Searching for Love: The Complete Story

by Christine Kersey

  “I just…I’m not sure where we go from here.” Are you really going to do this now? Are you sure you’re ready?

  Reese wasn’t sure about anything, except that having their inevitable break-up hanging over her was tearing her to shreds.

  Brody watched several emotions flicker across Reese’s face—uncertainty, sadness, worry. “Where is this coming from?” He watched her face as she looked at her lap before meeting his gaze.

  “It’s just that…” Deep grooves formed on her forehead and her shoulders seemed to tense.

  “What? What is it?” Concerned that there was something important she wasn’t telling him, he held her gaze as he waited for her to explain.

  “I’m not sure that we’re right for each other.” Her words came out in a rush, and after she said them, her body seemed to curl in on itself.

  Her statement was so unexpected, it took Brody a moment to respond. Placing a finger under her chin, he lifted it so that she was looking him in the eye. “That’s ridiculous, Reese. Now tell me what’s going on.”

  Tears filled her eyes, and he saw the hurt that he had seen many times before. Fury at the people who had made her feel that way crashed over him, and he wanted to throttle someone.

  He released her chin, but she kept her eyes on his as he said, “It’s your mother, isn’t it?” He nearly spit the words out. “What did she say to you?”

  She shook her head, and her chin quivered.

  “Don’t deny it, Reese. I can see it in your face.”

  Her lips pressed tightly together, but after a moment she said, “It isn’t my mother.”

  Confused at the way she had emphasized my, it took a moment for Brody to understand what she was implying. “Wait. What?”

  “Never mind,” she said as she turned away.

  “No, no, no.” He looked at her profile. “Look at me, Reese. Tell me what you meant.”

  Reese couldn’t believe she had just hinted that his mother had said something to her. Now you’re going to have to tell him everything. You blew it. Big time.

  But she didn’t want to tell him what his mother had said. Remembering the way his mother had looked at her like a cockroach at a picnic, Reese feared if Brody knew exactly what his mother had pointed out to her—that her background made her a liability to Brody’s future—then he would look at her the same way.

  She remembered Grace’s words about the way she thought Brody felt about Reese: He’s in the first blush of a lust-filled fling.

  She feared if that was true, and that if he knew his mother saw right through her and saw that she would be a weight around his neck, then he would change his mind about her. He would know she wasn’t worthy of him.

  But that would be a good thing, right? Then it would be easier on both of us to break up.

  “Reese? What are you thinking? What did you mean it’s not your mother?” Disbelief flashed in his eyes. “Are you implying something about my mother?”

  Seven

  Seeing the look on Brody’s face—skepticism, defensiveness, confusion—Reese realized she might have been all wrong. She had assumed that if she told him his mother had instructed her to disappear from his life, he would be furious with his mother. But now she had to consider another reaction. Anger at her. For accusing his mother of doing something he couldn’t imagine her doing.

  She sighed. “I don’t want to talk about our mothers, okay?”

  “No. You don’t get off that easy. I want to know what you meant.”

  “I didn’t mean anything, okay? I just…” She rubbed her face. “I’m just really tired.” And she was. She hadn’t realized until that moment how bone-tired she really felt.

  Brody knew there was something she was keeping from him. And that upset him. He had thought they had gotten past the lies and the mistrust, but evidently Reese was stuck there. Will she ever be able to trust me fully? If not, why not? Is there something wrong with me, or with her?

  Frowning, he decided to stop pushing her. For now. Obviously she wasn’t going to tell him what was on her mind. Though extremely frustrated about it, he knew there was nothing he could do.

  Then he thought about her words: I’m not sure that we’re right for each other.

  Is that her way of telling me she doesn’t want me in her life? Have I been too self-centered to see the signs? Then he thought of the way she had thrown herself into his arms when he had arrived a short time before. Confused at her mixed message, he wondered if he should have come.

  Maybe she needs some space. Maybe I should leave. He watched her face. Maybe she just wants me gone.

  “Look,” he said as he made a decision. “Coming here was a mistake. You told me not to come and I did anyway. I’m sorry. That was selfish of me.”

  Oh, Brody, you’ve never been selfish. Never. She gazed at him, her love for him swallowing her whole. Then the meaning of his words sank in.

  He’s going to leave, isn’t he? She considered the implications. But that would be a good thing, right? Right?!

  Barely holding her emotions in check, she said, “You don’t have to apologize.” Because this is actually my fault. I should be the one apologizing.

  “But you don’t want me here, do you?” Sadness was etched in his eyes.

  Is that the message I’m giving him? Is that how I feel? Confused and distraught, Reese didn’t answer. She couldn’t. Telling him she didn’t want him there would be a lie, but telling him to stay would be a mistake.

  He stood, and she wanted to grab his arm and drag him to sit beside her. Instead, she just watched him as his blue-green eyes gazed down at her.

  “No matter what,” he said, “I love you with all my heart.”

  I love you too! So much! Tearing her gaze from his, she nodded, but didn’t speak. Staring at her lap, she listened to the sound of the door opening, then closing, then…nothing.

