Searching for Love: The Complete Story

by Christine Kersey

  “I know this will be difficult for you,” Grace said. “But I also believe you know it’s for the best.”

  Say something! Swallowing over the knot in her throat, she said, “I can’t leave him. I love him too much.”

  “You say that, but if you truly loved him you would do what’s best for him.”

  Reese frowned. “And you think it’s best for him that I’m no longer part of his life.”

  Smiling sadly, Grace nodded. “Yes. I do. And I think you recognize that too.” She shook her head. “Imagine attending important business meetings with him and feeling even more out of place than you did today. Or what if the people who are important to his business find out that the woman in his life has a father in prison? A man who’s a killer? How will that look? How many people will pass on working with Brody because of you?”

  Imagining Brody telling her of failed business dealings, but not telling her why they failed, Reese frowned. Shame for things that hadn’t happened yet—things that would hurt Brody—cascaded over her, and she feared Grace was right.

  Really, this has nothing to do with Brody getting together with Kayla. When I overheard Grace talking to Lisa, Grace said, “if Brody and Kayla are meant to be together.” So Grace knows it might not happen, but she also knows the world Brody comes from and she knows I would be a liability in that world.

  Crushed by the truth, Reese’s shoulders slumped.

  Grace touched her arm. “I know this is hard to hear, but I also know you love Brody enough to do what’s right for him.”

  Reese looked at her, at what appeared to be sincerity in her eyes, and felt her world implode as she nodded her acceptance.

  Grace lifted the envelope and held it out to her.

  With tears in her eyes, Reese shook her head. “I don’t want your money.” Then she stood and went to find Brody, desperate to be near him, even as she feared her time with him was slowly slipping away.

  “Brody?”

  At the sound of Reese’s voice, he opened his eyes and sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the lounge and placing them on the ground. He noticed that Reese’s eyes were shiny and her face was pale. “What’s wrong, babe?” Grasping her wrist, he gently tugged her until she was sitting on his lap. Wrapping his arms around her slender waist, he held her against him.

  She lay her head against his shoulder, but didn’t meet his gaze. “I’m not feeling well,” she murmured.

  “I’m about ready to head home anyway,” he said. “Just let me say my good-byes, okay?”

  “Of course.” Her voice sounded dull and lifeless. He slid her off of his lap before he stood. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.” With a glance at Logan, who was watching them, he said, “Logan will keep you company until I get back.”

  Reese looked at Logan, then back at Brody. “I’ll be fine.”

  Hoping she would feel better, Brody found his father. He thanked him for having them over, then went to tell his mother good-bye. He found her in the living room talking to Lisa, but when she saw him, she whispered something to Lisa, who greeted him, then went into the backyard.

  “Thanks for having us over,” Brody said.

  His mother’s eyebrows rose. “Are you leaving?”

  With a nod, he said, “Reese isn’t feeling well.”

  “I’m sorry to hear it.”

  Brody sat beside her on the couch. “Now that you’ve spent a little time with her, tell me what you think of her.”

  His mother smiled pleasantly. “I think she’s a nice girl, Brody. And I can see that you care for her.”

  I knew she’d like Reese. A smile of happiness curved his mouth. “I more than care for her. I love her.”

  Nodding slightly, she said, “I’m just happy to see you living life again.”

  He thought about the months after Megan’s death when he had simply existed, and had a hard time imagining life without Reese. Now, he wanted his mother to know how instrumental Reese had been in his changed attitude. “Reese gets all the credit, Mom. If I hadn’t met her, I’d still be working all the time.” He laughed. “I’d almost forgotten what living life was all about.”

  She smiled. “You’re being very generous, son. I’m sure you would’ve come out of your doldrums on your own eventually.”

  Surprised, Brody tilted his head. “You don’t think Reese had anything to do with it?”

  Her smile grew. “No, no. That’s not what I’m saying. I think she’s had a tremendous impact on you, and I’m glad she did.”

  That’s more like it.

  “No, what I’m saying is that she sped up what would certainly have happened eventually.”

  Not so sure if that was true, but not wanting to argue about a moot point, Brody nodded. “Well, I’d better get her home.”

  His mother smiled, but it seemed strained. “Yes. That’s a good idea.”

  Twenty-Three

  Reese lay on the lounge chair with her eyes closed, ignoring Logan and hoping Brody wouldn’t take too long to tell people good-bye.

  “I haven’t had a chance to get to know you,” Logan said, forcing Reese to acknowledge him.

  She opened her eyes and turned to look at him. What’s the point of getting to know you? I won’t be around long enough for it to matter.

  Desolation poured over her, leaving her feeling worse by the second. Still, she didn’t want to be rude—not with the people who were important to Brody, as Grace had put it.

  She forced a smile. “What do you want to know?”

  “I know you like to take pictures, and I know you like to camp. What else do you like?”

  Holding back a derisive laugh, Reese pictured her old RV, currently stored in the parking lot owned by one of Brody’s friend. Is it camping when it’s my only home? Regardless, she played along. “I like to be able to take care of myself, and I like to be my own boss.”

  Logan nodded. “Noble aspirations.”

