Hidden in Lies

by Rachael Duncan

  Making my way downstairs in my athletic attire, I spot him at the bottom looking at his watch. His impatience almost makes me laugh. “Cool your horses, Alex. I’m right here.” He spins around at the sound of my voice and dazzles me with a smile. My breath catches at the power of it. It’s like a punch in the gut, beautiful in all its flawlessness. I think this is the first time I’ve seen a full-out smile from him. No, I know it is because I definitely would have remembered something so spectacular before. Clumsily, I descend the rest of the stairs and stand before him. “So, where to?”

  “I’ll drive. I know this nice little place not far from here. It’s beautiful this time of year and nice and secluded.” His excitement is contagious as I’m kind of looking forward to this exertion.

  “Sounds like the perfect place to dump a body,” I deadpan. He looks over his shoulder at me just as he was about to open the door and I grin at him to let him know I’m kidding. I’m rewarded with a lopsided grin in return.

  An hour or so later and he’s pulling off the road onto this worn path. I saw the signs leading to where we are and know that we’re in Front Royal, which is located at the very edge of the Shenandoah National Park. It’s apparent from the worn-out grass that cars park where we are sitting often. I can even see a little trail leading between the trees from the frequent foot traffic. Opening up the car door, I step out and take a look around. It really is quite amazing up here.

  “I would’ve gotten that for you,” Alex says, gesturing to the door.

  “It’s okay, I’m more than capable. So, shall we start?” I bounce on my toes a few times before heading toward the trail, Alex following closely behind me. We walk quietly, each in our own thoughts surrounded by the fall landscape. The air is crisp like I love and the only sounds are of the birds chirping, random animals scurrying about, and the leaves beneath our feet crunching.

  “Tell me a little about yourself, Alex.” It seems we’re going to be spending quite a bit of time together in the upcoming months, and knowing more about him might help this not be so awkward for me.

  “What do you want to know?” he asks. When I look at him, I notice a guarded look on his face, but it disappears quickly.

  “I don’t know, anything. Where did you grow up? Do you have siblings? Do you get along with your parents? Have you always wanted to do this?” I start firing my questions out in rapid fire, not really knowing where they came from. It’s like once I start I can’t stop.

  He starts chuckling. “Wow, where to start?” I bite my bottom lip sheepishly in response. “To answer your questions,” he emphasizes the ‘s’ on the end, “Tennessee, a sister, yes, and sort of.”

  I nod, trying to match up the responses with the question. “Why sort of? Do you not like your job?”

  “I do, I just didn’t know this is where I’d be right now. I knew early on I wanted to be in the military, but I hadn’t thought much about what I’d do once I got out. I think a lot of us are like that. We see the tasks at hand with our missions and get caught up in that that sometimes it’s hard to plan for life after serving. This just seemed like a nice fit with my training.” He shrugs like it’s no big deal.

  “Did you enjoy your time in the military?” I glance over at him waiting for his response.

  Finally, he says, “Yes, at times.” A haunted look washes over his face. For some reason that I’m not sure of right now, I want so badly to know what secrets he’s hiding, what haunts him and makes him look troubled right now. His short answer tells me he’s guarded and I know that I can’t push it right now.

  “You want to sit down? Looks like there are some flat rocks over there in the stream.” He points to our right toward this opening in the woods. There’s a little stream with large, flat rocks spaced out, dotting the stream here and there. We walk over to the edge of a rock on the bank before hopping up onto the next rock that is in the middle of the water. It’s large enough that the both of us can sit down and relax. The sun pours down on us through the opening in the trees. I tilt my face up to the sky, close my eyes, and soak it in. For just a moment, I feel at peace with my life. There are no expectations, no demands, no judgments, and no lies. Right here, right now, I’m just me.

  “What are you over there smiling about?” he asks curiously.

  Cracking one eye open, I see him studying me with a small smile on his face. “Nothing really, just enjoying the beautiful day.” I let out a content sigh. “Thanks for making me come out here. It’s been a while since I got away from it all.”

