by Lucy Lennox
I couldn’t wait to tell my family, but more than that, I couldn’t wait to talk to Derek about it. When Clint had announced the news, I almost jumped up and ran over to Derek. Was that crazy? That the first person I wanted to share the excitement with was my bodyguard?
Whatever was happening between the two of us was getting complicated. I was feeling less in control of my ability to hide my feelings for Derek from anyone, including myself. He was quickly becoming the person I told everything to. But more than that, he was becoming the person I wanted to tell everything to. And I wasn’t sure how he would feel about that.
Once everyone had left, Ollie gave me a quick hug and disappeared too. I finished locking the door behind her and turned to Derek. He stood leaning back against the kitchen counter with his hands resting on the edge by his hips. His face sported a killer smile and my heart did a little jig.
“So,” I said with a grin.
“So,” he replied with a smirk.
“Guess what happened at work today?” I teased.
“C’mere, Bluebell.” He held out his arms and I jumped him, landing with my arms around his neck. I felt the vibration of his laugh against my chest and the tight clasp of his arms around my back.
“Congratulations, Jude. That’s really something,” he said into my ear.
“Thanks, Wolfe. I can’t wait to tell my dad. He and Pete will flip out.”
Derek laughed again. “They sure will. Ginger too.”
I pulled my face back to look into his green eyes. “How should we celebrate?”
The green intensified. “Naked.”
“Hot damn,” I agreed with a grin. “Lead the way, Marine.”
Derek led the way to the bedroom, removing an article of clothing every few steps. Following that trail of discarded clothes through the house was like following a treasure map where X marks the spot of my next orgasm. Each piece felt warm under my bare feet, and I thought about the heat from his body in his clothing all day.
Damned lucky pants.
As I walked, I did the same stripping routine except mine was done in secret. He never looked back, so when I tackled him buck naked onto my bed, he gasped before laughing.
Our bodies rolled together as our hands memorized skin and our lips found each other. Derek’s fingers accidentally brushed against a particularly ticklish spot, and I forgot to hide my reaction. Once he knew my weakness, he exploited it mercilessly.
“Uncle, uncle,” I gasped through laughter, unable to catch my breath as his fingers assaulted that spot. “Baby, stop.”
He stopped and locked eyes with me. I replayed the endearment in my mind and felt my face flush. My teeth gripped my lip to keep from apologizing for being too familiar. What was I sorry for? He’d called me baby before, and I loved it. Why was it weird for me to do the same?
Derek’s mouth stretched slowly into a wide grin before it lowered itself onto mine in a slow, sensual kiss. The kiss told me all was well. More than that, all was magnificent.
Our lips slow danced before my fingers turned grabby. I ran my hands up into his hair and pulled his head back, exposing his throat. My mouth moved in wet kisses down to his Adam’s apple, where it sucked and teased until I dipped my tongue into the cleft at the base of his throat.
He tasted like Derek. My Derek. For a moment, I was overwhelmed by the familiarity of his taste, his smell, the feel of his skin against mine. I felt a burn behind my eyes and squeezed them closed to block it out as my mouth continued moving along the top of his shoulders, my nose desperately wanting to bury itself in his neck to suck in his scent and lose myself. I resisted, afraid the move would push my already strangled emotions over the edge.
“Jude?” he whispered.
“Mmm?”
“I love the way you make me feel,” he said in that sexy voice of his.
My chest swelled with relief and something more. I raised my head to meet his gaze straight on.
“What do you want, Wolfe? I’ll do anything you want to make you feel even better.”
I felt his heart speed up under the hand I had resting on his bare chest.
“I want you on your back the entire time. I want to be able to see you when you come,” Derek said.
I swallowed. The few times we’d started off in missionary position, it had been too intense. We inevitably ended up back to front in some way before our orgasms hit. What he was asking for wasn’t about a sex position. It was about making a connection.
I nodded. “Okay.”
