I’ll wait here. Hurry up so we can get out of here.”
I studied the structure, taking in the expanding rust and broken window covered by cardboard, anxiety growing, but told myself everything would be okay since Danny’s car sat parked outside. “Go ahead. I’ll get Danny to drive me home.”
She frowned. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah, it’s fine, Mom.” I hoped she didn’t hear the quiver in my voice. “I’ll be home in a bit.”
She didn’t look convinced, but agreed. “Okay. Be careful.”
I climbed out of the car and up the two cracked concrete steps resting in front of the trailer. Lights filtered through the drapes on the small window panel lining the side of the door, and laughter from within revealed people were home. I rapped on the doorframe. No one answered, and after a few moments, I knocked again, this time harder.
The door jerked open, knocking back a broom leaning against the handle, and his father stood in the doorway scowling at me, his blue eyes dull and flat. He wore nothing but a white tank with unidentifiable stains and black sweat pants riddled with holes. His dirty blond hair hung long and tangled, in desperate need of a wash and a brush, and deep lines creased his face, signs of the hard life he lived. He might have been handsome at some point, but not anymore.
“What the fuck do you want?” he grumbled.
I resisted the urge to shrink under his glare. “Uh, I’m sorry to disturb you, but I have something of Danny’s to return.”
“Danny?”
“Yes, your son. Danny.”
“Who is it, Dan?” a woman’s voice said from behind him.
His father continued to eye me before stepping back to look at the full length of me. “Come in.”
I wasn’t sure I wanted to, or if I should, but I didn’t want to be rude. Plus, Danny had to be inside somewhere since his car was here.
I stepped in, cowering away from him when he refused to give me space, and cringed at the surrounding mess. Piles of clutter and trash littered everywhere. A variety of dishes and glasses sat piled high on the kitchen counter, and the sink was MIA under the cluttered heap. The trailer reeked of stale smoke and alcohol, along with curdled milk, and old, tattered sheets covered the furniture, soaking in the acrid scents.
A woman, wearing only a thin, worn T-shirt, so threadbare it did nothing to cover her ruby-colored nipples, lounged on the couch in front of a small television, smoking a cigarette, a steady cloud of smoke billowing over her ratty hair. An open bottle of whiskey sat on the small table next to an overflowing ashtray, filled to the edges with ashes and butts. She eyed me with such intense hatred that I took a step back, smacking into Danny’s father standing behind me. I whipped around, almost at eye-level with him, and again questioned my decision to come here.
“I don’t want to be a bother,” I said, my voice shaky. “If you could let Danny know I’m here, then I can return this to him and be on my way.”
When he continued to gape at me with a dazed expression, I tried again, but my throat tightened as worry settled in. “Is Danny here?”
“No, the loser ain’t here.”
“Oh, well, then I’ll be leaving. I’m sorry.” I didn’t care if I had to walk home. Desperate times called for desperate measures, and I had to get away, even if doing so meant risking the dark streets at night.
I tried to step around him, but h
e shifted, blocking my exit. He leered at me with bleary eyes and smiled, revealing rotten teeth and a gap where a front tooth should have been.
“What’s your hurry? Why don’t you join…uh…?” He glanced at the woman, obviously forgetting her name.
“It’s Barbara, you asshole.”
“Oh, right. Barb and me. Come on, honey.” He reached out, attempting to steer me toward the couch.
I jerked back and planted my feet into the ground. Fear coursed through me as my eyes flicked around, searching for anything to use as a weapon. “Uh, no thank you. I should be going. It’s a school night and everything.”
“A school night.” He let out a roar of hacking laughter. Barbara joined in, and they cackled until tears ran down their faces.
“She’s a young one, Dan.” Barbara now eyed me as if I was candy. “She should be fun.”
Danny’s father grabbed both my arms and pulled, causing my heart to slam against my ribcage. I was no match for his strength, even as drunk or high as he was, but I still fought against him, determination and survival my fuel.
“Come on, bitch. Don’t make me slap you.”
“Please. Please, just let me go.”
He tugged harder. “We’re not going to hurt you.”
I twisted and turned, anything to make his hold on me difficult, and stretched to grab whatever was within my reach off the kitchen table. My hand passed over something hard and I picked it up. It was a stone block ashtray, also filled to the rim like the other one. Using all the force I had, I pitched it at his head, but he ducked at the last second when Barbara cried out a warning. It hit the wall behind the couch, causing Barbara to shriek as the ashes poured down on her.
“What the fuck?” His eyes narrowed before he launched himself. He crashed into me, and we fell to the ground with him landing on top, knocking the wind out of me.
My head slammed into the leg of a chair, undoing my bun, and my vision blurred as the pain raged, but I fought to keep consciousness. I tried to scream and struggled to punch his shoulders with my fists, fighting him as he pinned down my arms. He unzipped my jacket, and my energy to fight was plummeting, when a rush of cold air brushed over me.
The space above me went empty as someone lifted him off me and threw him into the nearest wall, which he crashed into and crumbled to the floor. I pushed up, shoving my hair out of my eyes, and scooted back on my butt as far away as I could as Danny gripped his father by the collar and pounded on him. Barbara bounced up and down on the couch, screaming, but I couldn’t wrench my eyes from the rage on Danny’s face. He was going to kill his father. As much as I wanted his father to pay for what he’d tried to do, I couldn’t let him beat him to a pulp.
I shoved to my feet, and when he reached back to drive his fist into his father’s broken and bloodied face, I tugged on his arm. “Stop it, Danny!” He yanked against my grasp, unable to hear me past his blind fury, and I pulled harder. “Stop it! You’ll kill him.”
He finally looked at me with wild eyes. His skin was flushed red. “That’s the fucking point.”
“No, stop it. Please, Danny. Just stop.”