  “This is the first time I’ve seen you really smile. If that’s all it takes, I’ll take you up here every day.” My smile falters. To be honest, I wasn’t aware I was smiling even when he mentioned it. I was just enjoying the rays on my face and peacefulness around me. But now I’m reminded of the life I have and the fakeness I exude daily that’s eating away at me. “Don’t give it too much thought, sweetheart. You deserve to smile every once in a while.” He winks and all my earlier troubles go away. It’s alarming how a simple gesture can make me weak in the knees and turn my brain to mush, but I’m realizing that’s the effect he has on me.

  We sit there in the quiet for about fifteen minutes before Alex stands up. “You ready to keep going?” I reluctantly nod, hating that I have to leave this spot. He holds his hand out to help me up. Once I’m standing, he says, “I’ll hop over first then help you, okay?”

  “Okay.” Without much effort, he walks to the edge of our rock and leaps down onto the rock on the shore. Now that I’m at the edge, it doesn’t look that simple. It feels like the rocks have drifted apart and for some reason the gap seems wider going back than it did coming. The rock I need to jump down to is small and I’m afraid I’ll miss or slip and hurt myself.

  “Come on,” he says, holding out his hand.

  “I don’t think I can make it,” I tell him. My palms are getting sweaty as I try to work up the nerve to jump for it. Then an idea hits me. I sit on the very edge, the rock jutting out of the water enough that I can hang my legs a little without getting wet. I begin to reach my leg out, trying to touch the other rock.

  “I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” he warns me in an arrogant way. Narrowing my eyes at him, that makes me want to prove him wrong just that much more. “I’m telling you, you can make it. Just jump and I’ll catch you.”

  “No, I can get across this way.” Biting my bottom lip, I slide my ass just a little closer to the edge and reach out an inch more. I’m so close to touching the rock, so I extend my leg even further. And that’s when it happens. Between my ass teetering on the very edge of the rock, and my weight shifting forward trying to reach, I fall forward and am unable to catch myself before landing in the water. The water is freezing and a shock to my system as I gasp for air.

  “Oh my God!” I quickly move to the shore and Alex helps me out of the water. I’m soaked from my waist down, the icy water chilling me down to my bones. I look up and see Alex trembling, hiding his grin behind his hand. I glare at him, which causes him to full-out belly laugh. I try to hold it in, but I can’t and soon I’m laughing too.

  “I told you that wasn’t a good idea,” he says through his laughter.

  “Yeah, yeah,” I say with a roll of my eyes. “Can we go now? I’m freezing.” I’ve started to shiver slightly now, the thin, wet yoga pants doing nothing to protect me from the chilly breeze in the air.

  “Sure, let’s go,” he says, humor still in his eyes.

  We make it back to his car where he turns on the heat full blast and removes his sweater to drape over my legs, providing me an extra layer of warmth. The snug fitted T-shirt he has on underneath molds to his muscles showing off nice pecs and sculpted arms. I have to divert my eyes to keep from ogling him and getting caught.

  “Thanks again for taking me out today. I actually had a lot of fun.” Turning my attention back to him, I give him a smile when he looks at me briefly before returning his eyes to the road.

  “No problem. I had more
fun than I have in a while too.” He glances at me one more time until we both turn away to our own thoughts. I can see it in his eyes, the emotion we’re both feeling but maybe haven’t felt in a long time.

  Happiness.

  Now that I’ve had a taste, I don’t want to let it go.

  “I’M SORRY, HONEY, but I have too much to do in preparation for next week. I’m going to stay here in D.C. for the night so I can get an early start in the morning. I’ll see you tomorrow evening, alright?” I should feel disappointment, but I don’t. If anything, his absence is a welcomed reprieve.

  Most senators stay in Washington, D.C. Tuesday through Thursday while Congress is in session, and only go home for the weekends. We live so close to the Capitol that Cal usually comes home during the week. There are occasions where voting goes late into the night and he’ll stay there, but for the most part he’s home. With his obligations in the Senate and the different committees he sits on, he’s been preparing for the campaign every free moment he has, going well into the night.