His face relaxed into a smile of gratitude, and, in a heartbeat, he was plucking all of the right chords on my body. I felt whatever control I had slip away as my whimpers turned into slutty sounds of begging and pleading.
Derek looked into my eyes and slowed for a brief moment while he reached to brush long strands of hair off my face. That tender gesture in the midst of hot, sweaty lust took my breath away.
“Derek,” I whispered.
“Yes, baby,” he responded in a soft voice.
I couldn’t grasp the words to say what I was feeling. They were blocked by fear and nerves, feelings that were becoming all too familiar. So I didn’t say anything. Everything I wanted to tell him came out through my touch.
As he entered me, I cradled his jaw and stroked my thumbs over his cheeks. With each slow stroke he made into my body, I traced a part of his face with my fingers— his lips, his nose, his eyebrows. He lowered his mouth onto mine and kissed me with the softness of dandelion fluff, and I had to reach behind his neck to pull him in harder. Tenderness morphed to frenzy as our pace quickened.
We kissed deeply and feverishly, our bodies thrusting together and our breathing beginning to trip.
Derek’s body was slick with sweat, and I raked my fingers through his short hair, leaving it sticking up in damp spikes. His curses were muffled where his lips pressed into my shoulder and his hands came up to cup the back of my head. My skin tightened and my nerves tingled.
“Jude,” he breathed before biting down hard on the skin of my shoulder.
Oh my god.
Suddenly, without warning, energy pulses shot through my body as my climax rolled through in wave after wave of gratification. My head fell back in surprise and my body arched up as I cried out my release. Warm shots landed on my chest and abdomen, even catching Derek under the chin. My hands were still firmly attached to his shoulders and I had a dim realization that I’d come without either of us touching me. I squeezed my eyes closed in disbelief.
His orgasm hit shortly after mine. I opened my eyes again just in time to see his flushed face tighten and eyes lock onto mine as he pounded into me one last time. His large hands wrapped around the back of my head were the only thing keeping me from being shoved up into the headboard. I felt his growl as much as heard it, and it was unlike any noise he’d ever made in bed with me. It was primal in a way that both excited and unnerved me.
I brought my legs down to land my feet flat on the bed next to Derek’s legs. His heaving chest was pressed against mine, propped up only by his elbows. I kissed his face, tasting the salt of his skin and relishing in the knowledge he’d earned that sweat in the pursuit of my pleasure.
My thighs squeezed against his sides even though they trembled. I wanted to embrace him with my whole body. Hang on to him and not ever let him leave my bed.
Derek’s forehead laid against my shoulder, his face turned in toward the side of my head. I felt soft lips graze my ear, and I breathed out a sigh.
I loved him.
We stayed together like that for a few moments in silence, the only sounds our ragged breaths and the whisper of lips on skin. I turned my head to look at him and saw him watching me.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered.
His eyebrows raised in confusion.
“For what?” Derek asked.
I felt my heart begin to peel apart and wanted to stop the words before they came out.
“I can’t do this anymore.”
29
<
br /> Derek
I tilted my head, assuming I had misunderstood Jude. My heart felt like it was being shoved up into my throat.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“This, us. Friends with benefits or whatever,” he blurted.
“Okay…” I said, wondering what he was trying to say.
“It’s not working, Derek… I just… I… ugh!” he said in frustration, pushing me off of him. He got up and strode to the bathroom, closing the door behind him.
What the hell had just happened? Was he telling me he didn’t want to sleep with me anymore? Pain snuck in and settled sharp knives in my gut. I didn’t know whether to be hurt or angry.
We had originally agreed on sex only. No relationship, no feelings. It was better for both of us. So what if I’d developed feelings for Jude? He didn’t want that. Maybe this was his way of informing me he knew things had changed for me, and he wasn’t interested in someone with feelings.
When he didn’t come back out immediately, I realized he was probably waiting for me to get the message. What was I waiting for? He’d said he couldn’t do it anymore, didn’t he? What more was there to say?
