Hidden in Lies

by Rachael Duncan

  Desire.

  “Alex?” He doesn’t respond, just leans in slowly until our lips connect. The breath is stolen right out of me. The tension I didn’t realize I had been holding in for a month is released from my body as we kiss. All too soon, he breaks the bond, leaving me wanting and completely unsatisfied.

  Alex opens his mouth to say something, but the sound of the front door opening causes us to jump away from each other just in time to see Cal enter the room. Holy shit, that was close.

  AT THE END of the night, I retreat to my bedroom. Since Cal has been home, I sleep in one of the guest rooms. There’s no sense in pretending that I love him like I used to and Cal is under no illusions that I’m happy with him. He knows I want out, but he also knows I won’t leave. I’m about to climb into bed when there’s a knock on the door. Turning, I expect to see Alex standing in the doorway, but instead I’m met with Cal. He stumbles through the door and I realize that he’s drunk.

  Great.

  “Why don’t you come to our bed?” he slurs.

  “You know why,” I say in a monotone voice.

  He stalks toward me as I watch his movements. “Oh, come on. Don’t be like that. You know I’m sorry that we had an altercation.”

  “Excuse me?” I’m starting to get mad. Altercation? That’s what he calls it? “That’s not the way I remember it, Cal. I seem to remember you hitting me in the face and giving me a bruise that lasted for over a week. I had to be kept prisoner in my own home because of you.”

  “How about we make up? You know what’s a good way to do that?” He pauses waiting for my response, but he won’t get one. Bile slowly creeps up my throat at his suggestion. There’s no way in hell I’m going to be intimate with this bastard. He’s standing directly in front of me now, only a couple of inches separate us. Leaning in toward my ear, he whispers, “Make-up sex.” The smell of brandy rolling off his tongue hits my nose, making me turn my head in disgust.

  “Get away from me,” I say, still avoiding him.

  He grabs my face roughly and turns it toward him, digging his thumb and middle finger into each side of my face. “You little bitch,” he says between clenched teeth. “You are my wife, and if I want to fuck you, I will. It’s my right as your husband.” He pushes me back onto the bed by my face before climbing on top of me, hovering over me with one knee on each side of my waist. My heart starts beating frantically as my body trembles with fear. “Just pretend I’m Alex,” he says with a sneer.

  “W-what?” I ask.

  “You think I’m a fool? I see the way you two look at each other. I always knew you were a little slut. Tell me, do you fake it for him, too?” I move to push him off, but he grabs my wrists and pins them above my head.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I haven’t slept with Alex.” I struggle against his hold on me. Even drunk, his strength and bodyweight overpower me.

  “But you want to, don’t you?” I don’t answer, the internal panic starting to rise as his eyes take on a darker look. “Looks like I’m just going to have to fuck you until you only think of me.” I don’t think. I just act out of desperation. My knee comes up and hits him hard right in the groin. I pull back quickly and knee him again for good measure. His hold instantly releases from my wrists as he rolls over in agony and clutches his balls. “You fucking cunt!” he yells as his face twists in pain.

  Scurrying off the bed as quick as possible, I move toward the other side of the room. “Listen closely, because I’m only going to say this once.” My insides are a jumbled mess and my whole body is shaking, but my voice comes out low, calm, and even. “You ever put a hand on me again, you will regret it. I will go to every news publication out there and give them every single juicy detail about the life of Mrs. Callahan Fitzgerald. Everyone will know that you beat your wife and attempted to rape her. Your career will be over.”

  “I think you forget something, love.” He pauses while he takes in a few breaths. “Who pays for your mother’s medical bills?”

  “Ha, you think I won’t get paid for a story like that?” I drill holes into his face, challenging him to call my bluff. He looks away first and I take a small amount of joy in that little victory. He rolls off the bed and walks toward the door hunched over still holding on to the family jewels.

  “Fucking cunt. I should’ve listened to my mother and never married you,” he spits at me before he walks out of the room. I don’t even dignify him with a response and close the door behind him before locking it. Leaning against the door, I listen until I know he’s left and gone back to the master bedroom.