  She looked at the space where Brody had stood moments before, then she looked at the door as if that would make him reappear.

  All you have to do is invite him to stay and he will. It’s completely up to you. Staring silently at the door, she tried to convince herself that she was doing the right thing in letting him go.

  He believes you don’t want him around, which means he won’t bother you any longer and you can both get on with your lives. Brody Ford will become just a treasured memory. That’s the best place for him to be.

  Squeezing her eyes closed, Reese felt her throat clog with unshed tears as a sob burst from her mouth. Then it was as if a damn had burst, and as she recalled Brody’s parting words of love, tears streamed down her face.

  Sitting behind the wheel of his rental car, Brody stared at Reese’s RV. Silently willing her to open the door and run to him, he waited for several minutes. But nothing happened. Not even movement at the window.

  I can’t believe she ended it. Just like that. What the heck happened? What did I do wrong?

  After waiting another minute, he started the engine and put the car in gear, then slowly moved forward, glancing at Reese’s RV in the hopes that she had changed her mind. When her RV was out of sight, he drove out of the RV park and down the street.

  Confused and upset, Brody drove on, not sure where he was going to go. Not ready to head back to Malibu just yet, when he saw a vacancy sign at a hotel he decided to check in while he tried to clear his head.

  That evening as he stretched out on the bed while the TV played in the background, he tried to analyze his encounter with Reese. Nothing made sense. She had been so happy to see him when he had arrived without notice, but it hadn’t taken long for everything to go sideways.

  One minute we were talking about meeting each other’s families, and the next she said she didn’t think we were right for each other. How did that happen?

  Then he thought about something Reese had said that had bothered him at the time, but hadn’t really sunk in until now.

  What did she mean when said it wasn’t her mother? Did Mom say something to her? Som
ething that put an idea in her head that made her think we’re not right for each other? But why would Mom do that? She wouldn’t, that’s what. She’s never inserted herself into my personal affairs. Either Reese was mistaken, or she just plain misunderstood something Mom said.

  A small smile of optimism curved his mouth.

  I’ll see if Mom can help me figure this out. I’m sure it’s just some big misunderstanding. Once I clear it up, I can get things back on track with Reese.

  Hope that he could fix this surged into his heart.

  He dialed his mother’s cell phone, and after two rings, she answered.

  Eight

  “Mom? It’s Brody.”

  “Oh, hello, son. How are you?”

  Brody pushed himself up against the pillows and stretched his legs out on the bedspread. “I need to talk to you. Is this a good time?”

  “Yes. I’m just driving home from the office, but I’ve got you on Bluetooth, so I can talk.”

  Not sure how to broach the subject of what she may have said to Reese—he didn’t want her to feel accused for something she didn’t do—he asked her how work was going.

  “I’ve got some tough cases right now, but that’s nothing new.” She paused. “Why don’t you come by for dinner? You and Reese?”

  The fact that her invitation included Reese reassured him that surely Reese had misunderstood whatever it was she thought his mother had said. “Thanks, but I’m actually out of town.”

  “Out of town? Where are you?”

  “Indiana.”

  “Indiana? Isn’t that where Reese is from? What on earth are you doing there?”

  A little surprised by his mother’s reaction, he said, “I’m here with Reese.”

  Momentary silence. “You didn’t mention anything about going to Indiana when you were at the barbecue.”

  “It was a last minute trip.”

  “What brings you there?”

  “Reese’s mother is sick.” Brody stared at the images on the television screen across from him.

  “Well, she is an alcoholic.”

  A feeling of defensiveness on Reese’s behalf grew within him. “What’s your point?”

  “I don’t have a point, Brody. I’m just…surprised to know you went with her.”

  Why would that surprise her? “Don’t you think that’s where I should be? By her side?”

  “Well, yes. I suppose so.” His mother paused. “I thought she wasn’t in touch with her family.”

  How does she know so much about Reese’s relationships? “You thought wrong.”

  “I see.” Another pause. “You said you needed to talk to me. Is there something else you wanted to talk to me about? Besides the fact that you’re in Indiana?”

  Nothing got past his mother, and he knew it was time to probe for answers. “Yes, actually.”

  “Okay, what is it?”

  “You’ve talked to Reese a couple of times, and I was just wondering what the two of you discussed.”

  “Why? Did something happen?”

  Brody cocked his head. That wasn’t the response he had been expecting. “We’re just going through a rough patch in our relationship, and to be honest, I… well, I wondered if in your conversations with her, if you had gained any insight into the way she felt about me. About us.”

  “I don’t understand, Brody. What are you saying?”

  He could see he would have to divulge more to his mother than he really wanted to. “She doesn’t seem to believe that we’re right for each other.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that, but I’m not sure how that has anything to do with me.”

  Brody wasn’t sure either, but the way Reese had said It’s not my mother kept jabbing at him, and he knew there had to be more going on than he was aware of. And if he was honest with himself, he knew his mother could be formidable. Especially where her children were concerned. But would she try to influence Reese?

