Need You Now

by Debbi Rawlins

  “I don’t care if it’s a hundred in there. I’m excited to see it.” She offered him a hand up, then leaned in for a kiss.

  He readily obliged, tasting her soft eager mouth and wanting to lift her into his arms and make love to her right here on the porch. “I should warn you,” he said, before he got carried away. “I’m seriously considering the kidnapping thing. I like how you are away from Blackfoot Falls.”

  Melanie grinned. “It is nice to be myself,” she said, rubbing up against him.

  His cock had already taken an interest and her little bump and grind wasn’t helping. “This is going to be a very short tour and then we’re finding a motel.”

  “Deal.” She laughed when he had to finally pick her up and firmly set her away from him. “Hey, I’ve never been with a celebrity before.”

  “Huh?”

  “At the prison, everyone wanted to see you.”

  “Not everyone,” he said, unlocking the front door and thinking about Batshit-Crazy Bubba, who’d occupied the cell next to him.

  “The guys training horses all wanted to show off for you. They were tickled pink that you were proud of them.”

  He entered the house first to make sure there were no nasty surprises. The couch, cherry side table and plaid recliner were still there. That didn’t mean they hadn’t been infested with vermin. Her teasing finally stirred his memory. “Honey, I’m sorry but I’ve got to make a quick call to the prison. I want to do it while Charlie is still on shift so he’ll patch me through. You mind wandering around on your own for a few minutes?”

  “Right. You have to call Mr. Watson,” she said, as she trailed her fingers across the back of the couch. “Another fan, I presume.”

  “Better watch out for mice.”

  She jumped and snatched back her hand. “Why would the warden ask you to advise a prisoner?”

  Lucas sighed. “Don’t repeat that. Jack shouldn’t be getting involved.”

  “No, of course not. You don’t have to tell me.”

  He shrugged. “When I wasn’t training horses, I spent a lot of time in the library. I liked reading law books. I picked up pointers and passed them on. That’s all.”

  Melanie smiled. She looked so relaxed and happy. As she had that night after dinner at the Sundance and when they’d been alone, sneaking kisses at Safe Haven. When she was around town or with other people, she always seemed tense, on guard.

  All because of him. Because of this crazy thing they had between them. It was happening so fast it was like being swept up in a whirlwind. If he was this blown away by how much he cared for her in so short a time, what must it be like for Melanie, living her whole life under a microscope and needing to watch what she said and did...how she reacted to him? Their relationship had put her in a difficult position.

  It bothered him that she was more comfortable away from home. He wondered if she even realized it should be the other way around. Home was supposed to be the place where she should feel free to be herself.

  He wondered if Blackfoot Falls had become Melanie’s prison.

  17

  MONDAY DRAGGED BY so slowly it was painful. Melanie had a headache that had started at school earlier, and now seeing Lucas at Safe Haven didn’t help.

  She stood behind Susie and Ben, supervising the grain distribution, carefully keeping her back to Lucas as he worked on the corral. She hadn’t realized it would be this hard. It hurt not being able to touch him when she wanted or react to his smile. In a way, spending the weekend with him had been a mistake.

  Realistically, the emptiness inside her had probably seeded long before she’d met Lucas. But at least before, the ache had been bearable. Last night after he’d dropped her off, she was so exhausted she should’ve been asleep instantly, and not staring into the darkness playing guessing games with herself.

  Lucas already had a full life, and on the ride back he’d confided that he was seriously considering getting his ranch in shape. His work with PRN was still a priority for him. And it turned out Ernie Watson wasn’t the only prisoner who was counting on Lucas to help him navigate the legal system.

  That left very little time for her. Assuming he even wanted to maintain their relationship. He’d hinted he did, but she wasn’t good at picking up those kinds of cues. She knew with absolute certainty that Lucas hadn’t used her, that he cared for her. But that didn’t mean he wanted more. Making love didn’t mean that he loved her. And what had she gone and done?