  Wanting to defend her lifestyle, she sat up and faced him. “For me, it’s more than an aspiration. It’s the way I live.”

  “Yeah,” he said with a smile. “Brody said you live in that RV. I think that’s cool.”

  Feeling like she had been self-defensive for no reason, she sighed. “Thanks.” A hand rested on her shoulder and she looked up to see Brody.

  “Ready to go, babe?”

  She nodded. “Yeah.”

  “See ya, Logan,” Brody said as he took Reese’s hand and helped her to her feet.

  “Bye,” Logan said. Then he smiled at Reese. “See you later.”

  Wondering if this would be the last time she would see Logan, she pushed a smile onto her lips. “See ya.”

  With her hand in Brody’s, Reese walked through the backyard. She waved to the others as she passed them, then she reached the door that led into the house. Grace was walking toward the door, evidently heading out back.

  “Thank you so much for coming,” Grace said as she looked directly at her.

  Trying not to flinch, Reese nodded. Then she swallowed and said, “Thanks for having us over.”

  “You’re welcome anytime,” Grace said with a smile.

  You lying witch. The thought came to her mind unbidden, and a blush climbed her cheeks. Without responding, Reese kept her hand in Brody’s as they walked past Grace, through the house, and out the front door.

  When they reached Brody’s house, Reese told him she wanted to lie down for a while.

  With concern in his eyes, he asked, “Are you feeling okay?”

  Not ready to tell him the truth—and not sure if she ever would be—she nodded. “I’ll be okay. I think something disagreed with me. That’s all.”

  He smiled. “Okay. I’m going to get some work done while you rest.”

  Reese watched him go, then she went into his bedroom and stretched out on his bed. Staring at the ceiling, she replayed her conversation with Grace over and over in her head until she came to the one conclusion she could no longer deny.

  Being with me w
ill hurt Brody. Grace is right.

  Though she wanted to deny the ramifications of that statement, they tumbled through her mind anyway. If being with me will hurt him, then there’s only one thing to do. I have to leave him.

  Numb with the realization that she would have to walk away from the one man she was crazy in love with—and lie to him about her reasons for leaving—she closed her eyes and willed the crushing pain in her heart to dissipate. But it didn’t. Instead, it grew.

  It was as if a vise had been attached to her chest and someone was tightening it, tightening it. Gasping, Reese found it hard to catch her breath.

  I need to get myself under control. If Brody finds me like this, he’ll think I’m dying and he’ll want to take me to the hospital. But I’m not dying. It only feels like I am.

  Dragging in a deep breath, Reese filled her lungs, then slowly exhaled. She did this over and over until the vise on her chest loosened. Grateful that she could breathe normally again, she focused on the space around her, trying to anchor herself.

  She gripped Brody’s comforter in her hands while her gaze took in his dresser and the items placed on top. If she focused, she could hear the faint sound of Brody typing on his laptop. Then she concentrated on the scents around her—Brody’s scents.

  Why is everything I’m using to anchor me tied to Brody? That’s not helping.

  Letting her eyes drift closed, Reese pictured her home—her RV—hoping that familiar space would bring her comfort. But it had been five days since she had seen her RV. In that time, Brody’s home had become her home, and now, knowing she would be losing that home, panic set in, and all the anxiety she had been trying to keep at bay rushed over her in a full-on dump of emotions.

  A sob welled up inside her. Slapping one hand over her mouth, she used the other to push herself off of the bed, then she darted into the bathroom where she locked the door and turned the faucet on full-blast to mask the sound of her grief.

  Staring at herself in the mirror, she watched tears run down her face and wondered how she could possibly go through with this.

  Because you love him, that’s how. Because you know his mother is right and that having you around would be a liability.

  Her chin quivered as fresh tears filled her eyes.

  Josh told me the same thing. And Brody’s a million times better than Josh. If I was a liability to Josh, then to Brody I would be like a giant hole in his sailing ship. I would guarantee that he sank.

  With a small nod, Reese closed her eyes, determined to do what was best for Brody, no matter the damage to her own heart.

  He might be a little sad at first when he realizes it’s over between us, but in the end he’ll find happiness. Grace will make sure of that.

  Twenty-Four

  With a new purpose, Reese splashed cold water on her face, then scrubbed away the tears before patting her face dry. Though she looked better, her heart was still broken.

  You only have yourself to blame. You knew what you were getting into from the start. You knew where it would end.

  Wanting to clear her mind and figure out what she should do next, she closed her eyes and hung her head. After several moments she pressed her ear to the door to make sure Brody wouldn’t be standing right outside when she came out. No sounds filtered through the thick wood, so she opened the door, peered out, then stepped into Brody’s room.

  When she found herself alone, she walked to the floor to ceiling windows and stared at the ocean spread out below her. Memories of the times she and Brody had played in the water filled her mind, and she knew she would never step foot in the ocean again.

  Wanting to think about something besides leaving Brody, Reese walked to the nightstand beside the bed and picked up her laptop, then sat in the plush chair in the corner of Brody’s room. After checking her sales on the photography site where she sold her pictures, she pulled up her email account.