  On shaky legs, I walk to the other side of the house and before I know it, I’m standing in front of Alex’s room. Without thinking, I knock, hoping he’s not asleep. After a few seconds, the door opens revealing a sleepy Alex. I launch myself at him and wrap my arms around his neck. He doesn’t ask questions, he just returns the gesture.

  “Do you mind if I sleep in here for the night?” I ask in a small voice.

  “Of course you can.” He pulls me inside and helps me into the bed before sliding in next to me. Once he’s settled, I move over and lay my head on his chest. I need this connection, this comfort. “You’re shaking. What’s wrong?” he asks after he wraps his arm back over me.

  I shake my head knowing that lying to him is useless. “I don’t really want to talk about it, okay?” I whisper. He kisses me on the head and squeezes me tighter.

  “You don’t have to. Go to sleep, sweetheart, I’ve got you.” A few minutes later, I’m drifting off into a deep slumber and I know I’m safe right where I’m at.

  “Wake up, sweetheart,” is murmured into my ear, which brings me out of my peaceful sleep. I don’t know what it is about Alex, but both times I’ve slept in the same bed as him I’ve been out like a light. It’s the most refreshed I’ve felt in a while despite everything that’s going on. “Wakey, wakey,” he says when I don’t move. A slow smile spreads across my face and then I open my eyes. They squint against the bright light coming through the window. I move off of his chest and sit up, looking around for the clock to see what time it is. I’m afraid what will happen if Cal sees me sleeping here. “Thank God you got up. I was afraid I was gonna have to pry your face off my chest from all the drool cementing you to me.” My head snaps to him and I quickly wipe my face. If I drooled all over him I will be completely mortified.

  “I do not drool,” I say, slightly offended. At least I hope I don’t. He starts laughing.

  “I’m just messing with you, but you should’ve seen your face. That was priceless.” He laughs some more. “You’re eyes were this big.” He demonstrates by holding his fingers up and making a huge circle.

  I nudge him before getting off the bed. “Very funny, Mr. Matthews. Didn’t anyone ever teach you that it’s not nice to tease girls?”

  He looks up at the ceiling as if he’s in deep thought. “Nope.”

  “You’re incorrigible.” I simply shake my head at him in disapproval even though I love the way he teases me. It’s amazing how after a night like last night, I can wake up smiling because of Alex’s presence and the easy banter we share. I’m still a bit shaken up, but I feel more at ease when he’s around.

  “Oh, come on. It’s one of the things you like most about me.”

  “Not hardly. I’m going to go get ready for the day.” I start to leave the room until Alex begins talking.

  “Okay. I’ve got to run a few errands, but they’re sending another guy to stay with you while I’m gone.”

  “Oh, how long do you think you’ll be?” He’s gone off to run errands here and there, but he doesn’t do it often. I don’t know why, but I don’t like the thought of someone else being responsible for my safety. I trust Alex and know that he would do absolutely everything in his power to keep me out of harm’s way.

  “Just a couple hours. I’ll be back before Cal gets home. What’s wrong? Can’t live without me?” That damn smirk of his. I’d love to wipe it off of his f
ace.

  “Nope, just excited to have a break from you and wanted to know how much time I get to celebrate your absence.” I throw him a smirk of my own.

  “Is that right?” I nod slowly with my smirk still firmly in place. Before I have time to react, Alex is out of bed and has me wrapped in his arms. He tosses me to the bed and starts tickling me. I squirm, kick and scream. When that doesn’t work, I resort to begging.

  “Please, stop. Alex!” I can hardly get the words out between my fits of laughter and gulping in air.

  “Say you’ll miss me,” he shouts over me.

  “No!” The onslaught continues. “Stop! I have to pee!” I wiggle some more, trying to break free.

  “Say it!”

  “Fine! I’ll miss you!” The tickling stops and I rush out of the room before he can get to me again. His chuckles follow me down the hallway.

  “Hey, Mom, how are you feeling?” I ask into the phone.