He stared at me, as if just seeing me, before glancing at his father with disgust and tossing him back against the wall. He collapsed further, making odd gurgling sounds as Barbara knelt beside him, crying as she attempted to rouse him.
Running his hands over my hair and down to my shoulders, Danny searched me for obvious injury. “Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?”
“I’m okay. I’m fine. I just want to get out of here.”
He grabbed my arm and steered me out of the trailer. He opened the passenger door of his car and shoved me in before walking around to the driver’s side, getting in and revving the engine. Slamming the car in gear, he peeled out, the tires skidding on the gravel.
We drove in silence as I tried to process what had transpired, but after a few minutes, vicious nausea roiled in my stomach as fear and horror pulsed throughout my body in high quantities without relenting.
Saliva flooded my mouth, and I swallowed hard. “Pull over, please.”
Danny stopped just in time as I threw open my door and heaved onto the sidewalk while he rubbed my back.
Emptied, I collapsed in the seat, closing my eyes.
“You okay?” he asked.
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak, and only lifted an eyelid when the car turned and stopped. He walked into a convenience store and returned minutes later with a can of ginger ale. He handed me the drink.
“Here. This will help to settle your stomach.”
I studied his profile as he drove. He still burned with rage, struggling to temper his fury, with his blood-streaked hands fisted and his jaw clenched. I wanted to reach out and touch him, to soothe away his tension, but the gesture would be the wrong thing to do right then, only succeeding in setting him off further. So instead, I took a small sip of the soda and rested my head against the headrest, watching the world pass outside the window.
For the first time since meeting Danny, I questioned what kept me with him. Everyone had tried to tell me being with him was dangerous—that he was dangerous—to which I’d defended our relationship with all the conviction I had, but I had to concede there might be merit to their concern if his own father could do something like this.
It wasn’t his fault—he hadn’t chosen this life—but was being with him worth dealing with one threat after another? No matter where I turned, was peril threatening, waiting to launch itself at me?
Imagining my life without him, however, recalling the crushing loneliness, I became empty, desolate, and distraught. I loved him more than was comprehensible, more than any words could convey. It was a feeling I couldn’t explain, but it was as if he was the air in my lungs, the life in my soul. I couldn’t live—couldn’t survive—without him. What we had was a precious gift, one many never experience, and I refused to turn my back on him, no matter what dangers I faced.
It had been my fault, anyway; I shouldn’t have gone to his trailer. He’d warned me multiple times, and I ignored him. I’d believed at the time his warnings stemmed from embarrassment and shame, but now realized he’d only wanted to protect me.
I sat up and dropped my chin, studying my hands in my lap. “I’m sorry.”
Danny glanced my way, but didn’t respond or acknowledge my apology as he turned his attention back to the road. Understanding the anger thundering through him was because of my actions, I remained quiet.
He pulled into the parking lot of the garage where he worked and shut off the engine. He opened the car door without a word, and I hesitated, watching as he strode toward the building, before following. I trudged up the stairs and waited as he unlocked the apartment. Stepping inside, he turned on a lamp perched on a side table.
I glanced around the small room. A chair and table sat arranged in the middle, along with a small worn loveseat, and a twin bed on a wireframe with a nightstand beside it rested next to the far wall. The kitchenette was in the opposite corner, and a door to a bathroom stood open in the back.
“Whose place is this?”
“Nick’s, my boss. He lets me stay here every once in a while. He used to live here when he was single and worked late. Now that he’s married, it’s pretty much empty all the time. I figure I’ll be staying here after what happened tonight. I’ll have to work out rent or something with him.”
I slumped into the chair, covering my face with my hands. I’d made a mess of everything. “I’m sorry.”
He sank onto the edge of the table, which creaked under his weight. “What the hell were you doing there?”
“I had your digital player. I wanted to give it back to you because I knew you’d be looking for it.”
He stared at me in disbelief before he stood and chuckled without humor, running his hand back and forth over his head. He remained facing away from me before throwing his keys across the room so they slammed against the wall and clattered to the floor. “Goddamnit!”
I cowered, but didn’t move or say anything.
He whirled back, his blue eyes piercing, his voice shaking with anger and pain. “Do you have any idea what it was like to see you under my dad like that? Do you have any idea what went through my mind? Do you?”
I shook my head and tried to shrink further away from him.
“It made me see red! I wanted to grab him and tear his fucking head off!” he roared as he waved his arms around, miming such action. “He had his fucking hands on you, Gabrielle! My father! And all because of a stupid fucking music player. Unbelievable.” He put his hands on his hips and hung his head. “Un-fucking-believable.”
“I said I was sorry. I don’t know what else to say!”
He sunk to his knees and grabbed my hands in his, his eyes tortured and filled with anguish. “Tell me you understand now why I didn’t want you to go over there. Tell me you understand why I keep you from the things that I do. Tell me you understand it all now, please.”
Tears streamed down my face as I nodded. “I do. I’m sorry, Danny, I am. I understand now.”
He wrapped his arms around me, resting his head against my stomach. “I never want to see anything like that again. I can’t survive seeing you like that. It kills me, baby.”
I hugged him tighter, folding myself over him. The adrenaline had worn off, and I trembled from head to toe in its wake. He gathered me onto the floor with him, holding me in his lap as he rocked me and ran his hands over my hair, trying to soothe me. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry. It’s all over and you’re safe now. You’re safe with me now.”
When my crying ceased, he leaned back and wiped at my tear-streaked cheek. Pain lined his face. “I’m sorry, Gabrielle. It makes me sick to think about it. I’ll never forgive myself for this.”
“It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have gone there. You tried to tell me.”
“It is my fault. I should have made it clear why I didn’t want you there. You’re just so important to me that I didn’t want to scare you away.”
I shook my head. “You could never do that.”