  Scanning her inbox, she saw an email from her brother. Clicking on the email, her sadness lifted slightly. It was always a treat to hear from Seth, especially with him serving in the military in the Middle East. He was often on secret missions that didn’t allow him to email her.

  Hey, Sis! How are you? I haven’t talked to you in a while. I hope things are going okay for you. In your last email you said you were visiting Malibu, California. Wow! That’s awesome! That was a few weeks ago. Are you still in Malibu?

  Things are about the same with me—keeping busy, but you know I love what I do.

  Well, there’s no easy way to say this, so I won’t beat around the bush. Mom contacted me. She’s in trouble, Reese. I know you haven’t kept in touch with her—and I don’t blame you. But I have kept in touch, which is why you probably don’t know about this, but I do. Her liver is failing. I know. It’s her own fault for drinking so much, but pointing fingers won’t fix it.

  I know this is probably asking way too much, but I feel kind of helpless being over here. Anyway, I’m asking you to go see her and see if there’s anything you can do to help her. She swears she’s sober now—who knows if that’s true? But even though she wasn’t there for us much, she’s still our mother.

  I’ve put some extra money into your account to help cover your travel expenses because I know your heart, Reese, and I know you’ll do this.

  I love you. Take care,

  Seth

  Shocked, Reese reread the email as her thoughts flew in a thousand directions at once.

  Mom could die. Do I care? Of course I do. Do I want to see her? I don’t know. But Seth wants me to go see her, and I’d do anything for him.

  Then a thought hit her like a bolt of lightning.

  Going to see Mom will give me the excuse I need to leave Brody. He won’t know I’m not coming back, but it will give me the distance I need before I tell him it’s over between us.

  Relief and despair surged through her at the same time, making it hard to think straight. Finally, after staring at the ocean for a while, Reese composed a reply to her brother, telling him that she was still in Malibu, but that she would go see their mother. She sent the email, then rested her head against the back of the chair.

  Brody set his laptop aside, and went to check on Reese. She had been resting for over an hour, and he wanted to see if she was still asleep. Hoping she felt better, he entered his bedroom and was pleased to see her sitting in the chair by the window. Her eyes were closed and her laptop sat on her lap.

  “You’re supposed to be resting,” he said as he approached her with a smile. “Not working.”

  Her eyes fluttered open and a tentative smile lifted the corners of her mouth.

  He stopped beside her and squatted next to her chair. “Are you feeling better?” He thought he saw pain flash in her eyes as she nodded.

  “Yes, although I just got some bad news from my brother.”

  Immediately concerned, he asked, “What is it?”

  “It’s our mother. She has liver failure.”

  Placing his hand on her arm, Brody’s eyebrows drew together. “I’m so sorry, Reese. Is there anything we can do?”

  Twenty-Five

  We? Reese loved the way he was instantly on her side. “Thank you for asking, but this is something I need to do…on my own.” Knowing that this was good-bye, Reese couldn’t stop tears from filling her eyes.

  “Oh, sweetheart,” Brody said as his hand stroked her face. “We’ll figure it out. Please don’t cry.”

  He thinks I’m crying for my mother, a woman I barely know. At least it’s a good cover for the real reason. Pressing her cheek against his hand, Reese savored the feel of his skin on hers. “I’m sorry.”

  He leaned close and kissed her softly on the mouth. “There’s no reason to be sorry, love.”

  I’m sorry because I’m never going to see you again, and I know you’ll be sad. But I also know you’ll get over me.

  “What can I do?” he asked.

  Reese swallowed over the lump in her throat, knowing this was her opportunity to
put into motion the end of her relationship with Brody.

  But I don’t want to end our relationship. Not ever.

  Despite what she wanted, she knew moving on was the right thing to do. For Brody at least—whether he knew it or not. And that’s what mattered to her—what was best for Brody.

  “You can bring me to my RV.”

  His eyebrows shot up. “Now?”

  She swallowed again, and knew she had to have at least a few more hours with him. “In the morning.”

  “You’re planning on driving back to your Mom’s house?”

  Reese nodded. “Yes.”

  “Won’t that take a few days?”

  “Probably.”

  He smiled. “I have a better idea. I’ll buy two plane tickets and we’ll fly there together in just a few hours. What do you think about that?”

  He’s going to make this harder. “As much as I appreciate the offer…” she smiled, proud that she had kept her voice steady. “This is something I need to do on my own.”

  “Okay. I get that. But at least let me fly you there. That will shorten the trip significantly.”

  She shook her head, determined to do this right. “I don’t know how long I’ll need to be there.”

  “That’s fine. We’ll get an open-ended return ticket.”

  Frustration swept over her. Frustration that he was making her come up with all kinds of lame excuses. “Look. I don’t know what kind of situation she’ll be in. There may not be anywhere for me to stay. I need to have my RV with me.”

  Brody sighed. “Okay. I guess that makes sense.” He took her hands in his. “I just hate the idea of you being gone any longer than you have to be.” His voice softened. “I’m going to miss you like crazy.”

  At the look in his eyes, Reese’s heart felt like it was shattering into a million pieces, and she almost told him to come with her. Be strong, Reese. His heart will hurt for a little while, but in the end, it’s what’s best. You know it is.