  Hugging herself, she rocked back on the heels of her work boots. Tonight the board would meet again. She’d give them her report and they would vote. No telling how that would go. If they turned down PRN, there’d be no reason for Lucas to stick around.

  “Jeez, Mel.” Shea’s voice pulled her out of her misery. “I didn’t know you two got home so late yesterday. I should’ve asked the board to meet tomorrow. We can call everyone and change it.”

  “We didn’t return that late,” she muttered. “Although to hear my father tell it, you’d think I’d practically eloped.”

  Shea smiled. “See, that’s why I don’t live near either of my parents.” She leaned closer. “Did you have fun?”

  Melanie couldn’t help but smile. “Um, wow.”

  “I knew it.” Shea seemed pleased. “He keeps watching you. So don’t look.”

  “We’re not in high school,” Melanie said but couldn’t stifle her grin.

  Her students turned to stare at her, their noses wrinkled.

  She cleared her throat. “Okay, guys, we’re going to leave ten minutes early. Help me round up everyone, okay?” She waited for them to exit the barn. “Shea, do me a favor and tell Lucas I think it’s better we go to the meeting separately.” She took a few steps. “And if he wants, we can grab a bite to eat afterward.”

  Shea frowned. “Why don’t you just call him?”

  Startled, Melanie opened her mouth, but what could she say? She was being ridiculous. She was free to go talk to him right now if she wanted. What was it that made her feel this silly need to be...a saint? The thought struck quite a blow. She’d been so confident at the prison. So sure she could face her father and everyone else on her own terms.

  Shea patted Melanie’s arm. “It’s all right, Mel. I’ll tell him. You worry about getting the kids back to school.”

  Heaven help her—if she made it through the day without falling apart, it would be a miracle.

  * * *

  SHEA GAVE HER the floor and Melanie stood. Carefully avoiding Lucas on her right, she gazed out at the crowd, which had doubled since the last meeting. One thing Blackfoot Falls loved was a scandal.

  Her father had come tonight, whether as Pastor Ray or a concerned dad, she wasn’t sure. The moment she’d spotted him entering town hall, she’d known he’d head for the empty seat next to David. They sat in the front row with matching blank expressions, and she ordered herself to stay calm. So far she’d managed to avoid eye contact. But they were only three minutes into the meeting.

  “Good evening, everyone.” She stopped to clear her throat.

  “I’m glad to see so many of you taking an interest in Safe Haven. We’re always happy to have more volunteers, if you’d care to leave your name with Shea or myself.”

  Quiet murmurs and a few sour looks made her take a deep breath. “The Wild Horse Training Program works. As most of you know, I’ve been in favor of Safe Haven’s participation from the beginning. To me it’s always sounded like a win-win. And now that I’ve seen the program in action, I couldn’t be more enthusiastic. The horses live in well-maintained stables, have excellent health care and thrive under the ‘least resistance’ training that’s employed. Meaning the techniques used are rooted in equine behavior and positive reinforcement.”

  She made a point of addressing the other board members often, hoping to
remind them that this would be their decision. And not the people sitting in the audience.

  “Obviously, Warden Fowler, who runs the prison, endorses the program and is pleased with its therapeutic effects on the inmates. He’s given me some statistics that I’d like to share with you.” Dismayed to be fumbling with the material that she’d carefully arranged, she paused to take a sip of water. “Current research shows that just fifteen percent of the two hundred fifty men who’ve participated so far have returned to prison after being released, as compared to a twenty-five-percent recidivism rate for the rest of the state’s prisons.”

  “That ain’t so good,” an audience member called out. “Fifteen percent got out and committed more crimes?”

  The crowd started to murmur, and Melanie put up a hand, requesting silence.

  “He also pointed out that the national average hovers somewhere around sixty percent. If you take that into consideration, fifteen percent is quite remarkable.” Melanie glanced over to check Abe’s and Cy’s reactions. It didn’t appear she’d won them over yet. “I probably should’ve stated earlier, Wilcox is a minimum-security facility, and so are all the prison farms that host the program, I believe,” she said, looking at Lucas, who gave a small nod.