  “I’m good. How are you?” She sounds so tired and it pains me that I’m not there with her. My mother might have had her faults, but she means well and always took care of me.

  “I’m good. I was dancing to a Christmas song I heard on the radio yesterday and it reminded me of you and Dad, so I thought I’d call and check in.”

  “Oh? Which song was it?”

  “Santa Baby. I remember you and Dad dancing to it every Christmas morning. It’s actually one of my favorite memories.” A smile touches my lips just thinking about it.

  “Yes, I remember, too. We still do that, you know?”

  “Really? That’s funny.”

  “It’s tradition. Are you and Cal making that a tradition, too?” I freeze when she says Cal’s name, especially since he’s not the man I was dancing with.

  “Uh, I actually wasn’t dancing with Cal.” My leg bounces nervously as I wait for the next question to come.

  “Who were you dancing with then?” There’s no judgment in her voice, only curiosity.

  “Alex.” I’ve told her about him before and why he was hired.

  “You have feelings for this man, don’t you?”

  “Mom, it’s not like that. He’s just a friend.”

  “Mmm hmm. Don’t think I don’t know you, missy. I hear the way you talk about him. There’s a happiness in your voice that hasn’t been there in quite some time.”

  “Mom, it’s pointless to talk about this. I’m married to Cal.” I can’t do this with her right now. I want to confess to all the horrible things that have been going on, but stress is a trigger for MS and I won’t have my problems jeopardizing her health.

  “Yes, you are, but if you’re not happy with Cal, there are ways to get out.” She just lets that sit between us for a minute before she changes topic. “Anyway, I have some news for you. I was going to wait to tell you on Christmas, but I can’t hold it in anymore.”

  “Okay, what is it?”

  “I went to the doctor last week.” The mention of her going to the doctor has my heart sinking. Every time she says that, it’s always followed by bad news. They found a new legion. The legions are growing. The numbness in my fingers has now advanced to my whole hand and my feet. The drug they had me on wasn’t working. “I’m in remission.” Her voice cracks on the last word. I’m speechless, not sure if I heard her correctly but terrified to ask in case I didn’t. “Did you hear me, Elizabeth?”

  “Remission?” I ask in disbelief.

  “Yes. Isn’t that wonderful news?” My hand covers my mouth as tears flow freely from my eyes. I’m so happy and relieved. I try to hold it in, but a sob leaves my lips.

  “Oh my God, Mom. That’s fantastic news! I can’t believe it! So what now?” I wish I was with her right now so I could give her a big hug. This disease has really taken its toll on my family, and I admire the strength her and my dad have shown through it. She’s battled this for many years and it’s about time she got a break. She deserves this.

  “I stop the infusions and I get to come off of the narcolepsy drug. They want me to stay on the depression medication, but that’s it.” That’s when it hits me. She won’t need Cal to pay for her treatments now. Her depression medication isn’t that expensive, so I could pay for that once I found work.

  Oh, God. This is it. My chance to leave Cal. I’m lighter as the darkness that’s been surrounding me for years starts to dissipate. The one thing I’ve valued most but have had to deny myself is right in front of me.

  Freedom.

  It’s time I start living for me.

  A COUPLE HOURS later, Alex returns and sends the other security guy home. I don’t even know his name. Whenever Alex is gone, he just sits there silently. It’s pretty awkward. As soon as I see his handsome face, a smile breaks out on my own. I can’t help it. Things finally seem to be looking up for me and I haven’t felt this light in years. It’s as if my future and all its possibilities are right in front of me and all I have to do is grab it. I’m so close to being free.

  “Hey, gorgeous. What’s that smile for?” He walks in and shrugs off his coat before hanging it on the rack.

  “Nothing, just happy to see you.” Butterflies take flight in my stomach as I think of how I’m going to tell him the good news.

  “I thought you were celebrating my absence, remember?”

  I shrug. “What makes you think I didn’t?” He chuckles and wraps his arms around me in a hug and rests his chin on top of my head.

