Need You Now

by Debbi Rawlins

  “We did,” he said, carefully sticking to business. “She mentioned your brothers were involved in the gathers.”

  “Usually, yes, though they’ll stand down if they feel the government is jumping the gun and the herd doesn’t need thinning to survive.” She stopped at a door almost at the end. “The guest wing is on the other side of the house. These rooms belong to my family. It’ll be quieter here, and if you want to stay longer than one night, no problem.”

  “I don’t want to put you out. I’m fine with being a paying guest.”

  “You’re not putting anyone out. Unless you’d rather stay on the floor with the women.” She met his eyes, her lips twitching, probably from seeing the dread on his face. “That’s what I thought.” She opened the door. “It’s a bit small, but the bed’s a queen and the bathroom across the hall is all yours. Everyone else has their own.”

  He entered the room, noticed the pair of oak nightstands and huge matching dresser. And still there was plenty of space to move around. The room was far from small. But then, he’d lived in a six-by-eight cell for three years.

  “I’ll leave you to get settled. When you come downstairs, the kitchen is on the left. Someone’s usually in there, but if not, help yourself to the fridge.”

  “Rachel?”

  She turned back to him with a smile, her brows arched expectantly. She was pretty, probably about Melanie’s age. He would bet they’d gone to school together.

  “Thanks,” he said, the inadequate word feeling thick on his tongue, guilt smoldering in his gut. Would she have welcomed him had she known he’d been incarcerated until a year ago? “I appreciate this.”

  “Oh, please. It’s no trouble. Come down soon, and I’ll tell Jesse you’re here. Poor guy doesn’t know what to do with himself with Shea gone.”

  Lucas stared at the door long after she’d pulled it closed behind her. This wasn’t like him, to start getting itchy about the past. Have misgivings over whether he was doing the right thing inching his way back into society as if he were just like everyone else. He’d paid his debt, served every last minute of his sentence. There’d been no time off for good behavior. Cal Jessup, his powerful and wily neighbor, had seen to that.

  The ruthless bastard had taken the stand and crafted the perfect statement of how he’d feared for his life. And he’d paid his hired man to swear to it. The memory of that ill-fated October afternoon was burned in Lucas’s mind forever. But for his own sanity, and any hope of having a decent life, he’d learned to step away from those thoughts as soon as they came up.

  His bag was light, considering it held most of his personal belongings. He unzipped it, pulled out a clean pair of jeans, his toiletries and a collared shirt to hang in the closet. The three extra T-shirts, he left rolled up in the bag.

  Hell, he knew why he was edgy. He hadn’t been around people like Melanie and Rachel since being released. Normal, hardworking folks who were warm and open, inviting him into their safe, comfortable lives. Giving him free rein and trusting that when he moved on, he’d leave everything and everyone just as he’d found them. No, it was more an assumption than trust on their part. They didn’t know he was an ex-con and had no reason to worry.

  In theory, keeping his past private had been an easy decision to make. Much as he believed in Prison Reform Now, he had no intention of becoming the poster boy for the organization. Mostly he crossed paths with two kinds of people: the well-bred women who ran PRN and the government lackeys who facilitated moving the horses from the wild to the prisons.

  The women all knew about him because they’d plucked him fresh out of the penal system. Lucas wasn’t stupid. He figured half of them got off imagining him as dangerous, untamed, a man struggling between good and evil. Entertaining the possibility he could be seduced by the dark side excited them. Some of the ladies weren’t much different from prison pen pals, except they had money.

  But nice small-town women like Melanie... He didn’t meet her kind anymore. Even though he’d almost married one....

  Out of habit, he quickly shut down all thoughts of Peggy. He inhaled deeply, feeling relief flow through him. Thankfully, the fleeting image of her oval face and golden hair no longer packed the same punch it once had. Neither did the resentment or the desire for revenge. Every day, it was getting better, or at least easier. According to the shrinks, he’d be adjusted to life on the outside in no time.

  Yeah, he’d consider listening to their one-size-fits-all conclusions after they’d been unjustly locked in a cage for three years.