  She hadn’t needed confirmation. She’d known that, but she was getting more nervous. The few hotheads speaking out of turn weren’t responsible. She’d expected some of that—she and Shea had agreed to let them speak as long as they weren’t disruptive. It was her father sitting in the first row who was upsetting her, even as she refused to meet his eyes. She knew he was here, and she knew it was because of Lucas.

  “They’re still criminals,” Earl griped from the back of the room. “We should worry about shipping in entertainment for them? Whatever happened to letting them rot?”

  Melanie glared at the man. “What happened to our Christian duty to forgive and not judge?” She immediately regretted the words. And not just because some people were staring at her as if she’d gone over to the dark side. One thing she’d learned early—church members hated being reminded of their hypocrisy.

  No, her regret stemmed from not keeping her own beliefs compartmentalized. This was about doing the right thing, but it wasn’t a religious discussion. She swept an apologetic glance at the board and saw she hadn’t gained any new allies.

  Still refusing to look at her father or David, she briefly looked out at the audience and said, “I apologize for that remark.” She cleared her throat and stared down at the piece of paper in front of her. “Let me explain how candidates for the program are selected.”

  She simply read from the paper, not trusting herself to ad-lib. She’d already blown it. Her rash words weren’t to blame, though they hadn’t helped. The moment she’d gone against conventional expectation and left Blackfoot Falls with Lucas, she’d condemned the program. And now they were going to take it out on him and PRN. She’d put her own needs first, and this was the result. How had she not foreseen this? Neither her father nor David had tripped her up. She’d done it all by herself.

  More people started asking questions, and she was vaguely aware that one of them was David, but she could barely listen. She looked at Shea, who seemed to be waiting for a cue. “Can we end the meeting?” Melanie asked, panic rising in her throat. “Postpone the vote until everyone has had time to think?”

  Ignoring shouted objections, Shea jumped to her feet.

  Melanie sank back into her metal chair, resisting the overwhelming urge to flee. Silence descended for a moment, letting her take a breath. Shea would call an end to the meeting, and she’d be able to leave. But instead of Shea, Lucas said, “I have something I want to share with you folks.”

  He was on his feet and Shea was sitting again. Melanie swallowed and sat up straighter, trying to make sense of what was happening.

  “I’ve known a number of prisoners who’ve gone through this program, and I’ve seen firsthand what a difference it’s made in their lives. Men go to prison for all kinds of reasons. Some are hardened criminals who shouldn’t be let out on the streets ever again.”

  “That’s all of ’em,” Earl shouted.

  “And some have made mistakes,” Lucas said, ignoring the taunt, “but they’re not broken. Given the opportunity, they can come around, leave the system better men. That’s what this program does. It reminds those who qualify that there’s a life on the outside that’s worth living. That’s worth changing for.”

  “This is all just pop-psychology bull,” Earl said, standing now. Looking as though he’d just been waiting for a fight. “You do-gooders don’t have any real experience. All you got is textbooks and statistics.”

  Melanie stood up, held her hand out to put an end to Earl’s tirade. Shea was right next to her, calling for order, but now the whole room was buzzing and nothing good could come from this. If she hadn’t been so weak...

  “Let me finish,” Lucas said. “Please.”

  “We don’t need to mollycoddle that kind of filth.” Earl waved his hand around. “Giving ’em all ponies to play with.”

  “It’s not like that,” Lucas said, taking a step forward.

  Melanie wanted to reach out to him, hold him back. She could see he was losing it, that it wasn’t just Earl now; it was a bunch of folks standing up, everyone talking at once. Shea and Jesse were trying to calm things down, but no one was listening.

  “You’re wrong,” Lucas said, his voice rising above the fray. “Can’t you see they aren’t all animals? Those men deserve to have a second chance.”