  “I understand, dear. Don’t worry about me. You do what you have to do to make sure you win this primary,” I reply into the phone receiver, ever the supportive wife.

  “I knew you would understand. I love you,” he says tenderly.

  “I love you too.” The call ends and I place my phone down on the coffee table in the living room. When I force myself to say those four words, it feels like razor blades on my tongue. Slicing their way out of my mouth, leaving behind a bloody taste of lies. Yet, each time I sound convincing and Cal is none the wiser about the lie I tell on a daily basis.

  I’m just about to lean back on the couch and read the book I had sitting beside me when my phone goes off again. Leaning up to see who it is on the caller ID, I groan when I see the name flashing across the screen. Knowing she’ll keep calling until I answer, I connect the call. “Hello, Catherine.”

  “Elizabeth, dah-ling,” she greets, causing me to roll my eyes. “How are you?”

  “I’m doing well, thanks. How are you?”

  “Just fine. We should do dinner tonight! I want to fill you in on my trip to New York.” The enthusiasm in her voice is palpable and I know she’s dying to tell me where she went shopping and who she was rubbing elbows with. Even if I put her off with some lame excuse now, she’ll pester me until I meet with her. I might as well get it over with.

  “That sounds lovely. Would you like to meet at the Ritz?” I try my best to hide my lack of enthusiasm. Luckily for me, Catherine is usually too self absorbed to notice anyone but herself.

  “That would be perfect. Say, seven o’clock okay with you?”

  “Yes, I’ll see you there.” My phone gets tossed onto the cushion beside me as dread slowly takes over. I really don’t want to meet Catherine and hear her go on and on about this dress, those shoes, that celebrity. Getting up with a sigh, I go in search of Alex to tell him of my plans. As I’m rounding the corner, I spot him coming through the front door, a friendly smile on his face when he sees me. The flash of white momentarily stops me and my reasoning for looking for him escapes my brain.

  “Did you need something?” he asks, a knowing smirk on his face.

  Jerk.

  He doesn’t have to be so smug about my inability to think around him. He could at least pretend like he doesn’t notice.

  I shake myself out of my stupor. “Yes, actually. I’m going to have dinner with Catherine this evening at The Ritz. We should leave here at around six thirty.”

  “I’ll be ready.” He smiles and walks past me into the living room.

  It’s been two weeks since our first hike where I fell into the stream. Since then, things have been really easy between Alex and I. He really is a genuine person and I’ve grown quite fond of him. Lately, he’s become a very important aspect in my life as he’s slowly transforming into something I haven’t had in a very long time.

  A friend.

  Before Alex, I didn’t understand the depths of my loneliness. Sure, I’m not happily married and the friendships I have are superficial. But I think I had convinced myself that I didn’t need anything more meaningful. That I could get through life maintaining the artificial life I’ve had my entire adulthood. He’s easy to talk to, he laughs at my stupid jokes, and he pays attention to me. He’s the polar opposite of everything I’ve ever known. And I like it, maybe even love it.

  Cal doesn’t listen to anything I say, making him unbearable to open up and talk to. My opinions are of little consequence and don’t factor in to any decisions made. Everything is so serious in Cal’s world. There’s no laughter, no joy, no inside jokes between companions, just business and obligations. It’s not as if I haven’t realized this before, but I was able to hide my dislike for it better. Now that Alex is giving me a taste of what it feels like to be seen and heard, I’m starting to despise this life I’m in more and more. How much longer can I keep this up before I break? Before I have a complete break down and curse everyone who’s burdening me with staying?

  At seven o’clock sharp Alex and I walk into The Ritz. I’m told Catherine hasn’t made it yet, so we’re led to a private booth where we can wait for her. Alex places his hand at the small of my back ushering me along as we follow the hostess. Tingles travel up my spine at the simple contact, and I start to fantasize about a time that doesn’t exist. A time where there is no Cal, and there is no Catherine. There’s no pressure to hold up to the standards a family name imposes on you. There’s no expectations and inevitable disappointments. Just Alex and I having dinner together in an intimate setting. Unfortunately, that will never happen since I have too much to lose if I leave Cal, and it’s not about the money either.