  The thing was, they hadn’t been wrong. Not about him. He had done well, using his time productively and rarely dwelling on the lost years and thoughts of revenge or mistaking violence for a solution. He’d gone inside a decent, hardworking rancher, but he could’ve come out a completely different man. The first year had been pure hell. Angry and bitter, he’d looked for trouble around every corner. But it was the Wild Horse Training Program that had pulled him back on track, not some shrink.

  After a quick shower, Lucas went downstairs, hoping he hadn’t missed Jesse. He heard the clank of pool balls, skipped the kitchen and followed the sound. Rachel’s sudden burst of laughter coming from the den made him smile. She had one of those infectious personalities.

  Clutching a pair of empty longneck bottles, she saw him in the doorway. “Hey, here he is. Lucas, this is Jesse and Matt,” she said, gesturing for him to join them.

  The taller dark-haired guy with the military cut rested his cue stick against the wall. “I’m Jesse,” he said, extending his hand, his expression welcoming.

  “Good timing, Lucas.” The other man, who obviously was Matt, exchanged his stick for a beer and shook Lucas’s hand. “I’m tired of getting whipped.”

  Rachel bumped him with her hip. “You better not let Trace hear you say that. He’ll never let you live it down. Lucas, food, beer, soda—what can I get you?”

  He settled for a bottle of Coors, turned down a cue stick and watched while Jesse finished running the table.

  Matt muttered a mild oath and shook his head. “Why do I put myself through this?”

  Jesse grinned. “For what it’s worth, you’re improving.”

  Keeping a smile in check, Rachel made a sympathetic sound as she took Matt’s hand and led him away from the pool table.

  They sat on the overstuffed couch in front of a massive stone fireplace. Jesse and Lucas each took a club chair, facing them.

  “What do you think of the changes they’ve made out at Safe Haven?” Rachel asked. “Impressive, huh?”

  “To tell you the truth, this is my first time out here. I’ve been working for PRN—that’s Prison Reform Now—for about a year. We heard about the sanctuary when they had to move a herd of mustangs and strays.”

  “Yeah, Blackfoot Falls is pretty much out of the way,” Jesse said. “Initially I thought it was a strange move to open the place this far north, but they’ve had their hands full from the get-go. A lot of animals have been turned away. Not enough hay or grain to feed them.”

  “I heard you fly animal rescue.”

  Jesse shrugged. “Only when they need me.” The straight line of his back, the clean-shaven jaw...definitely military. “A co-op group owns the plane and a chopper. Safe Haven isn’t a member but I try to help them out when I can.”

  “What about the Bureau of Land Management? Melanie mentioned you help with the roundups.”

  Jesse snorted, his laid-back expression disappearing. “The BLM and I don’t always see eye to eye. But hey, I don’t hold it against the guys working the gathers. They’re government employees doing their job. Hell, I did that for eight years myself.”

  “Air Force?” Lucas asked.

  Jesse nodded. “You?”

  “Nope.” Lucas cursed his own stupidity. The last thing he wanted was to talk about himself, but
he’d opened the door. “Thought about it, but I’m the only son. Someone had to keep the ranch going.”

  “Tell us about your organization,” Rachel suggested. She was curled up against Matt, who had his hand on her leg. “You were looking for allies. Jesse has some influence with Shea.”

  “Yeah.” Jesse coughed on his mouthful of beer. “Not much.”

  Rachel shook her head. “My poor brother, so smart and so dumb at the same time.”

  “You guys must’ve all gone to school together, huh? The three of you and Melanie...” Lucas let his words trail off, hoping like hell he hadn’t sounded obvious. Tricky business getting information without giving any.

  “We’re different ages,” Rachel said, “but we all grew up here, so we know each other. Not Shea, though. She moved here the beginning of the year from California.”

  Lucas gave up getting any info about Melanie. He just nodded and took another gulp of beer. Better just stick to the reason he was here. “Rachel, you obviously have a basic understanding of the Wild Horse Training Program.” He glanced at the two men. “What about you?”