  “What the hell do you know?” Earl shouted.

  “Because I was one of them. This program saved my life.”

  Melanie gasped.

  No. No. No.

  The room got so quiet she could hear the blood rush in her ears. Lucas looked stricken. He didn’t turn to face her but she could see he realized what he’d done, that he’d just confessed in front of her father, her boss and half the town.

  And she slid headfirst from panic to complete and utter shock.

  * * *

  WHAT THE HELL had he done? Lucas wanted to take back his words, turn back time. But he couldn’t. It didn’t matter now what the vote was, what anyone thought of him. He’d just betrayed the woman he loved.

  “I do hope you’ll all give serious consideration to supporting PRN.” His voice sounded as wrecked as he felt. “It’ll help reduce Safe Haven’s load, you won’t ever have to worry about the horses, and in the end there’ll be less crime.”

  He closed his eyes for a second just to gather the strength to face Melanie. When he did, she looked devastated. Her face was pale and her eyes were so wounded he wanted to drop to his knees and beg forgiveness.

  He’d ruined everything. Her reputation. Her standing in the community. Watching her give that speech, he’d known then that the two of them were over. She’d been brimming with enthusiasm and resolve, convinced she wouldn’t take no for an answer. Until she’d had to face her father. It was unrealistic to think she could change the patterns of a lifetime overnight. He had some nerve expecting her to change a damn thing.

  “Thanks for letting me speak,” he said, turning to Shea and catching another glimpse of Melanie, her gaze focused on her tightly clasped hands.

  “Thank you,” Shea said. “I can’t imagine a more convincing testimonial.”

  “Melanie, did you know?” Someone in the audience shouted over Shea. “Did you go with him knowing he’s an ex-con?”

  “No, she didn’t,” Lucas said, surveying the crowd, searching for the speaker. Not that he gave a shit who it was. “My past wasn’t relevant until now.”

  Not many people agreed with him, judging by their hostile expressions. And Melanie... She didn’t so much as make a sound. “What did you do, Sloan?” The guy who owned the filling station was standing in the back. “Wha
t’d they lock you up for?”

  “Again, that’s irrelevant,” Lucas said, and Shea jumped in.

  “Okay, we’re done. We vote tomorrow.”

  Everyone started grumbling at once. They obviously hadn’t had enough drama for one night. Lucas was already headed for the door. Shea was nuts for delaying the inevitable. She had to know how the vote would go. Why not just get it over with? It would take only a minute. He doubted he’d stick around until tomorrow.

  He stopped when he got to the door. Much as he wanted to get out before people cornered him with nosy questions, he had to check on Melanie. Maybe she’d surprise him. Say the hell with everybody and follow him to his truck. His last shred of hope died the second he saw her.

  She hadn’t moved. The rest of the board members were on their feet. She sat very still, her stunned gaze locked on her father. Lucas doubted she even knew he’d left.

  Man, he needed a drink. It sucked that the Watering Hole was pretty much his only option.

  Luckily, the place was dead. A couple of cowboys sat at a table. A few more were shooting pool in the back. Everyone looked over when he walked in, then turned away.

  He found a spot at the end of the old mahogany bar and ordered from the dark-haired bartender. She gave him a friendly smile. He hadn’t gotten many of those today. He took his first burning gulp of whiskey, then ordered another. The door opened, but he couldn’t bring himself to see who might be looking for him.

  “Nikki, he doesn’t need a tab.” It sounded like Sadie, so he glanced up. “Your drinks are on me,” the older woman said, as she slipped behind the bar. “Just don’t go getting stupid drunk.”

  “Nope.” He drained the glass, then reached in his pocket for money. “I’m having two and that’s it.”

  The door opened again, and in spite of himself he looked. Yep, it was a board member.

  “Unless you’re voting yes, get the hell out of here,” Sadie said, glaring at the man, her big fist coming down hard on the scarred wood. “So help me God, I mean it, Abe.”