I stood up slowly and forced myself to walk out of his bedroom. Each step I took was like a hammer hitting the ends of the knives in my stomach, and I clenched my teeth to keep from cursing.
It took all my concentration to gather my discarded clothes from the hallway and make it to the sanctuary of the guest room. The hot shower was a balm to my shaky body and over sensitized skin. I felt raw and used, flayed open and then spit on.
The whole thing was my fault. I knew going into it I wouldn’t be able to stay just friends with Jude after sleeping with him. And I knew better than to risk my employment stability by screwing around with a client. Would I really be able to stay on Jude’s security detail after this? It would certainly be a true test of my maturity.
I was still standing under the water with my eyes closed when I heard the bathroom door slam open.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” Jude shouted.
I jumped and bumped my elbow against the hard tile wall.
“What?” I asked.
“That’s it? After what just happened, the connection we made and then me trying to talk to you about it, you just walk out?” He was naked and angry as a hornet. God, even when he was stark raving mad, he was stunning.
“You said you didn’t want to do the friends-with-benefits thing anymore and I said okay. Why are you mad at me, Jude? I’m trying to respect your wishes,” I said.
He opened the shower door and stepped in behind me.
“Right. Except I can’t be your fuck buddy because I have feelings for you, asshole. I just couldn’t figure out how to put the words together to tell you. I was scared of saying the wrong thing.”
My heart rate hitched up as I tried to figure out what he meant by that.
“So… are you saying we’re not done, we’re just done pretending it’s casual?” I asked, afraid of making assumptions.
His brown eyes shot angry darts at me and I would have given anything to be able to read his mind.
“Just tell me what you want, Bluebell. I’m obviously clueless here,” I added.
“I care about you, damn it. I thought maybe you felt the same way. Was I wrong?”
“No. Jesus, no, which is why I don’t want to hurt you. No matter what happens, I can’t handle hurting you,” I told him, reaching out to grab his elbows. “You said you didn’t want a relationship, so I’ve been trying to keep my feelings to myself. I didn’t want to put any pressure on you.”
Jude let out a big breath. “I know that’s what I said, Derek. But sometimes you can’t help it when you start falling for someone. I was an idiot to ever think otherwise.”
The sound of my first name spoken by Jude’s beautiful voice never failed to stop me in my tracks. I felt my mouth widen in a shit-eating grin as I pulled him closer. “Get back to the part where you said you’re falling for me.”
“Fuck you,” he muttered as he came willingly into my embrace, wrapping his own arms around my waist. I stepped us back until the warm spray ran over both of us.
My heart was hammering with relief. Jude hadn’t given up on us. He was here, and he wanted to be with me.
“You’re not the only one who’s falling, Jude. But what are we going to do about it? I’m not ready to come out yet, and I don’t think you are either,” I said.
He shrugged. “I’d come out if you wanted me to, but I’d be terrified of the media invasion on your life.”
I shuddered in revulsion at the thought of what that exposure would be like. “No, thanks. I can’t even imagine the scrutiny. I’ve never understood how you do it.”
“Right. So why don’t we just acknowledge that we’ve moved past the sex only stage into an actual relationship? Oh, and you promise not to sleep with anyone else while we’re together,” he added with his own grin.
“I’m not sleeping with anyone else, and I sure as hell expect the same from you, superstar.”
That earned me a laugh.
“Right, He-Man. Because I’m the one out there clubbing for dicks on my days off.”
I smiled at his rare display of jealousy. So fucking cute. “I’ll have you know I haven’t touched another person in months. Since before you and I got together. I’ve hardly had the time, not to mention I sure as hell haven’t had the inclination.” I began lathering his skin with a bar of soap. “If we’re going to be exclusive, maybe we could talk about getting rid of the condoms. I’ve been tested recently, and I’m sure you have too.”