  “I’ve heard of it,” Jesse said with a slight frown, as if searching his memory. “It’s big in Wyoming and Colorado, if I’m not mistaken.”

  “And Nevada,” Lucas added. “They have half of the country’s wild horse and burro population, so they’re happy to turn stock from the gathers over to the prison farms.”

  “So, what?” Matt jumped in. “They don’t want to send them out of state?”

  “Too much red tape and money,” Rachel said. “The state doesn’t want the extra headache.”

  Everyone looked at her in surprise.

  “What?” She shrugged. “I only know because Melanie told me. She called after you left.” Rachel looked at Lucas. “We chatted a bit. She’s excited about the program. She likes knowing where the horses they foster end up.”

  Lucas knew Melanie was in favor of the program. He shouldn’t have been surprised she’d discussed it with Rachel.

  “Why didn’t Melanie come over?” Matt asked. “It’s Friday night. No school tomorrow.” He nudged Rachel. “Call her.”

  Rachel and Jesse exchanged startled glances. They seemed to know something Matt didn’t.

  “She won’t come.” Rachel shook her head. “I’m sure she’s busy.”

  “It’s the weekend.” Matt frowned at Rachel as if he thought she was being unreasonable. He must’ve seen something in her face that told him to drop it, because he settled back and turned to Lucas. “So you want to use Safe Haven as a way station.”

  Lucas had lost his train of thought. He wasn’t even sure if he’d heard Matt correctly. Taking a shot in the dark, he nodded. His thoughts had strayed to Melanie and the puzzled look Rachel and her brother had given each other. Maybe Lucas wasn’t the only one holding on to a secret.

  * * *

  MELANIE ARRIVED AT Safe Haven earlier than usual on Saturday. She’d tried to convince herself it made more sense to take care of her church duties first, but she didn’t know when to expect Lucas. They hadn’t set a time. Foolish on her part, but she’d been too flustered for that sort of logic. To think she’d actually hoped he would kiss her again after they’d returned to the stable. Kathy and Levi had left, but Nina and her boyfriend had been right there in the barn.

  That was all Melanie needed...to have Nina catch them kissing. She was a reliable volunteer, given she was only nineteen, but she wasn’t known for her discretion. And nosy? Oh, yes, she’d pummeled Melanie with a dozen questions before Lucas had driven out of the parking lot.

  Covering a yawn, she opened the unlocked door to the office and headed straight for the coffeemaker. Once she’d gotten the brew started, she turned to the volunteer board she had yet to hang. Her heart sank. Nina was scheduled for tonight again. How had Melanie not remembered? That meant the cabin wouldn’t be free for Lucas. And she already knew the Sundance was booked.

  She heard a vehicle coming down the drive and glanced out the window. Something about seeing Lucas’s truck triggered a memory. A dream. From last night. Lucas. Her. A meadow of wildflowers...

  Another remembered fragment brought a warm flush to her chest and up her neck. Lucas...naked...aroused...the sunlight bathing his glistening bronzed skin.

  Oh, dear God. Now she had to remember?

  She hurried away from the window, resorting to thoughts of vacuuming—her most dreaded chore—but the stubborn image of Lucas’s naked body stuck to her brain like superglue. She grabbed a file off the desk and fanned herself, willing the blotchy red skin to disappear before he found her.

  It was useless. Being magically transported to Antarctica was her only hope of cooling off. So, yeah, she was screwed. At least he wouldn’t know the embarrassing reason why she was glowing like an overripe tomato. She could lie about having a rare disease. He’d get back in his truck, and that would be that.

  She heard the knock, thought briefly about not answering, then decided that would be childish. Besides, her car was in plain view. She sank into the chair behind the desk. “It’s unlocked.”

  Lucas opened the door and walked in with a killer smile on his handsome face. “Good morning.”

  “It’ll be much better after the coffee is ready.”

  “Ah.” He held up a white paper bag. “Maybe this will help. Rachel sent poppy-seed muffins fresh out of the oven.”