  Once we’re at our booth, Alex gestures for me to slide in the middle. I do as he requests and he slides in beside me. After the hostess leaves, he leans next to my ear and says, “It makes it easier for me to get out quickly if I’m on the end. And I can see the door clearly from this angle too.” Leaning away, he winks before glancing around at the people near us. My lungs take in a deep breath, not realizing they ceased to work while he was so close. I need to get a grip on my wavering hormones. Alex is my friend, nothing more. I can’t continue to have these crazy intimate thoughts about him while pretending to love my husband. Eventually I’ll crack and the game will be over.

  “For someone who’s about to have dinner with a friend, you sure don’t look happy. What’s up, sweetheart?” His ability to read me startles me. I hate it. Why can’t I hide things from him like I do everyone else? Why does he have to be so damn observant?

  “I’m just a little tired, and sometimes Catherine can be a little much. Her energy exhausts me.” I offer him a small smile, but I know he can tell it’s forced. Thankfully, Catherine arrives, halting anymore questions.

  “Elizabeth, I hope you weren’t waiting long.” She slides in on her side of the booth and gives me an air kiss on each cheek.

  “No, we just arrived a few moments ago. Catherine, this is Alex Matthews,” I say, gesturing toward him with my hand. “Alex, this is Catherine Williams.”

  “How nice to meet you,” she says, holding her hand out delicately for him.

  “The pleasure is all mine, Mrs. Williams.” He gives her that panty dropping smile of his before shaking her hand gently. After releasing her, he slides out of the booth and stands next to it with his back to us, surveying the restaurant. Catherine actually sighs, swooning right on the spot. Seriously?

  “He works for a private security firm,” I explain. “After the break-in, Cal didn’t want me venturing anywhere alone.”

  “That’s understandable,” she says, her attention finally coming back to me. “Aren’t you dying to know how my trip went?” Her tone is almost accusatory, as if she can’t believe I haven’t asked her yet.

  “Yes, of course. I was actually just about to ask.” The waiter comes over and sets down a few waters before giving us a few more minutes to look over the menu. I take a sip, wishing it was something
stronger to get me through this dinner with Catherine.

  “Okay, so I flew in on Thursday and immediately hit up the shops. Michael Kors had this fabulous bag . . .” and she goes on and on and on. Being in this uppity circle, I guess I’m supposed to care about these handbags, shoes, and designer dresses. But it’s really hard to muster up enthusiasm for shit that doesn’t really matter. Thankfully, the waiter comes to take our orders right before she went into everything she bought at Chanel.

  After thirty minutes of talking about her shopping extravaganza, I want to shoot myself. She makes a joke about a celebrity she saw shopping at one of the stores she was in.

  “She was wearing this god-awful frock looking thing. I don’t know who her stylist is, but they need to be fired immediately. Anyway, I walked up to her and told her the truth. It made her butt look big and the color was truly heinous on her. Do you know she asked me if I wanted a job as a stylist?” She tilts her head back slightly and laughs. I join in even though I don’t find her story all that funny. Glancing over at Alex, he cuts me a look from the corner of his eye and I know he can tell I’m faking it. It’s truly telling that no one else in my life picks up on this, but the reason no one knows it’s phony is because it’s the only laugh they’ve ever heard leave my lips.

  Except for Alex.

  He broke me out of my shell briefly on our hike, and I laughed for the first time in forever when I fell into that stream. It was such a cathartic moment, but also one that I regret. Not because I didn’t have fun; I did. But because it’s another piece of my puzzle that Alex holds and one step closer at figuring me out.

  “HOLY HELL YOU can’t seriously like that woman!” Alex says once we’re in the car. I turn to him, my face scrunched up in offense.

  “Yes, she’s my friend.” I try to assert as much conviction free of sarcasm into my words as possible, hoping this isn’t another thing he can call bullshit on.