He smiled. “Yes, I have. And this conversation has officially done a one-eighty. Kind of makes me want to drag you out of the shower and lube you up again.”
“I’m not opposed to that, but isn’t Ollie going to turn up for dinner sometime tonight?” I asked, leaning down to drop light kisses on the bruise forming where I’d bitten his shoulder.
Jude pouted. “I guess you’re right. We should finish and get dressed.”
We spent a few more minutes fondling each other with the soap before I thought of something.
“Do you want to tell Ollie about us?”
Jude stopped and stared at me. “Would that be okay with you?”
“If you trust her, then I do too. Plus, I think she already knows. It’d be a lot more comfortable when we hang out together if we didn’t have to worry so much about it. Sometimes I catch myself right before touching you and it puts me on edge. And I’d especially like to be able to sit next to you when we watch movies together. As things are now, I end up sitting in a chair while you two cuddle. It sucks.”
Jude’s face lit up. “That would be great. I’d love to tell her. She adores you, you know. Of course, she won’t for much longer if you steal her cuddle partner.”
“Maybe we’ll have to work on finding her a boyfriend. What about your brother Thad?”
“Nah, I think he’s been talking to Tristan’s cousin Sarah over Skype since they met in Napa.”
“Hm. Well, we’ll need to think of someone else.”
“Speaking of Tristan, I was hoping to go up to the vineyard to see Blue next weekend now that he’s back from London. Can you change your schedule and come with me?” Jude asked.
“Probably. I’ll send Mike a text after we get dressed.”
We finished up and were settled on the couch off the end of the kitchen when Ollie arrived for dinner. Jude plucked out a new tune on his guitar while I watched the kickoff of a Monday Night Football game on mute.
Ollie knocked before letting herself in. It was her turn to cook, and I was looking forward to something a little more exciting than Jude’s healthy crap.
“Whatchu got for us tonight, darlin’?” I asked. “Please say it isn’t green.”
Jude reached out his foot to shove my leg. “You’ll thank me one day when you’re not dead from cardiac arrest.”
“I am making an awesome spicy poblano corn
chowder since it’s finally gotten chilly this week, and then we’ll have leftovers to eat on Halloween when I make you two watch all my favorite scary movies,” Ollie informed us.
“Shit, Olls. You know I don’t like scary movies,” Jude said.
“That’s okay, Bluebell, I’ll protect you from the scary monsters,” I reminded him with a laugh.
“You might have to protect him through the night, Wolfe. You know, like in his bed. Naked,” she teased.
“I already do, sweetheart,” I said, leaning over and kissing Jude right on the mouth, sliding my tongue through his lips and devouring him until his fingers accidentally plucked the guitar strings they gripped.
“Fuck, Wolfe,” Jude gasped, tearing his mouth away from mine with a deep blush.
“Not right now, babe. Later though,” I said with a wink and went back to watching the game.
Ollie laughed until she snorted. “You could have just said you were together, you know. No need to put on a display to make me both jealous and horny.”
“Where’s the fun in that?” I asked with a grin.
“Guess you’re right. Thank god. It’s about damned time,” she said before turning and pointing her finger at me. “But don’t think this means you can cuddle with him during the movie. I’ve had dibs on that for decades.”
Damn it.
30
Jude
As the time approached to travel to Nashville, I sensed Derek getting squirrelly. He requested additional security to travel with us and told Ollie to book us into a private condo rental downtown so there wouldn’t be a hotel with our room information listed.
We’d had a great time at the vineyard, and I was even able to convince Derek to relax and play poker with us. We drank and played cards late into the night in Tristan and Blue’s cabin, and I enjoyed seeing Blue’s utter and complete happiness in Tristan’s company.
The two of them were so open and easy with each other, which reminded me for the millionth time that Derek’s and my relationship had an unfair handicap. I wanted so badly to be able to flirt openly with him, grab his hand when I wanted to, and lean on him without worrying who would see.