  Not wanting to offend his mother, he said, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but is there anything you may have possibly said that would make Reese think she and I aren’t right for each other?”

  She was silent, and Brody wondered if their call had dropped. “Mom? Hello?”

  “I’m still here,” she said.

  Her long silence could only be a confirmation. “You said something to her, didn’t you?” Still not ready to jump to conclusions, he wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. “What did you say?” And did Reese simply misunderstand? He knew how much self-doubt Reese carried, and he could see how anything negative his mother would say could have swayed Reese to come to the conclusion that she was inferior.

  “Look, Brody, why don’t you come home and we can sit down and talk about this.”

  His eyebrows shot up. What the hell? Instinctively, he knew this was more serious than he had first imagined. “No, I’m not going to do that. You’re going to tell me what you said. Right now.”

  She was silent a moment. “I don’t want to do this while I’m driving. I’ll call you when I get home.”

  He didn’t want her to be unsafe—especially after losing Megan in a car accident—so he could do nothing but agree. “All right.”

  They disconnected the call, and his mind raced with all the possibilities. He just hoped he would be able to fix things, to convince Reese that whatever his mother had said had been wrong.

  Reese splashed cool water on her face, then stared at herself in her tiny bathroom mirror. Her eyes were red-rimmed and swollen, and exhaustion weighed her down. Emotionally wrung-out, all she wanted to do was sleep. The sun had yet to set, but it was after eight, so after closing her blinds, she turned off her phone and climbed into bed and soon fell sound asleep.

  Brody paced the floor of his hotel room, anxious to talk to his mother and to discover the truth. When his phone finally rang, he swiped it to answer, then dropped into the chair in the corner of the room.

  “I’m home now,” his mother began. “And I’ve been thinking about your question.”

  Great. She’s had time to build a case. “And?”

  “And I think the conversation I had with Reese should remain between Reese and me. If Reese wants to share with you what I said, that’s up to her.”

  Brody’s jaw clenched in frustration. “No, Mom. That’s not going to work. You’re very good at reading people, so you must be aware of Reese’s self-doubts. If you said something to her that put her in a bad light, she’s not going to reveal it to me.” He shook his head as his fury built. “For heaven’s sake, she lied to you about her parents being alive for fear of what you would think about her. But she’s a good person. That’s why she immediately felt guilty about lying and set up that lunch with you. To clear the air.”

  “Do you know why her father’s in prison?” Her tone showed impatience.

  The shift in subject threw him off-balance. “Something to do with selling drugs.”

  “That’s right. And do you know what he recently did while in prison?”

  Wary now, he said, “No.”

  “He killed another inmate. Reese’s father is a murderer, Brody.”

  Nine

  “So?” Brody tried to convey with his tone that the mistakes of Reese’s father didn’t matter to him, but secretly it did bother him. A little, at least. “I’ll bet Reese doesn’t even know about that.” His mother laughed, which jolted him.

  “Oh, she knows,” she said. “I told her myself when we met for lunch.”

  Why didn’t Reese tell me? But it was obvious. Because she feared his reaction. “She is not her father,” he said. “Or her mother, for that matter. So what is your point in telling me this?”

  “She has their genes, Brody. Do you really want your children to inherit those kinds of genes?”

  He hadn’t thought of that. Why would he? Having children was the last thing on his mind. Even so, he wanted to defend Reese. “Like I said, she is not them. Which means her children won’t be like them either.”

  “Yo
u don’t know that. And you don’t know what other secrets she may be hiding from you.” She paused. “What’s her mother like?”

  Brody admitted the truth. “I haven’t met her yet. I just arrived today.”

  “Hmm. How do you even know she’s really there to see her? What is this supposed illness her mother has?”

  Doubting himself, doubting Reese, doubting everything, Brody didn’t answer right away. “It’s her liver. It’s failing.”

  “At least as far as you know.”

  At least as far as I know, yes. Hating the way his mother so easily placed mistrust in his mind, Brody frowned.

  “Are you with her now?”

  Brody shook his head. “No.”

  “Why not? Did she send you away?”

  Yes. A muscle tightened in Brody’s jaw. “Why do you ask that?”

  “Isn’t her ex-husband from there as well?”

  What does that have to do with anything? And how do you know so much? But he knew how she knew. Obviously she had done all kinds of research on Reese, just as he had known she would. “You tell me. You seem to know a lot more than I do.” Saying that angered him. And it wasn’t just anger at his mother.

  “Yes, Josh Montgomery is from there. So is Reese Jacobs.”

  “Reese Jacobs?” I thought her name was Reese Montgomery.

  “Jacobs is her maiden name, Brody. She didn’t tell you that either?”

  She had only recently told him she had been married. They hadn’t gotten beyond that. Embarrassed to admit how little he seemed to know about Reese, heat flooded his face. “No, she didn’t.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Montgomery is her legal name, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then why does it matter what her maiden name is?”

  “I suppose that’s true.”

  Feeling like he had won a tiny victory, Brody tried to think what else he could offer in Reese’s defense.