  “Let’s have a seat in the living room. I want to give you something,” he says. We walk into the other room hand in hand and have a seat on the sofa. He looks down and I’m suddenly nervous. He’s acting strange and is fidgeting. The confident man I’ve grown to love—yes, love—is replaced by this unsure person before me. My knee starts bouncing up and down as I wait for him to tell me what’s going on. He takes a deep breath as his hand runs through his hair. “So, I know Christmas is next week, but I wanted to give you your gift now while we have some privacy.” He pulls a small box out of his pocket and hands it to me.

  His nervous energy radiates off of him and is absorbed by me. With shaky hands, I slowly untie the ribbon, looking up at him as I go along. Once the paper is off, I open the box. Nestled in some tissue paper is what looks like a scrap piece of gold metal. It’s not very big, but has a stem of some sort with a mangled piece on top. It almost looks like a mushroom. I grab it and pull it out of the box and notice that the stem is connected to a chain and I realize it’s a necklace. My eyes return to his waiting for some sort of explanation about what this is.

  “I’ve seen a lot of dark things in my life, things I’d like to forget. When I first got out of the Army, those memories were constantly threatening to drag me down and engulf me. Consume me. I fought back, not really understanding the purpose of doing so at the time, but something told me I had to. That I couldn’t sit back and let the bad stuff in life drown me out. I know why now.” He grabs my hand and stares into my soul. “You. You’re my purpose. I believe now that you’re the reason I made it out alive and you’re the thing that’s going to keep me in the light.” He releases my hand and grabs the scrap piece of metal, holding it between his thumb and forefinger. He stares at it as he says, “This is one of the bullets they pulled out of my arm on the last mission I went on. I got so damn lucky that day whereas my guys—my brothers—didn’t. I’ve carried this in my pocket every day for two years as a reminder to be thankful for life. Because in the blink of an eye, it can all be taken away.” His focus comes back to me as he continues. “But I don’t need it anymore. You’re my reminder and I thank God every day for saving me and getting me home because it ultimately led me to you.”

  I don’t try to stop the tears. That was the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me. I lean forward, wrap my arms around his neck, and kiss him. I can taste the salt of my tears, and I use that to pour every bit of emotion I feel for Alex into this kiss. All the apprehension about telling him I’m leaving Cal flies out of the window as Alex reciprocates my affection. Befo
re things get too carried away, I pull back. “I have something for you too.” I stand up and pull on his hand so that he follows me. Once we’re in the bedroom that I’ve been sleeping in, I gesture for him to have a seat on the bed.

  “I didn’t have a chance to wrap this,” I say as I dig through a drawer to pull out the gift I made for him. I hand him the small frame. It’s nothing fancy, just a plain, sleek, silver frame, but it’s what’s inside that matters.

  “A button?” His head tilts to the side as he stares at the button neatly placed in the center of the glass. He looks up at me, confusion written all over his face.

  I sit down next to him on the edge of the bed. “This isn’t just any button, but one of the buttons you so graciously tore off my blouse that day in the kitchen.” A slow, salacious grin spreads across his face. I roll my eyes. “You’re such a perv. That’s not the reason I gave it to you.” Suddenly, I’m nervous again and I understand why Alex was acting bizarre when he had to explain his gift to me.

  When I swept up the buttons that were scattered around the kitchen, I had missed this one. There it was sitting in the middle of the island. I could’ve sworn I cleaned that area off, but I looked at it as a sign. Like everything involving Alex, I was drawn to it for some unexplainable reason, so I kept it. At the time, I planned to hold on to it as a memento to my time with Alex.

  “That day in the kitchen, I wanted to give myself to you, but we both knew I couldn’t. Things have changed and this button signifies the first step in my journey to finding myself and being happy. A journey that started with you.”

  He shakes his head slightly. “I’m still not following you, sweetheart.”

  “I’m leaving Cal.” My words come out barely above a whisper. Now that I’ve said it out loud, reality has slammed down on me. I’m terrified of what will happen, how Cal will react, and what my future holds. But looking into Alex’s sweet eyes, I know I can get through all of it with him by my side.