  “Who made them?”

  “Hilda.”

  “Oh, good.”

  “And if I’d said Rachel?”

  Melanie pressed her lips together but couldn’t keep from laughing. “I’d plead the Fifth.”

  He set the bag in front of her. “I’ll keep that to myself.”

  “Thank you.” She couldn’t keep staring into his blue eyes or waiting for the smile tugging at his mouth. If she did, she might remember more of the dream.

  At the thought, she shot out of the chair. Of course, it was too late. In her mind’s eye, he was gloriously naked. She knew for sure that his chest was smooth and muscled, no imagination required. And the rest of him...

  She doubted her skin had returned to normal yet, and she could feel another wave of heat warming her chest and face. Great time for her to be wearing a scooped-neck shirt. Just great.

  He’d moved back, clearly startled at her sudden leap toward the coffeemaker. “I could’ve poured you a cup.”

  “Oh, that’s okay. I put stuff in it.” In truth, she wasn’t quite so anxious to add more caffeine to the mix of nerves and embarrassment fueling her ridiculous mania. Earlier she’d plowed through half a pot to combat the restless night she’d spent battling her pillow.

  She turned over a pair of orange mugs sitting at the ready, then drummed her fingers on the filing cabinet they used as a counter while she waited for the last of the coffee to drip.

  “I’m sorry,” he murmured.

  With a cautious look over her shoulder, she saw that he’d put some distance between them. “For what?”

  “I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

  Her stomach lurched, but she managed a small laugh. “Did I miss something?”

  “Last night.” Lucas shook his head with clear self-disgust. “You’re jumpy. It’s my fault.”

  “No. You’re wrong,” she said, turning to face him. “I haven’t given it a thought.” She noticed his gaze briefly sweep the flushed skin along her neckline, and she sighed. “It’s not as painful as it looks.”

  His lashes didn’t so much as flicker. Regret had replaced any trace of his earlier amusement. He seemed tense, his shoulders pulled back and stiff.

  “Okay, look, I fibbed. I did think about the kiss.” She fisted her hands until her nails dug into her palms. “A lot. But only because I liked it. I wanted you to kiss me. If you knew how long I’d been trying to
work up the courage to kiss you first, you’d laugh.”

  He stared back, his brows slightly puckered as if he was trying to make sense of her admission. Or perhaps he couldn’t decide if she was lying. Or if he should escape while he still could.

  The silence became too much. “If you don’t say something soon—” she swallowed “—I’ll get really flustered, and that will be your fault.”

  His somber expression eased. So did the tension in his shoulders. For a moment the faint glimmer of a smile reached his eyes. He moved closer, and she relaxed her fists. “Are you going to share that coffee?”

  “That’s it?” Melanie laughed a little. “That’s all you have to say?”

  “For now.” He reached around her for the carafe, his eyes staying on her face.

  She supposed it would’ve been polite to give him room, but she couldn’t make herself move. She could feel his heat, smell the fresh scent of his recent shower. Lifting her mouth for a kiss wouldn’t come as a shock to him after her confession.

  Melanie had barely tilted her head when he cupped her chin.

  6

  SHE WAS BRAVE. Lucas knew it had taken a lot for her to admit she’d wanted him to kiss her last night. Braver still for offering her mouth to him. But that sexy look in her pretty brown eyes? She was looking for trouble. Extending an invitation he doubted she was ready to follow through on.

  Holding her chin steady, he brushed his thumb across her soft bottom lip. It quivered, just a little, just enough to rekindle the lust he’d spent half the night trying to ignore. What was it about her that drew him? She was shy about certain things, sweet and completely without guile. In some ways she reminded him of Peggy, but this feeling growing inside had nothing to do with his ex-fiancée.

  Maybe he was tired of the pushy women who’d been too eager to jump in his bed. At first, after he’d done without for three years, it had been great having his pick of every shape, size and flavor. He’d had no complaints. But after a while, all those meaningless encounters did was feed the emptiness in his soul.